As I roll over and groan, my hand instinctively reaches out for Tobias only to find cold, empty sheets beside me. I lift my heavy head from my hot, flat pillow and squint trying to adjust my eyes to the surrounding darkness and look for my missing husband but he's nowhere to be found. I carefully listen to the baby monitor that's sitting on my nightstand thinking he may be checking on Tessa or Teagan but I only hear the steady breathing of their peaceful slumber. I roll back over and stretch my stiff, tired muscles then sit up. Where are you, my love? Maybe Tyler woke him up and I didn't hear. I slip my legs over the edge of bed and slide my feet to the floor then make my way to my son's room.
I can't believe that it's Christmas Day already. Tyler is so eager for Santa Claus to come that he didn't want to go to bed last night. He was bouncing off the walls with excitement and anticipation. Tobias and I never thought he would go to sleep but fatigue soon won out, and we were able to get him down nearly an hour-and-a-half past his bedtime. This is, after all, his very first Christmas along with his sisters, so his father and I have tried to make the entire holiday season a memorable one for him. We decorated our entire apartment until it looked like a winter wonderland. We wrapped live greenery and twinkle lights around every stair railing; hung five large, matching red and white stockings each adorned with our names in a whimsical design from the fireplace mantle; and decorated a nearly seven foot Christmas tree that sits in the corner of our living room by the windows. I'll never forget the way his eyes lit up when we turned the multicolored twinkling lights on for the first time. I imagine they looked just like mine did last year. He was beyond mesmerized. I thought he was actually going to cry. He also helped me shop for the presents he's giving his daddy and sisters later this morning, and he even helped me wrap them. We baked sugar cookies for all our friends, which was quite an experience. After mixing them, rolling them, cutting out various shapes like trees and wreaths, and then frosting them, he was covered head to toe in a dusting of flour, sticky multicolored frostings, and red and green sprinkles. The minute we finished, he shoved two cookies in his mouth then begged to repeat the entire process again the very next day. I couldn't help but laugh at the sight and his exuberance. I tiptoe into his room and find him fast asleep in the middle of his big boy bed, a delighted expression on his face. I'm surprised he's sleeping so well.
Maybe Tobias is in the nursery after all, so I head back toward our bedroom and into the girls' room but it, too, is empty save Tessa and Teagan. I take a moment to check on my girls. I peer down at Tessa and a mixture of joy and heartbreak courses through me. She's growing so fast. I can't believe that she's 9 months old already. She crawls all over the place, getting into everything, and just two days ago, she pulled herself up to the couch and stood all by herself. I picked her up, holding her tightly against my chest and cried like a blubbering baby. She thought I was insane but gave me kisses to make me feel better and they did their job. I kiss my fingers and gently run them over her soft, dark curls then move to Teagan's crib. She's the exact opposite of Tessa with her blonde waves and dark blue eyes. She also looks like my mini-me while her sister is the spitting image of Tobias. But my little peanut isn't so little anymore. She's getting so big. In the past two-and-a-half months she's caught up to where she should be if she hadn't been a preemie. I totally freaked out when she gained her birth weight last month but Zander told me she's perfectly healthy and actually still measuring small even though she doesn't look like it. I run my hand over her little head then head out of the room.
I descend the stairs wondering what has Tobias up in the middle of the night. I hope it's not my health. I would often find him pacing at the end of our bed, watching me sleep after I was finally released from the infirmary. Thankfully, he stopped doing that a couple weeks ago. I think he was worried I would take another turn for the worse. I was in the infirmary under close supervision by Zander for 12 additional days after the interrogations because I got a nasty infection in my hip where the bitch stabbed me. One day we were discussing me going home, and the next I spiked nearly a 103 degree fever and felt like death warmed over. There were moments I thought I wasn't going to make it. It actually took longer for me to recover from the infection than the original injuries but I have completely recovered. He doesn't have to worry about me. When I step into the kitchen, I see that it, too, is empty and for the first time since waking, my anxiety level raises.
"Tobias? Where are you?" I quietly ask as I make my way into the empty living room. He pops up from behind the couch and scares me nearly half to death. I must jump a foot off the floor as I shriek. My hands fly to my cover my mouth as my heart starts pounding painfully against my ribs. "What the hell!"
"I'm so sorry, love," he remorsefully says as he gets up off the floor and comes to me. He takes me in his arms and wraps me in his embrace, and I rest my head against his chest as I cling to him. I feel his lips in my hair as my heart rate returns to normal.
"What are you doing?" I whisper. "Santa" already came right before we went to bed so I have no clue as to what he could be doing down here at this time of night.
"Making Santa footprints for Tyler," he says. I loosen my arms and rest my hands on his waist as I look up at him. I know my face is betraying the confusion I'm feeling.
"What?"
"Here, let me show you," he says. He releases me then takes my hand and leads me over by the front door. Since we have a gas fireplace and don't have a traditional chimney, we told Tyler that Santa has a magic key that allows him to enter every little boy and girl's homes. I notice a faint stain on the floor in the moonlight. I bend over and narrow my eyes to get a better look, and they finally come into focus … boot prints! They start at the door and go to the tree where the presents are sitting. "I went upstairs to our fire pit and got some ash." Although the temperatures fall overnight, it's been unseasonably warm, and we haven't had a single snowflake, which is odd for the city. "I put it in a tray, dipped an old pair of boots in it, and have been carefully putting the prints down." I reach up and caress his cheek then slide my fingers into his ruffled curls and pull his mouth to mine. I kiss him affectionately, tenderly. I run my tongue along his bottom lip, longing to deepen the kiss, and he hesitantly opens his mouth so I can slip my tongue between his lips and mate it with his. I know why he's being cautious.
