Author's note: This story is based on the Undertale AU, SecuriTale created by the very talented tekitourabbit her amazing work can be found here: tekitourabbit* deviantart* com / (replace the asterisks with periods and remove the spaces.)
Undertale and related characters belong to the amazing Toby Fox
Two things about this AU:
First, Papyrus and Sans are age swapped (Papyrus is the elder.)
Second, Sans has more than one HP, more on that later; for now enjoy.
For those of you do not know, sign language contractions are a bit different from conventional English and can even vary depending on region, so if Sans signs his speech will not appear quite so lazy and without seeing facial expression a lot of meaning would be lost. Also, this is not conventional ASL or BSL, by any means. So if you are a native ASL or BSL speaker, please bare with and forgive the artistic licence.
Chapter Song: The Call by Regina Spektor
Chapter 2
Somewhere in the multiverse someone quipped:
If I said I thought you were a clown, I'd be lion.
Frisk stood at one of the large windows of her office, if she were required to be indoors, this had to be one of her favorite spaces. Her desire for fresh air, sunlight and birdsong were easily met in this space filled with windows and light. If she so wished, Frisk could jump a few feet from the windowsill to her favorite perch, a beech tree limb out in the garden. She had done so many times even though it was a twenty-five foot drop to the ground.
'Thank goodness it is almost the day's end,' she pondered, when she chanced a glance over her shoulder at the clock on the wall. She looked down at the messages on her phone screen, her face reddened with heat and vexation. Glaring at the offending device, Frisk slowly scrolled through the last few messages again.
F *You are too skilled… ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ
Is it true, are you really smoking in the stairwell?ू(･ิ ॄ･ิू๑)
S *...uh, hell yeah! ✧*。ヾ(｡ ﹏ ｡)ﾉﾞ✧*。i'm a bada$$
F *$hit... Sans, someone is going to call the fire marshal,
again…(＠￣Д￣＠；) Also, do not swear.
S *OMG… did YOU just swear your highness? （＊〇□〇）…！
F *Uh… no! ┻━┻ミ＼（≧ロ≦＼）
S *you totes did… i. saw. you.┗(•ˇ_ˇ•)―→
F *NOPE. 凸(^▼ｪ▼ﾒ^) Just nope. Never happened.
I deny everything, also I have diplomatic immunity.
S *omg, paps is gonna flip (ﾉಥ益ಥ）ﾉ ┻━┻
if he sees that text kiddo.┌∩┐(ಠ_ಠ)┌∩┐
not to mention the spanking i'm gonna be forced
to give ya. ಠ‿↼
F *... … …
F *... …
F *...
F *LOL, Sans.
F *wtheck? NOT COOL.
S *heh... i took it too far… again. didn't i?
F *Yes, sort of... look my dear, you had better get down here
before Papyrus loses it completely.
S *yeah, yeah ok kiddo… and for what it's worth…
i'm sorry...
'Why does feel the need to say such outlandish things; I thought we were friends,' she thought indignantly.
'He knows such statements perplex me. Does he take pleasure in seeing me confounded? What a melodramatic comedian!' Frisk's face was bright red and she felt like her hair was standing on end, these mixed emotions only enraged her further. She held her phone up, as if to throw the gadget out the window, but then lowered her arm and glanced around the room. Since she was still alone she hummed softly to herself.
'At least I did not lose my cool when responding.' Frisk reflected on why that would matter, then catalogued it for later consideration. It was then that she began to notice something odd, at first the young Ambassador could not put her finger on what was wrong. Frisk scanned the room, mentally looking for anything that might be out of place.
'Homework neatly finished and placed in bookbag, check; inbox nearly empty, check; outbox pretty full, check; printer tray empty, check; draft of a letter to the prime minister on computer screen, check; Papyrus reading a litany of remaining items, che... wait how disconcerting,no Papyrus." Glancing at the clock again she realized that she had been alone for almost twenty minutes. Her exasperation with Sans began to slowly burn away, it was not like them to be gone so long. It was rare she was ever alone for such a lengthy period. Only when she was asleep did she have so much time to herself. Even then the young Ambassador was never truly alone, for sometimes Sans would just teleport into her bed; claiming he had had a nightmare, or concerned she might have had one. Frisk's cheeks began to heat again, and she touched both hands to her warm face wondering if she were coming down with something.
