Author's note: This story is based on the Undertale AU, SecuriTale created by the very talented tekitourabbit her amazing work can be found here: tekitourabbit* deviantart* com / (replace the asterisks with periods and remove the spaces.)

Undertale, related characters, and some words belong to the amazing Toby Fox

Lyrics from Iscariot are from the album Walk the Moon by Walk the Moon

Two things about this AU:

First, Papyrus and Sans are age swapped (Papyrus is the elder.)

Second, Sans has more than one HP, more on that later; for now enjoy.

Chapter song: My Beautiful Demon by Françoise Hardy

Chapter 7

Somewhere in the multiverse someone quipped:

I relish the fact that you've mustard up the strength to ketchup to me.

As his vision began to clear by fits and starts, Sans thought for a moment he had suffered permanent ocular damage, because there was an unpleasant darkening reddish-purple streak across his Lady's left eye. Frisk was smiling up at him and though she looked determined her eyes were glazed with tears. Sans wanted so badly to caress her countenance, even if only to run a line of healing magic across her eye.

'...perhaps she would allow me to heal her,' he bit down on his tongue hard, with a broken arm and his magic spread so thin he could not even consider that option.

"...damn, i knew you weren't alright my ladyship." He turned back to the group frozen in place before him and tightened his grip. There were small gasps of pain as the kidnappers struggled against his magic.

"...welp, welp, welpy, welp, welp… ya know i'd a thought you'd be wise to the magic of THINGS that you'd like to destroy. ya see if ya move it's gonna hurt… a lot, but if ya hold still there should be virtually no pain." Sans frowned down at them and hoped he looked menacing, for the most part they were still fuzzy blobs of color and he really could not tell one from another. The sounds of the forest were suddenly drowned out by the rhythmic thrum of an aircraft. The thrum became a roar as a familiar sounding helicopter circled for what seemed like an approach.

"... ya know if yous guys are frightened of me," Sans raised his voice to be heard over the tumult of disrupted air and roar of engines.

"...just wait until ya meet my big brother. o'course he won't change much, but he also won't take kindly to ya damaging the most important person in his life, and i don't mean me." The promise of rescue by air was short lived, when the aircraft circled once more but the uproar was replaced by silence as the chopper headed away from them toward the setting sun. Sans glanced down at Frisk again, worry marring the smooth bone of his face; the bruise on her face was darkening rapidly. He did not allow the concern at the craft's departure to enter his voice, however.

"...ya see, my elder brother has taken, AMBASSADOR FRISK DREEMURR, under his wing and welp he considers her family. heck, if there's one thing ya should know about my brother it's that ya DO NOT MESS with his family. so, i'm gonna ask ya this next question real slow and easy like, and one of ya is gonna answer me, or THERE IS GONNA BE HELL TO PAY." Sans' baritone which was usually sweet and lilting, despite his lazy grammar, became in that moment raspy and haunting. It was something out of Frisk's half remembered nightmares when he asked.

"N o w, l?" His voice and face became so frightening to her, especially with the odd color his magic had taken on, that Frisk pulled away from him and he faltered.

"...princess, i would neva..." Sans tried desperately to bolster his magical defences, but with each step Frisk took backward from him, he could feel his hold on the humans weaken.

*Sans do not...* His vision was clouding again and he could not make out the last portion of what her Ladyship was trying to tell him. He tried to focus on her blue eyes, but at that moment she looked away from him and to her would be kidnappers.

"...my lady… i… don't understand. i can't…" Sans tottered dangerously and his magic began to flicker like a guttering candle; wisps of light in a myriad of colors flowed away from his body. Suddenly, he could feel all of his injuries; the rush of pain as bone ground on bone and a ringing in his head overwhelmed his senses.

"i do believe... i am falling… down," Sans gasped and fell backward, as he lost the battle with gravity; a cloud of dust rose around him when he hit the soil.

"...forgive me my lady."