The day before I was finally released from the infirmary, I had my postpartum appointment with Isobel and after a long discussion, I chose to have an IUD placed for birth control instead of repeating the shot. We love our children dearly but we aren't ready for another one and probably won't be for quite some time. But, unfortunately, we haven't gotten a chance to try out its efficacy yet because I haven't felt up to it. Because of that, we haven't been overly affectionate with one another. It would cause too much temptation and be too hard to stop. We thought the time after Teagan's birth was bad. It was nothing compared to this but I have an extra special present for him tonight though … me wrapped in a bow. I feel wonderful and have for the past few days, and I'm beyond ready. I know he is, too.
"You're such a wonderful father, Tobias Eaton," I say after I release him. "Tyler, Tessa, and Teagan are so lucky to have you." If I'm not mistaken, I see him blush at the compliment. "It's so thoughtful of you to do this for him. Where did you get the idea?"
"It's something Hana did for Zeke and Uriah when they were kids," he says. "She told me about it when she was over for dinner the other day. The idea stuck with me."
"When do you think you'll be done?"
"I have to go from the tree to the cookies and then back out the door," he says. "Why don't you go back to bed?"
"I'm not tired anymore," I say. "Is there something I can do to help you?"
"It's really a one person job," he says.
"How about I sit here and keep you company then?" I ask. "I'll never be able to get back to sleep without you."
"But you need your rest, love." He's always so worried about me.
"I need to be with you more," I say. "I think Tyler's excitement has rubbed off onto me."
"Alright," he says. "I won't be long then we can go back to bed." He kisses my temple as I sit down on the couch and put my feet up on the seat. I'm wondering what the day will bring when Tobias drapes the fuzzy gray throw over my lap.
"Thanks, baby," I say, smiling up at him. "That was sweet of you."
"I thought you could use it," he says. "Look out the window." My eyes slide to the wall of windows, and I can't believe the sight, it's snowing flakes almost as big as my head. "I guess we're going to have our white Christmas after all."
While Tobias finishes the soot footprints, I stare out the window wrapped head to toe in my fuzzy gray throw watching the first snowfall of the season. My mind drifts to that horrible night in the garage like it so often does when I'm left alone with my own thoughts. At the time, I didn't realize just how close Tobias and the kids came to losing me. I close my eyes and take a deep breath, trying to relax and thank God that I'm still here. If Molly, Drew, and the bitch had gotten their way, it would have been a very different outcome, one I can't bear to even speculate about.
It's hard to believe that it's been two-and-a-half months since I sat in the auditorium listening to Porter, Molly, Drew, and Lauren's truth serum interrogations not to mention being subjected to one myself. Sometimes it seems just like yesterday while other times it feels like years have passed. Porter was executed immediately since his plan directly resulted in the deaths of Sam, Harrison, and Frankie. Molly and Drew were executed soon after because they carried out his orders no questions asked. Lauren's punishment was a topic of intense debate, but when it came down to it, the fact that she was blackmailed into helping saved her life, although she didn't get off scot-free. She will sit in jail for five years and then live out the rest of her days with the factionless. I was actually overruled when it came to the bitch's punishment. Instead of being sentenced to jail time for her role in Porter's plan, she was involuntarily committed to the mental health institute at the city hospital. I guess I should be happy she's getting the help she so desperately needs but she could have killed me when she stabbed me that night in the garage. I still feel like she got off with only a slap on the wrist. Marty Turner, who turned his back on Dauntless so he could date Lauren, was made factionless for allowing Molly and her minions to leave the city, and Neva Hampton from Erudite was also made factionless for giving her access to their headquarters to get the ingredients used for the Frankenstein Serum. After talking to Grant about why he helped the bitch fabricate the photographs she used to try and break us up, Tobias and I put him on probation of sorts, and he was transferred to fence duty. If at any time over the next two years he does anything that either of us views as reckless or criminal, he's out on his ass. He will not get another chance. I was actually surprised when Tobias agreed with me on this issue. He was pissed when those photos surfaced, as was I, but Grant seemed genuinely remorseful for what he did and I know the male of the species. They have the tendency to do their thinking with their little brain instead of their big one. I honestly believe that if she hadn't delivered sex he never would have done what she asked.
Thankfully, it's been quiet in the compound since that day. Tobias, Will, and I have made some staffing changes. Tori stepped down from leadership, which surprised us all but the memory serum that was given to her did more damage than first thought even though most of her memories have now returned. She is back to running the tattoo parlor full time and is content with her decision. I believe it's helping with her mourning. We still haven't made a final decision on who to ask to replace her and Harrison but we are narrowing down the candidates, who include Shauna and James among various others. We asked Callen to take over Lauren's job, which didn't go over very well with some of the older long-term programmers who thought someone of his age couldn't have enough experience but Tobias and I made it abundantly clear to everyone that his skill level made him more than qualified and age is just a number. He was extremely reluctant at first to take it and in fact turned us down flat at first but after talking it over with Avery, he took the position. We knew he would be a natural, and he hasn't let us down.
"Penny for your thoughts," Tobias says, pulling me from my reverie. I drag my eyes from the beautiful snowfall and take in the sight of my handsome husband who is leaning against the wall before me in nothing but a pair of black flannel sleep pants, looking better than any man has the right to.
"I'm just thinking about … things," I say with a warm smile for the man I love more than life itself.
