Going to school the next day was not only tough, it felt like the hardest thing she ever had to do in all her life, harder than eating, harder than coming out, harder than finding your mother drunk. She dreaded the moment she would see her ex-girlfriend again, terrified of the moment she saw Nichols and had to face her, she was so in panic that she had to throw up twice that morning without even forcing herself to like she usually did.

The evening before she had promised herself to ignore Alex, no looking at her or even in her direction and especially no talking to her. And she intended to keep that promise.

Larry had texted her and promised to pick her up from her car on the parking lot and keeping an eye on her before she could even ask him to, he probably knew how scared Piper was and how much of an effort it was to stop hiding herself in her bed behind her locked bedroom door.

She was so grateful that Larry had forgiven her, that she hadn't scared him off for good, and it helped her to forgive herself as well. Of course she knew she had been in an extraordinary situation, had been a wreck, who just wanted to forget her pain, but still, it had been shitty and she would not have been able to forgiven herself if she had lost the only friend she had in school, or the only person that could become a friend some day.

Piper didn't like the person she was without Alex, she had done so many stupid, pathetic things since the breakup and she had lost all her confidence, and only partly because of the beating itself, of course lying on the floor bleeding, surrounded by a bunch of spectators hadn't quite helped her pride, but now she also realized how much her confidence had been dependent on Alex.

She had built her confidence on the pedestal of being wanted by another person and now with that person gone, she found herself lying on the floor in between the fragments of that crashed pedestal.

But that was not going to happen again, she would be confident in herself from now on, just because she was how she was and she had to be proud of herself to be finally happy and healthy and she really wanted to be that.

She would not let any person decide whether she was worthy or not again, not let anybody define who she was but herself.

So when she walked into school she carried her head up high, Larry next to her – of course he had kept his promise, being the nice guy he was - she didn't quite feel the confidence yet, but she was sure that she just had to behave like she had confidence then she sooner or later she would believe herself, maybe. C'est sourire qui rend heureux.

Waiting for the moment she could punish Alex with ignorance, she let herself guard to her classroom, only to find that Alex wasn't there,yet, neither was Nichols.

But after all, why was that even a surprise, the raven haired was not really one of the over-punctual people, so why did she even expect her to be there yet?

As Larry saw the fear in Piper's eyes, he offered to stay a little bit longer before going to his own class.

But Piper knew she eventually would have to face the two sisters and Larry couldn't be at her side all the time.

They agreed on meeting in the break and only then Piper realized that she would probably never go back to her safe spot again. It hadn't been clear to her yet but it just didn't feel like her safe spot anymore, it had been their cave, their fortress, their lovenest and everything in it would remind her of Alex, of the time they had spent in there. All the talks, all the kisses, all the touchs. So going there was no option anymore if she wanted to get over her heartbreak eventually.

Alex didn't come to first lesson, or to second, or at all that day. Neither did her sister. That shouldn't be a surprise also.

Both of them were known for skipping school regularly, but Piper had almost forgotten about it until now since Alex had nearly been at school every day ever since they had become girlfriends.

Now that they weren't anymore, skipping school was probably on the top of Alex's list again. She should have known, she knew Alex, knew how little she cared about school or how little she let herself care about school, she had cared about sex that was all. Without that, she had no reason to come.

Plus the raven haired was probably as terrified as her from seeing each other again.

Alex wasn't in school on tuesday or wednesday either and Piper had no idea how to feel about it. A part of her was glad that she didn't have to face her and hoped Alex and Nicky would never come back, a part of her just wanted to get over with it dreading the moment of the encounter every morning all over again. And then there was another part in her, a part that still missed Alex like crazy, a part that felt like she couldn't stand the thought of never seeing her again, not feeling her again.

The only reliable constant these days was Larry who was always by her side, trying to protect her from all the people bothering her, constantly asking questions and implying theories about Nicky and the fight. Piper felt like being harrassed by paparazzi, she was the new schooltopic and suddenly she was so interesting that everybody wanted to talk to her.