"COME BROTHER, YOU CAN SIT WHILE OUR LADY FINISHES THE DAY'S TASKS. THEN I THE GREAT PAPYRUS, SHALL ENDEAVOR TO CREATE A DINNER FOR YOU THAT WOULD BE WORTHY OF OUR ILLUSTRIOUS MONARCH," vocalized a familiar and comforting tenor from beyond the office door.
"...paps... ya dun have to bother, i can j-jus' get somethin' from grillby's," Sans' baritone was softer than normal and sounded incredibly tired.
'Sans is more exhausted than he was letting on,' as that impression crossed her mind, Frisk let the last of her displeasure evaporate.
"NONSENSE BROTHER, GRILLBY WHILE A GOOD FRIEND IS NOT WHOM SHOULD MAKE YOUR DINNER TONIGHT." Papyrus pontificated, as he swung open the door.
"I YOUR ELDER, AND MIGHT I ADD SUPERIOR OFFICER, SHALL MAKE YOU A LOVELY PASTA BRIMMING WITH FRESH HEALTHY INGREDIENTS. WITH SUCH POWER AT MY DISPOSAL YOU SHALL BE ASSURED OF A RESTFUL, AND MIGHT I ADD HP REPLENISHING NIGHT'S SLEEP."
The brothers entered the office, and Papyrus lead Sans to a plush chair in the corner. Frisk could tell from the way that Papyrus was standing he was checking Sans' HP; it was something that the elder did almost regularly for the younger. As the young woman watched the two of them, she noticed that subtle silent form of communication which would occasionally manifest between the siblings; one she was unable to understand.
"NOW THAT YOU ARE SETTLED BROTHER, I THE GREAT AGENT PAPYRUS SHALL ENDEAVOUR TO HELP OUR HUMAN TO FINISH THE DAY'S TASKS." Frisk jumped at the sound of the elders voice. Not from fright, after all monsters were much less frightening than humans, she had startled rather because she had been staring at them. The ambassador looked away blushing and quickly sat returning her attention to the correspondence on her screen. Frisk could feel Sans eyes on her, but she had decided that she was going to ignore him.
"HUMAN THE LETTER YOU ARE DRAFTING IS OF GREAT IMPORTANCE," the tall skeleton moved closer to her and scanned her face carefully.
"HOWEVER, I BELIEVE THAT LIKE MY BROTHER YOU ARE RUNNING LOW ON ENERGY AND ARE IN NEED OF A HEALTHY HOME COOKED MEAL. COME DEAR FRISK, LET US CLEAN YOUR OFFICE AND LEAVE IT AS WE FOUND IT. THEN WE SHALL AWAY TO OUR DOMICILE, TO DO BATTLE AGAINST HUNGER AND FATIGUE WITH WHOLESOME PASTA. NYEH HEH HEH!" Frisk smiled up at one of the best and most understanding monsters in the whole world.
*Papyrus,* she signed, *that is a wonderful idea. May we have a salad and make pudding for dessert?*
"...salad," came a whine, "aww c'mon papy, lettuce not?"
Sans' plea was met with taciturnity, only the soft shuffling of paper filled the room, as his elder and his lady organized needlessly. Papyrus took his cues from the young human and participated in ignoring his sibling.
"...why are the two of you pudding me off? can't ya see i'm... a dressing you? i find being ignored completely unpalatable. after all even chinese sailors with a skeleton crew eat junk food, ya can make no bones abowt it," Sans' skilled punnery was met with total silence.
"...fine! if the two of ya are just going to ignore me i'll makes myself a sanswich," he yelled in frustration.
There was a very soft and definitely unladylike snort accompanied by a sonorous male chuckle. Sans' two companions looked at each other for a moment and broke into huge foolish grins, then they lost it and their laughter rang in the the room like tinkling chimes and grand church bells. Papyrus and Frisk would look away from one another and their mirth would slowly die. However, one had only to catch the eye of the other and their joy would infect the room again.
"...twasn't that funny was it? i only said i wanted a sanswich."
"OH... DEAR... GOD... SANS," gasped Papyrus between chuckles. "DO… YOU… EVEN... HEAR... YOURSELF?"
Meanwhile, Frisk had apparently lost the ability to stand and was giggling with her butt planted on the floor, kicking her feet like a child, she was trying to sign something but her hands were shaking too hard. With heaving breath she tried to sign again, but only succeeded in giving herself the hiccoughs.