"Do I need to ask what things?" he asks, concern on his face and I shake my head. He pushes himself off the wall and saunters over to me. "Are you okay?" He sits down on the couch beside me, and I cuddle up into his side as he wraps his arm around me.
"Yeah, I'm okay," I say. "I was just thinking how thankful I am that Porter's plan didn't work. I wouldn't want to miss any of this." He tightens his grip on me when I mention the man who tried to destroy our life.
"I'm still worried about you, love," he says then he kisses my temple. "I think you're doing too much. You really should be in bed right now. We had such a long day yesterday with breakfast with our friends, the last minute Christmas shopping, lunch with your parents, and then the wedding. You should slow down." Last night we attended Caleb and Cara's intimate Christmas Eve wedding at the Crystal Gardens. It was a very simple, beautiful, romantic ceremony just the way they both wanted it. Christina did a wonderful job planning every detail after learning what it was they both wanted. Cara finally found the courage to tell her mother that she doesn't have to like or even agree with her choices but that she does have to respect them if she wants to be a part of her life. It took a couple weeks for her to come around. Will told me that what finally swayed her decision was wanting to know her future grandchildren. She was the picture of politeness all evening long, and I didn't get the urge to punch her in the face once!
"Did you have a nice time at the wedding this evening?" I ask.
"You're changing the subject," he says.
"Would I do that?" I ask as I look up at him.
"Yes. You would," he says. I can't argue with that. I want to forget about Porter, Molly, Drew, Lauren, and the bitch. I don't like how thinking about them makes me feel. "But for the record, it was a nice ceremony and the reception was enjoyable. Christina could make a killing if she were to become a full-time wedding/party planner for the city. She's absolutely amazing at what she does but I happen to remember a much better wedding with the most beautiful bride there ever has been or ever will be. It was the greatest day of my life."
"Mine, too," I say, cuddling further into his side. "You were very handsome that day. Of course, you look good every day."
"Stop it," he says, feigning embarrassment. "You're making me blush." His eyes are sparkling with mischief and there's humor in his voice. "We should go to bed, love."
"I'm not tired," I say.
"Today is going to be another long day," he says. "Let's just go to bed … please."
"Okay," I say, giving in. We get up off the couch, and he surprises me by lifting me into his arms. "I can walk, you know."
"I know you can," he says, "but I like feeling useful."
"Useful?"
"I have felt so … out of control and useless these past few months," he says as he carries me up the stairs and into our bedroom. "I didn't like it, love. I hated sitting back watching you in pain, knowing there was absolutely nothing I could do to help you." He very carefully sets me on my feet beside our bed then turns down the sheets. I put my hand on his shoulder, and he turns and looks at me.
"That's not true, baby. You were with me every step of the way," I say reaching out, taking his hands in mine, and threading our fingers together. "You comforted me when I was feeling down. You held me when I was hurting so bad I could barely stand it. You encouraged me when I didn't think I could go on for one more minute. You've never been useless. You've been my rock, Tobias Eaton. I love you so much." He brings our joined hands up to his lips and kisses my knuckles while staring deeply into my eyes. I take a step forward and after releasing his hands, cup his cheeks and capture his mouth with a hungry urgency, pouring every ounce of love I feel for him into the lingering, intimate kiss. He groans as I nibble on his bottom lip before plunging my tongue deeply into his mouth, making love to it. I wrap both my arms around his neck and press myself up against his hard body, and I can feel what I'm doing to him.
"Tris," he moans, "we've got to stop this."
"No we don't. I want you inside of me, Tobias," I pant against his lips. "We've waited long enough. I need you."
"I don't know," he hesitantly says as he pulls his lips from mine. He slowly shakes his head, a mixture of desire and uncertainty on his face. I stare into his dilated eyes knowing that he wants me just as much as I want him so I try not to let his indecision get to me. He's just doing what he always does, he's looking out for me.
"I'm ready, baby," I say. "I planned on giving you one last Christmas present tonight after we got the kids into bed but I just realized I can be your very first present. Make love to me, Tobias. I know you want me. I can feel you." I drop one hand down and rub him through the flannel fabric. His throbbing shaft lengthens and hardens further under my touch until he abruptly drags it away with a groan.
"Of course, I want you," he says as he lifts my hand to his mouth and kisses my knuckles. "I want you so bad I could explode right here with that one touch. It's been so long but I need to know you're okay. I won't put my desire to make love with you above your wellbeing." He runs his hand into my hair and tilts my head back a little, exposing my throat to his hot mouth. "How do I know you're telling me the truth?" I understand why he's asking but it still stings a little until I feel his tongue on the base of my throat then I almost forget everything.
"Would I lie to you?" I finally ask, my breath catching in my throat.
"About this, of course, you would," he says and I can't help but sigh. He knows me so well.
"You're right … I would … but I'm not. There was a time when I was lying in bed in the infirmary wondering if this day would ever come because I was in so much pain," I say then an easy, relaxed smile overtakes my face. "I promise you, Tobias Eaton, I'm fine, and I want you inside me right now. I miss you. I miss us. I want you so much. Please make love to me."
"You have to promise that if you don't feel up to it you tell me and we'll stop," he says. "I almost lost you. I'd wait forever if that's what you need."
"I promise but I swear, I'm ready." His mouth moves to mine, and he kisses me passionately yet unhurriedly as his nimble fingers make quick work of the buttons on my sleep shirt. A shiver runs up my spine when I feel his hands land on my bare hips. He slowly moves them up my heated body and slips the flannel sleep shirt off my shoulders until it falls to the floor at our feet. A rumbling growl emanates from deep in his chest as he takes in the sight of my naked body before him.
