Twilight belongs to SM
not beta'd; rated M.
for Nic, my little fic whisperer. and Packy Pie, who's all things sugar.
this is part 2...because ff net is being stupendous and not allowing me to upload large files. so this is going to come in little chapters. (kind like the original fic posted, but still...)
Charlie, Isla and Finn are snuggled around me, asleep. I'll put the babies in their bassinets tonight to keep them close, but Charlie's staying in bed with me. I don't feel like sleeping alone.
It's late, nearly eleven. Edward should have called me by now, but sometimes he gets caught up. I know this. I'm just anxious because of how we left things earlier. My phone vibrates and I snatch it up, relieved when a text from him comes through.
sorry i didn't call. delayed flight, long day.
going to sleep now. talk tmrw. love you.
I read the words over and over, despising my loneliness.
love you too. good night.
Sliding the phone into my back pocket, I ease out of bed so that I can get Isla and Finn into their bassinets. Once they're settled, I push Charlie over to Edward's side of the bed and tuck the bedspread around her. She murmurs something and rolls over, long curls tangled over her face. I smooth it back, allowing myself a moment. She's growing so fast. They all are.
I'm brushing my teeth when my phone vibrates again, this time with a call. Spitting toothpaste out, I hurriedly wipe my mouth and answer it, closing the bathroom door so my voice doesn't carry.
"Hello?"
"Hey. It's me."
"Hey…"
"I couldn't go to sleep without hearing your voice."
My heart melts. I close my eyes, leaning against the counter. "Yeah, me too. I…I'm sorry about today. This morning."
"It's okay. I'm sorry, too. I don't like leaving you guys." He pauses. "It gets harder every time."
I nod, more to myself because he obviously can't see me. "I know."
"Anyway, I really do have to get some sleep. But I love you."
"I love you, too."
"You sure?" he teases.
"Positive. Go to sleep."
I keep as busy as possible for the next few days. The kids and I visit my Dad and Sue, staying for dinner one night, and I bring Charlie to Nessa's house for a playdate another day.
"Leave her here," Angela urges. "Let her play."
"You sure?"
"Of course. I'd take the twins, too, but…"
"Nah, it's okay," I say with a laugh, easing her guilt. Isla and Finn are a handful, but they're my handful.
That night, I've just rushed through a quick shower when my phone rings. Of course it would have to happen when I'm indisposed. Cursing, I hurry through the rest of my shower and then leap out, snatching the phone up. There's a voicemail, but it's just Alice, asking about a client we had way back. Disappointed, I wrap my hair in a towel and dial Edward, surprised he hasn't called.
The phone rings several times, and I'm preparing to leave a message when it suddenly connects. I'm immediately assaulted by loud voices and music - he must be out with the guys. This surprises me. Normally they take it easy the night before a big game.
"Hello?" I try. "Hello? Edward? Hello!"
This is so ridiculous. I feel like I'm in college again, missing a party. Rolling my eyes, I drop the phone and finishing drying off.
It rings. I pick it up. "Edward?"
"Hey, baby," he slurs.
My reflection in the mirror couldn't be more shocked if I tried. I mean, he still parties. We both did before I got pregnant. But this still feels uncharacteristic. Especially because of tomorrow's game.
Especially because I'm not with him.
"What's going on?" I ask, cringing at my barely concealed judgyness.
Suddenly the background noise fades, like he's gone somewhere quiet. "Sammy's birthday. We're in the hotel lounge." He shouts something to someone and then gets back on. "I'm going back to my room now."
"Oh." Relief floods through me. It's only nine p.m., after all.
"I was gonna call…"
"It's okay. I didn't know you guys were hanging out."
"How are my kids?" he asks.
I smile in spite of myself. "They're good. Just settled down…I just got out of the shower."
He doesn't answer, and then I hear voices in the background, some of which are definitely female. We've dealt with this before, and there's nothing I can do but love him and trust him and not drive myself crazy with scenarios. It sucks, though. I want to be there. I want him to be here.
I think mostly I want to be the self sufficient girl I was before falling head over heels for Edward Cullen.
"God… I miss you, Bella," he says, and even across the miles he sounds so horny.
"Good, because I miss you too."
"I really miss you. I miss -" His voice is drowned out by other voices, rowdy and obnoxious.
"Call me when you get to your room, Edward."
"Okay. Love you, baby."
"Love you, too."
He doesn't call, though. Finn wakes several times throughout the night, and when I get up in the morning, overtired and cranky, I can't help but wish spitefully that Edward has a hangover to rival my own exhaustion.
