There was a knot in her side and a burning in her chest as Hermione reached the courtyard of Hogwarts. She sprinted the entire way from Hogsmeade, and her legs felt heavy from fatigue. She leaned against a stone pillar to catch her breath. As Hermione rested, she listened to the chaos from the village. People started evacuating in a panic when the Death Eaters revealed themselves at The Three Broomsticks. Hermione cursed herself for letting them get away. She hoped to Merlin that the Death Eaters didn't hurt anyone.
Hermione closed her eyes as she realized that she could've been murdered that night. She almost forgot that she had a large bounty on her head from Voldemort, and since she wasn't on school grounds, nothing could've protected her. It was truly a rude awakening at the inn when she suddenly had to act quickly, as a flash of red sparks came hurtling toward her face. Her only defense was her own knowledge of Defense against the Dark Arts. Luckily, tagging along with Harry Potter had gained her enough experience to hold her own. But she was so used to the primary threat on Harry so she only had to ever deal with secondary attacks. She was not used to being the prime target.
Hermione opened her eyes as she heard the noise from Hogsmeade increase exponentially. No doubt everyone in the village was awake now and was desperately trying to leave. She jerked her head around as she heard chattering and footsteps from inside the castle. Hermione swore under her breath as students came pouring out into the courtyard, curious by the noise.
Hermione pushed her way through the ocean of students, and into the castle. Once inside the main entrance, she saw Justin frantically commanding students to go back to their dormitories. Hermione laughed as he waved his arms like a madman, trying to gain control while no one paid him even a lick of attention. She started running to Dumbledore's office until she heard the mighty, and fearless Head Boy shout her name.
"Miss. Granger!" Justin maneuvered his way to Hermione. "Miss. Granger, can you please assist me in corralling the students back to their dormitories?"
"I can't. I need to see Dumbledore immediately," Hermione replied flatly, turning away.
Justin was insulted. "I simply ask you to do your job as Head Girl and-"
"I don't bloody care, Justin! Get the Prefects to help! The reason the students are out of bed is because the sound of Hogsmeade going mad awoke them! Obviously, something is very wrong and the first thing that needs to be done is to inform the Headmaster. And as Head Girl and Boy, it is our responsibility to. Maybe you'd know that if your head wasn't up your arse all the time!" Hermione bit back.
She whipped around and headed on her way again. She didn't see Justin's reaction but she could safely bet that she would receive a detention slip from him by morning. Hermione felt a burst of renewed energy after she confronted him, though. If the current Hogsmeade fiasco happened at the beginning of the year, she would probably be with the Head Boy trying to get students back to bed. But she was feeling rebellious and out of control, and for once she let it happen. She wondered why she was feeling a sudden sense of abandon, and then she accidentally let Draco Malfoy slip into her thoughts. She thought that maybe he had a reckless influence on her. But Hermione shook her head at the memory of him, angry that he once again entered her mind.
Once she got to the entrance of Dumbledore's office, she spoke the password and then quickly climbed the staircase. She burst into the room without knocking. Dumbledore quickly turned to face the door, alarmed by the Head Girl's urgency.
"Miss Granger, why-"
"Sir! There has been a Death Eater attack in Hogsmeade!"
The Headmaster's breath stopped short, fearing that it was the Death Eaters in the Forbidden Forest attacking early.
"How many?" Dumbledore asked cautiously.
"Two. They didn't really put up much of a fight, but they got away."
Dumbledore exhaled in relief. So it was not the army of Death Eaters in the woods. By his intuition, he guessed that it was Bellatrix and Millicent. He glanced up as Hermione continued.
"What should we do, Headmaster? Hogsmeade has gone haywire, and the students will no doubt start speculating. Not to mention, that Death Eaters are here!" Hermione started to pace the floor. "We need to tighten up security; assign more people for rounds, have professor's keep watch, assign guards to..."
Dumbledore started pondering as Hermione kept speaking. Normally he would agree with her, but unfortunately, the situation at hand was complicated. Tightening security would no doubt alert the Death Eaters in the Forbidden Forest, and they would be suspicious. He could not tell Hermione, for she would most likely try to stop the threat and therefore put herself in danger.
Dumbledore put his hand up to stop Hermione. She did and looked at the Headmaster quizzically. He began to speak. "Miss. Granger, I will handle this situation but I'm afraid we cannot tighten security."
Hermione narrowed her eyes in confusion. "What?"
"It would be too suspicious to the students, and I do not want them any more frightened after the past Death Eater attack. As for Hogsmeade, I will send for Aurors to take care of villagers. Beyond that, there is nothing else to do."
