Instead of continuing our trip back to my motel room like he mentioned prior, Athan insisted that we stay in the cul-de-sac; he remembered that we had to wait for someone for someone, he said. At my question of who, he told me that it was just a private, no one that I would know. He went on to explain that the private would be imperative to me leaving Morinoya inconspicuously. When I began to ask how, the private in question showed up. True to his word, the incoming person was nobody that I knew, wearing the typical ODW attire complete with the beret and all. He stopped in front of us and gave me a respectful nod and Athan a salute. I then noticed the luggage that he was carrying; I frowned when I realized that it was mine. Seeing my reaction, the Aussie piped up.
"I may or may not have swiped your key card from you when you wasn't paying attention," he admitted with a not very sorry grin, "I gave it to Johnny-boy here when we were on the way to get some brekkie."
At least "Johnny-boy" had the audacity to look a tad ashamed when I looked at him with a raised brow.
I sighed and shook my head, saying how this wasn't the point.
"I get that I have to leave as soon as possible from here, but that's it," I remarked, a tad irritated, "You haven't bothered to give me an explanation as to how or anything of that like."
Athan gave me a sheepish grin before shaking his head.
"I know, I know, mate," the dark haired man said, stepping closer to grip my shoulders, "But, right now, I can't tell you anything. It's not a matter of trust or anything, it's just not the right time."
The last sentenced was hurried as if he thought I was offended, which I wasn't. I can totally understand that sentiment- it's basically my life's motto. I also couldn't help but to notice how he seemed, just for a moment, guilty. But the expression was covered up with his stereotypical grin, so the observation was dropped as quickly as it was noted.
The Australian finally did get around to explaining to me the private's purpose of being here- he was to pose as me. I pursed my lips from underneath my masked and studied the private (his form, to be more specific). Since I was actually paying attention, the private was about tall as me and had a lean frame. I could see that he was well built from the way his uniform clung to him; I was tempted to squeeze his bicep and ask him to flex... I cleared my throat when I realized that I was staring for too long. I gave the thumbs up on the private's physique.
"He's good," I said, taking a step away from the unnamed man, "You won't have to go on a wild goose hunt searching for someone close to perfection."
Athan rolled his eyes, contrary to the grin crawling on his face.
DVTDVTDVTDVT~DVTDVTDVTDVT~DVTDVTDVTDVT~DVTDTVDTVDVT
The following events occurred rather quickly, at least to me it did.
After the little meet up in the alley way, Athan and the "private" had to leave - they have fulfilled the assignments that they needed to do and they were due back at the Organization of Deviantic Welfare soon after. "I" gave them my farewells and wished for them a safe journey. After they left, "I" gathered up my belongings and left from Morinoya. "I" didn't go the route that I normally traveled to go to my cottage; instead, "I" went further inland. It was orders from the higher ups after all to keep Toue off "my" tail. At least, that's the thesis.
As of now, we were currently wrapping up a few loose ends. My eyes were still burning with tears as I left from Mr. James' house. Due to the uncertainty of not knowing when I was coming back, our goodbyes took a while and the supposedly short visit took about an hour - the older man used his skills at stalling and convinced us to stay long enough for him to bake a cake for the journey away from Morinoya. After receiving a slice of Mr. James' homemade desert, Athan hurried us to the edge of the town since we wasted away a good bit of our time. None of it was wasted, in my opinion, because I was really going to miss the middle aged man.
At the edge of Morinoya was a bus stop and from there we were to take it to go to the ferry. Morinoya was located relatively close to the edge of Japan, and was known for being a tourist spot during the spring and summer so it wasn't a surprise when I saw that it was rather crowded at the terminal with people and deviants alike milling around. (The sight of seeing some of my grey skinned brethren caused a thrill of childish excitement that I unsuccessfully tried to squash down.) Normally, being around this many people wouldn't had bothered me so much, but now things are different: I'm without my mask. Athan discouraged me wearing the mask since it wasn't normally worn with the ODW's uniform attire - it would make me stick out like a sore thumb.
