Sorry it's been so long. -; Haven't been feeling well and my muse has been leaving me. Another big shout out to Juu, my beta. She's helping me out so much. She deserves to much credit.

Dull carmine eyes gazed over tiredly at the clock, watching as the hands slowly ticked past. It had been several hours since he had fled from Shizuo's apartment. The sun was setting behind the horizon, and the dense cloud cover finally broke to allow a mixture of rain and snow fall. Spring was slowly approaching, and although warmth would soon make all the snow melt away, it couldn't do anything to melt the bitter cold in Izaya's chest.

He didn't bother trying to hide behind a mask of emotions until he heard the door opening with a soft click. Instantly, he pulled on a confident grin and turned to face his employer.

"Ahh, Shiki-san. Thank you for allowing me to come over at such a sudden hour." He said with a small bow. Shiki quirked a brow and nodded his head in response.

"You sounded abrupt, and to be honest, desperate to get out of whatever situation you were in. I thought you were about to be mugged by a gang, and decided that allowing you to flee here would be wise." Shiki said smoothly, walking over to sit in one of the lush chairs that were circled around his office.

Izaya hadn't been here many times. They usually met in a random location, or Shiki came to him. He only came here as a teenager when he thought it'd be funny to break some rules. He had learned that wasn't a smart move.

"Things came up. I needed an escape." Izaya chuckled dryly, leaning back into his seat. He could tell that the elder was watching him closely, trying to read his expressions. He put up another mask, one that showed mock relief and praise, "I knew I could count on Shiki-san to come to my rescue~"

Shiki cracked his knuckles and folded his hands in his lap. Despite all the masks Izaya put up, he knew what Izaya was thinking and feeling. If he didn't, then that would make Izaya too good of an informant - and he can't have a resource that he can't control. He knew that mentioning one name would break down Izaya's walls and inform him on the issue…

"Orihara-san, if you think running here will protect you from whatever conflict you had with Mr. Heiwajima, you're mistaken."

"This has nothing to do with Shizu-chan." Izaya said as calmly as he could. However he felt his face fall slightly with a frown, and could feel his heart beat faster. He scowled when the corner of Shiki's lip turned upwards slightly.

"You've changed. He has made you soft."

"I'm not soft." Izaya barked bitterly. He didn't bother putting up any sort of fake expression. He didn't think he could hold it up.

Shiki shrugged, "Fine. Made you weak. Either way, he has changed you, and you can tell. You obviously don't like it."

"Like anyone would want some dumb brute to change them? I never wanted it, you know. Never wanted to help his sorry ass."

"Ahh, but you did." Shiki said with a confident smirk, "You did help, because you know that you wanted to get closer."

"Bullshit."

"Hardly." Shiki stood up, rubbing out the creases in his suit as he walked past Izaya and toward the window. "Tell me, why is it that you free-run?"

Izaya furrowed his brow at the question. What did this have to do with anything? "Because I like being on top of the world. Plus it's a useful skill to know, especially when being chased around by Shizu-chan."

"Is it thrilling?"

What the hell, Shiki? "Yes, I suppose. Why do you a-"

"Why did you agree so quickly when I offered you a job with the Yakuza in high school?" Shiki asked, looking at Izaya's faded reflection in the glass. The look of wary confusion on his face was priceless.

"I hated my boring average life. A job in the underground seemed exciting."

Shiki smiled and nodded, "And is that why you became an informant? To continue playing this dangerous game?"

"More or less…the pay was good as well." Izaya smirked a bit, "It's also fun to twist information to build up or destroy lives."

The Yakuza leader glanced over his shoulder and chuckled dryly, "Ahh, you haven't changed much since your past. Except for this small bump in the road."

"Shiki, I don't see why questioning my choices in life has anything to do with Shizu-chan."

"Weren't you the one who first provoked him? And did you not continue to pester and aggravate him so he would chase you around?"

Izaya remained silent as Shiki walked back toward him, hands in his pockets. He had a strong feeling he knew where this conversation was leading, and he wanted out of it. He wanted to escape to a place that was safer. Where he wasn't bombarded with accusations and questions.

"Wasn't it exhilarating?"

"I suggest you get to the point."

"I suggest you don't talk back until I allow it, Orihara-san."

Izaya snapped his mouth closed and glared at Shiki. He walked around to sit back in his seat, crossing his legs and folding his hands as he stared at the irritated raven in front of him.

"Answer the question."

"…Yes. It was exciting. All of it is exciting."

Shiki nodded with a dangerous smile, "Izaya, you are one to find things in life that make your heart race and your senses heighten. You participate in underground deeds, parkour regardless of situation, and purposely provoked one of the more dangerous men in Ikebukuro to attack you constantly."

