Chapter 35: Final Destination Part 2
Leaving off from last time, Bowser, Falcon, and Meta Knight are now competing in the final challenge for Nintendo's mascot. Falcon received the advantage, gathering the most votes and progressing to room 20/100. Meta Knight and Bowser have started room 1.
Meta Knight: Hmm…
Meta Knight stared at a blank room. Completely blank. The door stood on the other side.
Meta Knight scanned the room carefully, and then cautiously took a pebble out of his shoe and threw it in the middle. The floor quivered and collapsed, leaving a gaping hole in the middle.
Meta Knight: Woah!
Meta Knight looked at the chasm below, then hopped across the bit of ground left into door 2.
Bowser: Empty room, good to go!
Bowser ran across the floor, only to have it start crumbling on him. He panicked as he threw himself to door 2, clinging in panic.
Bowser: Damn it! The King Koopa will not be ousted that easily!
Falcon meanwhile, at door 20, pondered as he saw a red target attacked to door 21. There was a giant first mark in place of the circle.
Falcon: I think I know what this means!
Falcon's fist fired up, smoldering with flames as he let back his arm.
Falcon: FALCON…PAWWWWNCH!
He roared as he slammed the target head on with his fist. The meter on the side of the target indicating the power exploded, along with the door as it blew into the next room.
Falcon: Cool! Maybe I can punch through every door!
Meta Knight glanced around in room #2, noticing a monkey with a key. An Ukiki to be exact.
Ukiki: Ready to get your cardio in for the day? Oooook!
Meta Knight set out his wings, frantically dashing after the monkey as it giggled around the room. He was panting, that monkey sure was fast!
Ukiki: Am I too fast for you? I expected as much, slowpoke!
The Ukiki ran away, only to have Meta Knight teleport in front of it.
Meta Knight: Foolish.
Meta Knight tapped the monkey on the back of the neck, knocking it out and moving to room 2.
Bowser, now having progressed through a few rooms, came to a blank room with an automatic voice box sitting in the middle of it on a table. There was a large number 10 on it, to indicate the room number.
Bowser: What puny box opposes King Bowser's reign through these doors?!
The voice box then began to speak, and Stanley was on the other side, projecting his voice.
Stanley: Hello ya big lummox! To get past this room simply get one question right from the competition! Rumor has it you somehow won the trivia challenge yesterday so this should be a cake walk…I guess everyone else gave up that day.
Bowser Snorted and shook the box violently.
Bowser: I cheat- I mean they are all just uh…what's that word?
Rosalina sighed from the other side of the voicebox with Stanley.
Rosalina: Stupid?
Bowser: That's it, hurry up now I'm in a rush to catch up to Captain Flamer!
Stanley: Alrighty if you get the question wrong we simply switch it over to a new one. Question: Name the only character brought into the competition during the switch up challenge that has been in a Smash Bros game before.
Bowser stared blankly at the wall, drooling in a mindless state.
Stanley: Any guesses there?
Bowser: Derr…Captain Planet?
Stanley: Ugh, you imbecile!
Rosalina placed a hand on Stanley's shoulder.
Rosalina: Now Stanley play nice! – Oh! That must be Meta Knight answering his question, he's on to room 11!
The sound of Meta Knight's wings spreading could be heard as he entered the next room.
Falcon, now having a sizable lead on Bowser and Meta Knight, was on room 35. Upon stepping inside, the room transformed into a dark cave, scattered with purple rocks. Falcon was jumped by 2 rats before punching them off the rock he was standing on. Walking forward, he saw a cruiser.
Falcon: Is this some sort of race?! Woohoo!
Falcon hopped on the speeder…and promptly crashed into the first rock ahead, transporting all the sudden back to the beginning. Stanley called from above in the speakers. Every room was equipped with one.
Stanley: Ha! Not so easy now huh? You may have mastered F-Zero racing, but have you mastered Battletoads?
The pause music played in the background suddenly, causing Falcon to take a moment and rock to the music.
Falcon: This is the greatest music I've heard in my life!
Falcon hopped back onto the cruiser, making his way through the landmine of rocks. He crashed again halfway through.
Falcon: Falcon ow!
Meta Knight soared into room 11, looking upon a very grassy field and a clear blue sky. He saw a strange looking orange and grey gun laying on the pedestal in front of him. The speaker planted in the room boomed again.
Rosalina: Alright Meta Knight, time to do a little hunting!
Rosalina sighed a bit.
Rosalina: Those poor ducks…this wasn't my idea!
Stanley smirked, rubbing his hands and screaming over the microphone.
Stanley: Ok pick up the zapper in front of you and bring down those ducks!
Meta Knight looked at the zapper, picking it up as he shot down a duck that flew across the screen in a sharp reaction.
