Chapter Four

Found and Lost

Kimberly had finally finished unpacking her numerous clothes, hanging them carefully in the hotel's small closet or folding them neatly in the drawers of the hotel dresser in an attempt to keep them from getting too wrinkled and smelling like her suitcase. She'd decided to come into town on Friday rather than Saturday like she'd originally told Jason, so that she could be rested from her trip when she met up with the gang tomorrow morning at Angel Grove Park, and have some time to herself to think and enjoy being back in Angel Grove on her own.

Stretching, Kimberly picked up her purse and headed for the door, intent on getting some dinner. She heard someone walk past and looked around curiously when she stepped out the door, wondering if Zack had come early also, but it was a stranger, a tall man with short, dark spiky hair clutching a full ice bucket. She assumed he'd just gone to stare out of the window a few feet away—her room was at the end of the hall—and therefore was unprepared when he turned around and ran right into her. She yelped, ice pelting her upper body and face and sliding down her shirt or bouncing off.

"I'm sorry, I—"

Kimberly looked up sharply, recognizing the voice immediately. It was Tommy; though he looked a few years older and his hair was short, there was no mistaking him.

"—didn't see you." Tommy stared at her with recognition, shock and what could have been fear; she was sure her expression was similar. Kimberly was at a loss for words, unable to stop staring at him. It had been ages, years—how many? Five? Six? Eight?—since she'd seen him last. Her eyes kept darting to his hair, amazed that he would cut it; he'd always loved his long hair. So had she, come to think of it.

"Tommy," she breathed, and her voice sounded strange to her own ears, unsteady and high and nervous.

"Hi," Tommy said with obvious difficulty, his voice slightly high-pitched as well.

"Hi," she said shakily, feeling rather stupid. She suddenly became aware of the fact that she was now covered in streaks of cold water and there were chips of ice inside her tank top; wincing, she picked up her shirt and shook it. Several cubes fell to the floor, but a few had settled most uncomfortably inside her bra, and she wasn't about to go digging them out while standing in front of her ex-boyfriend.

"I'm really sorry about that," Tommy said, cringing. "I didn't… you came out of nowhere."

"Not your fault," she said, forcing herself to smile, then hurriedly stopping, knowing the unnaturalness of the expression would look odd. Her eyes kept flicking almost involuntarily up to his hair. "So…"

"So," Tommy agreed uncertainly.

Kimberly struggled to come up with something to say, but she was still quite shocked and the ice in her bra was distracting. "You cut your hair," she blurted out.

Tommy reached up to run his hand through it self-consciously. "Yeah."

"It looks good," she said truthfully. "Surprising, but good."

"Thanks," he replied, smiling slightly.

They lapsed into silence, which became more and more uncomfortable as the minutes stretched. Kimberly didn't know what to say, couldn't even begin to think of something. She hadn't expected to see him here, now, alone. She had expected to see him while surrounded by her old friends when she wouldn't have to worry about speaking directly to him. When she'd seen him after he rescued her from Divatox, she'd been able to hide her awkwardness under the cover of the battle; Kimberly suddenly found herself praying for some disaster she could use to distract herself from the situation.

"So," he said at last, startling her with the sudden sound even though his tone was soft, "how've you been?"

"Great," she told him. "I, uh, I've got my own gymnastics studio in L.A."

"That's awesome."

"Yeah. I love it." She cleared her throat. "What have you been up to?"

"Teaching science."

Kimberly looked surprised. Tommy had taught a few martial arts lessons as a teenager, but the science part seemed to come out of nowhere. "Science?"

"I went back to college, got a PhD. I'm a paleontologist," he explained. Seeing her raised eyebrows, he chuckled. "Yeah, I know; the others were all shocked, too. But I really like it. I spent a while working in the labs and on digs and stuff, but there was an accident at a lab and everything pretty much went up. So I decided to try teaching for a while. I really like it, though. It's a lot of fun."

"Yeah," she agreed. "I love teaching gymnastics. The kids are great."

Tommy nodded, though he glanced down the hall with a look on his face that suggested he wanted to add, "Not all the time." He didn't, though. Kimberly felt like even more of an idiot. Here she was, face-to-face with her ex after ages of never seeing him, despite their mutual friends and their common hometown, and they were telling each other what they did for a living like strangers meeting in a bar. They might as well be discussing the weather.

A few more minutes of silence ensued. Kimberly wasn't sure what to do. Part of her wanted to run, and part of her wanted to keep talking. She was confused, and shocked, and it wasn't exactly easy to concentrate with a bunch of ice slowly melting against her chest. It suddenly occurred to her how unprepared she really was for this. She had missed him, to be sure, but over the years she'd forced it to the back of her mind and told herself that she was pretty much over it. Then, the moment she saw him—older and wiser and somehow hotter—she felt like bursting into tears. It suddenly occurred to her that the only way she'd gotten through her last meetings with Tommy was to hide behind the battle, focus on Jason in the tournament, and avoid eye contact at all costs.