"She'll be right," the Aussie had said, seeing my obvious discomfort, "You look hellava lot different since the last time we've been here."
(The sudden flare of heat in my eyes vanquished what little comfort that his words brought to me; the uncertainty of everything happening made the growing knot in my gut become more gnarled.)
Instead of voicing my worries, I pursed my lips in response, keeping my them to myself, and nodded. Now that I actually take into consideration what Athan said, I do look different since the last time I rode the ferry. I guess that it's a good thing that I haven't shaved in a while then - I have a fortnight's worth of stubble growing into a rather nice looking beard going for me, and I think I look rather smashing, if I do say so myself. My long, pale hair was tucked in neatly into the beret, very unlike the messy bun I had going about four years ago. And I also have a new pair of glasses too-wait a fucking minute.
While I was thinking to myself, Athan and I had gotten our tickets scanned and were currently walking around the seating area looking for somewhere to sit. That's when something hit me.
Why in the hell are we on the ferry? There's only one reason why we're here, but I'd be damned if we're going there of all places. You can only hide in front of the enemy for so long before it gets pretty fucking obvious!
Despite my sudden revelation and my intense need of demanding "Why are fucking here of all places?", I managed to keep my lips sealed shut until Athan found suitable enough seats for the two of us. They were pretty secluded enough, considering the shit-ton amount of people here which was pretty great considering that I am a hair's width away from loosing my shit all over the place. But! I could be just looking too much into the situation at hand. I tend to do that a lot after all. (The sudden resurgence of the burning heat in my eyes told me otherwise, making me feel nauseated with foreboding.)
As soon as we were seated, my mouth was shooting off before I even knew what I was saying.
"Why the fuck are we here?" I had asked.
Since the Australian was busy fixing our bags in place, he must've missed the slight panic coloring my voice, replying with a simple, "I already explained that we're using the ferry to go to the safe house."
I rolled my eyes as a frown grew on my face, adjusting my glasses all the while.
"Anyone with a brain could've figured that out dumb ass," I hissed, the asperity of my remark making the man seated across from me flinch from surprise. I closed my eyes when I felt them throb and, through gritted teeth, demanded, "I want to know why are we on a ferry of all places. Everyone knows that-"
I cut myself off when memories of a blue and blonde haired man flitted passed my closed lids. Suddenly, I found myself in the monochrome surroundings of a vision. I was rather surprised at the lack of pain that usually accompanied them, but-
"-should come back to Midorijima and visit from time to time. It's just a ferry ride away after all."
-considering that this was a memory and not an actual vision must have something to do with that. I felt a pang of longing when I saw how carefree I looked at the time within the presence of strangers that I've only known for a couple of weeks. I halfheartedly scolded my past self for being so careless around people that I barely knew. But it was Aoba and Noiz so I guess I'll forgive myself for such a blunder.
"-ain? Kain!"
Athan's voice, riddled with worry and a touch of panic reached my ears and I noticed that I was being shaken quite roughly. I slapped the offending hands away with a grunt, feeling a vestigial flicker of my anger returning to me before igniting into an inferno that left me baring my teeth and growling at the poor chap that it happens to be directed at. Athan looked startled at my caprice before a look of understanding dawned on his face.
"I guess keeping my mate incognizant of the situation could only be successful for so long before the suss becomes too much, eh?" the Australian said calmly in the face of my ire with a look of resignation.
(Why are we going to Midorijima, Athan? We're practically walking into a fucking trap you son of a-)
"[Warum gehen wir nach Midorijima, Athan?]" I all but growled in German, getting straight to the point, "[Wir laufen geradewegs in eine verdammte Falle, du Hur-]"
(No need to get vocal, Kain. Nor vulgar. Look, discussing this now isn't really such a good idea.)
"[Kein Grund gleich ausfallend zu werden, Kain. Oder vulgär.]" the man across from me interrupted sharply, a look of faint irritation marring his face when my outburst drew several looks from other passengers, "[Hör zu, das jetzt zu diskutieren ist keine sonderlich gute Idee.]"
