That was the first really personal thing that Alex had revealed up to now and Piper nearly slapped herself, she never had thought about it. For her, money had never been a problem, she rarely was aware of the fact that there were people in the world, who's biggest problem on earth wasn't how to get the best grades to get accepted to Harvard, that some people had to adjust their dreams to their wallet.

They were silent for a moment and Piper was close to apologizing to her, but at the same time she wanted to know more about Alex and she just couldn't help her nosy self.

"But you could still get good grades. I mean even if you don't go to College."

She sounded like an idiot.

Alex took her glasses off and wiped them on her shirt, still not looking at Piper, who thought she had now finally gone too far.

Piper lowered her head.

"I'm sorry" she whispered, ashamed for assuming that Alex would share parts of her personal life with her "I... I shouldn't have asked!"

"No, it's ok I would have asked too." Alex tried to smile but it looked rather like she had diarrhea and Piper wanted to beat her head against a wall, she had embarrassed Alex with her unsensitive questions, gee, she was a fool.

"I mean it must sound absurd." Alex's attempt of a laughter was as successful as the smile before, it sounded pretty sad, now Piper just wanted to hug her, but her fear was bigger than the desire.

"You don't have to tell me."

"I know." Alex put her glasses on her nose again. "But I want you to understand."

They sat in front of each other, both crossed legged and Piper felt such a closeness to the other girl, that she had to slide a little bit closer to her, she felt her body warmth radiate.

"Well you have to know my Mum works three crappy jobs to get us through the month and if she saw the slightest chance of me going to College she would probably take another three to get the money. And I don't want her to sacrifice her life for mine anymore than she already does." In Alex voice lay so much love and sadness that Piper could barely stand it and out of an impulse she lay her hand on Alex's knee to soothe her, the touch was making her heart race.

"So no good grades, no College, no more crappy jobs!" Alex stroke her fingertips over the back of Piper's hand and the butterflies in the blonde's stomach nearly got heartattacks, but Alex didn't seem like she even realized what she was doing, she was so deep in her thoughts and it meant so much to Piper to be able to share this moment with her.

"You would do anything for your mum, wouldn't you?"

This time Alex really smiled, and the light reached her beautiful eyes.

"Of course! I mean who wouldn't, she is my mum."

Piper felt a sharp pain biting her heart and all of a sudden she drowned in jealousy. She would have given all the money in the world right now to have a mother who actually cared, a mother who she would love so much that she would voluntarily get bad grades to save her from wasting her time.

"Let me bandage your hand." Alex kneeled down on the floor again, and the second she touched Piper's hand the jealousy faded away like clouds that had blocked the sun. Now she could see again, could see Alex who obviously cared for her, making it nearly minor that her own mother didn't, Alex who sacrificed her future to stop her mother from sacrificing her life for her's.

"But why do you need me then?"

„What do you mean?" Alex touched Piper's hand so carefully, that Piper barely felt the pain that still burned in her hand.

„I mean, when you don't want your grades to get better, why take tutoring?"

Alex had finished bandaging Piper's hand but didn't let go of it yet, it was like she needed something to hold on to. She didn't raise her head while talking, and her voice still sounded so sad, that Piper was glad she could hold her hand.

„My mum should at least think that I fucking tried it. She knows me too well and I don't want her to know."

Piper had never thought that someone like Alex, someone so cool and badass, could be so sad and devastated. She had always assumed the cool kids had perfect lives, but she realized how dumb she had been.

„And I figured you could use the work for your College applications? So everybody wins, right?"

„Your mum can be so proud and happy to have you." Piper smiled at Alex, stroking the back of her hand with her thumb and now Alex looked back at her, but she wasn't smiling.

„No" she whispered „Her life would be so much better without us!"

„Us?" Piper didn't know anything about Alex's life and she craved to know everything, she craved to know the girl, who could make her heartbeat race with only a touch of her hand.

„Yeah. Me and my sister. I mean she wouldn't have to work all those crappy jobs, she could just fucking live her life and not waste her time in rundown diners."

