Steve finished wrapping the braid end in gold thread and released it, smiling proudly at the glass bead which gleamed among the dark strands of hair. "Are you done?" asked Herobrine.
"Yup."
He leaned back against the tree trunk with a heavy sigh. "Well, that's nice. I'll at least look pretty when I die."
Steve also settled against the tree trunk. They had lashed themselves to the branches of a large tree, Steve a few feet higher than Herobrine, and Steve had wedged the staff under a few loops of his rope. It was, naturally, an easy way to keep it from falling, but it also gave Herobrine the impression that Steve wanted it tied down. Both brothers relaxed and tried to fall asleep. A zombie came and scrabbled at the base of the tree, groaning hungrily. "This will be a long night," muttered Herobrine. Steve yawned in response.

They climbed down the next morning and walked to the edge of the trees. The town of Lost Pine stretched out below them, a cluster of lumpish buildings huddling together inside a wall. The wall was thrown down in several places and the streets were empty except for a few smoking corpses. They looked at each other. "Ready?" said Steve.
"Much as I will be. Let's see what there is." they started down.

The plains around the town were dotted with apple trees, spaced widely enough to give zombies no cover. The grass was trimmed short but fallen apples were lying in it untouched, some rotten, some edible. Steve looked longingly at these as they passed. They climbed over a fallen section of wall and stood eyeing the dead streets. "Alright," said Herobrine quietly. "We're heading for the fortress." the taller structure was separated from them by a maze of deserted streets and possibly, hopefully, empty buildings. They started walking. A courtyard stood open with its gate lying on the ground, the silver sundial untouched on a carved pedestal. They ignored it as well. It was too heavy to carry. Doubtless some scavenger would find it eventually.

They had almost reached their destination when a door swung open behind them. They spun. A zombie eyed them vacantly from the shadows. Herobrine ran towards it and Steve followed, drawing his sword. Perhaps if they could kill it quickly it wouldn't—

It did the screaming noise just before Herobrine could reach and behead it. Suddenly the town was alive with the sounds of zombies answering the hunting call. The first to appear were three fairly well-preserved ones which had been lingering inside the same house and now poured out of the back room and towards Herobrine, who backed out, holding out his hand. "Steve, throw me the staff." Steve threw it. It was a good throw, but Herobrine wasn't looking behind him, so it was understandable that when it turned in the air it conked him on the head. He fell down. Steve leapt forwards with a scream, but the staff fell across the house steps and the approaching zombies shied away from it. As Steve ran up Herobrine pushed himself up onto his knees and shook his head slowly, blinking. Steve leapt into the house and destroyed the zombies, none of which had weapons as such, although one did hurl a teapot in his general direction. It smashed on the wall with a smell of stale mint. Steve returned outside, where Herobrine was now standing, eyeing the staff distrustfully. Steve snatched up the staff and beat it hard against the doorframe. It sprang back with the tight snapping sound of wood barely holding itself together.
"Don't you DARE do that again! I will grind you up and EAT you! DO YOU WANT TO BE HUMAN POOP? DO YOU? BEHAVE YOURSELF OR BY GOD I WILL END YOU!" he went back inside and beat it against the walls and floor for a while. When he came back out he was panting and the staff was chipped. "Here," he said, holding it out to Herobrine, who had been watching his outburst openmouthed. He backed away.
"I, ah—you can keep it."
"No, it'll work now." Steve tapped it threateningly on the ground. "Or else." he held it out. "Here."
"Don't you need to lean on it?"
"You're stalling. And not really, as long as we stay on level ground." Herobrine took the staff in his hands. A warm feeling traveled through his arms and down his spine. The staff hummed. He spun it in his hand and looked for something to test it on. He didn't have to look far.
"OH GOD WHERE DID THEY ALL COME FROM?!"
"Everywhere?"
"Run!"
"You run, I'll hop along and kill things as I go."
"Look for someplace we can barricade ourselves in, they'll eventually lose interest." Herobrine struck a zombie in the chest with the end of the staff as he passed. It flew backwards and burst open with a concussion of air. "Now come on, that's just showing off." he struck another one, and it also exploded. "This is downright wrong on many levels of practical magic but just as long as you keep working I don't really care."

Steve limped along, stabbing zombies and checking buildings. Some had zombies in them, some had flimsy doors or doors that had already been beaten down, and some had too much glass. He passed a storefront where delicate instruments of copper and brass lay under smashed pieces of window, some of them still protected under bubbles of glass, some in several pieces. The store owner, who was still in residence, hadn't turned. He'd been pulled into too many pieces first, and there wasn't enough left of him. Steve paused when he reached a squat building with high slit windows. It looked empty. "Hero, in here!" the deep wet popping noises that signaled exploding zombies came closer. Steve rushed inside, gave the interior a quick scan for zombies, and half-closed the door. A moment later Herobrine rushed in and Steve slammed it and leaned against it. "Seal it!" he said, and Herobrine raised the staff, then hesitated.
"It wants to keep exploding things."
"Well that's too bad, because we want to live. It'll just have to restrain itself."
Herobrine pressed the staff into the door and felt a surge of power. It normally took him several minutes at least to seal a door, and often they'd had to give up and fight off the zombies beating it down before he finished. This time it took seconds. He stepped back with a sigh of relief and only then registered where they were.
"Steve."
"Yes?"
"Out of all the buildings we could have hidden in, you picked this one?"
"It's safe."
"It stinks."
"Stop whining. It'll be convenient if you need to pee before we can leave." Steve sat down on the edge of one of the cleaner-looking toilets, took out a book and started reading. A green arm suddenly protruded from another toilet and flopped around, grabbing at the air.
"I'm not going to ask how you got down there," said Herobrine, raising his staff.
"He probably jumped, thinking it'd be safe." Herobrine jabbed into the toilet. There was a muffled exploding noise. Herobrine looked at the staff and groaned.
"This is so very, very wrong."

Several hours later Steve was still reading and Herobrine was standing on one of the toilets with his face pressed to the window, watching the zombie activity and getting a breath of fresh air. It was almost clear. All at once Herobrine hissed. "Steve! Get up here!" Steve closed the book and clambered up next to him, craning to see. A zombie had wandered into view just outside, dressed in heavy armor that shielded it from the sun. The thin flames that licked at it now and then didn't seem to bother it. It held a diamond sword, the edges of the blue blade glinting violet with enchantment. "Great," breathed Herobrine. "That's just great. He had to take it with him. That's whatshisname himself, isn't it? The guy we lent it to?"
"Lord Yupa."
Herobrine cursed quietly. The brothers looked at each other. "Do we go out?"
"We've come all this way. And it seems fairly quiet, at the moment. I can run if I need to." Herobrine sighed and glared down at the armored zombie.
"Well, this'll be one we tell stories about."

A/N: Well this update certainly took its sweet time as well. But lookit! Things are actually happening!
Also, this was SHOVE IN ALL THE VANITAS SYMBOLISM chapter. Have fun.
Lord Yupa was a random throwaway reference. Internet-cookies for anyone who gets it (without first enlisting the aid of Google.)