His calmness was really grating my already shot nerves. I stood from my seat to tower over him.
(You gotta be shitting me! Don't refer to us going to fucking Midorijima as if it isn't a big deal, Athan! Telling me that we're heading there of all places isn't something you can just push off until the very last minute- oh wait, you did, you shit head!)
"[Du verarschst mich doch!]" I hissed, my face twisting into a scowl, "[Beschreib unseren Trip zu diesem verdammten Midorijima nicht, als wäre es keine große Sache, Athan! Mir zu erzählen, dass wir gerade dorthin unterwegs sind, ist nichts, was du bis zur letzten Minute herauszögern kannst- oh, warte, genau das hast du getan, du Sch***kerl!]"
I was being unreasonable, but I couldn't bring myself to care - a stupid move on my part I would later find out.
(I get that you're angry, but-)
"[Ich versteh ja, dass du sauer bist, aber-]" Athan tried to cut in, but my tirade was on a toll.
(Do you really? Because of you did, we wouldn't be here you asshole! You was with me from the very moment that I was rescued, so you know about every gritty detail of fourteen years I spent there!)
"[Tust du das?]" I interjected, cutting Athan off, "[Wir sind nur wegen dir hier, du Ar***! Du warst bei mir seit ich gerettet wurde, also weißt du über jedes noch so düstere Detail Bescheid, was in den 14 Jahren, die ich dort verbracht habe, passiert ist!]"
Kain, it's orders from the higher ups! I couldn't just ignore what they said especially since it's regarding your own personal safety.
"[Kain, das sind Befehle von ganz oben!]" Athan exclaimed, his frustration finally becoming evident on his face, "[Ich konnte nicht einfach ignorieren, was sie gesagt haben. Vor allem, wenn es um deine eigene Sicherheit geht.]"
By now, people were sending us looks and a whispering amongst themselves at the spectacle unfolding. Their presence only made my paranoia heighten and, by extension, my anger worse. Seeing this, Athan tried to placate me, standing up beside me to place a calming hand on my shoulder. I slapped it away with a snarl.
(You say that it's for my safety but here we are, marching our asses right into the heart of the reason why I got fucked over so badly. So ironic. Do you even care? Or are you just following orders like a perfect little CSM for once, so desperate to get into Manzo's good grace that you're willing to blow years worth effort put into hiding me?)
"[Du sagst, dass es für meine eigene Sicherheit wäre, aber hier sind wir: schwingen geradewegs unsere Är***e ins Herzen dessen, warum ich völlig im Ar*** bin. Was für eine Ironie.]" I took a harsh breath before continuing in an intense baritone, "[Kümmert dich das überhaupt? Oder befolgst du einfach nur endlich mal Befehle wie ein perfekter kleiner CSM, so verzweifelt Manzos Gunst zu erhalten, dass es dir nichts ausmacht die jahrelange Arbeit, die dich mein Verstecken gekostet hat, in den Sand zu setzen?]"
Athan's expression turned wounded for a moment, putting a light damper on my vexation. But, it smoothed over into a cold and stony facade soon after, and my anger was back at its boiling point, threatening to spew everywhere without care of who gets hurt. However, that attitude was soon cut short when Athan punched the living shit out of me.
I always thought that people were over exaggerating when they would say that they were hit so hard that they were "seeing stars" - I was wrong. So very wrong. I was sent staggering and didn't see the next punch that Athan sent towards my chin. Darkness danced at the edge of my vision when I regained consciousness, and I found myself collapsed over in my seat, with a throbbing pain in my jaw and cheek. (I duly noted with a sense of detachment that Athan was addressing the crowd of people, most likely spewing some bullshit that seemed to put them all at ease.) When my sense of awareness finally began to crawl back to me, along with my common sense. That's when the full reality of what I said finally set in, causing a terrible sense of horror to pool into my gut.
"It's official. Athan's going to renounce his friendship with me because somebody couldn't shut the fuck up about shit that doesn't even involve them.
