~Ouroboros~
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1st - 10. Mor(t)al Choices
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I awoke from a sharp pain originating from my side and felt my body convulse as its deep sleep was interrupted, instinctively flailing its legs against the tight bindings surrounding me and shooting a new dosage of pain through my mind.
Definitely not one of the best ways to wake up, believe me.
With my mind still fogged up with the last dredges of sleep, and it was all I could do to just lie wherever I was and try to understand my situation.
From my last memories I remember…
Some strange dark pressure upon my mind before a terrible pain begins to gnaw at my very soul?
No – That seemed wrong somehow.
I try and focus more and suddenly all of my memories rush back along with a deep exhaustion from my mind and dull pains from just about my entire body – making me feel as if I had flown until my body could hold out no longer before crashing down.
Guess that speaks volumes about attempting a procedure as draining as reliving my entire life when I barely have a third of my energy…
I definitely wouldn't be doing that again anytime soon. Wouldn't have started at all if I had my memories considering that I clearly remember being taught of the dangers of even attempting any of the truly draining techniques when your mind is not in its peak condition; and reliving all of your memories like I just did was just about as draining as techniques could go.
Moot point really – if I could remember my lessons I would not need to do the procedure as I would already have had all my memories without its help…
And now I was just trying to lengthen the time before I had to focus on my perilous position – both upon my mind and body.
From the nearly perceptible flames of my mind, I knew that I would need almost an entire sun cycle before I was capable of doing anything with my body without a chance of further injuring it, including healing any outstanding injuries and strengthening my muscles and bones enough to break out of the vines surrounding me.
I could only hope that nothing happened to my body during that time, as it would be quite unfortunate if some wolves or something found me and decided to make me their latest snack – an easy and tasty one considering my position…
I could almost feel a paw moving across the scales of my chest before they bit inwards…
Oh by the eternal abyss! –
That wasn't my imagination! – There really was something moving across my chest.
I opened my eyes and curved my neck around to look at whatever beast decided to approach me when I was in such a helpless position.
Oh goddesses help me…
One of the humans – likely from that same village I remember before the darkness smothered me – was crouched in front of my exposed chest with its metal claw slowly making its way diagonally across my chest, almost as if counting my ribs. From its scent I could tell that it was male and smelled of ash and metal.
"A single death – and I will prove myself to be a Viking! You understand that right? – I am a Viking no matter what everyone believes and this will prove it to them! Prove that I truly am a Viking…"
In the back of my mind I rejoiced at finding out that all those cycles spent learning several variations of human languages had actually come in handy – I could understand the human before me. That was of course until the meaning of the words pushed its way into my mind, along with that gut wrenching feeling of terror that tied up my thoughts for a moment and ironically made my heart beat faster.
I sincerely hoped that he did not mean what I thought he did – I mean, what are the chances that that 'single death' he was speaking of was mine?
…Considering our positions, quite high.
"I will show everyone… Dad, Gobber, all the others… They will finally realize the truth… I am a Viking… I AM A VIKING!"
With those words I felt the metal claw dig painfully into my chest and begin to tear off my scales.
I involuntarily flinched from the sharp pangs of pain that came as my scales were wretched upwards before tearing off my skin. Dragonkin replace scales quite often considering that they wear down quite fast; we even grind against trees or well-placed rocks to get rid of the older scales; but some of the scales that bloody human was tearing off were quite young and not meant to come off!
Considering that there wasn't even a pause in the human's actions, I highly doubted that he cared about the pain he was inadvertently causing me.
"If it's any consolation, know that I am sorry for doing this – but your death will not be in vain."
Mind numbing terror spiked through me, permeating deep into the natural fires of my mind and chilling it along with my body. With that, I could no longer lie to myself – the human was going to kill me, and in the state I was in, I could do nothing to stop him.
