Chapter 34: Final Destination Part 1
Today was the final day. Only three were left: Captain Falcon, Meta Knight, and Bowser. They have outwitted, outlasted, and outplayed their opposition to arrive to the final challenges. About 24 eliminations later, the true winner would be determined today. Meta Knight stared at the horizon outside his window, before flicking his sword behind his back which landed into a Kirby shaped dartboard.
Meta Knight: Behold.
Meta Knight yanked his sword out again, and flung his sword around in a violent flurry, shredding the papers up around him in a tornado. He was very frustrated after his loss to Bowser in the knowledge challenge just before, and was determined not to lose his tactical edge again.
Meta Knight: Succeed.
Meta Knight flung his cape over his face, concealing it while contemplating his thoughts again. Slowly, the cape flew from his face again as he forced himself to wink.
Meta Knight: …Charisma.
Meta Knight knew that whatever advantage he could obtain from the rest of the contestant would be imminent to his success.
Meanwhile, Bowser finished the final page on his "Aerobics with Impa" book…before burning the book with his breath.
Bowser: I was trying to find a quick weight loss formula, not more aerobics! I'm sick of working out! When I own this damn company, the first thing I'll do is ban Wii Fit.
Bowser grinned, then he got up off his spike bed, stretched his back, and looked at his family portrait on his wall, with himself, Bowser Jr, and the other koopalings.
Bowser: I'll score you brats a spot in an upcoming game too!
Bowser then trudged down to the kitchen to prepare himself one final gigantic meal, while Falcon awoke in excitement, passing out as usual in the weight room.
Falcon: I made it! Today is the day I become mascot of this company and bring a new beacon of hope…whatever beacon means, to my F-Zero series!
Falcon struck a pose, pointing to the roof above while flexing his pecs in the mirror.
Falcon: People will get a new chance to partake in the hardcore skills of driving once more! No more wimpy Mario Kart games, I will have the true racing game! Woohoo!
Falcon then looked around, and smiled at the weight room, where he spent the latter half of his time in the competition in.
Falcon: I'm going to miss this weight equipment…wait! I'll bring it as a souvenir!
Falcon then grabbed his F-Zero blanket won from a long time back in Survivor of the Smash, formed a bag with it, and started throwing barbells, dumbells, and weight into it.
Falcon: I love this contest!
Meta Knight, who was trying to meditate was constantly disturbed by Bowser's snack making and Falcon's weight packing.
Meta Knight: Imbesiles.
Meta Knight left his room, and tapped his foot as Falcon was finished packing up the entire weight room in his blanket, straining at the seams and lugged over his shoulders.
Meta Knight: Seriously?
Falcon: Hey Meta Buddy! I'm just taking some keepsake items.
Meta Knight: More like robbing the house.
Falcon: But…this weight equipment is top notch!
Meta Knight: Falcon.
Falcon: Oh…fine!
Falcon dropped the gigantic bag on the ground, causing all the weights to slam in unison.
Meta Knight: Falcon! Ears!
Falcon looked at him confused.
Falcon: You have ears?
Meta Knight: …I don't even know.
Bowser then pointed out the window downstairs using Waluigi as a pointer, noting Para Karry in the skies.
Bowser: Hey chumps, we got mail coming!
Para Karry came flapping to the island, and gulped as he saw Bowser below, smirking. He tried flapping away in fear, but not before Bowser whipped Waluigi like a javelin and clipped Para Karry's bag, making it fall into the water.
Bowser: Direct hit! Bring us the mail now purple thing!
Waluigi, who was flapping around in the water, grabbed the mail back and puffed as he brought it to shore.
Waluigi: Wa…Wa…final four as this is the respect I get? I'll read the letter guys, Ahem. Dear-
Meta Knight came downstairs along with Falcon and shook his head as he stood on the coastline. Bowser snatched the letter from Waluigi's hands.
Meta Knight: Waluigi. You are not a contestant. You were cut from auditions. I don't know how you got here, but it was a mistake. Stop. You are insane.
Waluigi's lower lip quivered, then sulked as he walked back inside, shoulders slumped down.
Falcon: That was harsh buddy!
Meta Knight: …Sorry.