Hermione was stunned. This was so unlike him! What he suggested was bordering cowardly, and it made Hermione almost sick. She scoffed, appalled. "So you're saying that it's better to ignore the danger than to face it? To stick our thumbs up our arse and pretend like everything is fine? This goes against everything Hogwarts teaches!"
"Miss Granger-"
"Honestly, sir! It's so wrong, that it almost feels like there is something you're not telling me!" Hermione scanned Dumbledore's face for a reaction. He stayed still, but his silence was enough evidence. He, again, was keeping something from her.
Hermione exhaled in frustration. "Of course. I'm in the dark, as usual. I've done what I came here to do, and I will now take my leave." The girl turned around and headed for the door. But before she could turn the handle, Dumbledore called out to her.
"Miss. Granger, wait."
She turned around obediently to face the Headmaster. He had a soft expression as he quietly asked, "How do you feel about Draco Malfoy?"
A wave of memories and emotions came crashing onto Hermione, and she suddenly felt like she was drowning. The mere mention of his name made her stomach lurch with longing, and pain. It made her angry that he had such an effect on her even while he was gone. Through gritted teeth, she answered, "What do you mean?"
"How do you feel about his rank in the Death Eaters? Or how do you feel about him in general?"
Hermione was puzzled. It was such an odd question from Dumbledore, of all people, but she no doubt had an answer. If she were truthful, she'd say that she was infatuated with Draco Malfoy. Even though he had been a Death Eater all along, he still took up Hermione's mind, no matter how hard she tried to erase him. However, she secretly liked that he couldn't get out of her head. What happened in the Head Boy and Girl office happened, and sometimes Hermione let herself forget that what she felt that night was one-sided. She let herself forget that he didn't actually want to kiss her. And when she did this, she forgot why she needed to forget Draco Malfoy in the first place.
Again, Hermione's fingertips lightly skimmed her lips, yearning for a touch that she had never felt, yet missed so much. When she realized what she was doing, she balled up her fist in frustration and jerked it down. No more! She refused to be controlled by Draco Malfoy in that way. She needed to remember that her secret fantasy was unrealistic, and would never happen. He did not feel the same way, and she had to move on. He was long gone now, and there was nothing else she could do. She couldn't save him. Yet, there was a small part of her that still had hope in him. Something stopped him from killing Dumbledore, and that small part of Hermione refused to think that it was an act for a grander scheme. She squinted her eyes shut as she felt tears welling behind them.
Dumbledore put a comforting hand on her shoulder. "Are you alright?"
Hermione jerked away and answered Dumbledore's first question. "Draco Malfoy has been a narcissistic, truculent, supercilious prat to me, and that will never change! Despite what you think, I've never made him vulnerable and I've never had any influence on him. He would never let a mudblood do that to him, for he is ruled by blood prejudice! And this is evident! Just look at how he has treated me these past six years! And he is now a bloody Death Eater; he swears to his soul that Muggle-borns are worth less than the dirt under his feet. People like me. He is where he belongs now."
Hermione fled the office. She had a sour taste in her mouth after what she just said, because she knew that it was not how she actually felt about Draco Malfoy. She would never say it, but she silently believed that he did not belong with the Death Eaters; he belonged to her.
Draco was irritated that he let Millicent see him blush. He was even more irritated that he blushed because Granger crossed his mind. How she made him feel was so foreign to him, it was almost uncomfortable. Watching her that night, seeing her be carefree and lively, made his knees weak and his stomach flutter. She made him feel like a schoolboy having his first crush, and it made him want to vomit.
Wasn't this how he was supposed to feel for Pansy? Or at least a pureblood girl? Draco closed his eyes as he pictured how his father would react to this. "Feelings for a mudblood?! Intolerable! Preposterous!" he would hiss. He'd drag Draco to the family Healer to be "fixed". Draco would then be forced to go through a convoluted series of tests that would lead to several potions and charms that would "cure" Draco of his love for mudbloods.
The thought sent chills through Draco's body. Drops of cold sweat slithered down his forehead as the image of his father pulsed in his mind. Draco snapped his eyes shut, and shook out his head. He needed to focus and remember what he was doing. He had to tell Dumbledore of the Death Eater sighting.
He apparated himself to the Headmaster's office. Dumbledore was sitting at his desk and jumped at Draco's sudden appearance.
"What are you doing here?" Dumbledore asked with alarm, standing up from his desk.
"Headmaster! There was-"
Dumbledore suddenly hushed him. In the silence, Draco could hear a familiar voice speaking the password to the office. "Miss. Granger is coming!" Dumbledore exclaimed. He started to usher Draco up the stairs to the second floor.