The human was far too close to my chest for me to be able to get at him with my fangs, and my entire body was too tired to offer any sort of resistance. Funny considering that the human was too focused on the iron claw in his paws and did not even notice that I was awake and watching him in morbid horror – a possibly deadly mistake considering that if I was capable of moving my legs or tail, he would not even notice his own swift death.
I felt more than saw the tip of his claw position itself directly between two of my middle ribs as I silently prayed for mercy. I couldn't even make a sound, for there was something stuck in my throat – fear.
:: Please don't do this…::
I didn't expect him to hear my thoughts – his mind, so close to mine that I could see its minute details, was a shard of frozen ice so much like that of the other humans I remember from this island – completely incapable of picking up my thoughts no matter how hard I broadcast them at him – and yet I hoped that he would at least feel them…
:: Please don't… ::
Feel them and stop this.
Futile hope really.
A fiery pain passed through me as the claw slid past the tough skin layer that was no longer protected by my scales, and into the soft meat – grating slightly against my ribs all the while. I had already known within my mind why he had picked that exact spot – with his short and thin claw it was the best way to get to my heart, and even then he would require its entire length to do so – and yet until the fire hot pain actually registered I simply could not believe that he would actually do this.
A pain filled roar passed through my throat, breaking its way through the solid block of fear that had been lodged within it.
Even having regained my memories and experienced the other humans tearing away at the dragons as the dragons returned the favour, I simply could not believe that it was possible for someone to so callously take a life when you did not require it for survival. The human before me said that my death will not be in vain – but what would it accomplish? I knew my body was poisonous to humans much like theirs was poisonous to us, and it wasn't like I was planning to kill anyone, so what would my death accomplish – Really?
"I'm sorry…"
:: If you are so sorry, then just don't do this!:: I could not help but exclaim as I felt the metal claw within me. A blade – my mind provided – as if it would possibly do me any good to know the human name for whatever it was that pierced my heart – the same one that was still beating strongly, as if unable to accept its fate that had slid so close to it already.
Just like I was unable to believe that my life could possibly end so suddenly.
I gazed at the small human before me with almost tangible intensity – as if hoping that by will alone I could stop my inevitable death.
And then he looked at me.
Our eyes locked, and suddenly I was staring at a pair of small green eyes.
Green eyes that were the exact same shade as mine – and strangely enough, filled not with anger or even conviction as I had expected; but with fear, pain, and gut wrenching horror at what he was about to do. Doubly so, for I could see those same feelings within the reflections of my own eyes on the surface of his.
The same fear and horror that I now realized was so prevalent within his words.
It was then that I truly noticed just how small and… fragile… the human before me was. He was barely half as long as I had seen the humans of his village be, and far thinner as well – the abyss take me, even his paws were frightfully thin, almost as thin as a single one of my claws!
By the sun goddess; the human before me was nothing more than a hatchling! What could he possibly be doing in the forest by himself?
And why was he so set on killing me?
The sharp pain from my chest reminded me of the blade still stuck inside it – hovering mere inches from my heart; and I could not help but wonder what could have possibly caused him to set out onto this path. For what reason was he here before me about to take my life?
As our eyes stared unblinkingly into each other's I recalled some of what he had yelled at me before plunging that blade into my chest – he was doing this to prove himself a Viking, whatever that was. With my death he will be recognized as such by his dad (– father – sire?) and the others of his clan.
I recalled briefly my own sire and the lengths to which I would go to have him proud of me – when I almost wrecked my body by attempting to strengthen it without supervision, it was not because I wanted to be stronger – it was to show my sire that I could and have him look at me with pride, the same way he had when I first learned to walk, run, fly…
We were so alike in that – perhaps all hatchlings are. I would never know of course, never having met any and unlikely to in the future considering how short it was going to be.
I looked at the human hatchling before me and even with his paws squeezing tightly on the blade that was about to bring about my death, I could really not fault him for this.