"...what was that frisky, have you developed a stutter," queried Sans sitting forward in his seat; his face was ripe with confusion.
"...usually neither of ya laugh so hard at my puns."
*You said 'Sans,'* Frisk finally managed to sign, still panting for breath between hiccoughs.
"...-i-i don't get it, what do you mean i said my name?"
"DEAR GOD SANS, FUNNY, REAL FUNNY." Papyrus' voice sobered, but still held the sweet note of laughter.
"THE HUMAN MEANS THAT YOU SAID 'SANSWICH,' SANS, SANSWICH. YOU SAID SANSWICH INSTEAD OF SANDWICH."
"...no i didn't, did i?"
*You most certainly DID.* Frisk finger spelled the last word for emphasis, still giggling softly.
"...well at least ya aren't ignoring me anymore. i thoughtcha were going to feed me cold shoulder for dinner." Sans grinned even wider if possible. His response was met with groans and giggles.
"YOUR PUNS ARE GOING TO BE THE DEATH OF ME BROTHER."
*Really, Papyrus? I would think it would be spaghetti*
"ALRIGHT HUMAN, I'LL BITE. WHY WOULD THE MOST PERFECT OF FOOD STUFFS BE THE DEATH OF ME?" Ambassador Dreemurr began to sign her answer, but Papyrus held up his hands.
"NOW, NOW MY LADY, IF YOU INTEND TO ENGAGE IN THIS PLAY ON WORDS. YOU MUST DO SO IN YOUR OWN VOICE. AFTER ALL IT IS VERBAL WORDPLAY." Frisk pulled a pouting face and Sans mimicked her.
*But...* Papyrus cut her off yet again.
"NO BUTS. VOCALIZE YOUR VERBAL SWORD, OR DROP IT," her loyal guardian smiled at her warmly.
"...yeah my beautiful girl, i haven't heard the sultry sounds of your voice today."
*If you are trying to anger me...* This time it was Sans who stopped her mid sentence.
"...nuh-uh kiddo, say it. don't give me the fingers," he gave her a playful glare and made a tsking sound.
"Damn, fine..." she pronounced slowly.
"...ah! there she is, and I know I am, but we weren't talkin' 'bout me kid. you were about to lay one on ol' papy." Frisk growled at him and Sans growled back playfully.
"Alright," she replied softly, voice barely above a whisper.
"HUMAN…" Papyrus sighed giving her his kindest look and a hopeful grin.
"FRISK, WE HAVE SPOKEN ABOUT THIS AT LENGTH, MY LADY. YOU MUST ENUNCIATE, NO MUMBLING, YOUR ABILITY TO SPEAK CLEARLY WILL ONE DAY BE ESSENTIAL TO YOUR JOB. COME MY DEAR, I GROW IMPATIENT, SLAY ME WITH YOUR WIT." Frisk let out an exasperated sigh, cleared her throat dramatically, and felt her face heat slightly with so much attention.
"Papyrus, one day spaghetti will be the death of you," she paused for dramatic effect, "for, eventually you will pasta way." Sans let out a groan, and she gave him a pointed look, as Papyrus nodded his approval.
"I would not be so quick to judge, if I were you Sans."
"...oh yeah, and why is that kiddo?" Frisk gave him a dangerous looking smile.
"Because," she said politely, "I know you Sans, and you would lasagna couch all day given the choice, as a part of your daily rotini." Sans' face was one of total shock and Papyrus was grinning like a fool. The young ambassador decided to take advantage of her friends' silence and continued.
"My apologies for ignoring you Sans. I was angry with you fusilli reasons, and while it was neither mafalde, or yours. I let my emotions spirali out of control. So, I want to take this opportunity tagliatelle, I am sorry, and I need to really thank you fiori help and protection. I hope, that if ever we are farfalle apart, you gnocchi that you are my dearest and most cherished friend." Papyrus began clapping loudly and Sans drew in a sharp breath.
"Forgive me my friends, apparently I am feeling very pasta aggressive," she beamed broadly and turned quickly away from the younger to look at the elder who was now whistling as well as clapping.
*Was I really that good Papyrus,* Frisk asked, returning to sign.
