That feeling a person gets when they've discovered their bank account is overdrawn sinks in. It's like you knew it was going to happen but still kept spending money anyway. And now there are fees upon fees added to your already depleted account. That flashing red number makes you sick. But for me, it's the red glowing eyes of a terminator looking back at me through the darkness. And I am all that stands between it and my family.
"What do you mean Skynet is back?" I ask as I sit on the bed next to Kyle. "How is that possible?"
"I know. I said the same thing." He's not touching me, and I appreciate that for once. My mind is moving at a blinding pace, and I can't process what I've just been told.
"No. No, no, no," I say. "This isn't happening. We won!"
My hand goes to my stomach. All I can think about is what I've been told all my life. That I meet Kyle. We fall in love. He fathers John. And then I lose him. Forever. That feeling magnifies like a thousand tons of weight being dropped onto my chest. It's getting harder to breathe.
"Forty-eight hours," I whisper as the reality hits me. My eyes go to him, and suddenly I'm almost angry. "How are you so calm right now? Don't you understand what this means?"
"I kind of knew when I volunteered for this just what was going to happen," he says with a shrug. "And I wouldn't change anything."
That nagging fear laces inside of me. I feel a panic attack coming on, and I've never felt so weak. Thankfully, Kyle's hand reaches for mine. It's not enough, so he takes my face in his hands.
"I can't do it," I tell him. "I am not strong enough."
I'm being irrational, but I don't care. Everyone needs a freak-out moment, and this is mine.
"Sarah," Kyle tells me. His eyes are looking at me like he knows that this is just my initial reaction to hearing this. He knows me better than anyone, I finally admit to myself. "John told me all about what happens next if I do die. I know you're strong enough."
Deep down, his words make me ache inside. They slice through me, cracking the foundations. My eyes narrow on his, and my hands go to his wrists.
"You're giving up."
"No," he says. "I'm just saying that I'm aware of what could happen next, and I'm okay with it."
"No," I tell him.
Standing, I start gathering everything and shoving it into the bags we came in with. I take the batteries out of the remotes and televisions. I even manage to grab a few things we may end up needing along the way, like the extra toiletries and the notepad.
"Sarah." Kyle follows me, and when my name comes out of his mouth it's like he's hurting again.
"No!" I yell at him. Turning to face him, my tears are starting to ruin my eyesight. Luckily, he's big enough that I can see his movements. He stops in his tracks and lets me finish. "You don't understand. Everything we've gone through, everything we just did, everything I did to prepare for you coming, meant something to me. I need you to get it through your thick skull that I'm not going to just let whatever happens happen."
Kyle takes a few steps closer, extending his hand to me.
"And neither am I," he says softly. "We're going to fight this. Together."
I don't take his hand just yet, but he doesn't withdraw it.
"Exactly," I say. Now is when I take the last few steps towards him. Pushing his hand away from me, I drop the bag and let my arms travel around him. He holds me, and I feel like I'm whole for the first time in my life. He lets me keep talking while he strokes my hair. "So stop even thinking about how if this is it, you're okay with it. Because I don't care what you say, I'm not okay with it. I didn't ask for this, and I don't want it! You're going to stay with me, and you're going to accept my and Pops's protection."
"Protection?" I hear him say. There's a tone of dread and sarcasm.
"Yes," I tell him as I pull away. My eyes find his and don't let him look away. "And we're going to stop Skynet from ever being born. Otherwise, anybody not wearing two million sunblock is going to have a real bad day when it comes online."
Kyle gives me a sideways glance. I can tell something is processing in his mind. I'm not sure I like it.
"What do you mean by protection?" he asks with a raised eyebrow.
"I mean that you are not going to take any unnecessary risks for the next few days," I say quickly. Before he can react, I pick up the bag and continue grabbing whatever free supplies I think we might need. I hear him getting irritated. I know it's going to be a fight, but I'm already preparing for that.
"Wasn't it you who was just complaining about being locked in a room?" he asks.
Mentally, I kick myself for not preparing an argument for this. Somewhere out there is a storm. It's brewing. The darkness is coming, and all I can think about is saving Kyle Reese. The man sent by his son to save his mother. The man I've managed to naively fall in love with in just a matter of days. So far, we've proven that you can't change fate. Turning to him, I give my best argument.
"You can still fight, Kyle," I tell him. "But how can we expect to change Judgment Day when we can't change this?"
This takes him by surprise, and I hate the look on his face. I hate having to pull this card, but it's a reality we have to face. If we can't stop this one thing from happening – the death of one man – then how did we expect to truly beat Skynet before its birth? Kyle is processing this, and finally he speaks.