„You have a sister?"

Alex scratched her nose before pushing her glasses to the top of her head. „Yeah."

she stood up from the floor and suddenly Piper felt a million miles away from her.

„I'm sorry, I should go now, kid. Have to fucking work." Alex startet putting her shoes on and Piper felt kind of empty without Alex's hand.

„Drug dealing?" she asked with a half-hearted smile.

„Actually another rundown diner." Alex stated, while tying her laces.

Alex was now standing in the middle of the room and Piper couldn't read her face, it was like the past hours had never existed, the handholding, the closeness, the honesty.

„Piper?" Alex said, staring at her feet and Piper was afraid what might come.

„What?"

„You... You know Nicky is my sister, right?"

For a second Piper thought Alex was kidding but the way Alex looked wasn't funny at all and Piper thought her heart might drop to the floor and then just wither on the wooden planks.

„But... but" Piper stuttered, seeing a whole different person standing in front of her; that wasn't her Alex anymore, actually she had never been her's, and tears were dwelling in Piper's eyes.

„You don't even have the same name!"

Alex shoved her hands into her pockets „Yeah cause her asshole dad had been around long enough for her to get his last name, before he pissed off 2 months after her birth. Well, and my fucking father disappeared before I was even born so I got our mum's last name!" she shrugged her shoulder like it was the most normal thing in the world to not know the own father.

„I'm sorry, I really have to go. Let's talk tomorrow ok, here after school?"

Piper nodded and returned Alex's smile half-heartedly. She felt like someone had cut a hole in her.

„What's wrong, Pipes?" Polly was sitting on Piper's bed, watching Cal making a mess with building bricks on Piper's floor.

„Nothing. Why do you ask?" Polly had ripped her out of her selfdestructive thoughts, Piper had nearly forgotten that she wasn't alone in her room. She hadn't seen Polly in two weeks, what was kind of a long time for them and normally Piper would have been all happy and chatty but today she was just a silent, devastated mess.

„Oh come on Pipes! You look like..." she kneeled down next to the little boy on the ground, putting her hands over his ears, to which he didn't even deign a reaction, he was way too busy with his building bricks.

„You look like crap, Pipes and you lost even more weight. Do you ever even eat, you look like a god damn skeleton!"

„Polly let go of it, I'm fine, ok!"

She was in fact far away from ok. She felt like Alex had betrayed her, and she didn't even know why, she just wished she had known the whole sister-thing earlier. Then she had never said yes to the tutoring, she had never spent time with Alex and she had never fallen in love with her. Oh god, there it was, she had avoided this thought for hours now, but there it was and she couldn't push it back anymore.

Letting her head fall on her desk, she groaned.

„That's so bullshit!" she felt the tears dwelling in her eyes, she couldn't believe this happened to her, again. And this time it was even worse, because when Alex would find out about her feelings, she would probably rat her out to her monster sister and when that happened, Piper could easily just kill herself.

All the silly hope she had had, that Alex might end her friendship with Nichols for her, that she might choose the skinny blonde over the leatherjacketed bully, had faded away, Alex would never choose her over her family.

She lifted her head from the table just to let it hit the hard surface again.

Then she felt a tiny hand grab her's and she remembered her little brother still being in the same room as her. She turned around to him and looked in his wide questioning eyes.

„Sorry babyboy." grabbing the little blonde under his armpits, she lifted him on top of her lap, letting him cuddle against her chest.

„Pipes." Polly grabbed for Piper's hand and stroke Cal over his head with the other one „Pipes, tell me what's wrong. Is it that Nichols girl again? What did she do?"

Piper just shook her head, she was not feeling able to talk about Alex but she knew she might explode if she didn't.

„Wait. Just let me put Cal in the tub."

She sat the little boy into the warm water she had filled in the tub and watched him choose if he wanted to play with his spiderman-actionfigure or if today was a spongebob-day.

