The second Piper closed the door of the manor, Cal ran in her direction, throwing himself in her arms. She hadn't been greeted like this in what felt like forever and she realized how much she had missed this.

Lifting the little boy onto her hip, she covered his face with kisses.

„Hey, baby. How was your day?"

And he began babbleing as excited and happily as if it had never been different. Seeing him smiling and fidgeting like this was almost like before her life had gotten this complicated.

It seemed like he had spent the day at home for the first time in days and it seemed like he really had needed this.

„So where is mum?"

„She has played with me nearly the whooooooooooooole time today."

That surprised Piper, her mother barely ever had time to spend time with her son and Cal was so used to keep himself busy even with his 5 years. The last time she had really spent all day playing with him was at least two years ago, before her dad had started cheating, when her mum wasn't working, yet, or drinking.

„Really? And where is she now?"

She had walked into the empty kitchen while Cal was telling her about his day. Her mum was not there, and the empty bottles of the last days were gone.

„Mummy told me you would be home soon, she had to go to work."

Work? Her mum hadn't been working in days, to work she had to be sober, a state she had barely been in lately.

„Wow okay, ehm, so you've eaten already?"

Cal nodded and fidgetted with his legs until Piper let him down on the ground again, then he immediately ran off to play with the cars that lay spread on the living room floor.

A spot where they were normally not aloud to be.

Piper went into her room to put down her bag and to process what was just happening here. Her mum had spent her time with her little brother and she had gone to work.

She threw her bag on the ground, a thing she never did, she always needed everything to be in order, but today was upside down already, so why bother.

Then she noticed the brochures on her desk. She had had a lot of brochures lying on her desk lately. But this one was new. There were two of them and a sticky note sticking to one of them.

Piper sat down at her desk, taking those brochures in her hand.

The first was one she had already seen, it was a brochure for a local support group for bulimics. The second one she hadn't seen yet. It was a flyer for a local alcoholics anonymous group and the yellow note on top said 'Maybe we'll both try to change for the better.'

It was her mother's handwriting.

The tears started rolling down her face, she felt her emotions overpowering her. Burriyng her head in her hands, she let her feelings take control of her.

But she hadn't much time to drown in her tears before her brother entered the rest of her afternoon, keeping her mind busy until the doorbell rang.

Her mother was not supposed to come home until at least ten and it was only eight so when Piper opened the door, carrying Cal on her arms, she had no idea what to expect.

„Hey" Alex's smile was kind of shy as she was standing in front of the door with a coffee in hand.

„Look I know you told me not to come over, but I..."

Being shy was so cute on somebody who was so badass like Alex and Piper couldn't help but to pull her into the hallway. She would have loved to kiss her right then and there but she was not planning on making her life complicated again just after it finally seemed to get better.

„Hi Cal." Alex grinned at the little boy, who smiled back at her and started fidgetting again to get Piper to let him down. Then he grabbed Alex's hand and pulled her up the stairs towards his room. Alex just turned back her head to Piper with a laugh on her lips.

Piper followed the two of them and watched as Cal made Alex learn the names of all his stuffed animals.

After twenty minutes of watching the two of them interact, Piper was close to melting.

She loved how cute Alex was while listening to Cal's babbleing and saying hi to every bear, turtle, dog, dragon or giraffe he was introducing to her.

Seeing her like this only made Piper fall for her even harder and she couldn't stand to watch any longer.

„Calyboy, I have to abduct your new best friend from you now. You go brush your teeth okay? I tuck you in later."

Cal pouted but then he nodded at the prospect of being tucked in by his sister.

Piper pushed the door close as soon as Alex had entered her room and pushed her against it to place a hungry kiss on her lips.

„Hey" she whispered, after she had backed away from the kiss.

„Hey" Alex whispered back, biting her bottom lip while throwing her a devouring look.

Piper leaned in, kissing Alex again as they moved over to the bed.

„I don't think this is a good idea with your brother in the next room." Alex whispered, trying to calm her breathing and in that second the door went open and said little brother was standing in the doorframe.