"Sans, Sans you promised." Frisk let go of her foolish, momentary fear and rushed to his side. The humans, meanwhile, attempted to scatter to the four winds, when his magic flickered and died releasing them.

"...neva, …hate… promises," he murmured faintly. She took his large left hand in both of her smaller ones, and watched as his eyes began to close.

"You did promise and you may not close your eyes, for I do not accept your resignation at this time Agent Bones." she breathed softly.

"... i'm tired." Frisk Dreemurr, Ambassador of Monsters shook her head refusing his words.

"Keep your promise!"

"...i did, you're... alive," Sans could barely breathe, he could not remember a time when he had been in so much pain; he was ready for everything to stop.

"Do not be foolish, not that promise. I want my promise," she clutched Sans' bony hand more tightly; it felt thin and cool, two things she had never felt when holding his hand before. Silent tears rolled down Frisk's face; she had always hidden her sobs since she was small, but her tears were not something she could control.

"...don't cry... beautiful girl," Sans wheezed, "...what… promise?" The young woman flushed, though he could not see it, she believed from the strain of so much speaking in one day. She too was tired, but refused to allow her dear friend to leave her.

"You said you would not let me go, not even if you were offered the world." Sans scrunched his brow but not in pain, he was trying to remember when he had made such a promise and when it hit him he laughed despite the agony his ribs were in.

"...w-with tha… shoes," those damned pink stilettos Alphys had given his Lady, were nothing but trouble. Though, when she was finally able to walk without aid her steps were so adorable; it was all he could think about for weeks after the event.

"I took you at your word Sans Bones, it was a promise," she sounded very put out that he might have forgotten something, that while in retrospect was a little thing, was so obviously important to her.

"...i know kid," he was struggling for each breath now; talking hurt, thinking hurt, breathing was torture, but holding her hands and hearing her voice was what he imagined heaven was like. If this was how he was going to going to go, it was not so bad.

"...sorry."

"Do not apologize, keep your damn promise," she shouted and swore at him; he was so shocked by this he opened his eyes, to look for those eyes the color of the sea reflecting the sky.

"...hey now… i-is that… any way for… a nice y-young lady… ta speak?"

"You have never lied to me my dear, do not start now," she held his hand tighter and brought their joined hands to her chest, as she looked down at him. There they were, those eyes so blue, flecked with chips of emerald if you knew where to look. Tears filled them and spilled down pink cheeks onto his ruined shirt.

"Do not lie," she begged.

"...ain't a liar… kiddo... would i fibula," he croaked when his voice cracked. She closed her eyes tightly, much to Sans disappointment, to him it looked like she was concentrating, trying to muster her strength, or determination.

"...frisk… whatcha doin'," his voice was raspy, but he sounded slightly nervous.

"Shh, helping..." she scrunched her face more tightly and held his hand against her heart.

There was an odd hush around them, as if the world was waiting for something. The ringing in Sans head began to quiet, only to be replaced by a deep repetitive buzz; it took him a few moments to realise that it was an external sound and not in his head. The chopper was back, which meant that his Lady would be saved. Sans closed his eyes again prepared to breathe his last when a rough voice interrupted what he had assumed were his last moments.

"Captain Bones, we all agree you should get up sir," Sans opened one eye to be met with the startling sapphire of Commander Doggo, inches from his face.

"...commander can't ya see i'm dying… go away and stop calling me captain," he groaned, closing his eye again; it took him a few heartbeats to realise that his breathing was coming much easier.

"You don't smell like you're dying Captain," Dogaressa barked, "and we all agree on this."

"...when don't you agree with each other?" Sans was starting to feel like this was an odd way to die; meanwhile Frisk continued to hold his hand.

"We never agree about Lady Human Frisk," Dogamy offered.

"...whaddya mean ya don't agree about her ladyship," the crazy dogs now had his full attention and he opened his eyes to look at them. There were several barks and quite a few growls, though they sounded further away, in response to his question.

"Lesser Dog and Greater Dog say, petting is better, but the rest of us like to play with her, Captain." Commander Doggo sniffed his broken arm.