Meta Knight: Skill.
Quickly he brought down two more ducks, moving his gun like a viper in the night. His diligent speed gave him a solid advantage in this challenge. As a wave of 3 ducks came onto the scene, Meta Knight dashed as he took out two more, but a sudden gust of wind blew up his cape, blowing it in front of his view and making him miss his shot. A brown dog popped up in the background, laughing profusely.
Meta Knight: Grr…
Meta Knight loaded a shot at the dog, only for it to dive under the thicket of grass.
Meta Knight: That dog.
Reloading his gun, Meta Knight took aim, and make his move at the new round of ducks again.
Falcon meanwhile had managed to finish the Battletoads speedway challenge after very few attempts, being kicked into the next room for spending too much time dancing to the Battletoads music.
Falcon: I have to get that blaring in my gym at home, all the time!
Falcon now looked at a dark room, with flamed torches scattered around a circular ring and chanting came from Gorons in the dark hidden in the shadows. Falcon chanted with them, much to the Goron's annoyance. A gigantic, intimidating and muscular Goron stood before Falcon.
Totalus: It is I, Totalus, leader of the Gorons! You remember me, puny human?!
Falcon looked in silence. He was not present for the Goron wrestling challenge a while back. Snake, back inside the arena in the bleacher, lit up a cigar and laughed as his new posy of women that followed him around sat in his lap. He got perks from his model judging job!
Snake: Totalus, that guy was a giant pain to defeat. A true enduring battle that was.
Blowing smoke behind him, Wario snorted loudly, wafting in the fumes.
Wario: Ah, such a gorgeous smell!
Game and Watch sighed, making a gagging gesture indicating that "smoking kills," before beginning to light a match himself. Marth quickly put it out with the tip of his sword.
Marth: So do arsonists.
Game and Watch scratched his head in confusion. He didn't get it.
Back to the challenge, Falcon's face lit up remembering something.
Falcon: Oh yeah! I was wrestling a gigantic banana then! I'm not done fighting that thing actually, be back in a second!
Totalus grabbed his shoulder as Falcon began to run, stopping him in his tracks.
Totalus: Forget that puny banana, it took the power of three warriors to beat me last time! Step to the other side of the ring!
Falcon shrugged, walking to the other side as the flames flared and the chanting got louder.
Totalus: Bring in on, have the chance to tackle on the greatest challenges of all time-
Totalus found himself sitting outside the ring, peering at Falcon's flaming foot that booted him out in one swift motion.
Totalus: J-Just go.
The door opened up, and Falcon chanted like the Gorons again, attempting to make a remix with the Battletoads theme.
Falcon: Catchy!
As the rest of the gigantic crowd watched the three finalists on the monitor making steady progress, there was a number at the bottom of the screen that showed which room they were on, as followed:
Falcon: 40
Meta Knight: 20
Bowser: 10
Bowser: Gimme me the next question dammit I'll get it this time!
Stanley rolled his eyes over the speaker box, trying to make up new questions from his bank of data cards. Bowser had been sitting there for a long time answering questions incorrectly
Stanley: I thought you won the knowledge challenge just before!
Zelda yelled from the audience.
Zelda: He probably cheated!
Daroach nodded his head in concurrence.
Bowser: Shut up punks! Look who's standing here now, me and not you! Bwahahah!
In reality, Bowser did cheat in that challenge via a secret microphone.
Stanley: Ok, uh…name one, just one substitute goalie for the soccer challenge!
Bowser: It's definitely Dk Junior!
Stanley smacked his forehead, muttering under his breath.
Stanley: No! It was DK or K Rool! Who the heck is DK Junior anyways!?
DK Junior looked to the ground in shame. I feel more neglected than that knight guy, with the armor, in that fire Emblem game…Gangrel was it! He thought in dismay.
Meta Knight meanwhile, having completed the Duck Hunt challenge and more room after that, arrived at room 25. He arrived into a room that had a dark background inside a box. Without warning, a yellow L shaped blocked plummeted from the sky, almost hitting him.
Meta Knight: Woah!
Meta Knight then noticed a long straight green block fall next, to which Meta Knight swatted with his sword. Making it turn to the side as it plummeted next to the L block.
Meta Knight: Tetris.
Arming his sword, he began flying in the air, smacking pieces left and right as the Tetris theme played in the background. Meta Knight's plan was to line up enough blocks at once in order to clear the screen and obtain enough points to open up the next door.
Meta Knight: Child's play.
As Meta Knight said this, the speed picked up a level as he narrowly avoided a straight small blue block from smacking him. Meta Knight sighed as he glided to the other side of the screen, lining up more blocks to clear the screen in one go.
Meta Knight: The big score.