"Cal!" Piper grouched, pulling her shirt down that had rucked up in the front during their little make out session. "We've talked about knocking!" Piper climbed over Alex who was adjusting her clothes as well.

Not reacting to his sister's gruntings, Cal just stared at the two blushed girls who threw each other uncomfortable looks. Piper took his hand and kneeled down next to him.

"Say good night Alex."

"Good night Alex." Cal waved his tiny hand before pulling Piper after him into his room.

"Good night, Cal." Alex yelled after them trying not to burst out laughing.

Tucking Cal in, Piper explained to him that he could never ever tell mum or dad or anybody else about Alex. "Don't even tell that she was here. That's our little secret, ok?" she whispered, kissing his forehead. Cal nodded, barely able to keep his eyes open, Alfred pressed to his chest. "I like her." he whispered before he finally went into the land of dreams.

"So do I." With a last look on her sleeping little angel she closed the door silently behind her, a smile on her face.

Alex sat on Piper's desk when she returned to her room. And then she froze in the doorframe, staring at her girlfriend who was reading the bulimics brochure right now, the other one from her mother with the sticky note on top in her other hand. Piper felt her heart fall to the floor. "What are you doing?", she yelled, ripping Alex the paper out of her hands, leaving a small cut on Alex's palm. "Fuck, Pipes!" Alex scolded, examining her hand. "I'm sorry calm down okay?"

But Piper didn't think of calming down she was in panic. "You always snoop round other people's stuff?" She felt the tears dwelling in her eyes again, would Alex leave her now that she knew? Alex was intelligent and it was not hard to put two and two together in that Situation. And now she was also yelling at her, making it even more obvious.

"I think you should go now." Piper rather whispered than said, she was too afraid her voice might break if she used it.

"I thought you wanted to hear Nicky's story?" Alex sounded hurt by Piper's attack. And her eyes were staring at the floor, Piper wanted her to go but she also wanted her to stay. She didn't know what to do and so she did the same as Alex and kept staring on the floor.

Alex was the one who finally broke the silence. "I'm sorry, Pipes. Can we just pretend like I didn't read that?" Her raspy voice was extraordinary weak for Alex. Sitting down on the edge of her bed, the brochures still in hand, Piper nodded.

None of them said a word for a while, the uncomfortable atmosphere growing thicker and thicker until it was unbearable. "So Nic...hols?" Piper couldn't bring the nickname Alex used over her lips. "Nicky." Alex answered, being very aware of Piper's difficulties to say that name.

"I thought she didn't like if you told me?" Piper didn't want to sound so pissed but Alex scolding her for not calling her nemesis by her nickname made her fume inside.

Alex's answer wasn't less angry. "Yeah, well I don't like my girlfriend hating my sister."

It was the first time Alex had actively called Piper her girlfriend and Piper really wished she had done it in another context. Commitment was something Piper really wanted from Alex and the constant feeling of being replacable wasn't getting better by the fact that they were hiding their relationship. So when Alex said 'my girlfriend' it made Piper ridiculously happy.

"Okay, so tell me." Piper sighed, not sure if she wanted to hear this. On the one hand she was sure that nothing would change what she was thinking about that girl, there was no excuse for torturing people. But on the other hand Piper really didn't want to see a human in that monster.

"Well like I said, her life hasn't been easy. She didn't grew up like you. We never had money and she was left by her dad." Alex still sat on Piper's desk, swinging her left leg to and fro carefully with her right hand tucked under her right tigh. She looked pretty insecure.

"You never had a dad too." Piper said aggressively, not understanding how that could turn someone in such an asshole.

"Yeah but my dad just never wanted kids. I was an accident that he flew from, that had nothing to do with me. But Nicks... . Her dad wanted a kid he just didn't want her."

"Wait, what?" Piper was confused as much by what Alex was saying as she was by the insecure, shy behaviour that she'd never seen in her girlfriend before.

