"Scully, it's me."
Mulder. Of course. Scully was just about to draw a bath and call it a night when the phone rang. Now, after hearing Mulder's voice, she was sure she could forget about it. She had a feeling it wouldn't be a short call, and it certainly wasn't a necessary one. They already exchanged all the information and the search was over for the day, with no news about Genia's whereabouts.
Having the day spent explaining to Skinner why Vixen wouldn't return his calls, and to her mother what happened to the dog didn't help with brightening her mood. She highly doubted that Mulder's problems would offer any improvement.
"What's wrong?" she sighed.
"I need your help," Mulder whined. The role of damsel in distress suited him just fine, but Scully was getting tired of playing his hero. She took a deep breath, bracing herself for another female emergency. What could it be this time? Did he break a nail? Does his ass look fat?
"My, um, tapes," Mulder hesitated. "They don't work."
"Your tapes?" Scully was confused. "Do I look like a tape repairer to you, miss?"
"They are not broken or anything," Mulder sounded embarrassed, but kept talking nonetheless. "They just… don't work."
"I'm not in the mood for word games, Mulder," Scully was still clueless and slightly irritated. Maybe having him as a dog wasn't such a bad idea, after all.
"They are working just fine," it was Mulder's turn to sigh. "I just don't… enjoy them… the way I used to."
"Oh for God's sake, you can't be serious!" Scully finally got it and she wasn't amused.
"I am," Mulder insisted. "It's tasteless. Disgusting. Boring even."
"Okay, I get the picture!" Scully rolled her eyes, wishing he could see it. "What do you expect me to do about it? I guess they are made for men, and you are not a man. At the moment, I mean," she clarified.
"Right. Let me check. Nope, still a bloody hole down there!"
"Bloody hole?" Was this a joke to him?
"Um, how would you call it?" Mulder chuckled. "Anyway, what should I do instead?"
"Instead?"
"Yeah. What works for you, Scully?"
"You did NOT just ask me that!" Scully was on the verge of hanging up, but she knew better than to think it would free her from him. He would just call again, and if she didn't answer he would be at her door soon. Mulder didn't take No for an answer.
"Come on, Scully, help me out here! I'm bored and I can't think of anything to do. I can't go to my office, I can't watch my tapes, I already spent an hour jogging but all this blood is giving me more energy than I know how to burn. And you are the only one I can ask."
"Fanfiction," Scully blurted out, only to shut him up. She didn't know what else to suggest and she had to say something, no matter how awkward it felt. This was the man (or person) who gave her his sperm to try to make a baby with. If she had to talk about, um, the current subject to return the favor, so be it. At least it was over the phone, so he couldn't see her face. She was sure she would start blushing soon, if it didn't already happen.
"Fanfiction? About what?" he immediately asked for clarifications. Of course he would!
"Us," Scully sighed. It was her dirty little secret, but a part of her always wanted to have someone to talk to about it. That part took over and didn't waste any time.
"Us?" Mulder was intrigued. "Who would want to write about us?"
"Lots of people, apparently. Remember Hollywood A.D.? That movie turned out to be quite a success."
"That movie?!" Mulder exclaimed in disbelief. "I couldn't even finish watching it!"
"I remember," Scully chuckled. "You should give it another chance. It's not all that bad."
"Do you have it?" he wondered.
"Yes, I do," Scully smiled. She kept the tape, though she never watched it. She always preferred reading and fanfiction tended to be much more… mature than the movie. Not that she read it often, of course not, just on a few lonely nights…
"I have popcorn," Mulder suggested. "And beer. Bring it over and we'll watch it together."
"Now?" Well, she didn't see that coming! How would she get out of this proposal?
"Yes, now," Mulder confirmed. "Why not? Do you have other plans? Perhaps I should ask Skinner..."
"No! Don't call Skinner! I'll be right there."
She hung up, noticing that her hands started to shake slightly. She just admitted to her partner, her friend, that she thinks about him while… Oh God! And he brilliantly lured her to his place, using Skinner as bait.