Draco's heart skipped a beat at the sound of her name, and what he came to the office to do suddenly seemed like nothing to him. All that mattered was that Granger was here. Out of impulse, he asked Dumbledore, "Ask her how she feels about me!"
The Headmaster raised an eyebrow. "What?!"
"Please! It sounds crazy, but I may have a shot at something with her."
Dumbledore was practically dragging Draco up the stairs. "She's about to come in!" he warned.
"Please!" Draco begged from the top landing.
Dumbledore sighed in agreement as the door opened. Dumbledore quickly turned to face Granger as Draco hid behind the wall by the stairs. He crouched down, trying to listen to their conversation.
Granger told Dumbledore about what happened at Hogsmeade. He noticed that she was getting increasingly anxious as she spoke, and he was shocked at her biting words to Dumbledore. She was angry, but she had every right to be. But she couldn't know the real situation. Though she would protest, her ignorance would keep her safe. However, Draco had a small wish to step out and reveal himself to her, and explain everything. She would know that he was her hidden protector all this time, and not with the Death Eaters. He hoped that she would accept his appearance, and look beyond the physical. And maybe even somehow start to love him. Isabella's words echoed in his mind: True love surpasses all things physical.
Draco became nervous as he heard her footsteps walking away, and he was worried that Dumbledore wouldn't ask her how she felt about Draco. Fortunately, Dumbledore asked the question just as she was about to leave, all angry and frustrated. Draco quietly groaned. That wasn't exactly the most delicate way to ask her. No doubt it would be a strange question to Granger, but he would at least get an answer.
Draco held his breath at Granger's silence. He was pleasantly surprised that she didn't immediately respond in a disgusted tone. But she was obviously thinking about how she felt. What he wouldn't give to know what was going through her mind. Was she indifferent? Did she despise him? Or by some miracle, did she have feelings for him?
Draco's hope began descending as Granger responded. His heart started to ache, and a small lump formed in his throat. Granger ended her tirade as she left the room with a slam. She loathed him. Draco felt a little injustice in Granger's words until she spoke of his past; how he incessantly bullied her because of no reason except blood prejudice. Draco didn't how bad he had made her feel these past six years. He had no idea that he made her feel like worthless scum. The fact that he hurt her like that stung Draco to the core. And it didn't matter if he looked like it or not, he was a monster to her. Draco remembered the Slytherins at The Three Broomsticks and how they also despised him, despite his looks. Draco then learned that not only did love surpass all things physical, but hate did too.
Draco stood slowly and walked downstairs, trying to put on a content face. He met Dumbledore on the main floor. "Did you hear-" Dumbledore began.
Draco cut him off. "Yes."
Dumbledore only sighed with a sympathetic expression. He thought it best not to bring Miss. Granger's reaction up, for Draco looked more than crestfallen. Instead, he brought up the infiltration that would happen in a few days.
Draco couldn't hear what Dumbledore said, for Granger's words were still reeling in his mind, so he only nodded in response. He then slowly clutched his wand and apparated back to Grimmauld place.
Hermione couldn't sleep. She couldn't stop thinking about Draco Malfoy. She hated what she said about him, though parts of it were true. It plagued her thoughts as she tossed, and turned in her bed. Suddenly, an ethereal stag and dog appeared from her window. They were running around her room, playfully chasing each other. Hermione recognized the stag as the patronus of Harry and the dog as the patronus of Ron. Hermione instantly got up and went over to the window. She opened it just in time as Hedwig came gliding through it with a letter in her talons. She dropped it on Hermione's desk and then flew out. Hermione inferred that she went to the Owlery, no doubt exhausted from the journey.
Hermione squealed with excitement as she opened the envelope. She hadn't heard from them in a week and was relieved that they finally sent word to her.
The latest news from them was that they weren't able to locate the locket, but they received information that one of the Horcruxes may be in Bellatrix's vault. Hermione couldn't help but feel like they would be making more progress if she were there with them. She was still upset that neither Harry nor Ron told her why she was left behind. And even then, she was still in the dark. Dumbledore wouldn't tell her whatever secret he was keeping , and Harry and Ron most likely knew it as well. It would be so much easier if she just knew! But they all claimed it was protect her. Hermione knew that she should feel grateful, but her annoyance overshadowed any gratitude.
She sat down at her desk and pulled out a fresh piece of parchment to reply. She dipped her pen in ink and began to write. She wrote about the Death Eater attack and how Draco apparently forced Millicent to help him. She recounted how he disappeared after the attack without a trace. She also wrote about the Death Eater attack at Hogsmeade just barely.