Per tradition, Emmett, Rosalie, Makenna and Embry come over on game day.
We usually try to get together for Edward's away games, even if it's just having pizza and lounging around the TV. It's good to be with family, and I appreciate the extra sets of arms to hold the twins, play with Charlie, and help clean up.
It's especially good that they're here today, because I'm in such a crappy mood. Hardly paying attention to the game, I find myself thinking about the night before, how distracted Edward had been and how pitifully needy I've become.
"Can I stay the night, Aunt Bella?" Makenna asks when the game goes to its first commercial break.
"Makenna, honey," Rosalie says, tugging her daughter's ponytail. "Bella's probably tired…"
"I'd love that," I say quietly, shrugging. "Maybe you could both stay."
Our eyes meet and Rose pauses, nodding. She understands all too well what I'm going through. I was still in college when she had Embry, but I remember Emmett telling me all about her postpartum depression. Sue often went to stay with her, helping her the way she helps me now, and she went to counseling for a couple of months.
Mine is mild in comparison, but Edward's frequent trips tend to exacerbate it.
The game resumes, as does my brother's taunting. He loves talking shit about the players - especially Edward. Normally it's funny, but I'm a killjoy today. Rather than ruin the mood, I excuse myself and escape to the kitchen.
The kitchen is a relief. No one needs me in this moment, no one's crying or whining. No one's leaving. It's just me. Outside, it's raining, and I stand for a long time at the window over the sink, gazing out. How many times have I stood in this very spot, watching Edward and Charlie in the backyard?
Isla and Finn are only three months old. It's not like they'll be this little forever. And it's not like I'm bummed out every day. Most days are just fine. I love my life. It's just…hard, which is total bull because come on. We live in the lap of luxury. It's a lot easier, in many ways, than it was when it was just me and Charlie.
Still, I'd rather have Edward here.
There's a collective cheer from the living room followed by the crazed cheers of the television; I suppose we scored. My eyes fall on the sink full of a dishes and I start to rinse them, loading them into the dishwasher.
Rose joins me after awhile. "Hey. What's up?"
"Just cleaning up a little."
"Makenna can do that -"
"I know. It's okay." I shrug, forcing a smile. "I felt like it."
"Gotcha." She stands beside me awhile, not saying anything. I appreciate the closeness, the silence. After a moment she joins me, rinsing and loading, wiping down the counters.
"You know it's okay, right? To miss him."
I nod, glancing at her. "Yeah. I know. I just…I knew what I was signing up for, you know?"
"Yes and no." She shakes her head, sliding a plate into the dishwasher. "This is kind of a learn as you go type deal."
I don't know how long we've been at it when Emmett strides in, touching my arm. Nonplussed by his expression, I drop turn the faucet off. "What?"
"Edward's hurt."
"What?" Wiping my hands on my jeans, I hurry back to the living room. "Is he okay? What happened?"
"I don't know -"
"Not his ACL again?"
Charlie's still as a stone, staring at the screen. Even Embry's quiet, chewing his thumbnail anxiously.
"He was running and then this other guy hit him and it was kind of a clusterfuck and then…" he rambles on and on, but his voice fades as I glue myself to the screen, waiting for the crowd of players to move so I can see my husband. Then the instant replay pops up, showing it all in slow motion: Edward and a player from LA Galaxy both go for the ball at the same time, hitting their heads so hard that they both go down. They both stay down, but it's Edward who's bleeding, as I see now that the camera is back on the field.
My stomach lurches. I sit down on the ottoman closest to the television, waiting, listening to the announcers drone on and on about what just happened. Edward's game stats flash across the screen, because that's so important, and then the paramedics are there, easing him on to a stretcher.
"Oh my God," I whisper. "No. I - I should be there. Right? Rose." I look at her, panicked.
"Yeah. I mean, maybe…" She looks helplessly to Emmett, who closes his eyes and takes a deep breath.
"Mom," Charlie says, coming to me. She's terrified. I scoop her into my arms, letting her push her face into my neck the way she did when she was little.
"It's going to be okay," Emmett says. He must see the crazy on my face, because he's at my side in an instant. "It looks bad. But this stuff happens all the time. It's not his first injury."
"It's a head injury -"
"It's not his first head injury either, Bella."
"Not reassuring," I say, my voice shaking as I try in vain to stay calm. I keep looking at the screen, where they keep replaying the hit. "I should go, Emmett. He needs me there. I'll, I'll take the kids. I'll take Makenna to help me."
