She had pulled herself together all day. It had cost all her strength not to tear up in class, her whole body ached from exhaustion, lack of sleep, emotional stress and self-loathing.
She felt like her skin had been ripped off her body, felt her flesh exposed to the world, vulnerable, fragile, bleeding.
The obnoxious assaults from Nichols and her gang and the still spreaing rumors about her and Healy felt like claws ripping up her bleeding, wounded body.
When she had finally survived all her lessons for the day, she dragged herself into the prop room, she just had to keep it together for another few hours until she could sit in her car and have her mental breakdown. But she didn't make it so far, as soon as she sat on the familiar couch, that had started to become her and Alex's nest, the weight on her shoulders started to tear her down into the big bottomless pit, deep down in the darkness.
The tears started rolling down her face in streams and she had to sob so hard that she thought she might choke, gasping for air she heard an almost unhuman scream, a sound so full of pain and desperation that she had to stop sobbing for a second, her eyes widened in shock, to locate the suffering creature, that had screamed in pain.
Only then she realized the sound had come out of her own mouth.
And 10 minutes later Alex found her as a crying mess, lying on the couch like an embryo trying to hold herself together from falling apart.
„Pipes?" In only a second, Alex was kneeling beside her on the floor, brushing away the wet hair strands, that had get stuck to her tear-stained face, with her fingertips. „Baby? What's wrong?"
Piper couldn't help herself, instead of demanding the things she should demand, she just wrapped her arms around her girlfriend, throwing herself into her arms.
Alex was sitting on the floor in front of the couch, holding Piper in her arms and kept rubbing her back until Piper had finally calmed down enough to be able to breathe properly again.
Piper had lost track of time, drowning in Alex's arms until she felt less naked, less shieldless.
Alex had not said a word, she had been waiting patiently, holding her crying girlfriend in her arms.
„Wanna tell me now what happened, kid?" she whispered, when Piper pulled back a little to look Alex in the eyes. She sat on top of her legs, straddling her, her arms still slung around Alex's neck.
Alex eyes were like a green ocean and Piper was in danger of drowing in there everytime she looked.
Alex rised her hand to Piper's face, whiping away the tears that still lingered on her face, her hair were a mess by now and Alex tried to adjust them tenderly with her hands by taking Piper's face between her palms and stroking them backwards to get the hair off her still wet cheeks.
All this she did in complete silence, studying Piper's facial expression at the same time.
After she had tucked the last remaining strand of hair behind the blonde's ear, she took her hands back to the hem of her girl's shirt, letting her fingertips wander underneath.
Although Piper still felt devastated, Alex's touch aroused her and send goosebums up her spine. All she wanted right now was to feel Alex's skin to her's, she wanted to feel loved and wanted, she wanted to forget.
Every afternoon they had gone farer with each other, hard partly stripped each other off some of their clothes, had let their hands wander and every afternoon Piper had felt a desire, but she hadn't known if she was really ready, ready to take the next step. And so they had stopped before taking off their bras, had stayed above the belt.
Today Piper needed it, needed to distract her mind, no matter how and so when Alex fingertips stroked softly up her sides, she leaned in, placing a hungry kiss on her girlfriend's lips before moving her lips towards her ear.
„Sleep with me!" she whispered. Her voice was still unsteady from crying, shaking.
Alex pulled back for a moment while her hands remained where they were, her eyes widened a little. She had made it clear more than once that she was totally ready and desiring to have sex with her, while always emphasizing that she would wait until Piper was ready. But she had struggled with the whole pulling herself together thing much more than Piper.
Probably because she was way more experienced than her.
„You're sure?" Alex tried to read Piper's eyes, to read her facial expression. „Do you wanna talk about it?"
But Piper didn't want to talk, she was tired of talking, tired of self-loathing.
„Please, Al, just sleep with me." she almost begged.
Alex hestitated for another second, but then she pulled Piper close, kissing her lips as hungry as Piper had done before.
Her hands wandered further up the blonde's shirt until she finally pulled it over Piper's head.
Piper pressed her body against Alex's, feeling every movement of her girlfriend between her legs, since she was still sitting on her lap.
Impatiently she pulled Alex's shirt off, too and Alex's skin against her's felt like it was the first time she had ever felt that skin. Like thunderbolts.
She took Alex's face between her hands, burying her fingers in those dark raven hair.
Their kiss was familiar and exciting at the same time, wild but intimate.
Soon Alex let her lips wander down Piper's neck, making Piper moan while sucking on her pulse point.
Her fingertips wandered underneath the bra clasp trailing her fingers along the textile before unclipping it while her lips had reached the upper rim of Piper's bra. Letting it fall onto the floor, she started kissing Piper's breasts, her fingers stroking her neck, tenderly, softly.
She had dreamed about this so often, but the realitiy was so different. The bittersweet feeling of desire and lust and love for this one person, who held her heart in her hand, who could have crushed it completely in the matter of seconds.