Bowser: Finally, that thing was getting on my nerves!
Bowser then slapped the letter in Meta Knight's hands.
Bowser You read short stop.
Meta Knight: But –
Bowser: Read or I'll burn you alive!
Meta Knight signed and continue from where Waluigi left off.
Meta Knight: "Dear final 3. Congratulations on making it this far! Today is the day you will prove yourself in the ultimate challenge-
Falcon: Challenges! Wooooooooohhoooooooooooo!
Meta Knight glared at Falcon.
Meta Knight: Mind?
Falcon: Sorry, I'm just pumped! Continue continue continue!
Meta Knight: *Ahem*. "The ultimate challenge to claim your spot as the mascot of Nintendo. Transportation will be laying right in front of your eyes to take to the challenge…err…"
Bowser: Finish dammit!
Meta Knight: "Good luck my sweeties! I'm sure Meta Knight or Falcon will win this! Take your last moments to reflect on your journey, then come on down where the eliminated contestants will vote for who gets the big advantage! So, I'll catch you on the flipside! Teehee!
-Love, Rosalina."
"P.S: Seriously, go to Flipside. It's a Mario location, that's where the challenge is. Meet you there!
Meta Knight spat in disgust saying some of those words.
Meta Knight: I'll never say "teehee" again.
Bowser scratched his head.
Bowser: Hey…where was my name in that letter? Dammit!
Falcon laughed heartily, and Meta Knight fought back a snicker.
Falcon: Did I just hear Meta Knight laugh?!
Meta Knight: N-no!
Falcon grabbed Meta Knight by his cape and gave him a big hug.
Falcon: You do have emotions after all!
Meta Knight: *gasp* Silence!
Falcon laughed again and dropped Meta Knight as they all looked at the mansion and the island.
Meta Knight: All the tactical plays.
Meta Knight reminisced about the biggest moments of the game for him, from setting up Daroach's elimination, avoiding elimination against ZSS, and thinking about how he opened up more and more throughout the game. He could even call a few people "friends" on the island.
Falcon: All the challenges!
Falcon remembered mostly challenges. Winning challenge after challenge, from the F-Zero race, to the contest of strength against Goroh, and even the race around the island. He also remembered Funky Kong, and smiled at all the time he spent honing his strength in the weight room.
Bowser: How the hell did I get this far?
Bowser thought back to betraying ZSS last council. He also laughed about throwing Waluigi at the mail carrier a few moments ago. He also won a fair share of challenges, like the Pikmin challenge, boss battle, and even the knowledge bout?
Bowser: Gooooood times.
Bowser looked away with a devilish grin and gave a thumbs up to the Lakitu in the skies recording the show, quickly throwing the microphone hidden in his mane into the sand behind him. He won the last challenge by a hidden wire hidden in his shell and hair by Lakitu feeding him answers. He was still mostly an idiot. At least he came up with the idea!
Lakitu whispered to himself.
Lakitu: I am so getting a raise from Lord Bowser!
Meta Knight then turned to the group as the sunset started to fall upon them.
Meta Knight: …Friends. We all made it here on our own credentials. Whether it be intellect, strength, or…whatever Bowser did. I'm honored to go against such worthy competition in the finals.
Bowser: I wasn't the coattail, you were! I mean…yeah whatever, you two are not as annoying as most of the doofuses voted out of this competition. But I still dislike you both!
Meta Knight and Falcon lowered their eyes at the King Koopa.
Bowser: What? That's one step below hatred!
Meta Knight: Point taken.
Meta Knight then extended his ball for a hand, and put it in the middle. Falcon caught his drift, and shook his hand. Bowser grabbed their hands and shook them, purposely crushing him in his gigantic hand.
Falcon: Now that's a manly handshake!
Meta Knight turned back, hand throbbing red as he shook it in pain.
Meta Knight: Ow. Bad idea.
The three finalists then took a final look at the mansion and the island they spent the last few months on. Then Bowser shouted to the sky and whistled.
Bowser: Ok boys, tear the place down!
With a sudden outburst, a ton of koopas, goombas, and the Koopalings came to raid the mansion clear of goods. Bowser Jr led the charge.
Bowser: That's my son!