"God, you're beautiful," he breathlessly pants. "Do you know how much I love you?" I do. I wrap my arms around his neck, pressing my body to his, and draw his mouth to mine. The feeling of my bare skin on his will never get old. Our hands explore as our tongues tangle, and I suddenly get the strong desire to taste him. I put my hands on the waistband of his sleep pants and push them down over his hips. As I sink to my knees before him, he lets out a low growl. "You don't have to, Tris."
"No I don't but I want to, Tobias," I murmur. As I continue ridding him of his pants, he springs free from the confining fabric, and I can't take my eyes off the magnificent tower of masculinity in front of my face. I lick my suddenly parched lips then wrap my hand around his hard length and glide it up and down. I slide my eyes up his body until I meet his gaze then kiss the tip. It's empowering to see and feel his entire body react. I dart my tongue out of my mouth and drag it up the throbbing underside, playing with the sensitive spot directly below the head. I continue to pleasure and tease him with my hand and tongue until I think I'm going to explode from feeling him writhe in front of me then I take him in fully into my mouth for the first time in months. I start with slow, shallow passes then suck a little harder as I go a little deeper all the while teasing his shaft with my tongue until he's repeatedly hitting the back of my throat. I move my other hand to his backside and knead the muscles gently as he repeatedly thrusts his hard, thick manhood into my mouth. I know he's about to come when his rhythm changes from long, measured strokes to short, frantic stabs. When his entire body tenses, I stop all movement and hold him in my mouth as deeply as possible without setting off my gag reflex.
"Oh, shit, Tris," he moans loudly as he shoots strand after strand of thick, sticky protein straight down my throat. I swallow quickly, making sure I get every last drop then I suddenly feel myself being dragged straight up his body. His mouth crashes into mine as he guides my legs around his waist, and I wrap my arms tightly around his neck and cling to his body as he ravishes my mouth with his talented tongue. He pulls his lips from mine and rests his forehead against mine as our breath comes rushing in and out of our heaving chests. "Do you have any idea what you do to me?"
"The same thing you do to me," I pant loudly.
"I love you," he says as he caresses my cheek.
"I love you, too," I say then give him a tender kiss.
"And I love how you make me feel with this pretty little mouth of yours," he says as he runs his thumb gently over my swollen bottom lip then I watch his eyes dilate until they turn nearly black as I draw the digit into my mouth and suck softly. "You're killing me, love." He utters a nearly inaudible expletive as I tease his thumb with my tongue then I give him a flirtatious little wink. He groans deeply then a sly grin spreads over his face. "I think it's my turn to get my mouth on you." He removes his thumb from my mouth then takes a couple steps. He gently lies me down in the center of the mattress then covers me with his body. I moan when I feel his weight for the first time in ages, and he tenses above me.
"I'm alright, baby. There's nothing to worry about." I run my fingertips from his shoulders down to his backside, give a little squeeze, and then run them back up and into his hair. I draw his mouth to mine for a long, lazy, exploratory kiss. "God, I love how you feel on me," I mutter when he moves his mouth to my left ear. I close my eyes and relish the feel of his lips and tongue on one of the most sensitive spots on my body. I rake my fingernails up his firm, muscular back and arch against his hard body when he sticks his tongue in the canal and French kisses my ear, aching almost uncomfortably for him. I realize I'm holding my breath when my lungs begin to ache, and I pull in short, harsh, unsteady breaths. When he moves off me, I can't help but pout but he doesn't let me mope for long. He proceeds to run his hands all over my heated body while he continues teasing my ear with his lips, tongue, and teeth. He glides one up my side into my hair and moves his mouth to mine as he slides the other over to cover a milk-heavy breast. He kneads it gently, making me moan around his probing tongue then rolls the sensitive nipple over and over between his calloused fingertips, pinching, probing, and tugging gently, eliciting a stifled gasp. He then moves his attention to my other breast, repeating every touch as he peppers butterfly kisses over every inch of my neck, shoulders, and chest.
"I think I'll have a little taste," he says as his swollen lips wrap around a tortured peak. I thread my fingers into his hair and pull him closer to my chest and sigh as he sucks it into his hot, wet, greedy mouth. After a little snack, he grasps the engorged bud between his teeth, nibbling softly then repeatedly flicks the tip of his tongue against it.
"Holy shit!" I moan as I twist the sheets. "God, I've missed this!" I'm concentrating so hard on every move of his mouth that I miss his roaming hand until his rough fingertips glide gently over my aching nubbin. "Aaahh!" I arch off the bed at the electricity-like jolt that seems to come from nowhere. "Tobias!" He smiles against my skin as I writhe then drags his tongue across my chest and captures my other highly sensitive nipple between his lips as his fingers deftly explore the warm, wetness between my thighs. He throws one of his legs over mine, keeping me open for him and teases my aching bundle of nerves with his fingers as his tongue lashes the throbbing peak in his mouth. I thrash about on the bed, an overwhelming release building. "Oh, my God! I'm gonna come!" As the words explode from my lips, an orgasm so intense hits me that it's almost unbearable. My body is overtaken by multiple shuddering, clenching spasms, and I momentarily forget how to breathe. I pound my balled up fists again and again on the mattress as I fight for air. Suddenly an agonized gasp fills my deprived lungs, and I pant in short little spurts. When I raise my eyes to Tobias', I blow out a breath showing him I'm fine and a sexy as hell, triumphant smile overtakes his face.
