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Audition 7: Old Spice Guy
Former Occupation: Man

Hello there, Nintendo. Look at your franchise, now back to mine, now back to your franchise, now back to mine. Sadly, mine doesn't exist, but with enough imagination and loyal readers it could sort of exist.

Look down, now back up, where are you? You're on with the franchise your franchise could look like.

Max: CUT!

OSG: What?

Max: It's just… (sigh)… as much as I hate to say no to the Old Spice Guy… I'm sorry. This isn't working out nearly as well as I'd hoped. Amaxing Fan Fiction Inc. just… isn't masculine enough to be treated this way.

OSG: I humbly disagree, good sir. You may not wrestle bear-shark-alligators atop burning jet fighters like me, but the time and effort you put into being creative makes some people happy a little, and that, my Pokémon-loving friend, is as manly as it gets.

Max: (sniff…) You're so… I can't even…

OSG: Should I leave, before you start crying like a very manly four-year-old girl?

Max: Yeah… I don't want you to see that. (Sniff…) Thanks for being so considerate.

OSG: Any time.

Chapter 39: Fear Cloaked in Courage

Iamb

It pains me a little to leave only the Meditite back to guard the herd, but I haven't time to think on that. If our line holds, and it must hold, then nothing will come of it. If we drive them off here, will they really be gone for good? Is this just another desperate bid for time?

Thinking like that in battle will get me killed… possibly get all of us killed. There's no time. That growling and snarling up ahead is no doubt the advance of the logging machines… Arceus, are there five of them this time? What possesses these men to do this? Money? Are things in the human world that bad?

Getting to the edge of the wall, I could see the fighting had clearly already started. The scent of sawdust and gunpowder lay thick in the air, and the animalistic cries of the oncoming hunters made me consider, for the briefest of moments, dropping my vow of non-lethality. But no. If any of them were to die… there'd be reason to legally hunt us down, as a threat to society.

Breaking past the wall, I saw the Gallade standing atop it, drawing fire towards himself by his bold, sweeping actions. He threw the nearest hunter into a tree, threw Psycho Cuts to fell trees and muck up the path for the oncoming Cutters… anything to convince the Hunters to shoot at him. It worked for a little, but the wiser of them soon realized his ability to Reflect them away.

A hunter burst in my way, and I felled him with a quick Metal Claw to the back of the skull. Another sprung up to take his place almost immediately: he was taken down by a quick, ricocheted spin attack from the Squirtle. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Axel ducking and weaving around two hunters, almost making a show of how he wasn't killing either of them, all while they kept firing on him.

Distracted by this scene momentarily, I was barely able to dodge the tree that had been thrown at me. I fell to the ground, staggered briefly, and a full-sized Digger burst onto the scene in front of me. The driver, whom I recognized, and who recognized me, lowered down the saw in a hateful glee.

Nothing I hadn't dealt with before. Catching the blade in my metal pincers, I snapped it off, and then threw it through the window of the digger. Lunging forward, I vaulted into the cockpit of the machine, smashing the driver into the back of the cabin and causing him to go limp. Calling Hachi over, the two of us tipped the machine on its side, ducking behind it as the larger part of their contingency advanced forwards. Axel, who had by now disarmed and beaten down his two opponents, dove behind it as well, bullets missing him by mere inches, no doubt thanks to the Protection offered by the Gallade.

"This doesn't look good, sir," Hachi explained frantically. "They seem to have caught on that our Western flank is open, and they're swinging some of their forces around that way."

"Blast it!" I poked my head over the wall, ducking it back down quickly as a bullet whizzed by. "There must be something we can do to keep them off our tail."

"I will take care of it."

I hadn't seen the Treecko, Inigo, since I'd gotten there, and his sudden appearance actually startled me. He went up to Axel, climbing to his shoulder and hugging the trainer's neck. Then, without another word, he darted forwards, towards the sound of an oncoming Cutter.

Cursing, I burst out from hiding, determined to cover the Treecko as best I could. But the Squirtle had already taken the role, blocking bullets with its shell as if it were simply routine. I watched in horror as another Cutter came bursting through the woods. Not even bothering to lower the buzz saw, the driver simply charged forwards, intent on crushing the two small Pokémon.

And then it stopped. Inigo… he'd done nothing but hold out his hand, and the Cutter, that indomitable engine of destruction… it was stuck in its tracks. With his other hand, Inigo wedged his arm under the gigantic machine, comparable to the size of a Snorlax, and… threw it.

