Chapter 8: Sides

(For Adalie Delacroix :) I think this was the one you were asking about, so you ask, I write. Thanks for all of the wonderful support and reflection. It is very much appreciated! Enjoy the chapter!)

Byakuya stood quietly near a dark colored sand dune, carefully reading the signs around him. Several other officers roamed the area, all combing the ground, rocks and caves for any sign of Renji's blood or reiatsu. After several hours, the noble called the group back together.

"Did any of you find any sign of him here?" he asked solemnly.

Each of the men shook his head.

"Then, we will move on to the next quadrant."

He started to say more, then paused, staring, as Arashi galloped towards the group, skidding to a stop in front of him.

"Arashi," Byakuya said quickly, "Why have you come? Has something happened with Tetsuya and the children?"

The children are fine, Arashi explained, but Tetsuya has gone off on his own, without even taking me. Byakuya-sama, he entered Hueco Mundo alone!

"He came here alone?" Byakuya mused worriedly, "Why would Tetsuya do that? What was he thinking?"

His thoughts were clouded, Arashi went on, I know that he was worried because he learned he was pregnant with Abarai Renji's child.

Byakuya caught his breath in surprise.

"Oh…oh, no…" he whispered, his eyes closing against the words, "He must have been beside himself. And where was I when my husband needed me?"

Tetsuya knows that you have been distraught over Renji's death. He obeyed when you asked him to stay behind and care for the children. But his heart became heavy and then he received this news.

"But, why would Tetsuya come here, to Hueco Mundo?" Byakuya wondered, "He should have stayed where healers could at least try to assist him. I wonder if he was lured somehow."

He thought carefully for a moment, then looked up at the stallion through determined eyes.

"Do you think you can locate him? I cannot sense him."

He is concealing his reiatsu from me, Arashi reported, I don't know any better than you why he is doing this.

"Well," Byakuya said, mounting the stallion, "we will figure it out together!"

He looked back at the group of searchers.

"Continue your efforts here until the relief team arrives," he ordered them, "I will return as soon as I have found Tetsuya."

He turned Arashi away from them and rode off into the darkness.

XXXXXXXXXX

Tetsuya woke to find himself alone and naked in the hollow king's bed, his yukata torn and bloodied and lying on the floor. He left the bed and stumbled to the bathroom, ignoring the red and cloudy fluids that leaked onto his inner thighs, and indulging in a long, hot shower to rinse away the reminders of the king's abuse.

I had to be strong before, when I was imprisoned. I had to have faith that Byakuya-sama would find me. Byakuya-sama won't save me this time. I have to save Renji and myself. We need to go home. We must first have our babies. The burning, powerful reiatsu of the king is hastening the development of Renji's baby, and his assaults are exposing me to the same factor. It will be a shorter gestation. As soon as the babies are sentient, we must go…

Tetsuya left the shower and slowly dried off, flinching as he dragged the towel over several bruised and sore areas. He left the bathroom and found a clean yukata in the king's closet, then walked back to the bed, which servants had stripped and remade while he was showering. He climbed onto the bed and rested on his knees, with his body leaned against the large window and his weary blue eyes looking out into the spinning sand.

I want so much to go home.

I know things weren't perfect and I was hurt that it seemed Byakuya-sama would never love me as he loves Renji. I feel selfish now, looking back. Maybe I misunderstood him. And now, I've hurt him too by leaving him. But I have this baby whom I have to protect. I have Renji and his baby to look after and free.

I wonder, though…

Will any of us see our home again?

Will I see my little Naoki? How much will he grow while he waits for me to come home?

"Tetsuya."

He didn't mean to flinch and quiver at the sound of his lover's voice, but he couldn't seem to hold back his reaction. He sat silently as Renji approached the bed and sat down on the edge and watched as Tetsuya stared out the window with tears leaking from his eyes and running down his face.

"I'm sorry," Renji apologized, "I know this is really hard for you. But if I express that in front of the king, he's going to realize that you're making me remember my life before. I need to keep remembering. I don't want to become completely heartless."

He moved closer, coaxing Tetsuya into his arms and holding him tightly, rubbing his face against the slighter man's and kissing him until he calmed and his tears stopped.

"I will try to be stronger," Tetsuya promised, "I endured cruelty in the prison before. I can survive this. I just…want to bring you home, Renji. I know things may never be like they were before. Kami knows we're different now. We can't change what we are. But we can build things up again. We can start over."

"Yeah," Renji agreed, running his fingers through the waves of Tetsuya's hair and kissing his damp cheek.

"Thank you, Renji," Tetsuya said sincerely, his voice stronger and his hands clasping his lover more firmly, "Thank you for encouraging me."