Bowser: See dad? You said as soon as the final day came to rob the joint! I led the charge!
Bowser: Good! I'll make sure you and the rest of the kids get a spot in Smash Bros eventually!
Meta Knight looked in horror as the Koopa army loaded out food, tvs, medals, and other valuable goods. Meta Knight's…knights were on vacation. Bowser cackled and looked towards the other two.
Bowser: Any complaints?
Meta Knight raised his hand, but could do nothing to stop it. Falcon ran back into the mansion and fought a few Koopas for the rest of the weight room in his F-Zero blanket.
Falcon: Sorry Meta Knight, it was going to be stolen anyways!
Meta Knight: …True.
As soon as the Koopa army finished pillaging, they destroyed the mansion, for good measure. Only for it to rebuild itself 5 seconds later. Groaning, they flew out with the stolen goods.
Bowser: Well that last part was pointless. Whatever, that furniture will look good in my castle!
The final 3 then turned towards their awaiting vehicles. Meta Knight had a Warp Star, Bowser had a Koopa Clown Kart, and Falcon had his Blue Falcon.
Falcon: Well, see you all at the finish line!
Falcon threw the weights in the trunk of his car, and sped across the water. Bowser grinned with his razor sharp teeth and hopped in his clown kart, speeding away. Then Meta Knight hopped on his Warp star, and followed the other two. The final challenge was about to begin.
…
Then Waluigi, who was mistaken as a stair banister in the rebuilt mansion, popped himself out and looked at the 3 specks in the distance.
Waluigi: Waaaaa! That doesn't count as voting me out! Wait for me!
Waluigi flapped his arms, and started to swim in the air, following close behind.
Within the realms of Flipside, a massive crowd was gathering to watch the final challenge on the gigantic TV screen propped above. Nintendo characters from every day were in attendance, although the eliminated contestants got the best seats above everyone else for the TV screens. Rosalina smiled as she looked at the massive crowd gathered in the Flopside area.
Rosalina: Wow…me, hosting such a big contest!
Bandana Dee, Vivi, and Eggplant Wizard were busy handing snacks and refreshments out to the eliminated contestants watching.
Bandana Dee: Cake?
Ness: Shore!
Vivi: P-Pizza?
Fox: Right here!
Eggplant Wizard: Eggplants?
Snake took a bit, before promptly spitting it out.
Snake: Gross! This stuff tastes like poison! Even my dad who ate treefrogs would hate this.
Eggplant Wizard: But it's good and good for you!
Snake whipped the eggplant at the wizard's head, making him fall down the stairs. Marth then looked around the seats and noticed an empty one, right at the end at the top row. It was ordered according to elimination.
Marth: Hey we're missing Zero Suit Samus! Where is she?
Falco: Got it.
Falco without even looking, pointed his blaster up in the air. A pop was heard, before ZSS came falling down from her inflated state and plopped right into her seat.
ZSS: Thanks, it was boring floating around up there.
Daroach: Well I'll be. Falco did something cool for once.
Everyone else nodded. Well, except Ganondorf.
Falco: Y-You really mean it?
Falco wiped a tear from his eye.
Falco: Best. Day. Ever. Well, that and the new Star Fox game! Things are looking up!
DK Junior then pointed to the skies, and screeched loudly.
DK Junior: Ook ook!
Mega Man: It's them, the final 3!
Mega Man then scratched his chin.
Mega Man: Did DK Junior actually do something important for once?
Meta Knight, Bowser, and Falcon came speeding into the scene, parking their vehicles outside.
Bowser: Well, time to win this, I got a massage booked soon in anticipation of my victory!
Falcon: Not if I win first!
Then clashed entering the door first, and Meta Knight wiped the sweat off his head before entering after them.
Rosalina: Welcome, final 3. Here lies your final challenge. I, Rosalina, am honored to host what may be Nintendo's greatest moment. I will –
Suddenly, a huge crash was heard outside as the doors threw open. Entering the room was Stanley the Bug Man and Pokemon Trainer! Pokemon Trainer nodded to his Charizard, who gave them a lift there.
PT: Ok Charizard, thanks for the lift buddy. Now you make sure you give my confirmation letter for the next Smash Bros to Mr. Sakurai!
