Summary: Patsy and Delia's relationship is tested.

Disclaimer: Call The Midwife belongs to the BBC and others - I am simply borrowing their beautiful characters.

Author's note: Still reeling from the shockwaves from the EU Referendum. In an effort to restore a bit of normality, I thought I'd post an update. Thanks to jlynsca for taking the trouble to proof-read this for me.

Patsy stopped at the clinic on the way home from rounds. Every appointment she had today had gone smoothly and in record time so she was unusually early. Feeling irrationally guilty for having free time when she ought to be working and knowing that Delia was still on shift, she decided that she ought to at least help pack the clinic away. That way Barbara and the others could share in her good fortune.

"Good afternoon, Nurse Gilbert. Need some help?" She grinned at the tall brunette nurse as she sauntered in.

Barbara looked at Patsy in surprise. "Goodness, you're not in trouble, too, are you?"

Patsy frowned. "No, I just managed to fly through rounds." She paused a beat as Barbara's words sunk in. "Who's in trouble?" She grabbed the other side of a table and together they crabbed over to where it needed to be stored.

"Delia came in earlier. She was absolutely livid about something. I managed to get her to calm down and sister Monica Joan went back to Nonnatus with her." She walked over to collect some chairs, and Patsy followed mutely. "I don't know what's happened but I've never seen Delia like that before. She was quite scary."

Patsy raised her eyebrows. She had seen Delia frustrated and exasperated, and had sometimes seen a quick flash of temper, but it was always controlled. "What did she do?"

"Not much, fortunately. Actually, I'm really glad you came in, I've been wanting to get back to Nonnatus and find out what's wrong."

"That makes two of us now," Patsy agreed grimly. "Come on, let's get these chairs away quickly." The midwife's mind was in turmoil. Why would Delia come to the clinic so angry? What could have triggered a reaction...? Patsy halted mid-stride and looked over to a closed door at the end of the hall. Dr. Parker was here today. Her stomach lurched in fear. It was the only connection she could make, but Patsy hoped fervently it had nothing to do with the doctor.

As soon as they had tidied away, the two midwives hurried back to the convent but were instilled with enough discipline to put their bags and kit away before rushing upstairs. Patsy wished she could speak to Delia alone, but there was no way she could put Barbara off without either upsetting her unfairly or raising suspicion. Besides, Barbara was Delia's friend too.

Barbara rapped on the door and pushed it open when she heard Delia's permission to enter. The two women hurried into the room and found the Welsh nurse sat on her bed. Her pallor and puffy eyes suggested that she had been crying but she was composed now.

Delia had been expecting Barbara to come to her room all afternoon, but she was surprised that Patsy had joined her. She hadn't expected the red-head to be back yet. She smiled tightly and determinedly kept her emotions pinned down. It was going to be difficult enough trying to dodge questions from Barbara. She wasn't sure she could do that with Patsy in the room too.

"Hello," she greeted neutrally.

"Well, you're a lot calmer now," Barbara commented guilelessly as she sat down on the bed. "What's going on?" She continued.

Delia noticed Patsy pull out the chair at her desk and sit down gracefully. They acknowledged each other silently with small nods. "It's just a bit of difficulty at work. I'm not really supposed to talk about it."

"A bit of difficulty? You were furious at the clinic. What's it all about?" Barbara pushed with her questioning.

"I can't discuss it," Delia replied grimly.

"Come on Delia, it's us. You can trust us." Barbara sounded both hurt and eager simultaneously.

"I know I can, but I also have my instructions. I can't tell you what it's about."

"But..."

"Barbara, if Delia has been told not to talk about it, we shouldn't press," Patsy admonished softly.

Delia shot a grateful look at Patsy. "Thank you."

"Is whatever it was sorted out yet? Can you at least tell us that?" Patsy asked carefully.

Delia shook her head. "Not yet."

"Oh no!" Barbara exclaimed. "How beastly for you. Will it take long to sort out?"

Delia shrugged. "I really don't know," she admitted.

"So what's happening then? Are you being investigated for something? Is that why it's going to take time?" The midwife from Liverpool was instantly back on the case.

Delia shook her head apologetically. "I'm sorry, but I can't tell you. And I'd rather not just give hints and sketchy information. That's bound to lead to misunderstandings and further speculation. I don't want that."

Patsy offered a tight half-smile. "Well, I can't say I'm happy you can't confide in us. But I understand. And it doesn't stop you coming to find us and off-loading your feelings if you need to; even if we don't understand the reasons behind them."

"Yes," Barbara agreed earnestly. "Don't think you have to go through this alone."

Delia's throat constricted again as she appreciated the honest kindness offered to her. "Thank you. If I can, I will. But please understand if I don't."

Barbara leaned forward and squeezed Delia's arm in sympathy. "It'll be alright Delia. I'm sure of it." With that the midwife got up to leave. She glanced at Patsy who had made no move to stand. "Coming?"