"You've done more than encourage me," Renji said gratefully, "You've brought back what the king stole away. With your smile and the way you touch me, the way you talk to me. I know that what we had before was really good. I loved you, and I can still feel that love…when I'm not forced to hide it. But don't think that because I can't react, I'm not thinking about you. Thinking about you and Byakuya is what's keeping me going. I'm going to fight for our babies, and I will fight to get us out of here, when I can. Just…please try to hang on. I don't want to lose you. I…really love you, Tetsuya."

"I love you too," Tetsuya whispered, closing his eyes and laying his hands on Renji's enlarged belly, his smile returning as Renji did the same for him.

"There it is," Renji whispered, the fingers of one hand tracing Tetsuya's little smile, "That's what keeps me going. I love seeing you smile. I cry inside when you cry. I want to kill Yutaka when he hurts you."

"But you know you can't."

"Not now," Renji agreed, "but the time will come. We'll fight our way out of this, and you, our babies and I will all go home."

"Do you really believe that, Renji?" Tetsuya asked wearily, "or are you just saying so to keep me from despairing?"

"You don't know how to despair," Renji chuckled, tickling his cheek, "You hurt and you cry, but you never give up. You never stop hoping. I don't know how, because sometimes I think you should give up. But then, you just keep going anyway, and I can't help but keep going too."

The two went silent, looking out the window at the dark swirls of sand.

"I am worried about Byakuya-sama."

"You know you shouldn't call him that," Renji chided him, "You're his husband too, Tetsuya."

"I know," Tetsuya confessed, "But when I was a prisoner before, hearing and saying that name, Byakuya-sama, made me feel stronger. I am just trying anything to make myself stronger."

"Give it a rest for now, okay? Yutaka's gone for a couple of days. We can relax while he's gone and be more like we were. C'mere."

Tetsuya relaxed, sinking more deeply into Renji's arms, sighing in relief.

"I'm so glad. It gets to be exhausting, trying to keep my heart strong while he hurts me."

"I hurt you too," Renji reminded him, "and even though it's because he makes me, I still feel bad about that."

"It's not your fault," Tetsuya said, tracing the golden tattoos on Renji's face, "You're really trying to protect me. At first, you didn't remember enough to know you wanted to do that. I feel your heart now, Renji. He hasn't made it leave you yet."

Renji squeezed Tetsuya's hand and kissed his earlobe, nuzzling him gently.

"You know that even if we escape…"

Tetsuya put gentle fingers over his lips, stopping him.

"You mean, when we escape," he reminded his husband.

"When we escape," Renji corrected himself, "people may not be very understanding about what I am. I think you've already realized it. You're just focusing on one problem at a time."

"We will deal with that when the time comes," Tetsuya said reassuringly, "Whatever we need to do, we will. You know that Byakuya-sama…"

"Byakuya."

"You know that Byakuya will help you. You have so many friends who will be on your side. When this is over…"

"I don't know if it will ever be over," Renji said sadly, "Tetsuya, mine is a special bloodline, and it affects not just me, but any kids I have. They have that bloodline too."

"It won't change who we are to each other," Tetsuya promised, sliding onto Renji's lap and very slowly taking his husband's length inside him, "We won't let it."

They made love slowly, and with a gentleness and passion they knew would have completely infuriated the absent king. Renji fell down on top of Tetsuya as they finished together, smiling and exchanging kisses, forgetting for a moment the shadow that hung over their happiness and just sharing the joy of being one. He held Tetsuya against him, touching his face and hair and breathing in his soft, flowery scent, his heart aching as he considered what he should do.

I don't know if I can ever go back, but I can't let Tetsuya know that. If he thinks for a minute that I'll let him and the babies go, he won't leave, and they're going to all be killed. I have to get them as close to Byakuya as I can, then I have to make Tetsuya leave me. Byakuya will take care of him, especially after Tetsuya explains where he's been. Byakuya will take care of all of them.

I just hope he won't endanger himself, coming after me. I am hollow royalty. I can't change that. It's going to follow me wherever I go. It's better if I accept a place with Yutaka and give him his heir. If I go back, there's no distance he won't go, and no one he won't kill to get me back.

Yeah, staying here is the safest thing for the ones I love.

I'm not going to let them die because of me.

XXXXXXXXXX

Arashi carried Byakuya to a large cave with a protected entrance as the wind around them rose up and swirled the sand into a raging sandstorm. They knelt inside, listening to the wind's howl and the pelting of the sand against the hard shell of rock that protected them. Byakuya leaned against the stallion, his thoughts as turbulent as the wind.

I have to find him. What possessed Tetsuya to go, alone and pregnant, into the depths of Hueco Mundo? I lost the trail when the storm arrived, but his heading would take him in the direction of the hollow king's palace. But why would he go there? I wonder if he is pursuing Renji's killer. If so, it was reckless not to take Arashi with him for his protection. And for Arashi not to be able to sense Tetsuya, he must be deliberately inhibiting their connection.

This makes no sense to me.

