Death XXIV Death and Taxes
The saying goes "the only unavoidable things in life are Death and Taxes," Edward did not believe it to be that simple. In fact, given the right incentive he could have scientifically proven on many an occasion that the list of unavoidable things is as long as life itself. It was only condensed, like Jesus did with the Ten Commandments. He did not know, nor did he care, to ever truly understand the entirety of it all, but he did however know that endless lines and meaningless paperwork are two things that must reside on very top of this list. Without a doubt, these things can never be dodged and although he had been known to worm himself out of anything, he had yet to master the art of standing still for hours on end with no apparent escape insight. Sometimes it's hell standing there as if you are at the gates of purgatory, awaiting the keeper's ship to the underworld. No one feels like talking in a line [with the exception of the military lunch lines in which socialization seems to be their only purpose], and they all look as if a murderer had taken a Gatling gun to their foreheads. Of course, most have not finished their paperwork, and instead decide to race the clock and test which is faster-the pace of the line or the strain of their mind.
This is what we find our poor Fullmetal Alchemist doing today, standing in one of these seemingly never ending lines, while hastily trying to complete a number of papers that he had procrastin—uh—neglected to fill out throughout the month that would enable him to keep his government funding and dependant pay. The other people gave him a wide berth as a lengthy string of profanities streamed from his small form, barely visible behind all the taller folk around him. Central bank had just installed several newfound contraptions, such as digital cash counters and a new fully automated rotating door [which Alphonse spent a good portion of the afternoon attempting to pry Edward out of as he continued to race around in circles in what he thought to be an amusing way], and as Ed tired of waiting and began to storm off furiously, claiming to himself that he'd return later when the line was shorter, a series of random events occurred.
From somewhere in the left corner of the building a baby cried, wailing loudly for his small pacifier that lay a few feet away from where a business man sat in a chair finishing off the half-ripe banana he stole for his fifteen minute lunch break. The man stood from his seat, throwing the peal of the banana over his shoulder, where it missed the trash bin by a mile and landed halfway between the never ending line of military men and the revolving door, just as two men with rather large machine guns entered with a demand for all the money the bank held.
The oblivious business man handed the crying baby's mother the child's pacifier as Edward reflexively clapped his hands and ran forward to attack the robbers.
Events have been set in motion, and if you already know what I'm getting to…
Shut the hell up and keep reading Damnit.
Remember the banana peel in our young alchemist's way?
Yep, you guessed it.
It wasn't long before Edward found himself propelled a little faster and farther than he expected, and was even more surprised when his head wedged unceremoniously inside the newly built revolving door…which I may remind you is fully automated. The resounding squish caused the poor baby to lose his pacifier again and even the robber's lost their lunch. Needless to say Edward learned that death is definitely on that list of unavoidable things, especially when you're Edward Elric and yellow fruit seems to be out to get you.
In short, life sucks and then you die.