Whenever I expect my gorgeous husband to do something, he surprises me by doing the exact opposite. I expect him to climb up my body and cover it with his before he makes sweet love to me but he starts kissing his way down. I sit up on my forearms and watch his progress, anticipating what I know it coming next, his talented tongue on my throbbing nubbin. He kisses my cesarean scar sweetly, a look of love and adoration on his face then he slides his tongue over to my newest scars. I'd like to think that they're my last but because I'm Dauntless I somehow doubt they will be. He runs his fingers lightly over each scar then kisses them, too. This time his look is dark, scary.
"I'm fine," I softly say, reaching out and caressing his cheek.
"I know and you don't know how thankful I am for that," he roughly says. "They're just hard to look at. They remind me that I almost lost you."
"I'm right here, Tobias," I say. "They didn't win. Please don't let this ruin our morning. I need you."
"You're absolutely right," he says. He kisses each scar again then continues his descent. He reaches around my legs and caresses my hips and stomach with his calloused fingertips as he repeatedly places soft kisses on the inside of each of my thighs. I pick up my right leg and rest my foot on his back and lower myself to the mattress as he kisses my womanhood. My heart speeds in my chest as my breathing becomes short and shallow. He very deliberately runs his velvety tongue up the length of my opening then kisses the throbbing bundle of nerves at the top. I suck in a ragged breath and fist my hands in the sheets as he continues to tease, not quite putting the full weight of his talented tongue exactly where I want it. He peppers butterfly kisses over the intimate area then searches the folds, gliding effortlessly round and round my nubbin. Finally his relentless tongue finds my most sensitive spot and my back involuntarily arches off the bed. I moan long and low as he continues to slowly circle my nubbin, only gliding over it once in a while. I reach down and grasp the hand that's caressing my stomach and squeeze it tightly when he sucks my nubbin into his heavenly mouth. He nibbles lightly on the engorged flesh then flicks his tongue against it again and again. I feel my body starting to spiral out of control at his ministrations; my heart is trying to beat out of my chest, my blood pressure must be dangerously high, and I can't seem to get enough air into my tortured lungs. He moans loudly as he sticks his tongue inside me and laps up my flowing juices, and I can't help but blush from head to toe. Hopefully, he doesn't notice. Suddenly I'm seized by a rush of sensation so intense that tears flood my eyes. I arch against his mouth as wave after crushing wave off painful pleasure washes over my body but he doesn't stop. As a matter of fact he very slowly inserts one of his large fingers into my spasming center, and I grip it tightly. He continually runs his tormenting tongue over my throbbing bundle of nerves as his finger massages the inside of my body. When my second release overtakes me, I have a religious, out of body experience. A string of curse words I don't normally say comes flying out of my mouth as my body retreats back to earth.
"Hi," Tobias says, that cocky I-just-made-my-wife-come-harder-than-hell grin on his face. He's lying between my outstretched legs with his fingers threaded in my hair, and I'm a little shocked to realize that he's already buried deeply inside of me.
"Hi," I repeat back to him. I lift a trembling hand to his face, caress his cheek, then pull his mouth to mine. We kiss softly, slowly, sweetly. I slowly rotate my hips, and we both moan into each other's open mouths.
"Are you alright?" he asks, an intense look in his suddenly worried eyes.
"Of course," I nod, a warm smile on my face.
"Good. I'd like to make love to you now."
"I'd really like that," I pant. I grip his body tightly as he starts to withdraw from my depths. I sometimes wonder how he fits inside of me at all. Right now is one of those times. "Slowly, baby." I know he's probably thinking he can't go much slower but he'd jump up and down on one foot if that's what I asked of him. He very slowly moves in and out of my body all the while placing soft, loving kisses on my face, neck, shoulders, chest, and breasts. I feel his need to increase the speed but I'm not quite there so I push on his chest, and he rolls us over so I can be in control. I set a slow but steady in-and-out pace, lifting myself with my knees then returning to my previous position over and over again. I take his hands and drag them up my body and place them on my aching breasts. He gently squeezes them for a time then molds them with his palms as he plays with the perky little peaks with his thumbs. We repeatedly moan and groan and pant and gasp as our bodies collide against one another. Sensing I'm finally ready for more, he rolls us until I'm once again beneath him. He hooks my knees with his arms and pushes them back toward my chest, spreading me wide for his impressive length, and we move with each other … against each other.
"I love you," he moans into my neck.
"I love you," I whisper. His lips move to mine, and we make love to each other's mouths, mimicking each movement of our inflamed bodies. He releases my legs and leans back onto his knees then grasps my hips and thrusts vigorously into me again and again. "Oh, shit!" I moan loudly as my body continues to climb toward its release. His long, steady strokes become shorter and frenzied, and I know he's getting closer to coming, too. I frantically lift my hips up to meet every single one of his urgent thrusts, and we fall over the edge … spectacularly … together. My body clenches and spasms around his invading length as he empties his life-giving seed inside of me. When we're both spent, we still, and he collapses on top of me.
"Merry Christmas, Tobias," I whisper in his ear as I run my fingertips up and down his sculptured back. "That was … fucking awesome."
"You took the words right out of my mouth," he says as he kisses my temple.
"That just slipped out," I giggle and flush.
"God, I love you," he mutters. "How are you, love? You're not hurting are you?" I take a quick inventory and am pleased with what I find.
"I'm good," I say. "No pain." I wrap my arms tightly around his neck. "Thank you."
"Tris," he sighs. I know he doesn't like it when I thank him for making love to me but he deserves it. That was spectacular on every level.