The driver screamed and hung on for dear life as his Cutter flew to the West, further screams indicating that it had landed near, or perhaps on, some of the Hunters circling that way. The Pokémon briefly looked in its direction, confirming that it wouldn't be a problem any longer, and signaled to the Squirtle. It came spinning over, and the Treecko jumped on its back, taking off towards the sound of another Cutter.

Sitch and Hachi had, by this time, gotten into their routine of log-tossing, rolling whole tree trunks towards the oncoming horde. No sooner could Hachi slice a piece off before it would be sent hurtling towards a hunter, knocking them down and forcing them back. They were headstrong as always, though, and more than once I cringed as a bullet whizzed past their heads, nearly ending them.

But even this was incomparable to Dwebble, screaming forwards as always, slashing at the ankles of the Hunters as it wove through their ranks. It was amazing how, even with its injuries being what they were, it could still dart in and out so quickly, and for a second, I forgot my concerns. It would be ok. Already, more than half their number was gone, and a few in the back of the ranks were retreating. We would make it out of this.

And then, I saw him. Not just one of them, but him.

Dwebble saw him too. Not just any Hunter… the Hunter. He had dared return, after all this time. After… her.

His eyes and Dwebble's locked for the briefest of moments, and from the flash of fear and hatred in his eyes… I could tell he remembered.

I could see the scene play out before it even happened, Dwebble smashing its shell open to fully tear into the Hunter, him easily aiming the barrel of his shotgun towards the charging Pokémon, in almost perfect symmetry with what had happened all that time ago.

Horrifyingly fitting. And there's nothing I can do: Dwebble… Dwebble's too far gone. I curse to myself, lunging forwards in a last ditch attempt to save him, even as his claws tighten around his shell for what I know will be the last time.

Too late. Too late.

And then; a voice, carrying over the din of battle. Axel's. "LIVE YOU IDIOT! LIVE!"

The trigger of the rifle is pulled, the bullet flies, and Dwebble… Dwebble ducks inside its shell. The rocky surface is blasted to pieces, but the Pokémon within… it's safe. Thank Arceus.

Before the hunter can make another move, I'm on him, ripping the gun from his grip, tearing a gash into his stomach. He cries out and falls over, but he'll live. Not even for this one, deserving as he is, will I make an exception. We've come too far to fail now.

The remaining Hunters ran, logs still chasing them as they flee back into the woods. Axel and Inigo quickly moved from Hunter to Hunter, breaking their weapons and tying them to any trees left standing with Inigo's vines. Smiling, Axel came over to me, hand extended. "Done and done," he smiled. "That wasn't so bad now, was it?"

I nodded my gratitude, extending a claw to shake. Just then, however, a high-pitched squeal echoed across the landscape, and I jolted upright, seeking the source of the sound.

Axel, dropping his hand as well, turned sharply back towards the cave, cursing not-that-silently under his breath. "Medici… damn it!" He turned back to me. "We've been had. This was a trap, and we fell right into it." Running towards the cave, not even bothering to explain, he yelled: "Shelligan! Inigo! Get back as quickly as possible! Medici needs us, now!"

Not that they were there. Upon hearing the squeal, the two had almost immediately started sprinting back towards base. Though it's made of steel, I still can't help but get a little sick to my stomach.

I don't like where this is going. Not one bit.

Authors Note:

I…. LIIIIIIIIIIIVE!

Yeah, sorry about that anyone who still cares. I've been going through a lot lately. I'd normally tell you, but I'm legally obligated not to tell you! And believe it or not, I'm not just messing with you this time.

Don't worry: I didn't do it, and I'm ok now. Took me a bit to get back on my feet. KS helped. Nah, I'm not going to bother explaining what that means. Those of you who know… know. And for those of you who know but need help… did you know a group of butterflies is called a swarm? I really like the word flock better, though.

Haha… I'm a little bit more of a mess than usual. But it's ok.

To address your concerns, Legion: you're right and wrong. I mean, Axel's not really supposed to be the interesting one, to be perfectly honest, there's a reason I don't narrate from his point of view. As for him being a Gary Stu? Heck no. I'd hate to be Axel, and if anyone's a copy of my own personality in this story, it's Medici. Though I'd hate to have to evolve into a Medicham, too…

Viva la the feminist conspiracy?