Perhaps he was right after all – perhaps my death will mean something…
I was after all the one currently tied down and unable to move while he was holding my life in his claws. How could I fault him for acting like a predator that all soul bearers were; even as it stung me to consider myself as… prey.
At the very least my death will be quick and painless… or at least quicker and more painless than if wolves or other predators found me.
Too bad that I had only lived for four Cycles before my end, not counting those spent in the darkness.
Well, everything must come to an end, and it seems that for me it had come earlier than I had expected.
The hatchling yelled out some more, but it was as if he was speaking an entirely different language for I no longer understood him, nor did I care to –
It simply no longer mattered – I had made my choice.
Strangely enough, a sense of peace washed over me as I realised this.
I accepted this.
I accepted my inevitable death at this Hatchling's claws…
…and this small clearing within the forest as my resting place.
As I broke the connection between our eyes and laid my head back onto the ground so as not to watch my death's approach, I sent out one last thought towards the hatchling – even though I knew he would never hear it.
::Goodbye little hatchling – and know that I understand your reasons and forgive you…::
The pain in his eyes flashed before me again, and I silently added to myself …and hope that you will someday come to forgive yourself.
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A moment passed, then another one.
No matter what anyone else tells you, believe me – nothing can stop that feeling of dread you experience while waiting for the claw to fall. Perhaps that is why most of us would stop our own hearts within a single sun cycle after losing the ability to fly instead of waiting for the skylust to shatter their minds and drag them into insanity.
I would do the same, if only to end this waiting, but something rebelled within me against it. I guess I am just too young to truly accept death that way.
In an almost detached state I felt something strike against me, breaking open one of my numerous wounds, causing a stab of pain to pass through my body and involuntarily causing it to convulse while releasing a single roar.
There it was – death…
Or so I thought.
The pain from the aggravated wound settled down to a dull ache, and I realized that contrary to all of my expectations my heart still beat strongly within my chest – unimpeded by the blade that was still threatening to plunge through it. Perhaps the hatchling decided to cause some more pain before finally taking my life – but I did not care enough to try and see what he was doing. All I wanted was for this all to end.
The eternal darkness of the abyss take it all, why was the hatching taking so long!
The next few minutes were by far the longest minutes of my life – even longer than that endless sun cycle when for the first time in my life I was left alone by my parents. What was taking that forsaken human so long! If it was me holding him under my claws, I would have killed him quickly just to make sure he did not have to experience this!
With a pang of pain I remembered downing my first deer under the watchful gaze of my sire – my inexperience having caused me to slash it deeply in the chest instead of biting directly into its neck as I have been taught. I could vividly remember standing over the deer as it uselessly struggled to get up while I looked at my sire expecting to be praised for my work. Only now that I myself was in the same position as that deer did I understand my sire's disappointment as he quickly slammed his claws into its neck, slashing completely through it.
Why was that sorry excuse of a human not doing anything!?
The next moment I felt the blade slide out of my chest and my wings move involuntarily as something tugged at the vines wrapped tightly around me.
I snapped my head off the ground and towards the human. I could no longer take the suspense of waiting around for my death – I simply had to see what was going on!
-Snap!-
In stunned silence I stared in disbelief as the human used the bloodstained knife to cut through the vines, not even voicing the pain within my wings as they were pulled uncomfortably from the position they had been since I had first crashed here. The dull pressure upon my wings and legs released itself, allowing them to sag down into a more natural pose – incidentally causing my left foreleg to fold down over my chest.
The last vine snapped under the human's blade and I realised that I was free.
The human had not killed me – he had released me instead.
There was a moment of stunned silence as we both stared at each other – my mind too shocked at what had just occurred, while the human was likely still coming to terms with what he had just done.
The smell of my blood off of the blade still in his paws brought me out of my state of disbelief as I realised that my death was no longer a certainty that it was mere moments ago…
My mind clouded over – I had accepted my death, and yet my body had not. I only had a moment to feel the dawning horror before it took over.