I hesitantly glanced up at the still standing Athan and flinched at the frostiness of his expression; if looks could kill, I would've been murdered several times over. My attitude to a full one-eighty: I sat back up into a upward position and trained my eyes to the ground, not even feeling a flicker of the rage I was experiencing before. A couple of moments passed before I heard Athan sigh and the slight creak that his seat made as he collapsed into it. A heavy silence followed. I dared to peek at him and could tell that the normally cheerful CSM was brooding up a storm: his expression was mild enough with only a small frown pulling at his lips but the intensity of his eyes scared away any one who dared to come too close to us, glaring at anything that moved without compunction. I winced lightly when that gaze caught my own. I expected the Australian to say something about my shitty behavior, but he appeared to have other ideas, seemingly satisfied with just sitting there and giving me a look one would give something that seemed unprepossessing.
Oh boy. The patent "Athan stink eye", I thought as looked away from the pissed off man, I'd rather jump off of this damn boat and use my superior swimming skills to drown myself.
The silence was slowly beginning to garrote me, - This fucking uniform was already doing a great job at that already, damn it! - and I was gradually becoming desperate for Athan to say something, anything, to break it.
I'm such a dumbass, I berated myself, turning my nervousness into an intense case of self loathing, Why would I lash out at Athan of all people?
My lips pursed as my expression scrunched together into a grimace.
"That's exactly what I'm wondering, mate."
The sudden intrusion of Athan's voice startled me, causing me to stare at him with a doe eyed expression. A beat passed before I remembered myself and straightened up while adjusting my glasses, clearing my throat unnecessarily when I noted that I spoke my thoughts aloud. I sighed, slumping over as if my breath was the only thing keeping me up. I looked Athan in the eye, with a guilt riddled expression.
"Saying sorry probably just won't cut it, but, for what it's worth, I really am," I apologized, something that I should've done way sooner, "I'm truly sorry Athan..."
I felt my eyes grow hot and began to inwardly curse for the inconvenient timing of these damned visions, but when I scrubbed at them out of habit, my hands came away wet with tears.
Fuck, fuck, fuck, were my thoughts as I hurriedly swiped my glasses off and wiped away the rest of my tears on my sleeve, Curse my deviantic genes!
Athan thankfully kept quiet during this, allowing me to continue speaking.
"Me being angry was no excuse for saying what I said," I carried on, cradling my glasses with careful hands, "It's an obvious sore spot and I had no right whatsoever encroaching on it."
I paused to take a sniff and ventured on in German, keeping my eyes trained on my lap.
(You were the one to give me motivation when I felt as if there was no hope for me. You were the crutch that supported me when I was almost crippled to the point of no repair, and you were the hand that always helped me up whenever I fell to the wayside. You were, and still are, an important aspect in my life that I couldn't see myself living without and I'm so sorry for being an asshole and I didn't mean anything of what I said, I don't want a schism between us, a-and-!)
"[Du warst derjenige, der mir die Motivation gegeben hat, die ich brauchte, wenn ich dachte es gäbe keine Hoffnung mehr. Du warst die Stütze, die mich unterstützt hat, als ich beinahe so verkrüppelt war, dass es kein Zurück mehr gab, und du warst die Hand, die mir immer hoch geholfen hat, wenn ich am Wegesrand hingefallen bin. Du warst, und bist immer noch ein wichtiger Bestandteil meines Lebens, ohne den ich nicht leben könnte und es tut mir leid, dass ich so ein Ar*** bin. Ich meine nichts von dem, was ich gesagt habe, ich will keine Kluft zwischen uns schaffen, u-und-!]"
A heavy hand landed on my knee, causing me to stop in my rambling apologies. I looked towards Athan and saw that his expression has lost some of its severity, but I could still see the thinly veiled anger in his eyes. He opened his mouth and then closed after a beat. He looked away from me and stood up abruptly.
"Stay here," he muttered firmly before walking away.
I stared at his back as he disappeared within the crowds, each step he took away from me feeling like a punch to the gut. I've never seen him this upset with me.