When he finally had decided to let them both join him in the tub, she closed the bathroomdoor a bit, leaving a gap through which she could keep an eye on the five year old.

Then she sat down on her chair again, pulling her knees to her body, her bare feet on the seat. The splashing from the bathroom was the only noise in the room, because Polly knew best to give Piper time.

„I think" Piper whispered, her eyes pinned to her feet, while she only saw Alex's black white socks in her mind „I think I'm in love, Pol." her voice cracked and the tears started rolling down her face.

„But Pipes" Polly kneeled down in front of Piper, taking her hands into her's, making Piper die on the inside „Pipes, that's great. It's Larry, isn't it? Pete told me he asked for your number. Oh my god, this would be so great, just imagine it, we could go on double dates and … Pipes?"

Only then Polly seemed to realize the tears on Piper's face.

„Piper, he's into you, I'm sure he is! I mean he asked for your number and Pete said that Larry said that he thinks you're cute. Why are you crying, sweetie?"

Piper pulled her hands out of Polly's and stood up from the chair, passing her kneeling friend, she crossed the room. She couldn't stand looking into Polly's all excited eyes.

„It's not Larry, Pol." Piper whispered against the wall next to the bathroom door.

Her head ached from the collision with her desk and the cool wall that she leaned her forehead against helped a little.

„What?" Piper wasn't sure if Polly hadn't understood her or if she didn't believe what she was saying.

She raised her voice a little „It's not Larry, Pol. I'm not in love with Larry. I mean yeah he is cute, but there is someone else."

She turned around, leaning her back against the wall.

„But who?" Polly still kneeled on the floor and the confusion in her eyes would have been funny if Piper wouldn't have been so desperate. She closed her eyes, leaning her head on the wall.

„Her name is Alex." she said rather silently but loud enough that Polly would hear it, because she didn't think she was able to say that once more.

Now that she had said it there was no way back and the hopelessness of the situation flooded her heart making the tears dwell in her eyes again.

„Pipes?" suddenly Piper felt arms around her body, felt Polly pulling her into a hug and stroking her over the top of her head. „Hey, Pipes. It's okay."

Polly pecked a kiss on her cheek and Piper remembered why she was friends with Polly, Polly knew her like noone else and she knew what Piper needed right now. No blaming, no dumb questions, just a hug.

Later, after Piper had tucked her brother in, they were lying in bed next to each other and Polly was holding Piper's hand.

Piper had never told Polly why she and Rory had stopped being friends, she had never told her about her feelings for Rory, had never told her how devastated she had been, but now everything was dripping out her mouth until she was empty.

„And now you're scared that the same thing will happen with this... what's her name?"

„Alex." Piper tasted the name in her mouth like a cherrydrop. „But no, it won't happen again, I won't make the same mistake again."

„Don't you think you'd have a chance? I mean maybe she likes you, too?"

Piper shrugged her shoulders „It doesn't matter. Even if she would, her sister would probably rip me apart the second she heard of me seeing Alex."

Polly turned around, facing her best friend, she still was holding her hand.

„Sister?"

Piper kept staring at the ceiling, not knowing if she should laugh or cry.

„Nicky Nichols"

„Oh, Fuck"

„Yeah"

Hey guys, thanks a lot for your feedback it always means a lot to me.

And thanks for the hint about the exclamation marks, I hadn't even noticed how inflationary I'd been using them. So I tried to make it better this time ;)

Like I said in my last fanfic, I'm not a native speaker, english is only my second language that I barely ever use in daily life. So I'm really sorry for all spelling and grammar mistakes I make, cause I know how annoying that is. And I have a request, if you notice words or phrases or things I use wrong on a regular basis, please message me and help me improve my writing :)

And of course, like always, please review and tell me your thoughts about the chapter :)

Soooooo, I just got pretty pissed that everbody is still complaining about my exclamation marks after I had already removed 90% of them. Then I noticed... shoot I forgot to save the alterations before uploading ... oops! Here is now the hopefully better version ;)

I wish you all a Happy New Year. XXX