"I should be able to thank my loving," I kiss his cheek, "caring," then his right ear, "very considerate," then his jawbone, "thoughtful," then his lips, "sexy as hell husband for giving me not one, not two, but three mind-blowing orgasms. I think I was speaking in tongues for a moment. I didn't even feel you enter me. You, sir, have stepped up your game. I owe you a pampering session. Whatever you want, I'll do it."
"Anything? Merry Christmas to me!" he says, a lustful look in his dark eyes. As I giggle, a deep chuckle rumbles through his chest that does something magical to our joined bodies. "Is it too early to ask for another present?" I clench down on him, causing him to moan. I push on his chest and he rolls us over.
"I think that can be arranged," I say then I proceed to make love to him again.
We're dozing in each other's arms when Teagan's fussing comes through the baby monitor loud and clear. Tobias offers to get her but I tell him to try to get some more rest because I imagine Tyler will be up at any time. I slide out of bed and stretch feeling sore in places I haven't felt sore in quite a while, and I can't keep the smile off my face. I love the reminder that Tobias has been inside me. It's a welcome ache. I pull my sleep shirt back on, crawl across the bed, and give my husband a long, slow kiss.
"What was that for?" he asks, playing with a strand of my hair.
"Thank you for trusting that I knew I was ready," I say. "I love you, Tobias Eaton. Merry Christmas."
"I love you, too, my Beatrice Grace," he says. "Merry Christmas." Our mouths are moving toward each other's when Teagan's fussing turns into cries.
"I better get her," I sigh. I give him a quick peck then slide out of bed for the second time in a matter of minutes and pad into the nursery. I pick her up out of her crib and hold her close, comforting her. "Are you wet?" I lie her down on the changing table, strip her out of her damp sleeper, and change her wet diaper then dress her in clean jammies. I've been itching to get her and her sister into these PJs ever since I bought them. They are red fleece footie pajamas with the cutest little animated reindeer on one side and My First Christmas in white on the other. "Is that better, Teags?" Tyler's nickname for her has stuck, and we don't call her Peanut much anymore. She smiles around her fist, which is shoved in her mouth. "Now let's get your tummy full before your brother and sister wake up." I put a matching bib on her to protect her cute little jammies then sit down in the rocking chair. I unbutton a couple buttons then put her to my exposed breast. She latches on and suckles greedily. "Slow down, sweetheart. I don't want you to make yourself sick. Did Mommy make you wait too long? I'm so sorry." As she nurses, I stare into my daughter's beautiful eyes, which are becoming more and more like her father's every single day and quietly hum her a song I first heard shortly after she was born. I heard it again last week, and I just can't get it out of my head. It's the perfect sentiment, talking about everything a mother wishes for her children but a daughter especially. I pull her from my breast and put her against my shoulder then pat her back. She coos until she lets out the loudest burp. "Wow! That was a Tessa burp! Is your big sis rubbing off on you? I'm going to have to separate you, aren't I?" I hear whining coming from Tessa's crib so I stop talking, hoping she'll fall back to sleep but instead she starts wailing at the top of her lungs. Teagan releases my nipple and tries to sit up to see what's going on when Tobias walks into the room.
"Is your arm stuck, Pebbles?" he asks as he carefully picks her up. She smiles through her tears at him.
"Mama," she whines pathetically as she eyes me nursing her sister. Her little babbles, jabbers, and coos are mostly incomprehensible, except for Mama. That is plain as day.
"What, little one?"
"Her arm was stuck, and she couldn't roll over," Tobias says. "That's what upset her."
"Is she okay? She's not hurt is she? Do we need to take her to the doctor?"
"No, she's fine now," he says with a chuckle and I know he's right. She's moving her arms and she doesn't act like she's in pain. He quickly changes her diaper and puts her in her new Christmas PJs then sits in the second rocking chair next to me. Tessa sits contentedly on his lap, chewing on her fingers staring at me.
"Are you hungry, too, little one?" I ask and she smiles around her fingers.
"I'll get her a bottle," he says as he starts to stand.
"No," I say. "Let's see if she can hold off for just a little bit then I'll nurse her. Teags is almost finished."
"Are you sure?"
"Yeah," I say, sadness audible in my voice. "She'll be weaned too soon as it is."
"Alright," he says, relaxing in the chair. He looks from Tessa to Teagan and back again. "They look adorable in their matching outfits."
"Their Christmas outfits for later match also and coordinate perfectly with Tyler's," I say. I picked out white onesies that say Baby's First Christmas in red flanked by a couple silver snowflakes, red pants covered in big white polka dots, a matching red tulle skirt, and a white headband with a red bow on it to tie the entire outfit together for the girls and a crisp white button-down shirt, black dress pants, and a matching pair of red suspenders and bowtie with big white polka dots for Tyler. "They're going to be so cute. We have to get a lot of pictures. We can't miss a single minute. I want everything to be perfect today, especially for Tyler. He's went through so much this past year."
"We all have," he says.
"You're right but he's only two," I say. "No child should have to deal with what he's dealt with since we got the call that Evelyn was in the hospital. Should we throw him a birthday party?"
"Not today. I think there's enough going on," he says sounding so serious. I look at him then roll my eyes.
"Smart ass," I murmur under my breath.
"I heard that," he says with a chuckle. "I was kidding. A birthday party is a great idea. We can invite all our friends and Zane, Elliott, Mia, and Emma. I think he would love that."