"He and my mum had planned her, they had been overly happy when my mum got pregnant. But then when she was born... He just couldn't manage having a disabled child. He tried apparently, at least according to my mum but after six months he left my mother with a diseased kid and a broken heart."

"Disabled?" Piper never knew or noticed anything unnormal or unhealthy about Nichols, if you don't count being an asshole as a disease. Alex swallowed, the words coming strangely out of her mouth.

"Nicky was born with a severe heart disease. She had spent her first year of life in different hospitals and had 5 open heart surgeries until she was ten. That's why she is in the same grade as you and me. She had missed so much school because she was too sick and weak to go there every day."

"And her dad left because of her?"

Alex nodded, sadness and pain in her eyes as she remembered. "Yes. Me and Nicky found his letter when we were in 5th grade. The letter he had left as a goodbye. He wrote that she loved my mother but that he couldn't live a life that revolved about nothing but a sick child. That he had dreamed his life to be more than that."

Alex's words sounded bitter and Piper could imagine how devastating it must have been to read something like that about yourself or even about somebody you loved.

"And her surgeries and therapies costed so much money that Nicky still feels guilty for us never having any. She thinks she is the reason that my mum is working all those horrible jobs and that she is alone. She is not a monster, okay? She just tries to save herself from being hurt again." That last sentence sounded like a blame and although Piper understood Alex being protective of her sister, she still felt the anger rise in her.

"Okay maybe she is not a monster" she said, barely able to hide her feelings. "But none of this is an excuse to make other's people life hell. Only somebody who has never been bullied can use that as an excuse." Piper knew her accusations were harsh but she just couldn't stand listening to Alex actually defending her sister's bullying.

„You really think I don't know what it's like being bullied. Or Nicky doesn't know?" Now Alex got mad, too. She jumped off Piper's heavy wooden desk, planting herself in front of Piper, who was still sitting on the edge of her bed.

„You have no clue Piper. Nicky was the smallest, yet oldest child in the whole class. She was weak and sickly and had a scar over her whole chest. You don't think she was just what the bullies were waiting for? She was the victim through all of elementary and most of middle school until she turned it all around. And just so you know being the sister of the sick child is not fun either."

Alex really seemed to be pretty pissed at Piper's accusations but Piper was not less angry.

„You know what it's like? That only makes it worse. If you know what it's like, then how can you watch her do this to other people. Do this to me?" Piper was hurt and nearly crying again, but she didn't want to. The tears in her eyes only made her angrier, she didn't want to cry in front of Alex now.

„She is my sister, Piper. And sometimes offence is the best defence okay? I have always been the older sister while being two years younger. I am the one to protect her and if she thinks she needs to make herself unassailable then I am not the one to make her vulnerable. She is not a monster, she s just a victim who is fed up with being small and weak."

A part of Piper understood what Alex was saying, but she didn't want to. She didn't want to feel sorry for her bully.

„But I am fed up, too."

Now Alex sunk down next to Piper, all the anger in her dying and making place for exhaustion.

„I know Pipes." she sighed, leaning her head onto her girlfriend's shoulder. „What shall I do?"

So this is chapter 18.

Thanks a lot for your reviews, all of them really. When I saw how much thought and emotions some of you put into reading this I really felt honored. All this anger you have for Alex and your wanting Piper to finally stand up for herself is really what I want you to feel, what I myself am feeling while writing this.

But please don't say I missed opportunities for writing something, because I don't think that this is what it is. Everything I write I write on purpose and for a reason, of course I could bring this story to an end in maybe another 3 chapters but that is not what I want. I know what you mean with walking in circles, but that's how it's supposed to be. Life IS walking in circles, repeating the same mistakes over and over and having a hard time finding an exit for yourself.

That is what I intend, the desperate feeling of STOP LETTING HER DO THIS TO YOU.

And I promise you the story is evolving from here, I don't want it to get boring, but I wanted the reader to feel Pipers desperation, to feel angry because she never manages to fight enough, because that is what Piper herself is feeling. She is angry at herself, too.

So if I managed to convey that, I would be happy.