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Word Prompts: Clip, flip, blip

The night Edward comes back from Portland, the three of us order Thai and hang out in the kitchen until it's time for Charlie's bath. Edward catches up on emails while the kid and I go through our night time ritual of washing, reading and finally, bed.

It's this shift, from mom-time to me-time: I switch my iced tea out for beer and meet Edward in the living room. Our zone.

I watch him flip through the channels, knowing he's just going to end up On Demand, where he always does. We'll look at our choices, order a movie, and end up either making out half way through it or falling asleep. I love that this is predictable to me, that I know him this way. There are all sorts of details and tendencies that make up a person, that make up a relationship, and the level of comfort and closeness we share is one I've never experienced with a boyfriend before.

"You're staring," he says, smiling at the menu on the screen.

Yup, On Demand.

"I'm thinking."

"About?"

"This is nice."

He glances at me, quirking an eyebrow. "Yeah. It is."

When I don't say more, he roughs his hand through his hair and laughs. "Tell me, quick, before you disappear into Be-la-la land."

"Did you come up with that yourself?"

"I did, actually." He tosses the remote aside and turns more toward me.

"Just thinking about how well I know you now." I nod toward the TV. "I knew you'd end up on this."

He nods, understanding. "You do know me."

"And yet...there's so much I don't know. And so much you don't know about me."

"That's true. Although, to be fair, we could be together for years and still say the same thing."

"I've never been with anyone for years."

He turns the television off. "When was the last time you spoke to Charlie's dad?"

Maybe he's not as predictable as I thought; I so did not see that coming. "Um...years. Not since the night we broke up. Why?"

Shrugging, he looks at his hands. "I just wonder sometimes if he's ever going to show up. I know I couldn't have a kid out there in the world, living without me, not even knowing who I was." He looks up at me. "Me not knowing who they were."

Something heavy moves inside of my chest, and I take a moment before responding. "I know. Me neither."

"Can you see him showing up?"

I think of Tyler's face that night, his words. "No. He was pretty vehement about not wanting anything to do with the baby. He wouldn't even call her a baby."

"Do you wish things were different?"

"Sometimes, for Charlie's sake...but mostly not. She has everything she needs. I mean, I believe things happen for a reason...as corny as that sounds. But I do. I have to. It can't all be this arbitrary blip, you know?"

He shakes his head. "I think things happen for a reason. I just don't always know what they are."

"Yeah." I pull my hair back, securing it with a clip from my pocket. "Have you ever had your heart broken?"

Nodding slowly, he focuses on the carpet. "Broken, stomped on, annihilated."

I wince. "Ouch."

"I was young and stupid...like we all are...I thought she was the one for sure."

"How young?"

"College. We dated for three years and then...she got pregnant."

My heart stops, my mouth goes dry.

"And I was ready, you know. To do it. Go all in. I was already all in. I loved her. My parents loved her. We got engaged. We were going to travel - I was already being courted to go pro and she wanted to be right there with me for as long as she could."

"So what happened?" I ask, almost afraid of the answer.

"Kid wasn't mine."

My mouth drops open. "Whose was it?"

"My roommate's. Peter Barry." Clasping his hands behind his head, he sits back. "Apparently they'd been going behind my back for half of senior year, but I was so busy with classes and soccer I didn't even see it."

While what happened with Tyler broke my heart in some ways, no one has ever hurt me that badly. I frown, unable to imagine.

"I pretty much stayed on Emmett's couch after that. We'd been good friends before, but...he really came through for me."

"I never knew that," I say softly. Em's always had a heart of gold, but hearing stuff like this turns me to mush.

"Took me awhile before I could even look at another girl. And then all I wanted to do was play soccer and party."

"Sounds pretty ideal for most younger guys."

"It was." Edward clears his throat after a brief, but not comfortable, silence. "You been thinking about it?"

"About what...you said?"

"Yes."

"I have." I've thought of little else, frankly. "I think we're on the same page."

His eyes search mine, and he reaches for me. I slide closer, tucking myself beneath his arm. "Well, if you want to, when the season's over, we can think about...moving. In."

"I'm not ready to live with someone," I blurt out. "I mean, I am, but...I don't want to just...shack up."

"Mm, old fashioned."

"Maybe. It's Charlie, but... it's me, too. Mainly me, actually."

"My mother will approve."

I peek to see if he's teasing me, but he seems serious. "Mine won't. She's always told me to test drive the car before buying it."

"So you don't want to test drive this?" he teases, pointing to himself.

"I think we've done enough test driving. I'm ready to buy."