How does he do that to her? No matter the occasion, he always finds a way to get her to come to him when he wants her. He drags her from family dinners, Christmas shopping, New Year's Eve, even her own death-bed… Not to mention countless baths! And she is always too powerless to refuse.
While she was getting ready for a "girls night" with Mulder, Scully realized that she actually wanted to go. Vixen was interesting, to say the least, and she couldn't help but want to get to know her better. She liked to feel needed too, as much as she didn't want to admit it. It was a great comfort to her that Mulder needed her just as much, if not more, even when he wasn't a man or even human.
She brought the tape and set it up, while Mulder made popcorn.
"I can't believe you don't want butter on your popcorn," Mulder frowned, giving her a bowl full of mentioned snack. "It's so un-American."
"Sit down and watch the movie," Scully smiled, taking the popcorn in one hand and beer in another. Mulder started the movie, but even as a woman he couldn't stand it. He barely lasted for the first half, then paused it and gave Scully a long, meaningful look.
"You really read fanfiction for this crap?" he asked her.
"I don't think about the movie while I read it," she shrugged.
"Then what do you think about?" he wondered.
Scully didn't answer and he didn't insist. They sat quietly for a while, but it was a comfortable rather than awkward silence. They absent-mindedly ate popcorn while contemplating how much to reveal to or demand from each other. They had so much to talk about, but now wasn't really the time for it.
Then again, it never was the right time.
"You think about him," Mulder finally stated. It wasn't even a question. He just wanted her to know that he knows.
"Him?" Scully was now utterly confused. Who was he talking about? About his real body or…
"Skinner," Mulder sighed. "It's ok, I understand."
"For God's sake, Mulder!" Scully was exasperated. "This again?!"
"Why do you keep denying it?" Mulder was failing at keeping his voice calm. "You said you kissed him!"
"Mulder, that was a year, maybe two ago! And it didn't mean anything!"
"Why did you do it, then? I never pegged you for a casual kisser."
"It just happened," Scully shrugged. "He gave me an important piece of information and I was extremely grateful. That's all!"
"What kind of information?"
"Your damn whereabouts! When you went to Bermuda Triangle."
"Oh…" now he looked embarrassed.
"It was all about you. It always is…" how was it possible that he doesn't know that? "You have to trust me."
"I do trust you, I just…" Mulder was mumbling miserably. "I know how he looks at you and now you tell me you kissed him and you watch movies about you two and read fanfiction about it…"
"The movie is not about Skinner and me," Scully informed him firmly. His obsession with Skinner was ridiculous. If he wanted him so much, he could have him, for all she cared!
"I saw the movie, Scully," Mulder insisted. "I know what it's about."
"No, you didn't see it," Scully reminded him. "You got insane over one joke and stormed out of the theater. You asked me to bring the movie this evening but you still don't want to finish watching it."
"I know how it ends. I don't need to see it."
"It's not how it ends."
"With you and Skinner…"
"No. It ends with you and me."
"Oh?"
"And…"
"And what?"
"And…" Scully's voice was barely above whisper. "And a baby…"
Mulder sighed and placed his hand on hers, but she pulled it away. She stood up and went to the window, silently shedding a few tears away from his sight.
"But you'll be happy to know that it was just a movie," she said bitterly. "No need to worry about any of it happening in the real life!"
"I'm sorry," he said. He wanted to continue watching the movie now, but she didn't seem to be in the mood so he didn't mention it. He just sat there, trying to think of the right thing to say, but there didn't seem to be anything appropriate. It was his fault that she couldn't get the same kind of happy ending in real life. It was because of him that she got abducted and that her ova were harvested. He got a chance to correct that when he found them in the lab, but he blew it by keeping them in his damn pocket for too long. Even when they turned out to still be viable after all and he masturbated into a cup to fertilize them, they wouldn't take. That must have been his fault too, though he had no idea how.
"Skinner asked about you today," she finally spoke again, her back still turned to Mulder. "He came down to our office and made inquiries about Vixen. I told him you're married."
"Married…" Mulder repeated, not sure how to feel about that piece of information.