"Your point?" Izaya growled under his breath. If Shiki didn't get to the point, he was going to get up and-

"That is why you allowed yourself to get close to Mr. Heiwajima. It was thrilling to be so close to a…"monster" as you put it, and to actually manipulate him into falling in love. Was it not?"

"Tch…" Izaya scoffed, rolling his eyes, "It was never my intention to have him fall for me. And it wasn't my intention to allow myself to get close either."

"Define 'close'."

"I don't know, emotionally? Physically? Mentally? Does it really matter what context it's in? I got myself in too deep and now-"

"Now you find yourself wishing you didn't dig yourself out of this mess?"

Izaya froze, fists clenching. If Shiki was honestly suggesting that he wished he could take back what he had told Shizuo…

He stood up abruptly, grabbing his jacket from the back of the chair. "I only regret letting myself sink in too deep. Now if you excuse me, I'll be leaving." He didn't let Shiki say another word as he stormed out of the office. He wasn't going to allow Shiki to get into his head.

However, as he trudged through the snow and hailed a cab to the nearest motel, Shiki's words kept spiraling in his mind. And the more he thought about it, the more it ate away at his subconscious. Damn Shiki for always reading him right. Damn him for saying the right things to piss him off. Damn him, damn him, damn him.

He quickly found his safe haven, a run down motel in the middle of the slums. He could easily afford a room for a night. Maybe more if he was desperate. He limped inside, his ankle giving him more problems. He paid for his room and stormed inside, locking the door immediately and turning on the lights.

Definitely not a place he'd want to stay at normally. In fact, it reminded him of Shizuo's home - not messy, but definitely not high end. He growled and squeezes his eyes shut, sitting on the edge of the bed. He bent forward and placed his head between his knees, trying to breathe.

Why it bothered him so much, he didn't know. All he knew was that it just ticked him off; That something as simple as a dingy hotel room triggered a flood of memories to wash over him; recollections of Shizuo's home, his face, his voice, his touch…It drove him crazy.

It shouldn't upset him. Inside his mind, he knew he did the right thing. Getting closer to the blonde would only set him up to a pitiful demise. By severing the bonds he had, he freed himself and ensured a painless life ahead of him.

So why did it hurt so much?

The physical pain was obvious. Not only did his ankle protest to every twitch and movement - sending waves of searing pain up his leg and into his spine - but his chest also ached dully. It felt…different. He had never experienced such an empty feeling before.

Yet, he was familiar with the concept of a "broken heart". He refused to admit that was what he was experiencing. Because he had never given Shizuo his heart to shatter in the first place. It had always been kept safe, locked away from any outside forces. He had been blindsided, and had allowed himself to get wrapped up Shizuo's constant affection and endearment.

And somehow, Shizuo had managed to see through the cracks and get to him.

With a sigh, Izaya stood up and walked toward the window, staring out at the worn down apartments and shops that surrounded this place. He knew the blond would eventually go to his apartment - looking for him, demanding answers and trying to convince him that "they had something". Some bullshit lovey dovey crap that made the informant gag.

That's why Izaya had decided to run to a place he thought was safe. Shizuo would never know where Shiki was, and would have never gotten close with all the security surrounding the area. But then Shiki had to go and ruin that plan by being right about everything.

Now he had to hide in a dump like this for the night. At least until he could clear his head. He had to think - make a plan that would get him out of this tangled web of conflicting thoughts and emotions.

As the over head light flickered, threatening to die out any moment, he wondered why things couldn't be as simple as they were in the past. When there was nothing but hate, and they wanted nothing to do with each other. When had it all changed? When did they step over that boundary and start delving into something more dangerous than flying vending machines and sharp flick blades?

Dammit…damn him. Damn everything.

Izaya paced his room, trying to clear his head. He sent a text to Namie, letting her know he would be away for a while on a personal leave. He was positive that the she wouldn't give a rat's ass about where he was as long as she was paid. And he made sure that he left a deposit in her bank account.

Izaya looked around from his spot on the bed and caught sight of the motel's cheap brand of lotion sitting on the bedside table. His mind instantly went back to that morning and he found himself throwing it at the wall angrily.

He groaned and pulled another pillow over his head. The most important thing right now was that he had to get out. Out of the city. Out of this cage. He felt like he was still trapped, even though he had gotten out of the suffocating relationship. Relationship…could he even call it that?

Izaya shook his head and sighed, lying down on the bed once more as the light burned out, leaving him in darkness. He'd leave first thing in the morning. And he wouldn't come back until he was ready to face his personal demons.