As Shinra left the room, Shizuo couldn't help but chuckle weakly. "Am I supposed to believe that like all the other goddamn lies you told me?"

"It's smart to not believe everything I say." Izaya said as he sat back into the chair beside the bed.

"Tch. Guess I'll take a compliment when I can."

"Might as well." Izaya rubbed his temples, unsure of how to strike up a conversation. If this was anyone else but Shizuo, it wouldn't be a problem. "Ahh...how are you...feeling?"

Shizuo moved to pull up the sheets to show off the tube sticking out of his side, "Wanna see?"

Izaya grimaced and covered the view with his hand, "I'll pass on that." Shizuo put it back and paused, frowning.

"…Like you care anyway."

"You'd be surprised." Izaya murmured, feeling the hairs on the back of his neck sticking up. He wasn't used to feeling nervous. He sighed, glancing back up at him. "You really didn't hear a thing I said when I first came a half hour ago, did you?"

"You were here for half an hour?"

He nodded, "Yeah, spewing out all my thoughts to a deadweight."

"Still haven't changed, have you." Shizuo said with a sour chuckle.

"Nnn, no not really." It was a white lie. One that Izaya wasn't ready to really make truthful. He had changed. Shizuo had changed him more than anyone.

But Shizuo bought his fib, "Tch. Figures."

Izaya ran a hand through his hair, tugging at the strands with frustration. Why was this such a big challenge? Shizuo turned back to face the ceiling.

"... I needed you."

Izaya looked up with slight surprise, "Needed me?"

"Yeah. But I'm pretty sure you wouldn't know shit about that one." Shizuo barked back. It caused a frown to form on Izaya's face.

"Depends on what you mean, I suppose…"

"Can't get much simpler than that. Come on, it's not that complex," Shizuo said with a nervous and pained laugh.

Izaya leaned back in his chair and crossed his arms, "I figured that much. The idea would be that you got over it and moved on. Apparently I didn't think of the possibility that you wouldn't just get over this phase of "loving" me."

Shizuo glared, taking offense to that. If Izaya thought that would mend any wounds, he was an idiot. "If you're going to treat what I felt for you as a fucking "phase" then I don't want you here."

The raven narrowed his eyes at him, carmine and honey eyes locking in a fierce stare down, "Fine. If you're going to snap at me, I'm not going to waste my breath trying to fix this. Because for your god damn information, I never thought of it as a "phase", as much as I hoped to Valhalla that it would be."

Shizuo fell silent, his attention caught by Izaya's words. He waited quietly for Izaya to continue, watching as the informant struggled to form a sentence and organize his thoughts.

"I would have preferred to not have to repeat myself, so I'll give you the summary." Izaya started. He paused, waiting for Shizuo to say anything. When he didn't, he continued, "I only started helping you because I was getting a paycheck. But soon I actually started to worry about your sorry little ass. And in the end, I was actually rooting for you to get better. You became a…" he choked slightly on his words, "..friend or sorts. And...I guess feelings were mutual…"

Shizuo listened to him, wanting to believe him. He desperately wanted to think Izaya was telling the truth. But it was hard…not when he had broken Shizuo's heart. "That's not the whole story." He needed it all. Every detail. Or else…nothing would be fixed.

"What details do you want to know, ha?" Izaya grunted with annoyance. He really didn't want to repeat every embarrassing detail again.

"We all know, but you're too much of a goddamn coward to admit it! How you took my feelings up into the sky and then dropped them and how you watched them break on the fucking pavement. You can't just show up with a couple rolls of scotch tape and some staples and…" Shizuo trailed off, eyes watering. He turned away, shaking his head, "Nevermind. Forget it."

"I know that!" Izaya groaned with exasperation, his voice getting louder as he struggled to keep calm. Talking to Shizuo was like talking to a child! "I wasn't planning on this being as simple as fixing a broken doll!" He slammed his fist on the table, gritting his teeth as he leaned forward. "know I'm a fucking coward. That's why I fled from this city to think. But at least i'm sucking it up and coming back to try and make things work!"

"You think I didn't? You think I ran after you for miles in the snow just for fun? Ah?" Shizuo yelled, clenching his fists. Izaya heard the heart monitor go up and moved to try and tell him to calm down, but Shizuo continued to bark at him. "It's like breaking someone's legs and expecting them to get up and walk, it doesn't fucking work like that, Izaya! What, you think I haven't thought about you every goddamn day? That I haven't woken up each morning, hoping you'll be there next to me?"