"I know he would love it," I say. I pull Teagan from my breast and Tobias gives me Tessa then takes her. As I put Tessa to my breast, he proceeds to burp Teagan. "I love our life." I stare down into my growing girl's face, and I marvel once again that I'm able to nurse her. When I feel Tobias' gaze, I look up at him.
"I love our life, too," he says. Teagan once again burps loudly then lays her head on his shoulder as he rubs her back. "I thought last Christmas was perfect. It doesn't hold a candle to this one now that we have a family."
"Last year and this year both will always be extra special to me because they were both firsts; last year because it was our first Christmas together and this year because it's our first Christmas as a family."
"Mommy! Daddy!" Tyler excitedly yells as he runs into the room. "Santy come! Santy come!"
"He did?" Tobias asks, feigning shock. "How do you know?"
"I see pwesents by the twee," he whispers, bouncing up and down excitedly.
"Well if you saw presents Santa must have been here," I say. "Should we go downstairs and see what he left?"
"Yeah!" he says, shifting from foot to foot.
"Go potty first," I say.
"Otay!" he says and he turns and runs out of the room. Tobias and I both laugh at his innocent exuberance. I shift Tessa in my arms and get up. She continues nursing as I make my way down the stairs. I pick up the remote for the Christmas lights, and when I flip the switch, the entire living room lights up. It's easy to see "Santa's" boot prints in the soft glow. I lower myself into the club chair and wait for Tobias, Tyler, and Teagan. As I'm burping Tessa, I hear footfalls hurrying down the stairs.
"Mewwy Chwistmas, Mommy!" Tyler says as he runs into the living room.
"Please walk, Tyler," Tobias says as he comes into the room behind him. "You don't want to spend your day in the infirmary do you?" He shakes his head but his good mood will not be deterred. I notice a little black box in my son's hand.
"What do you have there, Tyler?" I ask. He's standing staring at the presents beneath the tree. "Tyler?" He turns his head and his bright eyes meet mine then he looks in his hand like he forgot he was holding something.
"This fo you," he says as he places the box in my hand.
"Is this from you?" I ask. He shakes his head innocently.
"It fwom Daddy!"
"Tobias!" I whine as Tyler places the box in my trembling palm. "What's this?" I look into his eyes and frown.
"It's Christmas, love," he says like he's actually talking to a two year old. "Did you honestly think I wouldn't get you a present?" He rolls his eyes at me, and I know he has a valid point. "I really want you to have it and, just to be clear, it's from me and the kids." I flip the lid on the box and tears immediately spring into my eyes as I take in the delicate platinum infinity symbol necklace before me. I feel terrible for giving him such a hard time. "That symbol is just like our love … strong, unbreakable, and never-ending." He sits on the ottoman in front of me then reaches out and wipes away the tears falling from my lashes onto my cheeks. "A lot of wonderful moments happened for us this past year but by far the best were the birth of our daughter," he touches the sapphire that is imbedded in the dangling infinity symbol, "and when we signed Tessa and Tyler's adoption papers." He slides his fingers over the diamond and garnet. "If we have more children their birthstones can be placed right next to these. You've given me the best present in the world, Mrs. Eaton. You made me a father, and I don't know what I can ever do to thank you enough. I love you." I lean forward and press my lips to his. Giggles, babbling, and cooing make us part. Tyler has his hands over his eyes, and the girls are looking up at us like we're nuts.
"I love you, too, Mr. Eaton," I say, caressing his cheek. "Thank you for making me a mother. I was terrified at first … and sometimes still am … but it's the most rewarding job I will ever have." I kiss him again then run my fingers over the necklace.
"It's so beautiful," I mutter, trying not to cry again.
"Can I open a pwesent?" Tyler asks, inadvertently interrupting a tender moment.
"Of course you can, buddy," I say. We get up and follow him to the tree. He stops short of it and cocks his head to one side then looks toward the front door. He sees the boot prints. He follows them with his eyes then makes the discovery that the milk and cookies he left for Santa are gone.
"Look!" he squeals pointing at the tray. "Santy eated the cookies all gone! What's those?" He points at the prints.
"Wow! I think those are Santa's boot prints. That's amazing!" Tobias says. He seems just as excited as Tyler who has honestly never looked happier. Well I can think of one exception, the day he got to come home with us forever. "Should we sit down and open presents?"
"Yeah!" Tyler says. We gather around the tree, Tessa in my lap, Teagan in Tobias', and Tyler between us. As I watch our son rip into his first present that "Santa" brought him, I think back over the past year. My eyes touch briefly on each person I love most in this life and silently thank God that we are all healthy, happy and, most importantly, together. After reminiscing for a moment I realize that everyone is looking at me.
"Why you cwying, Mommy?" Tyler asks. I reach up and feel wetness in my eyes that I didn't realize was there.
"I'm happy," I say. He reaches up and wipes the tears away with a frown.
"You not 'pose to cwy when you happy," he says. "You 'pose to laugh!" I smile brightly at him.
"It's okay to cry when you're happy," I say. "But you're right, buddy. No more tears today."