"Captain, we all agree you are injured."

"...i coulda told ya that, and i woulda… except i'm not injured, i'm dying; so go away," Sans closed his eyes again, and just hovered in the darkness of his own head listening to the thrum of the hovering helicopter, before it departed again.

"Anyone want to tell me why the Clown is laying in the dirt," a familiar voice asked.

"The Captain says, he's dying, Director," Commander Doggo barked to his superior.

"Like hell, not on my watch! Get up nerd. Commander take your troops and go support Ego."

"...where is my brother, director?"

"What the heck do you think he's doing, huh? Losing his mind over over there, because you are laying on the ground looking like week old crap; he's also holding those damn humans in BLUE."

"...oh," Sans sighed and closed his eyes, if he was not dying maybe he could catch a nap; the forest floor was as good a place as any.

"Oh? OH? You two," Undyne growled something unintelligible, "have given me the worst day I've had in months. Okay, actually it was pretty damn exciting, but still..." Frisk released Sans hand and he was disappointed until he realised she was saying something to the Director.

"Punk, I DO NOT want to hear your excuses, I don't give a flying flip what that email said," Undyne snarled angrily.

"Wait back up repeat that, I didn't get it. Bombs? What bombs, why didn't you tell anyone! These cowards are terrorists, why would you believe anything they say?" Sans sat up suddenly and grabbed Frisk's shoulder while looking into her eyes.

"...they said bombs and you didn't think to trust me… uh, um... us? we are here for you kid. to PROTECT you. what tha hell," he looked into Frisk's eyes one more time, before struggling to stand and looking around to see exactly where his brother was. Undyne reached down to help Sans to his feet and he nodded to her gratefully; he did not look at the Ambassador again. When he stood he bent forward resting his undamaged left arm on his femur, through pants his elder brother would most likely want destroyed. Taking a deep breath, Agent Bones took a few moments to get his bearings before standing at his full height again and walking unsteadily toward his brother; where the canine unit had headed moments before, and were now standing in a circle around the unsuccessful kidnappers. As he approached his brother, the air warmed considerably relieving much of the ache that remained in his body, and he could tell just by looking at Papyrus' back that he was extremely vexed.

"...sir, agent bones reporting," Sans watched the humans cringe at his voice, "...the target is secure." His commanding officer gave him a very unbrotherly glance.

"YOUR APPEARANCE IS FAR BELOW THE STANDARDS SET BY THE DRESS CODE, AGENT BONES."

"...i'm sorry sir, won't happen again."

"I SERIOUSLY DOUBT THAT, BROTHER." The small group of humans, that had cowered before Sans not too long ago, were frozen is his elder brother's magic. They looked tiny, helpless and scared when compared to his brother.

"WELL, MAKE YOUR REPORT. I HAVE A LOT TO DO BEFORE THIS DAY IS OVER, SOMEHOW: I HAVE TO MAKE DINNER FOR FIFTEEN PEOPLE, HOLD THESE… HUMANS UNTIL THE POLICE ARRIVE AND NO DOUBT WRITE YOUR REPORT." Sans looked at his feet for a moment, as if they would provide some help in reporting to his stickler of a brother, before he took a halting step closer to Papyrus.

"...at approximately fifteen hundred fifty-five hours, i was… informed... of our ambassador's departure from her secure vehicle; i gave chase… uh, in the usual manner. she managed to elude me and crawled into a three mile long culvert and i followed, regardless of receiving no direct orders. her ladyship was able to maneuver much more easily within the tunnel than i was, and managed to get a fair distance ahead of me." Sans paused for breath and his brother gave a casual wave, with his unoccupied left hand, for him to continue.

"...despite my warnings the ambassador continued to run, i maintained radio contact for as long as possible until the comm cut out. i cast BLUE in an attempt to slow or stop our lady, but it was fruitless. the magic i expended did provide a partial map of the tunnel, however, so i attempted to… catch up... with her. my calculations appeared to be off and i sustained… minor injuries." Papyrus looked his younger brother over, frowning at the so called minor injuries.