Stanley grunted in jealously.
Stanley: Yeah yeah just go ya stupid overgrown lizard.
Charizard roared and flew off into the distance. As soon as it was far enough away, it decided to purposely dropped PT's, Ivysaur's, and Squirtle's letter into the ocean below. Only Charizard would make it into the next Smash Bros. Then, Stanley ran in gasping, much to everyone's shock.
Stanley: Rosalina! Waaaaait! Let me host with you again, please!
Falcon waved at Stanley.
Falcon: Hey Stan the Man! Boy, you were funny!
Rosalina: I understand Stanley, but didn't you go insane?
Stanley flashed back to ZSS' elimination and remembering Fawful's randomness.
Stanley: Yeah, but I'm mentally stronger now. You need a contrasting host to your sweet personality, great boost for ratings! How about it? For old time sakes?
Fawful: He is a worse host than a cow attempting to play the violin!
Stanley: Sorry, I couldn't hear you from the elimination station! Hahaha!
Stanley smirked, finally able to withstand Fawful's nonsense. Rosalina smiled, shook her head, and placed a hand on the short Stanley's head.
Rosalina: It's a deal, partner.
Stanley: Great! Now!
Stanley turned to the final 3, tapping their foots.
Stanley: Falcon, well I saw him coming. But Meta Knight? Bowser?! I mean Meta Knight's one thing, but freaking Bowser made it?!
Bowser: Don't make me roast your skin off!
Stanley: Ahhh that's classic. Must have cheated somehow. Anyways!
Rosalina: The challenge for the final 3 is…
Rosalina and Stanley: The Pit of 100 challenges!
Falcon fainted. Meta Knight had to dump a bucket of water on his head to wake him up again.
Rosalina: Yep, you three will be battling it out through 100 tough challenges to the top! Whoever makes it to the final room first wins!
Stanley: If anyone aside from Falcon makes it that far…oh yeah, the advantage.
Stanley pointed to the eliminated contestant above.
Stanley: These poor schmucks will pick who deserves the advantage! The one with the most votes will receive the advantage for a free pass to the first 20 trials completed! Also, it will hold weight in the final room, which you'll see if you make it that far. Heh.
Stanley and Rosalina then walked up to the eliminated contestants, and began to gather votes.
Stanley: Loser number 1!
Rosalina: Stanley! Be nice…er.
Stanley: Ok ok, contestant number 1, Roy! Who would you like to receive the advantage?
Roy: Me? Getting to help decide the faith of someone to become mascot? Guwaaaaaaah!
Marth: He's doing it again!
Roy: I'll pick Falcon, he has the phires!
Rosalina: Really? That's the best reason? Ok…1 for Falcon!
Stanley then shoved a microphone in Falco's face.
Stanley: How about that annoying pest Falco who never stopped visiting? Who does he vote for?
Falco: Hey, I had nothing better to do during my game hiatus! Anyways, I vote Meta Knight. Cool and collected.
Rosalina: 1-1 Falcon and Meta Knight! Next, Jigglypuff?
Jigglypuff was already sleeping.
Stanley: Don't make me use wake up slap!
Jigglypuff blinked, woke up, and pointed to Meta Knight before dozing off again.
Rosalina: Next, we have the King of evil himself, Ganondorf.
Stanley: Yeah, Ganondorf. Why are you here? I thought you were taking over Yoshi Island with your shadows! What happened?
Ganondorf looked away in shame.
Ganondorf: Pokemon Trainer summoned Arceus. The end.
Pokemon Trainer smirked from below, catching the master ball in the air and winking at Ganondorf
Rosalina: Anyways we need a vote. Ganondorf?
Ganondorf: None, I hate them all.
Bowser shouted up to the rafters.
Bowser: I hate you too!
Rosalina: You must pick, or we toss you out. Sorry!
Ganondorf: Fine, Meta Knight. Now go away!
Rosalina and Stanley approached Mewtwo next, who just finished his thesis on the defense mechanisms of the Wobbuffet on his Pokedex.
Stanley: Wait, you know who wins this thing because of your future sight, you don't get to vote!
Mewtwo: But – Fine I'll draw a random number.