"Yeah, married," Scully turned around and looked at him, with a sad smile. "But the look of hurt on his face… I couldn't stand it. I said… I said you're going through a terrible divorce and you are not ready for another relationship yet."
"You let him keep hope," Mulder shook his head. "Why?"
"If…" she didn't want to think it, let alone say it, but it had to be said. "If we can't find Genia, and if this can't be fixed… I just want you to be happy."
"With him?"
"I want him to be happy too…" her voice broke.
"What about you?" Mulder asked gently.
"This isn't about me," Scully fiercely shook her head.
"Of course it is," Mulder insisted. "It's all about you."
"Mulder, please…"
"I have a theory, Scully," he seemingly changed the subject. "Do you want to hear it?"
"Finally," Scully smiled. "I was wondering about the lack of your crazy theories. It'd better be a good one!"
"Come back here and I'll tell you," Mulder patted the couch at the spot she was sitting on previously and she rejoined him, wiping a lonely tear from her cheek.
"How does it feel, Scully?" Mulder asked her. "I mean sex? I mean, for a woman?"
"I thought you were going to talk about your theory," Scully frowned.
"I'm getting there," Mulder assured her. "I just want to know how it feels. How did it feel with me?"
"Mulder! I don't want to talk about that!"
"With me or in general?"
"Mulder, please!"
"Did you tell anybody? Does anyone know?" Mulder insisted.
"No," she assured him, her voice firm and determined.
"Why?" he kept digging. Damn him!
"It's nobody's business, that's why," she said coldly, hoping he would get the hint and stop this inquiry.
"Do you want to talk about it?" he didn't get a hint. Figures!
"I…" Scully was getting more and more uncomfortable. "Mulder, why are you asking me this?"
"Because I think you're lonely," he stated. "You miss having a female friend."
"Mulder, I do have female friends!" Scully insisted. She may have lost touch with most of them, and haven't seen them in years, but… She had them!
"I know you do, but you can't talk to them," Mulder continued with his bizarre theory. "Not about our work, not about us. They just wouldn't understand. The things we go through… How could they possibly understand? But deep down you must wish you could share at least some of it with another woman. That's why you made me."
"Mulder, that's crazy!" Scully snapped. Enough was enough! "I didn't wish for a girlfriend, I wished for my partner back!"
"I know, but that's only what you said to Genia. I think she can pick up on things left unsaid. You wanted a dog, so she turned me into a dog. It could have been a cat or a cow, or any other animal, it would serve the purpose just the same, but you didn't want just any animal, you wanted a dog! You also lacked a female friend in a man's world, which is perfectly understandable. And now I even have a period because you wanted it!"
"Mulder, even if you're right, none of that would be worth losing you," her eyes were getting teary again, but so were his. Damn female sensitivity!
"I know," Mulder sighed. "I know. But Genia doesn't."
"Look, as far-fetched as it is, your theory is still useless," useless or not, it was breaking her heart and she didn't think she could bear to keep listening to it. "I don't care why this happened if it can't help us bring you back."
"What if it could?" Mulder offered.
"How?" Scully just couldn't see it.
"Give Vixen a purpose," Mulder explained. "Talk to her. Confide in her. When you no longer need her, she will be free to go and Fox can come back."
"Mulder, I don't know if you've noticed, but I've been talking to you for a while now and you are still here. It doesn't work."
"You are talking to him, not me."
"You ARE him!"
"No, I'm not. I once was, but not anymore. I'm Vixen. You made me, you named me, I'm here for you and only you. You can tell me… what you can't tell him."
"Do you promise not to tell him?" Scully asked, only half-jokingly, after contemplating it for a few seconds. Vixen smiled encouragingly, but didn't say anything, trying not to rush her.
"Okay," Scully sighed. She closed her eyes and leaned back, getting comfortable on the familiar black couch. How does it feel to have sex for a woman? How does it feel to have a friend to talk about it? How was it… With him? "It was… It was warm… Friendly… I felt safe, protected. I just wanted him to like it. I wanted it to be all about him."