Way to go Kain! You successfully made one of your closest friends pissed off at you. Congratulations, here's your gide damn gold star for being an overall asshole.
I laid my glasses between my legs before slumping over, placing my elbows on my knees and resting my head on my upturned palms. I know so much better, but I just had to go running my mouth about something I had no right to talk about so flippantly. I'm honestly surprised that the only thing he did to me was punch me, especially after mouthing off about him being a "perfect little CSM for once, so desperate to get into Manzo's good grace". I bit my lip as my eyes scrunched shut.
Athan's position as second-in-command of the ODW has been met with controversy ever since day one. The Australian's personality left for many things to be desired regarding professionalism, and his overall demeanor has left many people upset that he was chosen as the CSM. With this being said, all throughout the duration of his career as the Command Sergeant Major, Athan has been criticized regarding his methods to his madness - all of which he seemingly takes with stride. But, one could only take so much without being affected. If my current situation was a few years ago, then Athan wouldn't have reacted the way he did. He only became so sensitive regarding his rank when his own superior, who happened to be a close friend of his, said something regarding Athan's position as CSM to him. I wasn't made privy to the details of what occurred between the two highest ranking officials, but I had a front row seat of the aftermath. They put on airs around the each other, but every statement and action is forced - it's painful to watch, especially if you're close to the both of them.
Taking everything into consideration, I really, really feel like a total fucking tool.
I grunted and rubbed at my eyes before putting my glasses back on. It seemed like I spent a lot of time wallowing: It was around noon when we first arrived here and now it seemed that the sun is now setting, casting a rather beautiful array of yellow and orange hues on the ocean. I looked around and saw that my space was still Athan free, causing my heart to clench in my chest. I stood up to go search for the man before hesitating and sitting back down. Then I posed as if I was going to get back up again, because I was an indecisive little shit that couldn't make up his mind as to whether or not I should go find the Australian.
He did say to stay here..., I reasoned, leaning back into my seat, But he was really upset... Ugh, stupid! He's really upset with you, so seeing your face is the last thing that he wants to do. Not that you can blame him...
"Now I wouldn't say your face is the last thing I want to see, per say," a voice interrupted, making me jump, "But right now, it's not very high on the list of things I wanna see right now."
The subject of my thoughts walked into view, settling himself on the seat adjacent to mine with a easy going grin on his face (I could still see that his eyes were guarded, much to my dismay).
"I would say that I'm surprised that you actually listened to what I said,"Athan went on to say, "But knowing you, you were probably berating yourself the entire time."
I gave him my answer my pursing my lips and looking away. I heard the Australian sigh.
"Kain, I believe that apologies are due hot and ready," he ventured on to say, much to my confusion.
I had already apologized, but, then again, if they weren't enough, then I'll do whatever within my power to make it up to him. When I opened my mouth to tell him such, Athan beat me to the punch.
"I'm sorry for punching you," he said, his easy going expression shifting into that of a guilty one, "That was really uncalled for on my part, mate."
I was shocked. I sputtered for a moment in an incoherent mix of German and Japanese before I got my words together.
"Athan, it's not your fault," I finally said, my eyebrows furrowed together in bemusement, "I shouldn't have said anything about- uh, that stuff cause I know how you felt about it..."
My sentence trailed away along with the strength of my argument as I looked down at the man before who had a sheepish look on his face. Somewhere during our conversation, I stood up, so I awkwardly sat back down while clearing my throat unnecessarily.
"I know that I can jump the gun and get to spewin' whenever someone mentions anything bad about me and my position as CSM, but that's no excuse to hit me mate," Athan continued after a moment with a grimace, "Your reaction was completely called for; we're heading to Midorijima after all and I know all about your history there."
I flinched lightly, but the Aussie didn't seemed to be poking fun at me - he was just stating a fact."
"So it's natural that you'll get to spewin' once you hear that that's our destination. And since deviants are more prone to act on their emotions, with there plenty of it to go around, boy you sure can get to acting mad as a cut snake! So I shouldn't be getting so aggro with cha over something you can't really help. Granted, if I hadn't knocked you out for a moment, you'd probably be at my throat!"