Even though Piper had only gotten beaten without even trying to fight back, she and Larry were the ones who, at least in the official version, had finally given Nichols what she had deserved for so long, a proper beat up and a huge blow to her dignity. The redhead had clearly lost some of her repute through her aggressive freak out and the hits she had to take and especially hiding herself now had fueled the gossip about her.

While it seemed like Piper had gained that sympathy she had always wanted, only that now it felt wrong and disgusting. All of these people who had never said a word to her, who had treated her like a leprosy patient and who had never done anything to help her or each other suddenly wanted to sit at her lunch table and be her friends.

It was ridiculous.

Only the old Nichols' gang were still hating on her like they had always done, they gathered in a group always keeping their distance but still close enough so that they could disdain her, let her feel the threat and contempt all the time. But apart from that they were surprisingly harmless and rueful without their great leader around and Piper lost a lot of her fear of them.

Nichols was probably hiding herself from the disgrace of having been beaten up and would probably be back as soon as her bruises had faded and she could walk back into the halls with her head up high. Every morning Piper was checking on her own bruises that were turning from black to blue to green and slowly to yellow. She was sure that once the dark spots on her body were faded completely, so were Nicky's and then she would have to face the bully again.

The only question she couldn't answer like this was when would Alex be back? Would she come back at all?

When there was still no Alex at school on thursday Piper felt the loneliness weighing down on her even more than the days before. Even if she didn't want to admit it, she missed Alex, especially that day and she didn't realize why until the dreams she had had the night before started flashing back into her mind again.

She sat in the classroom, the hard chair under her butt and the scratched surface of the wooden desk under her hands, but all she could feel were Alex's soft lips on her's, she could feel the breeze of Alex's breath on her upper lip and smell the mint scent of her gum. Alex's hands were stroking softly over her waist, scraping that spot where it tickled a tiny little bit and felt completely intimate at the same time. She managed to whipe away her tears before anyone could see them but the tear in her heart that had just started to get a little bit smaller ripped open all over again, letting the black, heavy liquid that was where her blood should be run through her guts again.

Would it ever stopp hurting?

„Hey, would you go to that party with me tomorrow night? Paul's parents are on a trip. So he is ... "

Piper did barely listen to the soft warm words next to her, she was too focused on avoiding to look at anybody around her. She didn't want to talk to anybody anymore, couldn't stand the hypocrisy and all those liars who pretended like they had been friends forever. Couldn't stand the nosy questions and the absurd rumours.

Instead she ripped her food into little pieces, trying to make it look like she was actually eating something.

„Piper?" Larry ripped her out of her depressive trance.

„Huh?"

His warm eyes were full of sympathy, like they could see right through her eyes into her soul, see the ocean of pain she was drowning in again, he lied his hand on her forearm for a second in a brotherly gesture but then pulled it back again. „Party? Tommorrow?"

Piper shrugged her shoulders, she had no idea what she should do on a friday evening. She hated parties, hated people right now as well and she really dreaded spending her time with those numbnut hypocrites any longer than she had to, but sitting at home alone, with nothing that could keep her distracted from her thoughts about Alex. Polly at Pete's, Rory at Elliot's.

Not that anything could distract her anyways, really.

„Come on. Maybe a little distraction is good for you and if it's stupid we can always go."
Again Piper shrugged her shoulders, but then, out of a spontaneous impuls she nodded. What did it matter where she was waiting for her heart to feel like being in one piece again?

Larry's eyes lit up in surprise, he obviously hadn't expected her to say yes. Neither had she.

„Great, I pick you up at nine?"
„No!" her voice had come out louder than she had intended to, drawing attention to her person once more. Oh how she hated this situation, she kind of wished being invisible again. She lowered her voice.

„I mean, Can I pick you up?" she didn't want to be dependent on anybody, she wanted the oportunity to flee any second if she had to.

Larry looked at her in confusion but then he shrugged his shoulders, he had given up on always trying to understand Piper days ago.

He nodded, before he brought his attention back to the rubbery steak on the plate in front of him, putting a piece of it in his mouth, Piper felt sick only looking at it, but then again, she felt nauseous all the time right now.