„My name is Victoria, I'm 17 and I've been bulimic ever since I'm 14."
Piper couldn't listen to the content. All her attention was drawn to that voice, that rang through her body like a warm summerbreeze which still made her shiver like in the coldest of all winters.
She didn't have the courage to look up, scared of what she might see, of what feelings might struck her if she met those green gruelsome eyes. Those eyes that never let go off her, that pulled her deep down in an ocean where it was impossible for her to breathe.
This moment had haunted her in her dreams, half time the sweetest dreams of all, while the other times the haunting, horrific nightmare that left her sweating and shivering from fear.
When she had finally finished talking about whatever it was she was talking about, something about her illness and her parents or stuff, - Piper really hadn't been listening - another girl started talking and Piper found the courage to rise her eyes from the hem of her sleeve towards the girl sitting on the other side of that circle of chairs.
She said on that brown, dull wooden chair, in a room where the paint was spalling from the walls and the sun was merely shining through the dirty windows and yet she seemed to have a kind of glow around her.
She looked exactly like she had always done, she hadn't changed and at the same time she was looking totally unfamiliar, if any at all she had gotten even prettier.
And she hadn't seen Piper yet, at least it seemed like it. Her eyes were focused on the girl talking, she was attentively listening to the girl's story, she nodded when she understood and furrowed her brow when she wasn't totally content with the words.
Piper could read in her face like in an open book, she knew every countenance, every smile, every grimace, every look like the back of her hand. It almost felt like nothing had changed, like no time had passed, when in reality everything was different.
The round went on and on and Rory's eyes didn't leave each girl talking for a second while Piper's were glued to the strange familiar face.
When the round of story sharing had reached her, the second Piper had feared and anticipated finally arrived. The green eyes met her's over the empty space in the middle of the room.
She saw the eyes growing wide in surprise and a shock flew through her body, causing her to immediately break the eye contact.
Staring back on her fingernails, that she had kept short ever since she was with Alex, she realized that she had not thought about what she wanted to say or not say, she had been too distracted.
„Well", she tried to keep her voice steady, still staring on her hands. „I'm Piper, I'm 17 and I've been bulimic for a year now, I guess. But I'd rather just listen."
She rushed through her own words, shwoing off how nervous she was. Hopefully people would think it was due to being there for the first time, not due to meeting the girl she had once loved after years of no contact.
„That's okay, Piper. You can take your time, maybe next week." The group leader gave her a warm smile and gave the girl next to her a sign to start with her story.
The second she started talking, Piper felt like running. Even if Rory shouldn't have recognized her by looking at her, Piper did have changed a lot over these past years, she would have recognized her the second she said her name.
Three girls later, Piper finally dared to look back up, anticipating to find her looking on the girl speaking, but she didn't. Those green eyes were staring at her, questioning. Like trying to read what was on her mind, but she couldn't anymore, Piper had learned to close her face like a book, when she needed to. Alex had taught her that pretty fastly.
Instead of looking away, Piper stared back. Stared into those green eyes that had once meant the world to her, but now they were only reminding her of the hole she had ripped into Piper's life. A hole that was filled now by other green eyes, threatening to rip her apart again.
Unlike Piper, Rory was still an open book and Piper could read shock in that face, and sorry and a little bit of worry.
They had met here, because both of them were sick, and only then Piper realized, Rory was sick too. She was going through the same as her, she was fightng like her and she was suffering like her. Piper had wished Rory many things. But she had never wished her to suffer, seeing her here made her sad, as well as being here. Where life had brought them both.
She had no idea what she would say to her, if they should ever talk. There was nothing to say, not about what they had experienced together, not about what they had meant to each other, not about how Rory had disappeared and left Piper in an ocean of tears.
She didn't want this cuts to be ripped open again.
„Okay, girls. So I hope to see you all again next week."
Piper had grabbed her jacket from the back of her chair as soon as they were dismissed, heading for the street, heading for her car.
She had almost made it, the car already in reach, when the hand closed around her wrist.
„Piper." Rory's voice was merely a whisper, bringing tears to Piper's eyes.
She turned around, all her anger and pain drowning her heart in hate.
„What do you want?", she hissed.
Rory tilted her head to the right, looking at Piper with sad green eyes, her face nearly begging, desperate. Piper felt like punching her.
Rory didn't let go of her wrist, when Piper tried to pull her hand away. It made her even angrier. This was the person who had meant the world to her, who had known her like nobody else did, who had given her the first kiss of her life and now it was just a the shell of a stranger who looked like somebody she had once known, years ago, in another life.
„What do you want? Why don't you just disappear again? You're damn good at it!" Her voice sounded harsh and bitter, but there was more hurt feeling ringing through them than she had wanted to.
„Piper, please." Rory let her hand slide down from her wrist to her hand, letting Piper the chance to pull it away. Piper did, slowly, surprised that somebody let go off her so easy. She pulled her hand away, walking the last steps to her car.
„Let us talk."
„What about?" Piper was aware of the fact that she was yelling and that people around them were already looking, but she didn't care, she was so mad. „What is there to fucking talk about, huh?"
Rory looked like a picture of misery, that was very unlikely for Rory, the always happy, always bubbly Rory. „Let me explain. I really want to explain."
„You had three years to come around and explain! Absolutely no need to do it now!"