Stanley now looked at the crowd and raised his mike in the air as he watched Falcon on the big screen
Stanley: Meanwhile, Falcon still retains a 20 room lead on Meta Knight and 30 rooms on Bowser! Will anyone stop this utter annialation of Falcon?!
Goroh growled at the screen in anger.
Goroh: Probably not, that should be me up there and not that moron anyways! But…he must be strong to have bested me.
Goroh stood up on his seat and screamed at the monitor.
Goroh: Keep going you crazy pilot our series is in your hands!
Mewtwo, sitting behind him, growled as Goroh blocked his view.
Mewtwo: Sit down you ignoramus.
Goroh: Make me you overgrown cat!
Goroh felt himself suddenly being slammed literally into his seat, squirming out of it in a flash and sat in a now giant hole where his seat once was.
Goroh: Hmph. You know who's going to win anyways!
Mewtwo smirked to himself and his eyes glowed. He then whipped out his Pokedex and logged in more notes on the habitat of the wild Nosepass. He was always on the move.
Falcon now approached a room with a gigantic grassy field. The door was no where in sight and he was now standing in front of a gigantic red HQ building. Walking inside, he saw a desk with schematics and numbers next to a bunch of units. Peering out the window, he saw a child with a gigantic wrench and orange jumpsuit.
Andy: It's the enemy! Let's get him and take his buildings and stuff!
Stanley now blurted over the speaker on the desk.
Stanley: Falcon, you are now in Advance Wars! Hire the appropriate units with the money given to you, 20000 points, in order to defeat the opposition! Plan carefully, spend wisely, good luck! Look at the sheet for reference…personally I think you're screwed for this one, ha!
Falcon threw the speaker out the window and flung it so hard it smacked Andy in the head on the other side 1000 ft away.
Andy: The enemy has initiated fire! Move units!
Falcon stuck his head out the window to see a plethora of soldiers, anti air crafts, artillery, tanks, Mid tanks, Neotanks, helicopters, and bombers take to the field making their move. Falcon nabbed the sheet and looked carefully.
Falcon: I've got it! Neo Tanks!
He began ordering them on the computer screen in front of them, each worth 5000 a piece.
Falcon: Fire power fire power! Nothing but fire power!
Andy face palmed as he saw a mere 4 tanks on Falcon's field.
Andy: He's new to this, isn't he?
Bowser, having finally passed the knowledge question by answering the question "name the contestant currently playing this challenge" with himself, after much contemplating, various hints, even Stanley screaming the answer over the microphone. He made a way through a variety of challenges, including the Duck Hunt challenge, Tetris challenge, and a challenge involving bombing Dodongos! It took Bowser another long while. Finally, he was now arriving to room 30. He saw a table in front of him along with a roaring crowd of Waddle Dees, Waddle Doos, and other Kirby citizens. A giant talking mike citizen came walking to the middle.
Microphone: Hello there! Welcome to the Kirby Megaton punch contest! The goal here is to make the biggest crack into the earth that you came using sheer strength! Our challenger here is an ugly scaly creature!
Bowser shoved the microphone aside and set himself up.
Bowser: Bowser bomb!
Bowser did a gigantic ground pound into the table, smashing it in two, splitting the room in two enough to open the door after it split right down the middle. The audience shrieked as they took the emergency warp star out of the arena, filling up the crowd outside.
Bowser: Moving on, weaklings!
ZSS groaned as Bowser cleared another challenge, looking at the rankings below.
ZSS: I can't believe Bowser is only 9 doors away from Meta Knight now…move it Meta Knight you're better than this!
It was true, as Falcon was stuck on room 45 with Advance War, Meta Knight was just clearing another challenge at 40, and Bowser entered room 31
Bowser stepped through the door, arriving at room 31. All he saw was a gigantic loop in front on him. Bowser growled in frustration. It was a rendition of Green Hill Zone, where he took hours to cross beforehand.
Stanley: Ha! Looks like you'll have to pick up enough speed to cross over to the other side again! Good memories huh?
Bowser roared and made a fast blitz towards the circle. With one powerful push, he managed to just barely cross over to the other side of the loop the first time.
Bowser: Looks like you jerks didn't realize I picked up some speed after being able to stand up straight! Muahaha!
Bowser kicked over the door in front of him and proceeded to room 32.
Bowser: Nothing will stop the King of Koopas now!
Falcon: More tanks! Tanks! Taaaaaaanks!
Once again, Falcon had failed defeating Andy's army, falling to it countless times as Andy's battleships over and over blew up Falcon's HQ. Andy called out from his HQ side.
Andy: Come on Falcon! I have other things to do today like conquer Olaf's army! Hurry up and finish this, get some bloody infantry!
Falcon's face lit up at the sound of infantry.
Falcon: I got it!