"Have you ever wondered if maybe it's always that John Connor lives only if Kyle Reese dies?"
I have to force my jaw to stay shut when I hear what he's saying. It's all I can do but to shake my head.
"No," I reply. "I'm not thinking like that."
Kyle takes my hands in his. My eyes automatically go to his, and I'm reminded of the way he looked at me when he told me in the bunker that Skynet was gone. He has the same look in his eyes now. He's serious.
"Sarah, listen to me. I was there. Not for the first part of John's life, but the last part," he says. The words make me want to vomit. The reality behind them makes me want to find every part of Skynet and kill it. All of it. I want to protect John and Kyle and the rest of the world from this fate. "The world is going to need him. Humanity is going to need him. I've seen who else will step up to the plate. No one else is going to do what he did. If it comes down to him or me, I'm always going to pick him. And that's not just because he's my son."
I grip his hands.
"I know, Kyle," I tell him. The tears are spilling down my face now. I'm so angry, so sad, so tired of fighting. I'm a bundle of emotions running on fear. "But I've already lost everyone else. Why do I have to lose you, too?"
Our eyes meet, and his mouth is already coming closer.
"You'll never lose me," he says as he comes in for a kiss. "No matter what happens, I'm always yours."
I raise my head to meet him. But just as our lips connect, there's another knock on the door. Exchanging a small smile with me, Kyle walks to the. Wiping my tears with the back of my hands, I take a deep breath. Pops will know what to do. His presence will be a welcomed relief aside from having to admit that we had finally mated. At least that wouldn't be brought up again.
But Kyle doesn't really say anything. Finally, in the silence, we hear the dog going crazy outside. That's when my cell phone rings.
"Pops," I say. "We're in room—"
"Sarah Connor and Kyle Reese must evacuate," he says. "Another terminator is on its way to your location."
I hang up immediately. Grabbing the bag and everything I can manage in the span of two seconds, Kyle doesn't even ask questions. He starts to go to the door, where the knocking has persisted. But I grab him and shake my head.
"Sarah," he tells me. I know the look on his face. It's the same look my dad had on his face when he told me to run and not look back.
"No," I growl. "You go. I'll catch up."
Making a lunge for the cell phone, I look to the window to see not Pops but the hotel attendant.
"Hello," I tell him.
"Oh, I was just checking to make sure you're sure you don't need that roller bed," he says. "We had someone who was asking for it, and I thought it'd be worth it to make sure before I give it away."
Kyle is beside me now, his eyes glaring and a little red.
"We're fine, thank you," I say with as polite a smile I can muster. "We were just going out for a walk and to put our luggage up before we head out."
"Oh, okay," he says. I can tell he's feeling a little defeated, but I also hear the dog's barking get worse. "Well I guess I should go see what's wrong with the dog."
Kyle's hand goes to the attendant's arm as we all hear the dog squeal.
"No use, man," he tells him. "That dog's dead. Go to the office and call the police."
The man tries to protest, and finally Kyle knocks him unconscious. It occurs to me that he really does act similar to Pops, but I stifle the thought until we're out of the situation. Hiding him in some bushes, we make our way towards the street. Looking back, I see the terminator. It's a younger version of Pops.
"What about all of the people?" I ask.
"We can't go back for them," Kyle says as he takes my arm and leads me towards the street. "We keep going until we find Pops."
Stubbornly, I yank my arm from him. I'm tired of running, preparing, fighting. Glancing back, I see that the terminator is in the office. The dog is dead outside, and I see the machine logging onto the computer. When he looks up, he sees me standing there with Kyle. It takes him less than a second to stop what he's doing and start heading in our direction.
"Shit," I say. "We should probably run."
"Over here," Kyle says through gritted teeth.
He leads me to a parking lot where a transfer truck driver has stopped for the night, but the truck is still running. Standing near his vehicle, he looks like he's talking to a scantily dressed woman. The terminator is already running across the street. We climb in, and Kyle starts it up. The machine is drawing a weapon and firing. Both the woman and the driver are dead instantly. Shifting the gears, Kyle and I spin off as fast as he can. It's a big vehicle, so it takes a few seconds before we reach a decent speed.
"Where is he?" Kyle demands.
I hang my head out of the window. The wind makes it harder to hear him, and my hair is a mess as it wraps around my face and intrudes in my eyesight.
"I don't know!" I yell back. "I can't see him!"
Suddenly I do see the machine. He's climbing towards us along the truck's side!