Izaya fell silent, resting his outstretched hand in his lap. "Then what would you like me to do, hmm? 'Cause I'm trying to make this work…."

Shizuo took shaky breaths, trying to calm himself down. His chest hurt from his screaming, and all he wanted right now was for Izaya to leave. But he promised to the twins that he would try. So, he was gonna give it his all. "...Why did you... why did you do it?"

Why did he do it? Izaya thought the answer was obvious.

"I was afraid…"

Shizuo's gaze fell to the floor, "So was I…"

Izaya chuckled, picking his gaze up to look at Shizuo with the smallest smile he could muster, "At least we agree on that…" He rubbed the back of his neck, feeling more awkward as Shizuo remained silent. "I'm sorry…" he whispered. Shizuo barely heard the informant speak. "I'm sorry that I had to do that to you. I was just...I'm not used to commitment. The idea of being with you...in that way...it scared the shit out of me. I felt like I had to run away. And..."

"And breaking my heart was the way to do it?"

"Yes..." Izaya sighed, clasping his hands together and bending forward to rest them against his head. "I'm sorry."

"Fine."

Izaya looked up slightly surprised, an expression Shizuo wasn't used to seeing on his face. "Fine?"

"I'll forgive you for shitting on my feelings."

Izaya felt a strange wave of relief wash over him and cracked a smile, "Tha-"

"Still doesn't make what you did right."

The raven's face fell, and he nodded with agreement. "Yeah, I know." He smirked again, "And I'll forgive you for fucking yourself up and getting stuck in this place."

Shizuo glared at Izaya, "I only did that cause you-!"

"For the years you've known me, you know I've wanted to take you down with my blade. Not as a result of your mistakes thanks to a broken heart."

"Well that's comforting…"

"You know what I mean."

Shizuo sighed, "Yeah yeah…I know. You wouldn't want me ending myself off for something stupid."

"Even more so now."

He looked up at the sound of Izaya's hushed voice, seeing the pained expression on his face that the raven couldn't hide "Did you really mean that? That the feelings were mutual?"

"…I was caught up in the mo-" he paused, and held himself back. His personality wanted him to cover his real emotions. But that's not what he needed to do. Right now, he had to lay his emotions out on the table for Shizuo to see. "Yeah. Yeah I was telling the truth. The only lie I had told you was that I hated you. In the end, I…"

"Loved me?" Shizuo whispered, voice hopeful as he moved closer to Izaya. He rolled onto his side, reaching out to brush his hand against Izaya's.

Izaya shook his head, "I'm not ready to say that so openly…" In his mind, he knew he had already let those words slip. But Shizuo was asleep. He had managed to admit it to himself. He can't confess to Shizuo…not yet.

Shizuo held onto Izaya's hand tightly, squeezing as he pulled the informant closer. Their heads touched and their hands trembled. Both were scared to take this leap again - not when both had taken a hard hit from it.

"Shizu-chan…"

"Hmm?"

"I…I do care for you…" Izaya murmured, his gaze flicking up to capture Shizuo's eyes. "Leaving you was the hardest thing for me…and when I heard you were in the hospital, I just…I regretted it…"

Shizuo ran a hand softly through Izaya's hair, "I'm sorry I relapsed and got myself here."

"No, you only relapsed because I left."

"Well then, I'm sorry I worried you."

Izaya looked up at Shizuo and smiled wearily, feeling worn down after letting go of so much inner pain. Shizuo smiled back at him, brushing Izaya's bangs from his face.

"Promise me you'll always be a monster. I can't love a single human…but maybe…I can learn to love a monster." Izaya murmured, eliciting a breathy laugh from the blond.

"I'll try my best," he promised. What a strange thing for Izaya to ask, but it was something he could almost expect to come from the brunette. "And what about us? Do you think we have a chance?" Shizuo asked hopefully. Izaya smiled, tenderly kissing Shizuo to silence him.

"We'll work on 'us' once you get better and check out. We'll make it work." Shizuo took Izaya's promise to heart, trusting that things would get better. He and Izaya would get through this.

They would heal.

And they would finally be happy.