However, she conveniently left out the part in the Head Boy and Girl office. She also left out telling of her true feelings about Draco Malfoy. Harry and Ron would be absolutely livid, and Hermione chuckled at the thought. She almost wrote it down, for the sake of the boys' reaction. But, she remembered that she should be trying to forget about Draco Malfoy rather than confessing her feelings about him.
She ended the letter by asking them how they were, what they were doing, and all of the usual questions. She then put the parchment in an envelope and then labeled it. She got out her wand to cast her patronus until she realized that Hedwig was at the Owlery resting. Hermione should've let the poor owl rest, but Hermione was eager to send the letter out.
Hermione decided to sneak to the Owlery. She quietly exited her bedroom and tiptoed out of the Gryffindor common room. The halls were completely silent, for it was probably about two or three in the morning. Suddenly, she heard the sound of muffled grunts and sighs. Hermione stopped in her tracks, recognizing that sound all too well. One of the main things Hermione had to stop students from doing since she became Head Girl was public displays of affection, specifically snogging. Partly because it was utterly disgusting, and partly because she herself had never been snogged, it was Hermione's least favorite thing to interrupt.
Hermione rolled her eyes as she walked toward the source of the sound. When she rounded the corner, she gasped as she saw the two culprits. It was Blaise Zabini and Pansy Parkinson.
Out of sheer shock, Hermione was silent. She turned around, pretending that she had never seen them, and walked back to her room. She came to the conclusion that Hedwig needed rest, and that Draco Malfoy chose his friends very poorly.
Draco watched the sky shift from black to blue through his window as dawn broke. He laid in his bed, insomnia keeping him awake as he saw the sun take the place of the stars. His thoughts kept him up, and he was replaying Granger's words in his mind all night. It stung every time he did it, but he couldn't stop.
At around five in the morning, he decided to get up. He walked outside of his room, and down the hall. As he passed Will's room, his peripheral vision saw that the door was open. Draco turned toward the room and saw Will was getting dressed. Draco would later feel like a creep, but he watched the blind man in awe. Will was slipping on suspenders as Draco noticed that his clothes were perfectly matching. Ties were laying across a chair, and Will caressed his thumb over each of them, feeling the fabric for their pattern.
Will suddenly turned his head toward Draco. "Defying expectations, Blindie keeps up his bitchin' sense of style," Will said haughtily with a grin.
Draco jumped and rubbed the back of his head in embarrassment. He then cleared his throat and asked, "How do you that?"
Will shrugged as he turned back and selected a tie. "Don't know. Guess it's a holdover from my seeing days. Being blind can't stop me from looking good."
Draco huffed. "Point being: No matter what, how you look matters?"
The tutor started to tie the tie around his neck as he explained. "Point being: It's not about how others look at me; it's about how I look at myself." Will looked in Draco's direction, sensing his confusion. "Don't worry. One day it'll make sense," Will said with a smile.
Draco sighed and left the tutor alone. He walked downstairs and heard Kreacher muttering away from the drawing room. Draco slowly walked in and saw the house elf admiring the tapestry. Draco stood back and examined the family tree. He remembered when he came to Grimmauld Place weeks ago and seeing this. It gave him comfort at the time. Now, he looked at the tapestry with confusion.
The Malfoy and Black families were pureblood liberalists and treated anyone less than pureblood like dirt. They even disowned their own family members for being "blood traitors". Draco was practically nursed from infancy with ideas of pureblood glory and blood prejudice. He grew up thinking that mudbloods should be eradicated from the face of the Earth. These ideas were his motives to be awful to Muggle-borns at school. He had tortured students. And for something they couldn't control, and it was entertainment to him at the time. He felt like it was his duty. He knew his father would be proud of him for shaming a mudblood.
After what Will said, Draco looked back at his old self and realized that he hated himself. What seemed so important to him at that time, is not now, and he would have to pay the consequences for what he had done. He felt sick as he remembered what Granger and his housemates said about him; what he did to them was horrendous, and it was all in the name of pureblood glory.
Draco's eyes slipped down to his portrait on the tapestry. What he saw wasn't a man, but a monster. Draco glared at his portrait and took out his wand. He then walked over to the tapestry, seething with anger, and guilt. He heard Kreacher leaving the room, muttering about blood traitors and mudbloods. Draco cringed after the house elf and then turned toward his picture. Draco slowly took his wand and burned his face on the tapestry. In its place was a singed spot of black. He was now disowned from his family. He was now a blood traitor.
Draco exhaled, feeling more liberated than he had ever before. He decided that Draco Malfoy was dead. Draco Malfoy, the pureblood prince, had ceased to exist. A new man with new values and morals was born. He took out his wand again, and burned the sentence next to his singed portrait: "I am no more."