"I… I miss you," she said suddenly, jerking her head down to stare at the carpet, not wanting to see his reaction.

Tommy stared at her. Unbeknownst to her, he couldn't help but remember the first time he'd heard her say that—right after he'd lost his Green Ranger powers. Right before their first kiss. She'd said it occasionally in her letters and phone calls after leaving for Florida, but she'd tried to avoid it, always wanting to ignore the fact that they were so far away from each other. She hadn't said it in person since that first time. It hurt like hell to hear her say it that way, all tentative and sorrowful, just like that day by the pond.

"I miss you too," he said with a sigh, throwing his back against the wall and shaking his head. "We should have stayed in touch."

"Yeah, we should have," Kimberly said shyly, biting her lip and staring at Tommy's shoes as he leaned on the wall. A sudden recklessness came over her, bringing courage with it. She jerked her head up to look him square in the eye; Tommy looked back at her uncertainly, startled but eager, nervous but hopeful. "Listen, I'm gonna go grab a bite to eat. Do you want to come? We… we could catch up."

Tommy started to nod and opened his mouth, then stopped. "Actually," he replied reluctantly, "the gang's ordering pizza and… well, I'm kind of not too sure it's a good idea to leave them alone in a hotel room in a strange city. They've got a lot of pent up energy after the nine-hour car ride, you know, and I'm responsible for them…"

"Nine hours?" Kimberly repeated. "I thought you lived in Reefside."

"I still get lost a lot," he said sheepishly, with a boyish smile that reminded her forcefully of the Tommy she'd once been so close to. She felt a pang in her chest and searched for something else to say.

"Gang?" Kimberly inquired, confused. "Oh!" She glanced around to make sure no one else was nearby. "The Dino Rangers?" Tommy nodded. "I heard you were bringing them."

"Do you want to come meet them?" Tommy asked, sounding half-eager and half-uncertain. "Hang out, eat some pizza?"

Kimberly thought about it, but she was suddenly reluctant to meet Tommy's team. They'd probably ask who she was and a lot of other questions, and Kimberly wasn't sure what he'd told them. For all she knew, they thought she was "the bitchy ex" or something. "Um…" She swallowed, suddenly scared and horrified at the thought of spending more time with Tommy. Did he really want her to come? Was he just being polite? Was she mistaken when she thought she'd heard eagerness in his voice? Did he really hate her?

"It's all right if you'd rather not," Tommy said, watching her closely.

Kimberly's heart constricted. So he didn't really want her to come. At least, probably not. She sighed inwardly. "Actually," Kimberly said slowly, "I'm kind of craving a Greek salad from Diana's Diner. No one makes them like she does. But… but I'll see you tomorrow, right?" she added, unable to keep the hopefulness out of her voice.

"Yeah," he said, smiling at her widely. "Of course you will. I'm looking forward to it."

Kimberly nodded, no longer sure if he was disappointed or relieved. He seemed sincere—but then, she hadn't spoken to him in years. Maybe she wasn't the best judge of his emotions anymore. "I… it was great seeing you, Tommy."

"You, too," he said emphatically, and Kimberly's spirits lifted. For a moment, she considered asking if she could come after all, but she needed more time to think, to recover from the shock of seeing Tommy—and to get the freezing cold ice out of her shirt.

"Well, until tomorrow, then," she said.

Tommy nodded. "Bye, Kim," he replied.

Kimberly entered the stairwell as calmly as she could, her mind and heart racing.

Tommy watched Kimberly go, his head still reeling from their meeting. He'd just seen Kimberly. It seemed so surreal, to bump into her in a hotel corridor and to act so outwardly calm, as if she was anyone else from high school, someone he hadn't known all that well and was just trying to be polite to. But he'd seen her, and he thought it had gone okay. He'd seen her, had a conversation, and dumped a bucket of ice down her shirt.

He smacked his forehead. Of all the things he'd planned to do when he saw Kimberly again, throwing ice at her was not on the list.

He headed back for his room automatically, in a sort of daze as he thought hard. She hadn't seemed cold-hearted towards him or anything. She'd seemed genuinely glad to see him.

There wasn't a ring on her finger, either, a small voice inside his head said hopefully. Looks like things didn't work out with Mr. Wonderful Florida Boy.

Tommy told the voice to shove it. He wasn't looking to get back with Kimberly. She'd moved on, and so had he, and there was no way he was going to hope, as he had done many times in the past, that she was going to up and say that she never should have dumped him and beg him to come back to her. She had a new life now, and he did too. But they could be friends, and that would be enough for Tommy.

Oh, stop being such an idiot, the same small voice said scornfully. You want her back and you know it.

Oh, shut up, he thought irritably, knowing it was true but refusing to admit it, not even to himself.