"MY LADY, WHILE YOUR JAPE AT MY EXPENSE FELL A BIT FLAT. YOU HAVE GIVEN MY BROTHER, IF HE WERE CURRENTLY CAPABLE OF SPEECH, WHAT I AM SURE HE WOULD TERM, A 'SICK BURN.' QUITE FABULOUS AMBASSADOR, ONE DAY YOU WILL RIVAL THE FINEST OF THE SILVER TONGUED POLITICIANS." Papyrus patted her head gently, and the two resumed cleaning. It was not long before the office was tidier than when they found it.
While Papyrus and Frisk cleaned, Sans became lost in his daydreams. His was a world where hand in hand, Frisk and he would face their nightmares and fight their demons and win. A place wherein he was the only creature who heard Frisk's lilting voice, her musical laughter and she held his heart in her hands to cherish or destroy. Watching her every day and being near her was becoming almost too much for Sans to bear. Yet, hearing, actually hearing, her use her rapier wit to take him down a peg made him feel even more deeply what a perfect match she was for him. His soul burned with the fire of determination, to see her safe forever and never again gone from his side. In such a world, perhaps, he would finally capture that kiss; the hidden one that was just out of reach.
'...OH MY GOD… is it possible to fall even more in love,' Sans wondered as his cheeks turned a startling bright blue, and he continued to sit in stunned silence.
"SANS, WE ARE READY TO GO. SANS? SANS?" Papyrus moved to his brother's side and began waving his hand before the young monster's face.
"...so beautiful," Sans responded stupidly, as cupid hit him with multiple airstrikes.
"HUMAN, I BELIEVE YOU MAY HAVE INADVERTENTLY BROKEN MY BROTHER." Frisk made her way over to the brothers and stood between them, so they could both see her hands.
*Perhaps I should attempt a repair?* Papyrus nodded gravely and gestured for Frisk to take over. She moved closer to Sans as Papyrus stepped away to gather Frisk's book bag and a few files that could be gone over in the morning.
"MY LADY I SHALL BRING THE CONVEYANCE AROUND, I LEAVE COLLECTING MY BROTHER TO YOU. SEE THAT YOU DO NOT DAWDLE, MY DEAR FRISK, HEALTHY DINNERS DO NOT MAKE THEMSELVES AFTER ALL. NYEH HEH HEH!" With that said, the Great Agent Papyrus departed for the parking garage.
*Sans,* she signed his name as she did when she first did when she met him, with the sign for without. It was childish she knew, but he always answered when she addressed him thus. Sans looked up at her with a sad smile on his face.
"...hey kiddo, not like that," he patiently signed his name, just like he had done, during nearly every first encounter.
*i am sans. sans the skeleton.*
"...dontcha know how to greet a pal," Sans said and signed to her. Frisk hesitated as she slowly reached for Sans' hand, but he met her halfway, and grasped hers.
"...i'm sorry, i didn't mean ta upset ya earlier. i… um... just really, i... r-really," he sighed, and felt the ache in his soul. Sans had so many things he wanted to say to her, so much love he wanted to express, but it always came out wrong. It made him feel like a letch, and he knew better. Frisk squeezed his hand tightly, then loosed herself from his grip so she could respond.
*Sans did I hurt your feelings?*
"...w-what? n-no… heck no kiddo. that was some of the best punning i ever heard." He smiled broadly and chuckled, before growing serious once more.
"...ya had me pegged and you apologized to me too, a-and i didn't really deserve it, because i upset you… again. if anything… i-i hurt myself when i hurt you; it kills me when you're angry with me. i-i was just stunned is all and i got ta hear y-your lovely voice, which is always a real pleasure. you're really sweet to be worried about me, i-i definitely don't deserve it."
*My dear, why would I not worry about you? You are my most beloved and closest companion.* Frisk reached out and stroked his cheek, and Sans nuzzled very gently into her touch. She sighed sadly, running her thumb along his cheekbone before pulling her hand away to continue her thought.
*Sans, you are my guidepost; I look to you when I want to be a better person. You helped me when no one else would, you protected me when you did not have to, and you have asked for nothing from me. You have been looking after me longer and with more care than anyone else in my life has, for that Sans, I thank you.* Sans face flushed blue at her heartfelt words, he wished he could be so eloquent and tell her how he felt. Even if he had to wait for her to be ready to accept his love; he would willingly wait for her, until the world faded into the endless void.