"SO I SEE… PRAY CONTINUE WITH YOUR REPORT." Sans nodded, casting another glance at the humans in his brother's thrall before continuing.

"...i did not check my stats, even though the handbook recommends an HP check after any injury… no matter how minor. anyhow, i lost sight of the ambassador, and assumed she had reached the opposite end of the tunnel. so, again i attempted to… uh... overtake her position, using my mnemonic, but there were four... unknown factors i was not expecting," Sans nodded at the humans, but his brother sneered at them and tightened his control causing them to squeak.

"DID THESE UNKNOWNS, CAUSE ANY FURTHER INJURY?"

"...couple o' broken ribs, sir… welp, maybe three or four," Sans winced and then sighed; he was grateful that his brother was listening to his report, instead of forcing him to write it.

"...i was threatened, bagged and forced into their van, along with the ambassador. during that time her ladyship also... sustained minor injuries."

"WHERE IS THE CONVEYANCE NOW?"

"...geeze 'py...," Papyrus coughed mildly, unamused, so Sans corrected his speech.

"...sorry, sir, i was just getting to that. i… uh destroyed it... welp, that is to say matter can't really be destroyed just redistributed, right sir?"

"YOU ARE INDEED CORRECT, CARRY ON," Papyrus said, sounding bored.

"...yeah, so that… action, uh... threw our captors into a state of confusion, and her ladyship managed to remove the head bag. i… um… observed her ladyship's injuries and they are very minor; nothing an ice pack and a home cooked meal can't fix. though, i do believe i… somehow, not really sure how," he lied, one he hoped his brother would never catch him in.

"...frightened the ambassador. all i know is, i had the humans in BLUE one minute and the next minute ambassador dreemurr is backing away from me and… honestly sir, i-i don't know what happened," Sans paused and swallowed thickly. There was no way around it, he was going to have to tell his brother he had almost died. He could feel his brother watching him, it was making Sans nervous so much so that he would have jumped out of his skin, had he had any, when his brother spoke.

"SO, ARE YOU GOING TO EXPLAIN WHY YOU WERE LAYING ON THE GROUND, SURROUNDED BY SEVERAL MEMBERS OF THE CANINE UNIT, WHEN THE DIRECTOR AND I ARRIVED, OR AM I TO VENTURE A GUESS?"

"...i was... dyin'."

"YOU, THOUGHT, YOU WERE DYING," Papyrus corrected sagely, shaking his head, disappointed his brother could make such an obvious mistake.

"...no 'pyrus… i. was. dying. there was no thought involved, i saw my own dust."

"DO NOT TELL ME SUCH A THING! HOW DARE YOU TELL ME, THE GREAT PAPYRUS, THAT MY BROTHER, MY ONLY BABY BROTHER, WAS ON THE VERGE OF DEATH," Papyrus huffed furiously, and once more increased his grip on the humans prone before him; causing them to struggle against his control, triggering pain in their bodies.

"FOOLISH CRIMINAL HUMANS, DID MY BROTHER NEGLECT TO EXPLAIN HOW OUR MAGIC WORKS? BE STILL OR IT WILL NOT BODE WELL FOR YOU."

"...i did warn them sir, i do believe their opinion of us is so low that they can't hear us."

"Fuck you," one of the humans spat. Papyrus opened his mouth to respond but his brother beat him to it.

"... you'd betta shut your mouth carl, or i'll tell my brother what you did."

"CARL, DID YOU HURT MY FAMILY," Papyrus asked his voice was gentle, and he cocked his head looking directly at Carl the way a child might look at a small insect. He began to sing softly, so softly, that Sans was not sure he was hearing what he was hearing.

"Perhaps, I lack some foresight…

(Should... have... known...)

But, brother, you were so right…

Sure as the setting sun…

You can't trust just anyone..."