Piper was so mad, and right now she was pretty used to being angry and fighting so that it felt like sliding into the warm familiar spot in the middle of the matress. Way too easy.
„Please, Piper."
Her voice was begging, and Piper was too tired of being mad.
„Fine. You have five minutes!" she crossed her arms, rising her eyebrows in a pissed way and she suddenly reminded herself of Alex.
„Five minutes? We've been friends for more than ten years and all I'm worth are five minutes, for real?"
Now Rory was getting pissed and Piper kind of understood it, but still.
„We've been friends for more than ten years and all I've been worth to you were like, what, ten minutes before you disappeared? But okay, let me call my mum and then we can like, well get a coffee or something."
Rory nodded, slightly submissive. Piper nodded, too, before walking a few steps away.
She pulled her phone out of her pocket and unlocked the screen, there were five unread massages and three missed calls on her display. Piper had totally forgotten to tell Alex that she wasn't coming to 'tutoring' today.
1. message:
From: X
Where are you?
2. message
From: X
I know you're mad, but can you stop ignoring me?
3. message:
From: X
I guess you won't come anymore.
4. message:
From: X
You know what, fuck it.
5. message:
From: X
I'm worried, okay. At least tell me you're not in a hospital again.
All those call were from Alex, too. The last one only five minutes ago. She fastly typed a message into her phone, she was so tired of fighting.
To: X
Sorry, I didn't want to scare you. I'm fine, I just forgot to tell you that I have an appointment. See you tomorrow, maybe?
Then she typed her mother's number into her phone and waited for it to dial.
„Hey mum, I'm gonna be home a little bit later. I … I'm gonna go for a coffee with someone of the group... Yeah I know you have AA today, I'm gonna be home at eight, promise. …. Yeah, it was okay... Thanks mum, love you too."
She pushed the red button and walked back to Rory. She felt bad for lying to her mum, but after her coming out last night and her revelation about her kiss with Rory, she didn't think it was the best idea to tell her about meeting Rory right now.
„Ok, let's go."
They were sitting over their cups of coffee for 20 minutes already, none of them had said a word since they had ordered their drinks. It was getting more and more uncomfortable and it was strange, they had never had this problem, they had always had a billion things to talk about. But that was an eternity ago, like in a different life.
After another five minutes Piper was fed up.
„So, you wanted to explain something?" She said, her voice more pissed than she had intended, while she watched the light glisten on the smooth surface of the dark liquid in front of her.
She hadn't looked at Rory in at least ten minutes, but now she raised her head, looking in the eyes of her once best friend.
„I don't know where to start." Rory said in a low, nearly shy voice „I am so sorry of what happened. I wish you could forgive me, even if I can't forgive myself."
Piper was close to crying, she had wanted to hear these words for so long, hear this voice.
„I should have fought." Rory whispered, tears dwelling in her eyes as well.
„Fought?" Piper was also whispering, her voice getting stuck in her throat.
Rory lowered her head, a tear falling down into her coffee, breaking to the unruffled surface, that moved in waves for a second before it lay still again.
Then a ringing cut through the silence, Piper imagined the sound in her ear to look the same like the teardrop in the coffee seconds ago. Rory jerked, ripped out of whatever her thoughts were. Then she pulled her phone out of her pocket, giving Piper an apologizing look and stood up from the table to answer her phone.
Piper sat there on the table alone, watching Rory through the window of the cafè as she was talking into her phone, gesticulating as if she was fighting with the person on the other end. Her skinny arms were flying through the air frantically, while the sun was shimmering in her brown hair. Piper thought them to be a little less shimmering than they had been in her memory. Rory looked weak, her skinny bones were merely covered with any muscles and still she was one of the most beautiful things in this world.
She kind of felt bad for her own thoughts, so she teared her eyes off Rory, looking on her own phone instead. Alex had answered her text and she had a second one.
1. message
From: X
Okay. Let's get away for a day, I'm tired of fighting. XXX
Piper had to smile a bit, she was still pissed at Alex for not outing herself, but at the same time she was tired of fighting, too. And if she wanted Alex to really do that step and out herself, she had to remind her of why she was worth it.
She typed her answer into her phone immediately.
To: X
Okay, come over as soon as you want. XXX
Then she checked the second message she had gotten. It was from her mum.
From: Mum
Hey Piper. Your father is watching after Cal tonight, take your time and have fun. Love, Mum.
Piper had to smile even brighter, her dad hadn't spend time with her brother in ages and even more important, her parents hadn't cared about her having leisure or not ever since things had started getting complicated.
She was still smiling as Rory walked back in, her face shadowed with frustration.
„Sorry, Piper." Her name out of Rory's mouth was still weird and unreal „My girlfriend always has to check on me. Where I am and with whom."
Piper felt like struck by lightning, her smile vanishing in the matter of a second.
„Your what?"
Most of you had guessed it already, I hope it's still a good surprise.
Though some of you might think this is slowing the story down a bit, I felt it was the right time to help Piper get a few answers, so let's see if she does. I also didn't want Rory to stay just an expedient to explain Piper as a character, I felt she had more potential than that. AND I think a good story, like every book, needs side stories to give more inside to the characters (So no matter what, I'm not apologizing for it ;))). But there will also be more Vauseman again soon, promise.
Please tell me what you think :)
XXX