Mewtwo summoned a giant telekinetic finger, which randomly pointed to Falcon.
Mewtwo: …Should have saw that coming.
Rosalina: What is your vote, DK Junior?
DK Junior shrugged, then pointed to Falcon.
Stanley: Ugh he's boring! What about you man? Mega Man?
Mega Man: Man, I totally have to vote for Meta Knight man!
Rosalina: Interesting! Seems to be close between Falcon and Meta Knight!
Bowser: You losers can start voting for me at any time now!
The voting process continued down the row, as everyone chose their ideal winner.
Goroh: I must choose Falcon, for he is an annoying, but respected rival!
Zelda: Like, Meta Knight gets my vote. He respected me when no one else did.
Daroach: A mind as sharp as mine? A must go with Meta Knight. He really did lurk in the shadows, striking when best. How very…sneaky.
Funky: My bro Falcon has this! Teh shaw! Rock it Falcon!
Falcon waved to Funky Kong above.
Falcon: I'll do it for you, and all the challenges unconquered by me!
Luigi: Meta Knight has a this!
Bowser: *Cough* I vote Bowser, he's so awesome and masculine! Uh…Beep!
Bowser attempted his best mock up of Game and Watch, but failed. Game and Watch flipped a searing piece of bacon at him.
Then, Stanley and Rosalina tallied up the votes and projected them on the giant screen above.
Roy: Falcon
Falco: Falcon
Jigglypuff: Meta Knight
Ganondorf: Meta Knight
Mewtwo: Falcon
DK Junior: Falcon
Mega Man: Meta Knight
Goroh: Falcon
Sonic: Falcon
Link: Bowser
Goroh: Falcon
Wario: Falcon
Pikachu: Falcon
Yoshi: Bowser
Snake: Meta Knight
Krystal: Meta Knight
Funky: Falcon
Marth: Meta Knight
Zelda : Meta Knight
Daroach: Meta Knight
Fox: Meta Knight
Ness: Falcon
Game and Watch: Falcon
Fawful: Falcon
Luigi: Meta Knight
Samus: Meta Knight.
Rosalina: And the total is…
Stanley grabbed a pair of drum sticks and rattled on a Tiki's head.
Rosalina: Captain Falcon wins the advantage in close vote of 13 Falcon,11 to Meta Knight to…2 Bowser.
Stanley: Wait, Bowser actually got votes?!
Link winked at Bowser, remembering Bowser's words way back on how Bowser wanted to redeem his status. Yoshi…just wanted to be a jerk and screw Meta Knight and Falcon over.
Rosalina: The general consensus was that Falcon was a tad too in your face, but a fun, socially outgoing guy. Meta Knight was a bit too withdrawn in the beginning, but got more votes as he opened up and was praised for his tactics. Bowser was regarded as a forgettable coattail who downtalked everyone except Link that one time.
Bowser: Ahhh whatever, I don't need no stinkin' advantage!
Meta Knight looked at Falcon's glowing face in horror.
Meta Knight: Doom.
Meta Knight looked down then covered his face.
Meta Knight: No…overcome!
Falcon: Appreciate the support buddies! But do I have to use the advantage?
Stanley: Don't be stupid Falcon, it's mandatory!
Falcon: Oh…oh well. I'll just taking a posing break after a bit!
Stanley rolled his eyes and pointed to the three green warp pipes in front of them, each with a finalist engraved on it.
Stanley: You made it this far don't screw it up!
Rosalina: Put together all your knowledge, skills, and don't give up loves!
Stanley: If you do, you wasted your time in the contest like the rest of the chumps up there.
Rosalina: Also Falcon, you will automatically be transported to trial 21. Hop to it guys!
Stanley: Also, take these Nintendo logo shaped watches guys, to track your competition's progress. They will show everyone's position! Meta Knight is the blue dot, Bowser is the orange, and Falcon is red. Got it?
Bowser cackled as he roared in hopped into the pipe. Falcon shot off a few poses and followed suit. Meta Knight calmed himself, took a deep breath, and was the last to enter.
Rosalina: That should do it! Watch their progress on the big screen!
The crowd roared and cheered, The race for the position of Nintendo's mascot was on!