"...holy shit, Papyrus don't," Sans shouted, but it was too late. Papyrus had peeled Carl away from the other kidnappers and was tossing him deftly in the air, ignoring his screams, just missing trees or the ground; depending on the direction Papyrus decided to toss Carl in. Undyne came running over, whether brought by Sans shout or the humans' screams Sans did not know, with Frisk in tow; she was watching her protégé with a mix of fascination and glee gracing her face.

"Just, don't damage him. The human authorities give us enough guff the way it is." The Lady Frisk Dreemurr wrenched her arm from Undyne's grip to stand in front of Papyrus, and began signing rapidly. Papyrus gave her a brief glance, but chose to ignore her; he instead said loud enough for everyone to hear.

"MY LADY, I AM SURE THAT MY BROTHER HAS INFORMED YOU, THAT THIS IS ALL ON YOU. IF YOU THINK FOR ONE MOMENT, THAT YOU HAVE ANY MORE SAY IN THE MATTER THAN THESE, WORTHLESS EXCUSES FOR HUMANS YOU ARE WRONG." Papyrus paused for dramatic effect before continuing.

"YOU. ARE. SO. GROUNDED, LITTLE GIRL." Frisk huffed, blowing her bangs up with her breath, and crossed her arms; it was obvious she would get nowhere trying to reason with the elder Bones brother. Sans shrugged and looked away from Frisk, saying nothing; he knew he had not even felt the brunt of his brother's wrath, and honestly he had wanted to do much, much worse to the human, Carl.

"UNDYNE, KEEP A CLOSE EYE ON OUR RUNAWAY PRINCESS CAN YOU NOT? WE WOULD NOT WANT TO LOSE TRACK OF HER AGAIN," Papyrus uttered, as calmly as if he were ordering tea at Muffet's and not tossing a human in the air.

"Sure thing Papy," then Undyne snarled, "come here little girl!" While grabbing Frisk's arm and pulling her away; despite the Ambassador's signed protests. Sans was watching his brother's skill in putting Carl through the ringer, when his brother's voice once more broke in on his thoughts or lack thereof.

"AGENT, YOU HAVE YET TO COMPLETE YOUR REPORT, PLEASE RESUME."

"...welp, my magic kinda… di... um, quit on me and i thought the kidnappers got away."

"LESSER AND GREATER DOG CAUGHT THEM IN THE TREES," Papyrus shrugged as if it were a daily occurrence. The two mentioned dogs were watching the flying human, tails wagging, looking for all the world like they wanted to give chase.

"...oh," Sans pondered his brother's attitude, chalking up Papyrus' lack of yelling to propriety for the sake of the humans; even if these humans were ones that he did not care for.

"...so, then her ladyship came and told me if i died i'd be breaking a promise. she yelled at me 'py… sir, you would have been proud; she actually did a lot of speaking today. the ambassador was holding my hand," Sans cheekbones colored a faint blue, "...she told me to be quiet… that she was was helping." Sans lowered his voice before continuing.

"i WAS gonna die 'pyrus, i could feel it, the beginning of the end. then the next thing i know, the commander was in my face telling me i didn't smell like i was dying."

"WELL, YOU ARE NOT DEAD. TO BE HONEST, EVERYTHING ALPHYS WAS GIVING US FROM THE TRACKERS WAS FREAKING ME OUT." Sans looked sheepish and glanced at the ground again as if it were the most fascinating thing in the world.

"...told you about 'em, did she?"

"YES, THOUGH I DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY YOU DID NOT. IN MY OPINION, THE TRACKER COMING ONLINE CAUSED THE MAJORITY OF YOUR INJURIES, NOT A… MISCALCULATION."

"...probly… sorry papyrus, i'm an idiot."

"YES YOU ARE," Papyrus sighed.

"IN SPITE OF THAT, OR PERHAPS BECAUSE OF IT I STILL LOVE YOU, LITTLE BROTHER."

"...thanks, i think." Sans sat down and leaned against his brother's left leg, much like he had done when he was just a baby bones, closing his eyes and listened to the sound of approaching sirens.