Summary: Patsy and Delia's relationship is tested.
Disclaimer: Call The Midwife belongs to the BBC and others - I am simply borrowing their beautiful characters.
Author's note: I had to rewrite this part several times so I hope it reads okay. Thanks once again to jlynsca for her editing skills and, as always - thank you for the feedback and continued interest in this story.
Spending hours on end in the attic had made Delia quite resourceful. She had explored the expansive room thoroughly and managed to set up a workstation with an old table and chair serving as her base of operations. A bare bulb provided scant light so Delia enhanced it by rummaging through Fred's shed and had liberated an old hurricane lamp that now provided a buttery yellow flame to illuminate the desk. The Welsh woman found herself particularly distracted from her project today and as she sat at her makeshift base she mulled over the morning's events.
Matron Lightly had visited in the morning in order to take a detailed statement from her. Sister Julienne had insisted on sitting with her, offering silent support as Delia answered a whole series of questions about the last few weeks. Matron Lightly appeared predominantly focused on her work schedule and any deviation from the off duty that had been planned. Delia confirmed her changes of shift times and who initiated the changes when necessary. She also confirmed how she commuted to and from work.
Delia raised her eyebrows slightly when Matron Lightly asked if there was anything that might have happened that might provoke the complaint. It sounded uncannily like Sister Julienne's question to her on the day she was suspended from duty. The young woman answered the question in the same way, honestly but with her own interpretation of what was being asked.
It had been difficult to do the interview. Delia felt that Matron Lightly had been fair, but every answer had to be measured, and Delia worried that she would slip up and say something that would indicate her sexuality, or worse, her relationship with Patsy. Each question felt like an attack on her own integrity. She was a dedicated, caring nurse with exemplary professional standards, but all that would count for nothing if the allegations against her were proven.
The trouble was that if she was asked outright, she was not sure she would be able to lie about it. Delia didn't doubt her love for Patsy. Her feelings for the tall red-haired nurse went through her core. She also knew without doubt that she could never love a man that way. However, when such feelings had to be hidden and denied, Delia couldn't help but doubt her integrity and honesty. She knew that it didn't make her a poorer nurse, but it hurt that such a standard could be used to judge her. It hurt that others measured her suitability to nurse by whom she chose to love.
The one thing Matron Lightly did not do, however, was ask her outright. Any question that even came close to probing her personal life was open to interpretation. At first, Delia thought it was just an attempt to lull her into a false sense of security before launching a pointed question, but when her superior advised her that she had no further questions, the brunette realised that had not been the case at all. Perversely, that simply raised her suspicions. There was something going on.
"What happens now?" Delia asked nervously, as Matron Lightly began to pack her belongings into a battered Gladstone bag.
Matron peered at the young nurse. "I have another statement to take and then I should be able to submit my report to the board. You'll be written to when that happens."
Delia sighed and considered her next question, knowing how scrupulous her manager was. "Will they accept your recommendations?" She asked, hoping to get a read from the older woman.
"I've not had one rejected yet," Matron Lightly told her. She folded her hands on the desk in front of her. "Nurse Busby, you have answered my questions honestly and cooperated fully. I commend you for that. In addition, Sister Julienne informs me that you have made excellent progress with the project that she assigned you." Her eyes glinted slightly. "I may yet decide that our ward records management system could also do with a review."
Delia initially groaned, but stopped suddenly and her eyes widened in alarm as she remembered her audience. "Sorry, Matron. I'm just a bit fed up with dust."
"I do hope you're not suggesting that my department is dusty?" Matron Lightly's eyebrow arched indignantly. She shook her head and allowed the young nurse off the hook after she saw her go puce with embarrassment. "Fear not, Nurse Busby. You are safe from my archive."
Delia nodded gratefully, surprised at the amicable way Matron was treating her. Perhaps things weren't quite so bleak as she believed.
"Now, I wonder if you could excuse us. I need to speak privately to Sister Julienne."
Delia nodded as she stood up. "Would you like me to fetch you some tea?" She asked politely.
"Nurse Busby, I've just had to interview you regarding a serious complaint that could have severe repercussions. It hardly seems appropriate that I ask you to make me some tea," Matron Lightly returned in a measured tone.