When he was done speaking, I wanted to argue with him: I'm still completely at fault, so he shouldn't be shouldering any of the blame onto himself. At seeing my unsure expression of ambivalence, Athan heaved a great sigh and sat in the empty seat beside me and drew me into a tight side hug.
"Let's just say that two wrongs don't make a right, shall we?" he said, jostling the shoulder he was gripping lightly.
I took a deep breath and released it through my nose, letting my tension go away with my sigh. I still didn't want to agree to the notion of the Australian forgiving me so easily, but I nodded anyway before giving Athan a shaky smile. I don't deserve to have this wonderful man as a friend. (By Thioriginell, the entire world doesn't deserve his mere presence.)
We were silent for a while. Athan's grip on me stayed steady as we watch our fellow passengers go to and fro about their business, chatting amongst themselves. It was still kind of a shock to see some deviants milling about as well; it was as if it was a reminder that I wasn't the only one out there in this world. My eyes became half lidded as a thought occurred to me, making the reprieve in my somewhat pleasant mood disappear.
"So we're actually going there," I said, catching Athan's gaze, "To Midorijima?"
He nodded, looking guilty for a moment, "Yeah. I'm sorry that I didn't tell you sooner, mate."
I shook my head in reply giving a sardonic chuckle, "If it was any other way, I would've ran off, so it's cool."
But even as I was saying this, I could feel the weight of the reality setting in: I'm going to be in almost constant contact with a shit ton of people now. I adjusted my glasses as my lips thinned. My eyes warmed causing me to close them.
I guess that I truly have no choice now? I thought as I felt my chest constrict. Even though I went through all those preparations to spend the rest of my life hid away, they were all uprooted. I must say that this must be fate. I could even infer that these events are probably apart of Your will.
"Even though we're heading there," the Aussie cut into my musings, causing me to open my eyes to look at him "I can personally assure you that she'll be right, m'kay mate?"
Another shaky smile was my reply, that simple action alone feeling arduous in itself as a sudden exhaustion draped itself around my shoulders. As we settled into one each other, ignoring the whispers that our actions caused, I began to pray for the first time in what seemed to be forever.
Don't let me screw up big time, O Thioriginell, I begged to a god that I've swore I lost all faith in, Please, please don't let me mess up someone's future by a careless action of mine. May I Write whatever story that you've Outlined for me with confidence and without blunder. May I do right by this power of mine.
This time, the sudden flare of heat in my eyes was comforting as if He was welcoming me and saying, "About damn time you accepted me."
At that moment, the intercom sounded overhead with the captain's voice.
"Passengers, we have about fifteen minutes until we bank at the port of Midorijima! I recommend that you gather all your items-..."
As Athan and I grabbed our belongings, I allowed a budding sense of hope to take root in my heart. Maybe, just maybe, there's a silver lining to this trip to my former hell.
At that time, I wasn't wrong, but I wasn't right neither.
DVTDVTDVTDVTDVTDVTDVTDVTDVTDVTDVTDVTDVTDVTDTVDTVDVT
Aussie glossary!
Brekkie - Breakfast
She'll be right - Everything's going to be okay!
Spewin' - Very angry
Mad as a cut snake - A very angry or crazy person
Arggo - Agressive
{AN: I must say that this chapter has been very trying for me as a budding author - I had to restart it again and again before I tossed it out all together and started on an entirely new slate. But luckily for me, and for you the readers, that was the right thing to do because the drive to write came and hit me like a truck. I originally wanted to make this chapter longer, but I really wanted to post this due to sheer impatience. But worry not! With school coming to a close, the updates won't be so far in between now. I plan to start making the chapters longer now that we're getting to the meat of the story. I honestly don't know how many chapters there's going to be, but the end isn't anywhere in sight as of now! However! I really want to have the bulk of DVT finished during the summer (new goal woohoo!)
So until then, see you in the next update!
PSST! Shout out to the wonderful Lumina13 for being so gracious as to helping me with the German bits! :0) }