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-Danger; There was danger nearby…-
Its eyes narrowed down into mere slits and the human flinched away from its now exceptionally deadly looking expression as he realized the exact position he had placed himself in. The creature before him was no longer the regal dragon it had been, no – it was… something else – something weaker, and yet at the same time infinitely more dangerous.
A beast in a true sense of the word.
Instincts propelled it to force all of its abilities into augmenting itself, completely disregarding any danger and damages of doing so – even as some of the ligaments within its wings tore apart and the wounds upon its body reopened from the flexing muscles.
-Have to take care of the threat, take care of the threat before the body breaks down, take care of it now – now – Now – NOW…-
It lunged right from its awkward position directly at the perceived highest threat, disregarding the fire-hot pain shooting through its body as several more muscles tore apart. With its pupil tightened into a tiny slit, all the color had long since bled out of its sight, leaving behind a black and white picture of the world that allowed it to see faster, with the world moving in slow motion from the enhanced reflexes and sped up brain functions that were focused only on the situation before it.
In the state it was in, it was capable of dodging a hail of MaegNur's quills – so it should not be surprising that one of its front paws caught hold of the human's chest and slammed the human into the ground, the claws digging into the human's skin.
-Remove the threat. Kill the human before the body completely fails and becomes at the mercy of the human again… –
In a detached state of mind I watched as my body acted upon its instincts. The human hatchling was now caught between its claws and a rock, the hatchling's eyes barely open and looking away from it as if in an attempt to at least put some metaphorical distance between it and itself.
Only a few more seconds more and the danger would be gone. Very fortunate as well, considering that from the pains it was feeling, it knew that even another half a minute in this enhanced state would likely result in permanent damages to its body.
I felt its body open its mouth and prepare to take a bite of the hatchling it was holding down, even as the hatchling' green eyes darted around searching for some way to escape, before giving up and focusing back into its.
-Kill. Remove the danger. Kill the Hatchling. Kill the hatchling while it is still possible…-
::Hatchling!::
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The single thought passing through my body linked it back to me and I was suddenly once more in control – with it receding back into the dark recesses of my body. Even as the last of its control brought my jaws slowly closer to the hatchling's head, I looked down through the slits of my eyes and saw the terror within his eyes.
The same terror that had been in mine as I stared at what I thought was my own avatar of death approaching me.
That same human that had not only spared me, but also released me from the vines holding me down.
The same hatchling that was staring into my jaws as they unrelentingly thrust towards him.
No…
My mind was still scrambled from my recent brush with insanity so I could barely focus properly – but for some reason I felt that I did not want to kill the hatchling. Perhaps I wanted to repay him for releasing me, or perhaps it was my draconic nature that simply did not wish to take the life of another sentient being – at the very least not when its death would be so meaningless; in any case, I did not wish to be burdened with my first kill of a soul bearer being this human hatchling.
There was just one problem –
My head was still not listening to me as it drew downwards to end the life of the hatchling before me.
I had to improvise.
The pain shooting from my foreleg that had just moments ago been holding down the human made me question the brilliance of using it to intercept my bite. With my body now completely under control I gingerly loosened my jaw and released my paw from its hold – staring at the deep puncture holes of the bite mark upon it as my blood dripped off my claws.
I was lucky to have been able to stop my jaw from completely closing as that could have very well given me a crippling injury – as it was, I was likely have to limp along for a sun cycle or two even after I had rested enough for my body to begin to heal itself.
Looking back up towards the human hatchling I noticed that he had not moved from his position against the rock even though I was no longer holding him down. Instead he was staring intently with disbelief at my damaged paw as blood flowed off it to stain the furs on his chest. Perhaps the hatchling just could not believe that he was still alive – much the same way I felt when he had started cutting apart the vines binding me instead of bringing about my death.
