"I kissed him!"

He's not just a little surprised. "Murdock, I suggested you tell him. You know, test the waters, ask him how he feels about homosexuality in general... That kind of thing. I didn't say you should go and... overact."

"It's not like I planned this, Doc, y'know?" I put some extra sarcasm into my voice. "It just happened." I think back to Friday afternoon. "The sun was shining off him, and he smelled so good, and he looked so good, and suddenly he was so close." I can almost smell him in my memory. "And he was interested... in my wellbeing," I quickly add, because otherwise it sounds just wrong. Face wasn't interested, not like that.

"And?" Richter asks sympathetically. "How was it?"

The best three or four seconds of my life – all the time I've been up in the air included. "Good."

"Just good?" He seems to be disappointed.

"Yeah, considering I've given him a shock for life..."

"That aside, how did it feel? Did it feel right?"

It felt – still does – so right I'm almost bursting with it. "Before I realized what I was doing, it was real good for a few seconds," I relent to answer. "Why? Did you think it was just a crazy idea?"

"It sometimes happens that a patient gets so confused about everything that he gets confused about that as well."

"I'm not usually confused," I contradict angrily. How can he even think that?

"I know. But sometimes patients surprise us therapists." He smiles.

There's a reason Richter's my favourite doc: he's good. Correction, there's two reasons: He's good, and I like him, and he likes me. But as he'd said himself a week ago: There's no medicine for a broken heart. "So, Doc. What do you reckon I do now?"

I burn to get to the phone. My punishment will be up at noon precisely, and it's now... 1156 hrs. Four more minutes to go.

I've had a rough time behaving myself and not exploding or going overboard with anything. If I'd misbehaved, they would have extended my punishment, and I can't afford that. I need to call Hannibal.

I need to know how Face is.

I'm sure Face hasn't said a single word about what I did in the car, but I'm also sure that he's feeling like shit. Face isn't the best at dealing with personal issues. He struggles and does his best, and he's not entirely bad either. But what I've dumped onto him... Well, it would give a stronger man a major headache.

Ah, finally! – Three minutes early, actually.

"Herbie's Auto Shop."

"Hi, Hannibal."

"Murdock, what the hell happened?!"

Uh-oh. Hannibal is mighty pissed. Still. "I'm sorry, I didn't plan to lose myself!" I snap back. Let's hope he buys it.

"I'm not talking about that," Hannibal says coldly. "And you know it."

Well, duh, of course he does not buy it. "How's Face?" I don't want to know really, yet it's all that really matters to me. I just don't want to hear a negative answer.

"That's what I'd like to know, Captain. Because after reporting – on the phone – that you're missing, I haven't heard of him, let alone seen him."

Uh-oh. Face.

"Now, Captain. I'm sorry you had an episode last weekend, but something must have triggered it, and it not only sent you ambling, it also made Face disappear. So what the hell happened?"

It's not a question. It's an order. I'm not a deserter, but I'm almost certain I can't carry out this order. "I... I'm not quite sure. Face got me out for the weekend, he gave me a t-shirt..." My throat tightens up. He was so nice to me, and I...

"And?" At least he sounds almost normal now, he's getting himself back under control.

"I..."

"Murdock, what happened?" This time it is a question. "If you don't tell me, and Face is nowhere to be found, I have to guess. And my guess is that something unexpected happened. It tripped you, and Face didn't know how to handle it. Now, do you see why I have a problem believing that?"

Sure, Face has never had trouble handling my problems before.

"Murdock, I just want to know what we're dealing with."

"I kissed him." There, it's out. And it didn't even hurt.

"You what?" I think he believes the acoustic has tricked him.

"You heard. I kissed him. I don't know why I did it. It just... happened. I couldn't stop it." I feel miserable, but it's out, and I must finish the story. "I was shocked with what I'd done, but not quite as shocked as he was."

"I bet. – How could you?" Hannibal's not accusing me. He's disbelieving.

"I told you, I don't know. I know I shouldn't have done it. But I have. Then I left in a bit of a rush, and the next thing I know, I'm waking up in a holding cell, and a cop hands me a cup of coffee."

"Okay."

Wow, Hannibal accepts it. Just like that. Just like that? Hannibal? This? I get suspicious, maybe he's already had an idea about how I feel. Probably. He's Hannibal, after all. "When you find him, tell him I'm forever sorry, and that I'll clean his shoes, all of his shoes, from now on until I die."

"When we have him –"

"Don't be harsh on him," I interrupt.

"I won't. We'll be in contact. Check-ins reinstated." He disconnects.

There's no question I won't be part of the search. If Face so much as smells me, he'll run.

I'm such a dope.

TBC