"What about you? Did you like it?" Vixen nudged her.
"How could I not?" Scully admitted.
"Do you love him?" Vixen asked with a shaky voice, sure that she would get her ass kicked for daring to ask such a thing, but it strangely didn't happen. Scully remained calm and cooperative.
"Of course," she responded simply.
"Did you tell him that?" Vixen asked, when she really wanted to ask why she didn't tell him. Or better yet, why she'd never let him say it to her. Perhaps they could get to that later…
"No," Scully chuckled, keeping her eyes closed. She felt like a teenager talking to her best friend. It felt good and she didn't want to stop. "My mother keeps asking me the same thing, but no, I didn't."
"Why not?" There. The question was out. Now what?
"Because it's just words," Scully was honest. "It doesn't even begin to describe what I feel for him. And he knows it. We don't need words."
"Do you want it to happen again?" Vixen barely dared to ask. She didn't know what answer to hope for. She wanted to be wanted by Scully, at least Fox would have wanted that, but it would also rob Vixen of her femininity and she wasn't ready for that.
"No, it can't! I can't," Scully's tears were openly falling now, but she didn't care. As long as she kept her eyes closed she felt safe. She kept it inside for too long and she couldn't hold it anymore. She had to tell it to someone, even if it didn't bring Mulder back.
"Why not?" Vixen asked gently, not judging, not commenting, just being there and listening.
"I thought," Scully continued through sobbing. "I thought if it turned out that I wasn't barren after all, if my periods kept coming and… We could have a chance… But… It didn't come… And… I don't want to do that… to him. He can still be a father! He's very fertile, his… His sample was strong… And… And… I know he wouldn't care, he would accept me, but I can't accept myself… That's… the thing… I would never forgive myself if I didn't give him a chance… That's what I want for him and… At least… I… If he said no, I wouldn't do it. Not with a stranger. If it wasn't with him I didn't want that chance. And maybe… Maybe he feels the same for me and now… maybe… I might never know. I might have lost him forever. And I didn't give him a chance… I… I'm not good enough for him, but nobody… Nobody else will be good enough for him… I couldn't… live… with that…"
Scully was sobbing hard, but Vixen wasn't far behind her, unable to keep her own tears. She didn't say anything, just pulled her close into a tight embrace and gently rocked with her.
"Don't tell him," Scully cried in Vixen's arms. "Please don't tell him."
"I won't," Vixen assured her. "You will tell him yourself. Whenever you're ready."
"I don't think I'll ever be ready," Scully admitted her biggest fear. Everybody realized it before her, Lone Gunmen, her mother, even that smoking son of a bitch! But Mulder… He's been waiting to hear it for a long time and he would keep waiting for as long as she needed, she was sure of that. No other man was ever willing to wait for her, without asking for anything in return. No other man ever would.
"You will be," Vixen affirmed. "Soon. I know you. I believe in you."
They sat like that for what seemed forever, just holding each other and trying to stop thinking about Scully's words and their meaning. What she said surprised both of them and neither was ready to act on it. It might have been a right time, maybe even a right place, but it was the wrong body.
Suddenly, there was a loud knock at the door. They both raised their heads in surprise, then looked at each other questionably.
"It's Genia," Vixen smiled. "She's back! I've told you it'd work!"
"How do you know it's her?" Scully was suspicious.
"Who else could it be?" Vixen shrugged, getting up and heading towards the door. "I'm not expecting anybody else, and, except for you, I don't get many unexpected visitors. And you're already here, so…"
Scully stood up as well and followed her, her heart racing. Could it really be Genia? Could this nightmare be over? She was excited, but also nervous. What happens next? How will she deal with it?
Vixen cheerfully opened the door, but then she froze in place, terrified beyond words.
It wasn't Genia.
Both women stared at the visitor and he stared back, serious and intimidating. The air was so thick with tension that Vixen could hardly breathe. She was in trouble, big trouble, that much was perfectly clear.
"Hello, Vixen," Skinner finally spoke. "Or should I say Fox?"