He's quiet. I look up at him, and he smiles a little. "So let's buy."

"It's just casserole."

"It's really, really good casserole," Edward says, watching me scoop another serving on to his plate. I pretend his compliment doesn't make me sappy-happy. But it does.

I put his plate back down in front of him, still high from the rush this unexpected visit brought. He's been gone for two weeks, and was supposed to be coming home in five days. Apparently the team got a three day break between New York and Texas, and he's supposed to be recouping back east with the team, but he caught a red eye breath home...

"...because I wanted to."

"Wanted to, huh? Must be nice -"

"Because I wanted you." And he smiles...because I have no response for that.

...and leaves again tomorrow. His team's doing quite well, only two losses amongst a flurry of wins. I can't imagine playing as hard as they do for such an extended amount of time, but he says the same thing when he sees me up at all hours, baking and working and dealing with Charlie.

I start to move away, pausing when his hand finds the back of my thigh, fingers curling around, asking me to stay. Stuttered breath, goosebumps, my stomach does a little flip. I run my fingers through his hair, seeing him smile around his fork even though he's looking down. I suppose this is one of the benefits of his traveling: we always miss each other now; every moment matters.

Charlie wanders into the dining room. Edward squeezes me and moves his hand, resting it in his lap.

"Hey, Chuck."

"Hi. I saw your game. And Mom."

"You guys watched?" His voice is all innocent and Charlie-approriate, but he's smirking at me.

"Yah. Mom watches all the games. And she records them."

I shrug, not bothering to play coy. "You know I'm watching."

He nods, polishing off plate number two. "Okay, now I'm stuffed."

"I don't know how you ate two servings."

"I'm always hungry when I'm playing like this."

"You finished your dinner?" Charlie asks.

Edward nods, pushing away from the table a bit.

She dumps a handful of peanut M&Ms onto his placemat. "Okay, you can have dessert."

Grinning, he plucks Charlie up and puts her on his lap. "Sharing your M&Ms is a pretty big deal, Chuck. You sure you want to do that?"

She squirms, her cheeks bright pink. It's funny seeing her like this, so obviously enchanted. "Yah," she whispers.

I roll my eyes, giving his hair a tug. "She'd do anything for you," I say quietly, gently chiding because she's my baby and I want to protect her, but also letting him know the depth of her little-girl devotion. I don't know what exactly her perception of fathers is, besides what she's observed with Emmett or her grandpa, but the way she behaves with Edward is something new. For her, and for me. Encountering this side of Charlie is trippy because she came from me... and yet it's something I have never seen.

I have waited for the day she'd ask me about Tyler, but so far it hasn't happened yet. Now it's looking like it may happen soon, or like even if it doesn't, she's making connections with Edward I hope he's ready to make, too.

We're a package deal, the reason I haven't let too many others get this close.

Collecting his plate, I leave them to their M&Ms and whispers, turning the corner as Edward says, "I'd do anything for her, too."

He makes a mess of me, of my tidy little life. And thank God.

I move slowly over Edward, knees locked around his thighs. His grip on me tightens, hands spanning my waist, gaze locked on mine. Like nothing could break it. There it is: this look he gets, an expression that I think about all the time when he's gone. It's his eyes. The first time we really made eye contact, like for real - for more than a couple of seconds during polite conversation - his eyes made my heart race. Literally. So now, when he gets this look on his face, all I want to do it submit and succumb and just forget everything else. It's intense. It's dark and dirty and like he's thinking the lustiest thoughts, depraved even. It excites, incites. Makes me feel like the lucky one who gets this, feels this, has this.

We don't make love as often as we want to, but that's because he's been traveling. When he does come home, it's on - his house, my house, in the middle of the night with the TV on, in the kitchen with my socks on, in his bathtub with all the lights on. It's wicked fast, it's sultry slow, it's over in two minutes, it takes so long I'm sore. It's in an empty house, it's in a locked bedroom with a sleeping child down the hall because I've gotten over myself enough to deal with the fact that this is my life now - all of it - and nothing needs to be mutually exclusive.

He lets me ride him slow and deep, and then he sits up, flipping me on to my back so that he can take it home.

In the morning, when it's so early it's still dark, I awake to find him dressed and packed. I knew it would be like this, but knowing he's about to be gone for another few days makes me ache.

"My cab'll be here in a minute."

Nodding, I sit up. "Do you want coffee?"

"No." He sits beside me, kissing my forehead. "Go back to sleep. I'll be back soon."

thank you for reading, everyone! much love.

xoxo

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