We have a wonderful time watching as Tyler excitedly rips open present after present from Santa and us. He opens the toy computer and cartridges that were bought for him months ago; a football, basketball, and soccer ball trio and a baseball glove and ball that Tobias can't wait to play with with him; several outfits he's not really that interested in except for the Dauntless gear that matches Tobias' exactly. He thinks it's the coolest thing ever; several pairs of long pajamas; and a stocking full of this and that including some candy, which he sneaks a piece of. We try to get Tessa to open her presents but she's just not interested in anything beyond shoving the wrapping paper in her mouth so we let Tyler open both Tessa and Teagan's presents, too. He enjoys tearing into each package but he's less than thrilled with the, what he loudly and almost disgustedly dubs, "girl stuff" he finds, which include a soft-bodied baby doll with dark curly hair and light blue eyes that look like it was made especially for Tessa and a blonde-haired, dark blue-eyed one for Teagan; an assortment of teethers and rattles; several outfits, sleepers, socks, shoes, and bibs each; and several storybooks. Their stockings are full of necessities like ointments and lotions but also cute barrettes, headbands, bows, and ponytail holders.
Tobias and I aren't left out either. I give him a few different outfits including the sweater I bought for him in Amity on our honeymoon; a whole new line of wonderful-smelling toiletries including shampoo, conditioner, shaving cream, cologne, aftershave, body wash, and lotion; and new individual and group shots of the kids that I arranged with Gunner to take while Tobias was working. But what he's most impressed with is the father's ring I got him. It, like my necklace, is in a simple platinum setting inlayed with a garnet, diamond, and sapphire representing each of our children. We continue to amaze each other with how closely matched our thinking is. Tyler made him a paperweight for his desk at work. It's basically a good sized rock we picked up at the park that he decorated one afternoon while the girls were taking a nap. He's extremely proud of his handiwork, and Tobias deemed it the most beautiful paperweight he's ever seen. He also got a t-shirt from the kids that says Best Dad Ever Hands Down that has each of the kids' handprints on it in different colors. Christina volunteered to help me with that project and ended up having to trim Tyler's hair to get the yellow out of it. It's a super cute shirt I'm not entirely sure was worth the mess until I see Tobias' eyes light up and then I know that if repainting the entire apartment had been the price, it would have been worth it.
Not to be outdone, Tobias basically gives me a brand new mix and match wardrobe including tops, dress pants, skirts, t-shirts, jeans, jackets, matching lingerie sets, nighties, several pairs of sexy heels, and ankle boots he picked out all on his own, and he's extremely proud of that fact; a beautiful double interlinked hearts platinum bracelet, which is engraved in tiny letters on the back with 4 and 6 4ever; a gift card to the spa for a day of all the pampering treatments I desire; and a beautiful figurine of a woman with flowing blonde hair holding her baby against her chest. To me it's just as sentimental as the Ferris wheel ornament he gave me last year on Christmas morning. I give him a passionate kiss in thanks. The kids give me a picture that Tyler spent a lot of time drawing and Tobias put in a frame for my office. It's of the five of us, and we are at the park. There's smiles on all our oversized heads. It brought tears to my eyes seeing how he pictures us all but I quickly willed them away. I told him there would be no more tears today.
"Well, I think that's everything," I say. "Who wants breakfast?"
"No, it not," Tyler says. "See!" He points to the left side of the tree, which is hidden in shadows and sure enough there sits four small square boxes wrapped in an unfamiliar shiny silver and teal paper. My eyes slide to Tobias, and he shrugs his shoulders innocently. "Can I open?"
"Let's see who they are for first," Tobias says. "Go ahead and grab them." Tyler excitedly dashes and gets the boxes then returns to his seat.
"Who they fo?" he asks.
"Well, this one says Tessa," I say as I read the first box. "This one is yours. This one is Teags, and this final one is mine."
"Awe! Daddy don't have one," he says. He picks up Teagan's present and hands it to his father. "You open this one!"
"Well thank you, buddy," he says. "You go ahead, Tyler, and open your present but be careful with what's inside."
"Otay." He carefully tears off the paper revealing a decorative box, and I move closer to get a good look at it then have to wrestle the paper out of Tessa's strong fingers. Tyler lifts the lid, and I'm amazed by what's inside. He looks at the ornament then up at me.
"Do you know what that is?" I ask and he shakes his head.
"That, my boy, is your very own ornament for the Christmas tree," I say as I lift the sterling silver ornate ornament out of the box and let it dangle off my finger. Hanging down from the center is a moon and a heart. "It says, Son, I love you to the moon and back, and back here it's engraved with Tyler's First Christmas."
"Moon and back?" he asks, his bottom lip quivering as he studies the ornament. He goes to Tobias, being careful of his baby sister and wraps his arms around his neck. "I love you, Daddy." Then he does the same thing to me. "I love you, Mommy."
"We love you, too, buddy," I say as I kiss his cheek. "Do you want to unwrap your sister's presents?"
"Otay," he says. Teagan's ornament is the first he opens, and it makes us both laugh. It's a baby dressed as a peanut that says Teagan's First Christmas. It's absolutely perfect. He next opens Tessa's ornament that is so sweet. It's a sterling silver baby booty with light pink accents and a heart that says Baby's First Christmas. "Want me open this one?" He derives so much more pleasure from ripping open the packages that I let him. "Hey it you!" He's right. I take the ornament and hold it up.
"How?" I ask.
"Gunner," is all Tobias needs to say. I'm not sure how he accomplished it but it looks like he painted one of our wedding pictures on the inside of a glass ornament along with the phrase Our First Christmas, which technically is true. It's our first Christmas as Mr. and Mrs. Tobias Eaton. It's amazing and truly one of a kind ... just like us.
"I love it," I say. "I love them all." Tobias sits Teagan in my lap next to her sister and Tyler cuddles up next to me as we watch him hang each of the four ornaments on our tree in prominent places. "It's perfect." Tobias turns and looks my way.
"No, you four are perfect," he says. "Merry Christmas! Now who wants breakfast?"