"I'll go," Rose says. "With you and the twins. Chuck can stay with Em, Makenna and Embry. Right?" She looks back and forth between Emmett and I.
My phone rings in my pocket. I fumble for it, almost dropping it. "Hello?"
"Bella," cries a familiar voice. "It's Kate!"
"Kate? Are you there?" I ask, letting Emmett take Charlie.
"Yes. I'm trying to get down there, but they won't let me for obvious reasons. I think Garrett's with him, though."
My heart pounds so hard I feel it in my ears. "Can you see anything, though? Is he okay?"
"They're working on him now, so it's kind of hectic. But I'll keep you updated."
"Is he awake?"
"Yeah. He was only out for a sec."
"I'm flying out tonight."
"I would," she says immediately. "Definitely."
The fact that she's so sure reassures me somehow. Like I'm not being overdramatic.
"I know it's hard with the kids," she continues. "But if you can, Bella - oh, wait. Let me call you back." She hangs up before I can say anything, leaving my heart pounding.
"What did she say?" Emmett demands.
"Just that…Edward's awake. And Garrett's with him…" My phone rings again.
"Kate?"
"Bella. Okay. He's okay, Bella. He's gonna need stitches, and they'll probably bring him to the hospital for a quick check, but he's okay."
Stitches sound serious, but Kate sounds relieved and she's actually at the game. Overwhelmed by relief, I sink to the couch. "He's okay," I repeat.
Rose covers her mouth, nodding, and Emmett smiles. Charlie's still wrapped around him like a python, and I know she and I are going to have a talk about it later. For now, though, it's enough that Edward's all right.
And I'm going. I'm definitely going.
By eight o'clock I'm waiting to board an American Airlines flight to Los Angeles.
I'm kind of a mess. Between my concern for Edward and my guilt for leaving my kids, I've been crying on and off all evening. I hated leaving Charlie, who cried harder than any other time I've left her. And I hated leaving my babies, too, who were asleep when I left them with Rose and Emmett. I've never been without them, and I hadn't planned on doing so any time soon, but in the end we decided it would be less stressful for all involved if I went alone. It's only for a night.
Someone bumps into me, and I suck in a sharp breath. My breasts are sensitive and a little achey. I'm going to have to pump as soon as I get to my hotel, something I don't relish even though I do it at home.
Kate texts me, letting me know that Edward's been released from the hospital and is on his way to the hotel. I'm staying right next door, but I plan on making Edward stay in my room tonight. I need him with me.
No. He needs me.
I try to doze during the short flight into LAX, but it's pretty impossible. I'm too worked up to relax, so I page restlessly through the on flight magazine. I text Kate the second we hit the runway, and she responds almost immediately.
I'll be at the curb. American, right?
yes. thx, Kate.
np. see you soon.
"It's good to see you," Kate says later, patting my knee as she navigates out of the airport. "Wish it was under better circumstances."
"Me too," I say, wincing as my breasts push against my nursing bra. Ugh, I feel gross.
"Are you okay?" Kate glances worriedly at me.
"My boobs. I'm not used to being away from the twins."
"Oh, crap." Her eyes widen, almost comically. "Do you need me to pull over or something?"
"No," I say, giving her a wry smile. "I'll deal with it at the hotel."
"Yeah, I don't even want to know," she teases, shaking her head. "You're like, SuperMom with those things."
"Yeah, yeah." I roll my eyes. "How's Garrett?"
"He's okay. Not taking their loss too well," she says. LA Galaxy lost to the Sounders, 2-3. "And he would've have come with me, but he wanted to hang with Edward 'til you got there."
"That's really cool of him."
"Oh, they've always been loyal like that… Edward was there when Garrett had a concussion a few years back."
"I don't know how you deal with this."
"It's not that bad. I mean, the potential is there and things definitely happen, but it could be worse. It could be motocross or bull riding or something."
"So Edward's really okay?"
"Yeah." She nods. "They take head injuries seriously, so they usually err on the side of caution, but he should be good to go for the next game."
The next game. My stomach turns over.
After battling LA traffic, which is still heavy despite the hour, Kate and I make it to the hotel. She leaves the car with the valet while we head to the seventh floor, where most of Edward's team is staying.
"Room 715," Kate says, steering me out of the elevator. "End of the hall."
Garrett answers the door, giving me a hug as he takes my bag. "He's waiting for you."
next chapter on its way.