Still, he couldn't help but think about it. Memories of the fantasies he'd had for years after Kimberly broke up with him flooded his head. Getting back together with her. Marrying her. Having kids and having sex and just hanging out together, just being with each other. He'd tried to stop thinking about her, but it had never really happened. Every so often something would make him think of her, or she'd just pop into his head for no other reason than to startle him and make him all nostalgic. Once, he'd confided in Hayley about it, fully expecting her to call him a sentimental idiot, but Hayley had just shrugged and said that was natural, that she still thought a lot about her first love, too. Knowing that it was normal had made him feel like less of a moron and made him realize that dreaming about her didn't mean he was still pining away for her. He had never stopped thinking about her every so often.

For a while, after he'd started seeing Kat, he'd thought he was over Kimberly. He'd let Kat take Kimberly's place the same way she'd taken Kimberly's spot as a Ranger. It was after the Divatox thing that he'd realized he was fooling himself into thinking he was fine. After the kidnapping and the rescue, he'd ended up having endless nightmares about it, nightmares where Kimberly and Jason tried to kill him, where Kimberly said all sorts of hateful things while Jason laughed. He'd always wake up with a sick feeling in his stomach, seeing the cold look in Kimberly's eyes when he'd taken off his helmet to try to reach her and sometimes remembering how Kimberly and Jason had hugged in the cockpit of the Megazord and how she'd held his hands and grinned at the following tournament. It had taken him a while, but he'd figured out eventually that the dreams just meant he still cared about her, that it still hurt that she'd left him. Much as it hurt, he'd stopped lying to himself.

Lost in thought, he walked back into the hotel room, setting down the mostly empty ice bucket. He barely noticed that Ethan, Trent and Conner were involved in a huge wrestling match in the middle of the room and Kira was sitting on the edge of Conner's bed singing, "I got the trapped-in-a-hotel-room-with-a-bunch-of-psychos blues" and strumming her guitar.

Unable to get to his own bed because of the wrestling guys, Tommy flopped back on Conner's bed and lay there next to Kira, staring at the ceiling. He was completely oblivious to everyone around him as he thought of Kimberly, what they might have had if she'd never gone to the Pan Global Games, if she'd never met that guy in Florida, if he'd just gotten in his car and driven off to Florida and drowned that guy in the Gulf of Mexico like he should have.

"Hey! Dr. O! Ya dead?" Kira's guitar whacked him on the leg, and Tommy, startled back into reality, looked up and saw Conner standing over him, Kira behind Conner, looking furious as she snatched back her guitar.

Tommy smiled. He might not have Kimberly, but what he did have wasn't all that bad.

Kimberly called Jason and Trini on her cell phone to let them know that she was already in Angel Grove, declining their offers to meet up before the morning. She didn't mention Tommy; she wasn't ready to talk about it.

Leaving her car in the lot, Kimberly wandered the streets, allowing herself to concentrate on her nostalgia rather than on Tommy. Occasionally she ran into someone she knew or someone who'd seen her in the Olympics or other gymnastics competitions. By the time she reached Diana's Diner, she couldn't help but wonder what had happened to all her former classmates and neighbors. A grin spread over her face as she thought of Bulk and Skull, the two bumbling idiots who'd tried and failed to bully their way through life. She still wondered what had happened to them; Jason had introduced her to the Space Rangers, so she'd gotten to hear about them sticking up for the Rangers and helping battle evil, but she just couldn't picture it, no matter how hard she tried.

Diana hailed Kimberly jovially; Kimberly had frequented the diner from an early age and thought of Diana as a surrogate aunt. As Kimberly dug into her food, her mind wandered back to Tommy.

"A PhD in paleontology," she muttered. "Who knew?"

Kimberly suddenly felt like crying again. All the things she'd missed in his life, all the things they hadn't share together… why hadn't they at least tried to remain friends? Jason, Trini, Billy and Zack had probably known all about Tommy's life, what he'd been doing—the girls he dated, the careers he pursued… she hadn't even known he was the most recent Black Ranger, for crying out loud! Why hadn't she tried to patch things up, even platonically, after the letter?

Sighing, Kimberly forced herself to get control. She knew why. She had tried to write him and call him after that stupid letter, but she hadn't been able to bring herself to do it. Then the thing with Divatox had come along, and Kimberly had been horrified at her actions while evil, too ashamed to even talk to him. Days had turned into weeks, and she still hadn't gotten in touch. Suddenly it was too late; what was she going to do, call him after years of no contact and say she wanted to be friends? She'd half-convinced herself that he didn't even remember her name.

She turned her thoughts to their conversation in the hotel hallway, trying to picture his reactions to her words and think them over. He'd seemed like he'd wanted to put the past behind them. Did he? Or was it just wishful thinking?

Kimberly stabbed viciously at her salad. "Gotta stop torturing myself," she said firmly, resolved to put it out of her mind until the morning. She'd see him again in the afternoon, and then she'd just have to take it from there.