Piper was flying, hovering over the ground, while her body was lying on the wooden floor. And she didn't just see the dull, mysterious light in the room, she was a part of it. She was a particle of light floating through the air like somebody had finally set her free and pulled the rug out from under her feet at the same time.
Alex hands were strong but soft, just like the rest of her body.
Piper had never seen something so beautiful and she couldn't take her eyes off Alex's exposed skin, her perfect legs that never seemed to end, her toned stomach that was soft and firm in all the right places, the tattoo on her shoulder that belonged to Alex like the beautiful eyes that were so full of life.
Piper held her breathe when Alex finally stripped her off her last garment and she lay there naked, afraid of what Alex might think. Afraid of being judged for her body, that she felt so insecure about.
„Oh my god, you are so beautiful." Alex gazed at her body, her voice had become even raspier, her eyes filled with desire.
Piper felt like set on fire when Alex lay down on top of her, their naked bodies touching in the most intimate way possible.
She heard Alex's heavy breath, felt her lips on her mouth, felt her inside of her and she felt like there was nothing existant on this earth, nothing but them, this moment and this feeling.
And Alex went slowly, went softly, she touched her like she was the most fragile thing on earth and Piper thought she would go insane.
She pushed herself against Alex's body, pulled her closer, pulled her deeper.
And finally, after another minute of teasing, Alex finally gave in to her desire, gave in to her lust.
For the first time in days, Piper didn't feel empty anymore, it was like Alex was filling her empty spots, filling them with her kisses, with her tenderness, with her desire and yes, also with her body.
For a second she asked herself if this had been the reason why she suddenly seemed to be in a hurry, why this suddenly had felt so urgent, if she just needed someone to fill her up, but she pushed the thought to the back of her head, focusing on the feeling of Alex's body.
She wanted to live this moment, wanted to remember it forever and that for it had to be perfect, no doubts, no pain.
She let all her fortresses go down, letting Alex feel every inch of her body, every inch of her soul. And when she came, she came for her, came for everything that was good between them.
It went so deep, consuming her mind, consuming her soul, consuming her heart. And yet, when Alex pulled out, softly and slowly like she had gone in, Piper felt emptier than she had ever felt before.
„My parents are getting a divorce" she whispered against Alex's neck and the tears started rolling down her face again, her heart felt sore and she couldn't believe that she was saying this right now.
Minutes before they had been in a whole other world, she had been floating on the waves of her body and now she just felt crushed. Like the waves had rolled her over and started to drown her.
And again Alex wrapped her arms around her body, kissing the top of her head again and again.
Alex had gone eventually, Piper knew that she had to, but it still felt like betrayal. After they had made love to each other, after she had broken down twice in her arms, Alex had left her alone. Naked, devastated, lonely.
Piper started freezing and she felt her whole body aching again as she put on her clothes that lay spread over the floor.
With every piece of clothing she felt like crawling back into her shell, into her armor.
But she didn't regret it, sleeping with Alex was the best thing she had ever felt, and it had been the only thing that had been making her feel a little less dead on the inside.
Alex had called her beautiful, she had loved her body, had touched every inch of it, had been inside of it and had been nothing but in awe. She had wanted her and she had taken her.
She had made her feel pretty, had made her feel right and that was more than anyone had ever accomplished in her life.
But there was one thing she hadn't done, she hadn't said. All that Piper wanted to hear was that Alex loved her, she wanted to hear those 3 words so badly, knowing that it was way too early to expect something like this, and maybe it would always be too early or too late.
Piper knew she loved Alex, but she would never say it first.
Once more the prop room held another secret of her's and it had become more of a nest for them as a couple than it had already been. In here she was able to be another person, maybe to be more of the person she wanted to be. In here she was able to be with Alex.
And she just couldn't leave now, couldn't go home to her disfunctional family, yet.
When she sat down on the couch, she still felt Alex's fingers inside of her, it felt a little bit sore, was a little bit painfull, but it was a good kind of pain.
That kind of pain that reminded her of what had happened, reminded her that Alex was real and nothing of that had been a dream.
She pulled her legs close to her body to hug them tight, holding herself together.
The thought of Alex, who was going to ignore her the next day again, denying their relationship, denying how close they were, even closer now, it made her sick to her stomach, she felt so helpless.
Polly had told her to start demanding. But how could she?
Now that she had found the ultimate cure to her emptiness, how could she risk losing that?
And she felt that sex could be a drug, she already started craving it, craving the high.
The withdrawal was gonna kill her, she was sure of that.
For the first time in her life she felt hate. Felt the burning, raging hate eating her up from the inside. She had never wished something bad to happen to anybody, but in this second that she sat alone in the prop room, the smell of sex still hanging in the air, feeling all lonely and desperate, she kind of wished Nichols would die, that she would disappear from her life.
And with these thoughts she also started to hate herself, what kind of person was she becoming. She didn't know herself anymore.
Hey my lovelies, thank you all a lot for reading and being patient even when I can't update more often than once a week.
At first I wanted to write the romantic, perfect first time sex scene, but then I felt like it wouldn't fit this story and those characters. I really hope you liked it, still. Please tell me what you think.
XXX