Delia shrugged. "You have a job to do Matron, and you've treated me with respect and courtesy. My mam always says that manners cost nothing. Besides, I offered, you didn't ask." She smiled shyly.
"In which case, that would be very kind of you."
"Sister?" The Welsh woman offered.
"Thank you, Nurse Busby. That would be lovely."
And that had been that. The two women had stopped talking on her return with a tray of refreshments so she suspected that they had been talking about her or the case. Sister Julienne looked serene and implacably calm as always but matron Lightly had smiled as she put the tray down. It was impossible to read either of them.
Delia jumped as the door to the attic opened, bringing her mind back to the present. She looked round to see sister Julienne enter, carrying two steaming mugs.
"I thought you could do with a break as you missed lunch," the nun said as she approached.
Delia glanced down at her watch in surprise. "Sorry, Sister, I lost track of the time," she explained as she stood up.
"I think it should be me who ought to apologise. When you didn't arrive on time I made the assumption you needed some time on your own. I didn't think to check," Sister Julienne replied with a hint of self-admonishment.
"It doesn't matter, Sister," Delia brushed the apology away. "I wasn't that hungry anyway." She eyed the mug eagerly. "But I am rather parched."
Sister Julienne smiled fondly at the young nurse before glancing around.
Delia immediately realised that the woman wanted to sit down with her and stood to one side, gesturing to her chair. "Sit here," she offered and ignored the nun's protests as she fetched an old wooden crate to use as a temporary seat.
"That's very generous of you, Nurse Busby," Sister Julienne commented as she took a sip of her tea. "I thought I'd come up and see how you were doing after this morning," she continued.
Delia sighed. "I just feel like I'm in permanent limbo," Delia confessed. "And I hate the thought of anyone questioning my professionalism." She deliberately avoided the word integrity.
"It won't be much longer," the nun assured. "Although I am rather selfishly hoping that all this will be finished by then," she admitted as she looked around the attic.
"Well, if it's a positive result and I'm still welcome here, I'll complete this task anyway," Delia offered, grinning. She realised that she meant it too. Despite feeling like a Herculean effort when she started, Delia had enjoyed the challenge and she was proud of what she had achieved. She was planning on allowing Nurse Crane to inspect it for approval this evening, partly to ensure it met her expectations, and partly as a distraction while Patsy went out.
"Nurse Busby, you are welcome here for as long as you wish to stay. I have told you before that we are family."
Delia took her time taking a sip of tea as she steeled herself to ask her next question. "Sister, now you've sat in on my interview, and spoken with Matron Lightly, you can be in no doubt of the nature of the complaint against me. If it is upheld, how can I stay here?"
"It is my faith in Lord Jesu that guides me and while I know that there are some who use the word of the Lord as an excuse to punish, I believe his teachings should come from a foundation of love and forgiveness. After all, Romans 13:8 says 'Owe no one anything, except to love each other, for the one who loves another has fulfilled the law.' " Sister Julienne smiled. "Nurse Busby, your love for your friends and your family shines through everything you do. And your endless patience with Sister Monica Joan has not gone unnoticed."
Delia shrugged in embarrassment. "She reminds me of my nana. No-one had much time for her as she did have her moments. But she was kind and had so many stories to tell. Sister Monica Joan hasn't always been a nun you know."
Sister Julienne nodded. "I know that she treasures her time with you." She paused for a moment. "There are times when our faith is tested," she began again, looking up at the skylight in the attic. "Sometimes we doubt our actions, our beliefs and our love." The nun turned her clear blue eyes toward the young woman. "To be loved and to love is the most powerful thing. For to love is to know God. It is as simple as that."
Sister Julienne stood up. "Would you like me to send someone to remind you about dinner?" She asked.
Delia hesitated a fraction. She hadn't been looking forward to dinner, knowing that Patsy wouldn't be there as she would be getting ready to go out with Dr Parker. But sister Julienne's words had a powerful effect on her. She had friends around her, and she would be able to draw strength from them. "Thank you, Sister. That would probably be wise. I suspect that I'll be too immersed in the records to notice the time again."
"Yes, we'll put it down to that," she replied cryptically.
Delia frowned as she watched the enigmatic woman leave before picking up another file and trying to concentrate on the job in front of her rather than worry about the future.