Falcon then flew right out of his window, slamming his fist onto the ground and cauing a flaming shockwave that incinerated all of Andy's forces.
Andy: W-Wait that's cheating! No!
Falcon made a mad dash towards Andy's HQ as he punted his tanks, bombers, and artillery aside. Finally, he went up to Andy's HQ and charged his fist up.
Falcon: Falcawwwwwwwnnnnnn….
Andy dived out of the window in fear on a parachute as Falcon blew up the building with the sheer power of his fist. The HQ was captured…err destroyed, and Falcon moved onto door 46.
As some time passed, the final 3 came closer and closer to room 100. Falcon had the lead at room 60, while MK fought close by at 55…Bowser trailed at 40. Meta Knight analysed Bowser's position on his Nintendo tracker watch. He scoffed under his mask at Bowser's struggle on this challenge.
Meta Knight: Arwings.
Bowser was flying through the air, desparately trying to get 10 rings flown through in order to progress to room 41. Instead, he kept crashing into the ground, the building, Peppy a few times…for fun.
Bowser: Dammit! Why can't these rings be bigger, this challenge is rigged!
Falco, now in his Arwing, flew alongside him, easily clearing the same rings Bowser was missing.
Falco: Eh ya big lummox, the rings are almost the size of houses, how are you stupid enough to miss them?
Bowser: How the hell are you currently in this challenge right now, you should be sitting in the stands with the rest of the peanut gallery!
Falco scratched his chin in confusion.
Falco: Good question, I guess I also have to make a forced cameo….squawk!
Meta Knight at room 55, was standing in front of a gigantic battlefield. He was a giant army running his way in the horizon, while he himself was surrounded by a small, but loyal gathering of people. He was in the Plegian war, as familiar names like Ike, Lissa, Hector, and Chrom in a wheelchair stood before him.
Meta Knight: Men.
Lissa snorted, feeling neglected.
Meta Knight: And women.
Tiki rolled her eyes.
Meta Knight: And…dragons.
Panne kicked the ground.
Meta Knight: And bunny hybrid things I get it everyone!
Meta Knight looked at them as they eagerly awaited his command. He struggled to find his voice.
Meta Knight: Hmm…
Cannas: Well, my circular companion? You are the temporary main lord here with Chrom being horribly assaulted by some overly muscular futuristic racer. What shall we do, leader?
Cannas was a dark mage with bright pink hair and a monnacle. He really had an odd appearance, but a scholar at heart. Meta Knight knew this challenge was in his hands now. He had a small voice, but a brilliant tactical mind. Meta Knight cleared his throat.
Meta Knight: … The enemy draws nigh. I want the heavy hitters like Ike and Hector to take the front lines.
Ike: I fight for my friends.
Meta Knight blinked in confusion at that random line.
Meta Knight: Ok, dark mages like Cannas who cannot take blows well retreat to the back a 2 unit distance minimum. Same with healers like Lissa. Archers like Wolt…same deal.
Wolt waved his hand. He was a blond boy who no one cared about.
Meta Knight: Sages can take any position, just be weary and attack from ideal spacing. Chrom, provide emotional support.
Chrom's response was a beep from his heart rate monitor.
Meta Knight: Good luck, my companions.
Meta Knight: Charge!
The army screamed and clashed into the opposite army ahead. The battle was on.
Rosalina: The competition is well underway! This could still be anyone's game!
Stanley: Except Bowser's.
Rosalina scowled at him, and the audience continued to cheer for their favorites.
Fox: So, Krystal, you seeing anyone yet?
Krystal: Fox, I have to admit something to you I'm -
Krystal's sharp hearing picked up an approaching sound.
Krystal: Anyone else hear that? It sounds like a nasally repetitive voice.
Fox's nose twitched, and also picked up the sound.
Fox: Yeah…it kind of sounds like –
Waluigi: Wa…waaaaaaaa…..waaaaaaaaah!
Without a moment to brace, Waluigi flew through the window of the Flopside building the competition was being held in. Falling in midair, he looked about at the stunned crowd and hollered at them.
Waluigi: Think you can just ditch your biggest competition like that? Wah? You never voted me out! Final 4 not final 3! Waaaaaah!
In a surprising moment of talent, Waluigi made a swan dive straight into the pipe, sticking his arms out to push Rosalina and Stanley aside and just avoided a barrage of projectiles from the crowd as he plopped into Bowser's pipe, closing it off with purple thorns.
Pokemon Trainer: …That can't be good.
Wario: That's my rotten brother! I'm a coming!
Wario farted out of the stands, leaving a toxic cloud and making everyone gag. He made a dive for Falcon's open warp pipe, but was knocked aside from a barrier set up by Vivi
Bandana Dee: Nice work, not bad for a Sony bred character!
Vivi: H-Hey!