Tetsuya is usually strategic in his moves, even though he tends to be more emotionally charged than me. It is unlike him to endanger himself when he should have come to me.

But then, I have not exactly been there for him to go to.

"I made a mistake, coming here to Hueco Mundo and not bringing Tetsuya with me," Byakuya said softly, "I should not have left him behind. I was just worried because he was hurt so badly before. I feared for his safety and I forgot that he needed me and I needed him. I wish there was a way to tell him."

There may be, Arashi informed him, I don't know if it will reach him, but I can send thoughts to him, even if I am not able to track him. Would you like me to try?

"Yes, please do," Byakuya said in an achingly weary tone, "Please tell him…that I love him. And I am sorry that I left him for so long. I need him to come back safely. I have already lost Renji. I cannot lose Tetsuya too. Please tell him for me, Arashi. I need for him to know."

Arashi's head bowed and he let the words radiate in his mind, traveling outward from him and across the spinning sands, sinking into Tetsuya's sleeping mind and making his lips smile longingly.

Byakuya watched silently as Arashi relayed his words, then waited for a response. His heart skipped painfully in his chest as the horse's ears suddenly perked and his head lifted sharply in reaction.

"What is it? Did you reach him?"

Yes, the stallion informed him, Tetsuya could not give his location. I do not know why, but he said to tell you…that he loves you too, and he promises that he is safe, and he will return when he can. There is just something he feels he must do. And while he is gone, he wishes for me to see personally to your protection, on his behalf.

Byakuya went quiet, his dark eyes tormented and filled with loneliness.

"He should let me help him," the noble insisted, "Arashi, please try to convince him."

The stallion closed his blue eyes and attempted to make contact again. After several minutes, he shook his head gently.

I am sorry, Byakuya-sama. I can no longer reach him.

"Why is he doing this?" Byakuya mused, "This is when we should be working together. What is in his mind…?"

But then, he is only doing as I have been doing. When Renji died, I left Tetsuya as soon as I knew he would live, and I went on this unending search for Renji's killer. Avenging Renji became such a hunger and an incessant need, I forgot that the rest of our family needs me too. I wasn't there to comfort Tetsuya, I did not include him in my efforts here. Perhaps that is why he did this. I just hope he comes back soon or that I can find him. I need to mend things with him. Nothing will be right between us until I do.

He leaned against Arashi, breathing slowly and thinking deeply. But no matter how his mind turned or how he rearranged the facts, he couldn't reach a conclusion about his husband's unexplained actions. He fell asleep still struggling as the sandstorm continued to rage outside the cave.

XXXXXXXXXX

"What are you thinking, Tetsuya?" Renji whispered into his husband's ear and tracing the calm, peaceful smile he was wearing, "It must be a beautiful thought for you to be looking like that."

"I was just thinking that I misunderstood before," Tetsuya confessed softly, "I think that because you and Byakuya were together before I had the twins for you and became a part of you, I made the mistake of thinking that the part I played wasn't as crucial. You and Byakuya had each other and you would always have each other. So, what happened to me was less important."

"Now, you know that's not true," Renji chided him, "You and I have been really close. We've shared a lot."

"We have," Tetsuya agreed, "but secretly, there was a place in my mind that always feared losing what we had. I lost Naoki, and I had to be very strong to survive that. It was natural for me to fear losing Byakuya or you, so I made that my focus and my obsession. I was driven beyond all things to protect our love and our family. But while I was doing that, I didn't let myself believe what part I played in our happiness. And I told myself that I wasn't as important as you to Byakuya. He spent more time with you and he would make love to you without me there, but he would not touch me while you were away."

"And I remember telling you before that you were wrong, Tetsuya. Byakuya is as much in love with you as he is with me."

"I know that now," Tetsuya sighed, closing his eyes and tucking his face under Renji's chin, "I wish there was a way to let him know I finally understand. But we can't involve him in this."

"Why not?" Renji asked, "He's going to find out about me, sooner or later. I think you know that. I think you're afraid of that. I think that's why you're purposely trying to do this on your own."

"I'm not alone," Tetsuya breathed against the warm flesh of Renji's throat, "I am with you."

"But sometimes it's been like being alone, because I can't be there for you. And right now, while you're carrying our baby, you need to always feel like there's someone looking out for you. Tetsuya, I know that the king's reiatsu is speeding up our gestation. And I think that we're going to have to make our move soon. When we do, we will need Byakuya here to help us. You should be honest with him, Tetsuya. You should tell him the truth about all of this."

"I will," Tetsuya promised, "when the time is right. I have ordered Arashi to stay very close to him. Arashi will bring him to us when we make our escape. I have thought this through very carefully. It is going to work. We are going home together, and if Yutaka comes after us…then we will destroy him."

"Yeah," Renji agreed, holding Tetsuya tightly and feeling a little chill inside, "we will."