"...thanks kiddo, you have no idea how much i needed to hear that."
Frisk reached for his hand again and tugged, urging him to his feet.
"...alright i'ma comin' kiddo, anyways where's the fire?" Sans eased himself gingerly from the plush chair, and released her hand reluctantly.
*Notice anyone missing,* Frisk asked. Sans glanced around the room, feigning ignorance.
"...nope, but i'll say... it is strangely quiet, like a tomb." Frisk giggled.
"Yes, it must be a grave because I found the body," she whispered and then elbowed him gently in the arm.
"...nope i'm not the body, i'm the guard. i havta tell ya though, this is better than the job i had at the circus." Sans gave her a sidelong smirk as they headed toward the office door, which he held open for her. Frisk stepped into the hallway and Sans shut and locked the door behind them. The pair then made their way toward the elevator, heading for the relative comfort of the SUV.
*Oh really, what was so bad about working at the circus?*
"...welp i was a clown, which was great, but the real problem was the manager," Sans said as he pressed the call for the elevator.
*Okay, I suppose I can picture you as a clown. I mean it is a stretch, but I can use my imagination.* Her smile was gentle as she looked up at Sans, but her eyes were full of mischief.
*However, I cannot ever see you having a problem with authority. Tell me Sans, what made this manager so bad?* The elevator doors opened, the duo stepped inside, and the ambassador depressed the button for the main floor.
"...welp ya see he was a real twisted individual this manager, and he made me uncomfortable after every performance."
*Dear me, whatever could this manager have done to make you feel uncomfortable,* Frisk queried when the elevator doors opened once more, and the brace stepped into the bright glass and marble of the embassy lobby.
*I mean, it usually takes a lot to rattle you,* the twosome waved at Bob where he sat at the lobby security desk and headed through the main entrance. Sans held the doors for her again.
"...geez don't i know it, but this guy he made all the clowns come to his office when the act was done." As they stepped through the doors Sans stopped Ambassador Dreemurr, despite the fact that Papyrus began laying on the horn the moment he saw them.
*Oh, what did he want?*
"...he a, gosh even now it's hard to talk about."
*My dear, take your time, but do tell me. It is clear you need to get this off you chest,* Frisk signed while making a valiant effort to keep a serious face.
"...k' i will thanks... thanks for being so understanding frisky," Sans sniffled, gave a few crocodile tears and continued in a sobbing voice, "ya see the manager… he wanted us in his office e'ry night... so he could… geez this is so embarrassing… so he could watch us… get undressed." Frisk gave a mock gasp of shock and brought her hand to her forehead dramatically.
*My goodness why did he want to see such a thing?*
"...welp apparently he was a big fan of… a good... comic strip," Sans skipped forward and held his arms out to his sides, pandering to an invisible audience, but Frisk groaned. He turned back to watch her hands and face.
*Sans that's awful.*
"...yeah, it was pretty traumatic." He clutched at his chest and sniffled, then reached up to wipe his eye.
*No, Sans that joke was awful. Though, I suppose it could have been worse.*
"... how could it have been any worse than that," he wondered aloud.
*You could have been eaten,* Frisk responded.
"...eaten? huh, whadda ya mean?"
*By the lions.*
"...lions… wait what lions," Sans questioned, sounding quite obtuse. Frisk set her hands on her hips and rolled her eyes at him with an exasperated sigh, before continuing.
*The circus lions, silly skeleton. We were talking about your taxing, former job at the circus.*
"...'k, i'd be lion if i said weren't curious, soooo why was i so fortunate to not be eaten?"
*You were lucky, because lions think clowns taste,* she paused for a beat *ridiculous.*
With that Frisk turned on her heel and began to walk toward their vehicle once more. Papyrus rolled down the window and shouted for them to hurry up, but Sans just stood there watching his lady walk away.
"SANS YOU LAZYBONES, DO NOT JUST STAND THERE BOONDOGGLING! OUR LADY FRISK NEEDS SOMEONE TO OPEN THE DOOR OF THIS CONVEYANCE, sO THAT WE MIGHT RETURN HOME BEFORE THE SUN SETS."
"DEAR GOD… she's... perfect," Sans said under his breath. He then hurried to chase after the departing ambassador.
"...a'ight, a'ight, papyrus i'm coming! yo lady dreemurr wait for me!"