The human slowly reached out with one of his paws towards my bleeding paw and I flinched back. From the moment I awoke to find a scrawny hatchling of a human standing over me as a hunter over his prey, this entire spectacle was so surrealistic as to have made me question my sanity – if it wasn't for the deeply rooted knowledge that I would know if I ever went insane – just as I know I had gone insane only moments earlier.
Still, I was not too far gone as to actually allow a human that had only moments ago been about to kill me to approach me, especially when I was in an even worse condition than I was before (as unbelievable as it was considering my condition when I first crashed here), what with the effects of my berserker rage and an almost bitten through paw.
If there was one thing I learned that fateful chaotic night when for the first time in my relatively short life I saw dragons and humans kill one another – it was that contrary to their small statue, at least compared to us dragons, humans were quite dangerous. I was not about to give another chance for the human before me to strike out at me again.
With a short growl to convey my preference for him to stay away, I forced my body to move as I leapt away from him in the direction of my cove and took flight – eager to get back to my nest for some much needed rest.
With my mind holding my failing body together, I forced my wings to beat strongly against the air and propel me forwards through the woods. The first down stroke brought me into the air, while the second one nearly doubled my speed. Gently pivoting my tail and secondary fins to swerve around the trees around me I took the third stroke of my wings…
…And felt myself lose control of my flight as I lurched to the side. My attempts to right my path failed miserably as I slammed into the thick trunk of a tree I had been attempting to fly around. The flare of pain from my aggravated wounds combined with shock from finding myself incapable of controlling my flight for the second time since waking up from the darkness caused me to release an angry and pain filled roar as I pushed myself back off the ground.
Perhaps I had done something to piss off one of the goddesses, for I could not find how this day could possibly get any worse. Not only did I have less than a minute before my body completely shut down from all the abuse it had to handle, but I was completely wrong on my original check of my body – there had to be something seriously wrong with it if I managed to crash while performing a simple gliding maneuver.
Something much worse than the couple of cracked or downright broken bones I had sustained from this most recent crash, as I had not had nearly enough energy to carry out even the most basic strengthening to increase the durability of my body.
By the twin goddesses please let it not be something permanent!
Both my second and third attempts at gliding ended in much the same way – with intimate encounters with tree trunks. Worse yet, halfway through my fourth attempt the ground below me ended and I found myself flying over my cove as I once again felt my body tip to the left. Impulsively attempting to right myself with my tailfins I felt my tail cut with almost no resistance through the air and coil under me, making me take a position about as aerodynamic as a rock – which naturally turned my flight into a graceful fall.
Or at least as graceful as I could be while unintentionally spinning and flipping around in futile attempts at righting myself before slamming down into the waters below. I would have definitely been horrified at the squealing sounds I was releasing followed by the loud splash if any other dragons had heard me…
…And if I did not have worse things to be horrified about – such as my inability to maintain steady flight and the newly broken state of my body. Even if there hadn't been something wrong with me to prevent me from flying, I doubt I could have with the damages accrued over my way (for I doubt it could be called flight) here.
With the last of my strength I forced myself to swim back towards solid ground heedless of my blood staining the waters red, and even managed to make five steps upon reaching the bank before the last of my strength left me and my legs buckled under me as I passed out from exhaustion uncaring of the newly awoken pain coursing through my body now that my mind was no longer holding it together.
I never even felt my body hitting the ground.
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A/N
The section for Toothless after he accepted his imminent death and relaxed on the ground was quite possibly the hardest to write. I started writing it at least six times and deleted it completely to start over as it was simply not turning out the way I wanted.
Also, for those interested; this chapter and the one before it were supposed to be one chapter split equally into Hiccup and Toothless points of view the same way it has been done here – it was just supposed to be half the size. I was truly worried that I was taking too long and stretching this section out, but no matter how many times I re-read these two chapters I could not find a way to shorten them without butchering the feelings I wanted to portray for them both.
Hope you guys agree.
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Saienai