A short while later, she looked up again as she heard someone enter the attic. Her frown of curiosity turned into a grin of surprise as she saw Patsy come through the door. The tall red-haired woman turned and shut the door firmly behind her before approaching the Welsh woman. "Hello," she greeted, almost shyly.
Delia's grin widened as she recalled a similar tone used when Patsy greeted Delia arriving at Nonnatus House to lodge. "Hello," she responded simply.
Patsy's lop-sided smile widened before she stepped closer and wrapped her arms round the shorter woman. She leaned down and gently brushed her lips over Delia's before leaning back just slightly. "I love greetings like this," she murmured softly.
"Me too," Delia agreed, breaching the gap again with another light kiss. "Did sister Julienne send you to get me for dinner?" She asked, surprised at the senior nun's choice.
Patsy winced slightly. "Er, no. She asked sister Mary Cynthia to, but I overheard the conversation and volunteered. She didn't seem to mind though. Why, would you rather be summoned by a nun?" Her eyebrow raised in query, even as her lips quivered in amusement.
Delia tugged the taller woman closer to her. "I will take any second of alone time I can get with you," she decided before stretching up and stealing yet another kiss.
Patsy smiled into the other woman's lips before deepening it slightly. She reluctantly broke away again but made no effort to release Delia from her arms. "I'm sorry I wasn't at lunch. Bit of an emergency with Mrs Brennan; I had to get her to the ward rather smartly."
"I wasn't at lunch either," Delia admitted.
"Oh, are you okay?" Patsy was instantly concerned.
"Just more than a bit preoccupied if I'm honest," Delia replied.
Patsy dropped her arms. "I told you Deels, please don't worry about tonight."
Delia frowned, and felt herself get irritated but damped down on it with an effort. "Actually, it didn't have anything to do with tonight, although I admit I am worried about that."
Patsy raised her eyebrows and waited for the brunette to continue.
"Matron Lightly visited and interviewed me this morning," Delia stated, keeping her voice eerily neutral.
"And?" The midwife prompted softly.
"And that's about it. She asked very specific questions about where I was and when, what my work schedule was and where I had been in my time off in the last two weeks but she didn't ask anything else. It all felt a bit odd."
"Why odd? Surely she's simply investigating what the complaint centred on."
Delia opened her mouth and was about to explain when she remembered that she wasn't supposed to be discussing this with Patsy. She scowled at Patsy who returned an innocent-looking smile. "Nearly," she admitted.
"I'm sorry, Deels. I shouldn't fish. Are you feeling okay after the interview though?"
"I'm all a bit sixes and sevens, if I'm honest. That's why I buried myself in the archives up here. Matron was very kind to me, but I just couldn't tell if she was being nice because my demise is imminent or she was being nice because I'll be back at work soon."
Patsy wrapped an arm round Delia's shoulder. "Whatever happens, we'll deal with it. Together," she told her.
Delia nodded, leaning into the taller woman for a moment. "I'm not going to lie, Patsy; I hate the thought of you meeting that woman." She couldn't even bring herself to say the doctor's name.
Patsy nodded, acknowledging the younger woman's feelings. "I know. And I know how hollow it sounds for me to say trust me. But can you just believe that this is something I simply have to do, and I would never intentionally hurt you?" Her voice rang deep with sincerity.
Delia looked at her lover and recalled the night before. They had initially made love frantically, as if they were about to be parted forever, but after the initial rush of passion, the two women had slowed down and savoured each other's presence; re-familiarising themselves with each other's bodies with a focused intensity that lasted well into the early hours. Sated, they had lain in each other's arms, whispering promises of love as well as admissions of insecurity on both sides. Delia had never felt so close to another person. "I believe you, Patsy." She sighed as she stood up straight. "Come on. I need to get to dinner, or I'll never be forgiven for my tardiness, and you need to get ready to go out."
Patsy looked into the brilliant blue eyes of the Welsh woman and felt her heart lurch. Delia was so brave, as always. How on earth she had managed to function as a human being before she met Delia was beyond her. She looked at the brunette lovingly and with pride, knowing that whatever happened tonight, she had Delia, and with that knowledge, she was confident she could face anything the world had to throw at her.
To be continued...