"In a minute," Patsy answered vaguely.

Barbara looked a little crestfallen. "Perhaps you can get her to open up," she muttered, a slight hint of resentment in her voice.

"No, she won't, Barbara. I can't tell either of you," Delia asserted, garnering a look of surprise from Patsy. "Technically I should have denied anything was going on at all, but given how I behaved at the clinic, I really didn't think I'd get away with that."

Barbara looked at Delia carefully before nodding and accepting her words. "Are you coming down to dinner?" She asked hopefully.

"I'll be there," Delia promised, nodding her assurance, as Patsy nodded her assent too. "Please remember I'm not supposed to have discussed this at all with you. Please don't bring it up at dinner." Barbara nodded her understanding as she left.

Once the door shut behind Barbara, Patsy turned back to Delia. "Are you really not going to tell me what's going on?" She asked incredulously.

"I've been told not to, Pats."

"By whom?"

"Sister Julienne, and the hospital." Delia gestured to a piece of paper that lay on her bedside table.

Patsy immediately got up and reached for the letter but Delia quickly took it and folded it back into an envelope.

"Delia?"

"Patsy I can't." The Welsh woman was determined, even as she felt her inner walls crumbling. She so wanted to collapse into Patsy's arms and tell her everything, but in the time she had spent in her room since speaking with sister Julienne, she had realised that in order to protect Patsy as much as possible, she absolutely had to keep it secret from her. If it was discovered that she had confided in Patsy, further assumptions would be made regarding their relationship. She had to do her best to keep Patsy away from any rumour about her. Unfortunately, she couldn't even explain her rationale to Patsy without giving the whole game away.

"You know I can probably guess what it's about, don't you?" Patsy told her, still standing by the bed.

"I won't be able to confirm or deny anything you guess, Patsy. And I don't want you to."

"Delia, I don't understand. We trust each other with everything. Why won't you trust me with this? I"m certainly not going to tell anyone that you told me."

Delia barked out a short laugh. "It's not about whether or not I trust you, Patsy, and please believe me that I do trust you. I promised sister Julienne that I wouldn't talk to anyone about this. And my word has to mean something to her, too."

"Does this have anything to do with Dr. Parker?" Patsy asked, regretting the aggressive tone of her voice the second she saw Delia flinch slightly. "Sorry. I just want to help."

"Patsy, I know you want to help. But I need you to be as far away from this as possible. So I can't discuss it with you."

"So it is about us then?" The red-head assumed, starting to pace.

"Please, Pats. Stop asking." Delia could sense Patsy's frustration, and could feel her own starting to boil up. She needed to shut down the conversation before tempers frayed.

"If it's about us then I have a right to know." Patsy sounded unusually petulant.

"Don't you think that if it was about you, you might have been told?" Delia couldn't help the sarcastic tone in her voice, but she knew her resolve was failing.

Patsy stopped in her tracks. "I haven't seen sister Julienne yet. I wasn't due in till," she glanced at the clock on Delia's nightstand, "till about 10 minutes ago." She worried at a thumbnail. "Perhaps I should go and find her."

"No," Delia demurred instantly. "Patsy, listen to me. If sister Julienne needs to speak with you, she'll find you. If you go up to her now, she'll know that you've been speaking to me, and no matter how much we both deny it, she'll think that I've told you something."

"I need a cigarette," Patsy muttered, knowing that she would have to leave to smoke; Delia refused to allow her to light up in her bedroom. She sat down heavily on the bed next to her girlfriend, sighing resignedly. "How do I help?" She asked softly.

Delia looked at her steadily. "You help by not asking me what this is about. You help by trusting me and accepting that I can't tell you for a reason. You help by being patient with me if I'm behaving irrationally or I'm upset. You help by just being here if I need you."

Delia's voice became hoarse and threatened to break as she finished, and Patsy was reminded of when she spoke at the cafe on their reunion last Christmas. Then, she had found a way to break the tension and provide reassurance in a simple sentence. She wasn't sure she could find the words this time. "I'm here, and I'm not going anywhere," she reassured the Welsh woman, reaching out and squeezing her hand gently.

Delia nodded jerkily, and turned her hand round so they could interlock their fingers. "Patsy, I'm sorry to put you through this."

Patsy shook her head dismissively. "I told you, Deels, we do things together. Carry me in your head and heart, even if I can't physically stand with you. This is going to be hard, and you will feel isolated but always remember that I am with you. I love you." She brought Delia's hand to her lips and gently placed a kiss on her knuckles.

Delia leaned into Patsy and sighed. "You already know too much," she admitted. "Please don't give away that you know anything about this."

Patsy gave a lop-sided smile. "I'm good at facades, remember?" She stood up and kissed the top of Delia's head. "I'm going to get changed and have a smoke. Knock for me for dinner?" She asked tentatively.

Delia nodded, not trusting her voice and watched sadly as the red-head quietly left the room.

To be continued...