Chapter Eleven
A Ranger Catastrophe
Summer, 1994
"What's taking T—White Ranger so long?" Kimberly wondered with a sigh.
"I don't know," Jason said. "Someone should go check."
"I'm not going in there," Kimberly said emphatically. "I can't take one more leering mechanic calling me 'sweet thang' or 'darling.' It's nauseating. They can't even see past the spandex!" She paused and sighed. "I hate men."
"Hey," Jason said indignantly.
"Hey!" Tommy's voice filtered through the helmets' intercom. Tommy usually refrained from answering them while inside an auto shop; if he didn't, he looked like he was talking to himself (and as everyone who was in the shop with him was now looking at him funny, he knew it had been a good idea). It was also more difficult to hear Tommy when he was speaking in a normal tone; the intercoms usually only picked up louder calls.
"I shouldn't have said that," Kimberly said, though her tone suggested she still meant it.
"Hey, at least they're not completely shallow," Zack pointed out cheerfully. "It's not like they have any clue what you really look like."
"Well, we're busy, Kim," Trini said apologetically. She was helping Billy adjust the controls in the Unicorn's cockpit. "We just might be getting somewhere. …Or we're about to put a crater in the street to rival the Grand Canyon. Um… you guys might want to stand back."
"I'll go see what's keeping T—White," Zack said quickly, scrambling as far away from the Unicorn as he could.
Just then, Tommy stumbled out of the door to their most recent stop on the list of Angel Grove auto body shops. "My god! There was a troop of Boy Scouts in there. All those autographs gave me writer's cramp."
This was becoming more and more of a problem. People had been following them around shamelessly for quite some time, and they were becoming very paranoid. They only managed to keep the crowds back because Kimberly and Zack had taken it upon themselves to stand on top of the zords and wave (with one hand on their Blade Blasters), so that everyone had to stand back to see, while Jason kept an eye out for problems, Billy and Trini tried to repair some of the damage, and Tommy ran into the shop to ask for an estimate.
"Any luck?" Kimberly asked Tommy hopefully.
"No. He suggested we try an airplane mechanic," Tommy said with a frustrated sigh.
"Now there's an idea," Zack said thoughtfully. "You know… how come the zords never get this beat up during an actual fight?"
"They're meant to beat up monsters, not each other," Jason pointed out.
"Besides," Trini said, "the monsters have never fallen on us. They've just punched and whatnot."
"What about when Tommy was evil and he fought us?" Zack asked curiously. "That was zord against zord."
"He still didn't tackle us."
"That big Godzilla thing was a piece of junk," Tommy said, rather uncomfortable at the mention of him trying to kick their butts. He also was a little resentful towards anything associated with his Green Ranger powers, as they obviously hadn't lasted long. "It probably would have done more damage to itself if it had tackled you."
"I wish we could test that theory," Billy said wistfully.
"…Why?" Zack demanded.
"Well, it would be interesting," Billy said defensively. "Think of the strategic battle tactics we could develop with data that comprehensive."
"Trini?" Kimberly asked.
"Billy, shut up," Trini said with a sigh, not bothering to translate.
"Guys… this is pointless. Billy was right," Jason said tiredly. "We should just head back to the Command Center."
No one argued, though all of them were scared to death of pissing off Zordon. However, they now had a larger problem.
"Um… how are we supposed to do that?" Kimberly asked.
They were surrounded by people. People lined the sidewalk ahead of them, and behind them, and all across the street. Traffic creeped by as drivers and passengers alike gawked up at the damaged zords. Only respect kept them from getting mobbed.
"I told you so," Billy said wearily.
"What's the problem?" Zack asked, not seeing what their issue was.
"Uh… Zack? How are we supposed to get to our secret hideout with all these people watching our every move?" Trini pointed out.
"…Oh."
"Look," Kimberly said, jerking her head at a white van inching nearer. They could clearly see the Channel 4 News logo on the door.
"Everybody, get in," Tommy said quickly. "We'll figure it out along the way."
Tommy and Kimberly leaped up into the White Tigerzord's cockpit and Jason to the Red Dragon's to gasps and applause from the crowd. Zack hopped down from the dumpster. "Hang on a second," Trini called from the Unicorn… and then suddenly there was a loud BOOM and Trini and Billy screamed, practically flying from the cockpit.
"Are you all right?" Jason demanded.
"Affirmative," Billy said shakily.
"Fine," Trini said, rolling to her feet. "Thank god for these power suits."
"What just happened?" Tommy asked.
"Well, given the large amount of smoke, I'd guess nothing good," Zack quipped.
Trini shot a glare at him as she clambered back aboard. "I think we just fried whatever was left of the navigation system."
"What does that mean?" Tommy asked.
"That the Unicorn isn't going anywhere. We'll have to tow it, too."
"Maybe if we reconfigure the guidance matrix we can reestablish optimal navigational capabilities."
"Trini?" Tommy inquired urgently. The news van was getting ever closer, crawling along in the traffic jam.
"We don't have time to reconfigure the guidance matrix," Trini told Billy, ignoring Tommy. "That's a half hour job, minimum. And I can't see a thing through all this smoke… I wish our faceplates weren't tinted. It really makes this difficult."
"We're not sitting here for another half hour!" Tommy exclaimed. "Just tie it to the back of the dumpster."
"The length will make it impossible to turn," Trini said tersely.
"Jason! Zack! Come give me a hand," Billy called. "We'll chain it to the back of the Griffin with the Lion."
Jason, Zack, Billy and Trini unchained the Unicorn and pushed it like some broken down Pinto until it was in place behind the Griffin, where they tied it securely and chained the Lion to what they presumed was its bumper. Breathing heavily from the exertion, Zack hopped onto the Lion, as the Unicorn was still smoking profusely. While the Lion was far more uncomfortable to sit on, as it looked like a breadstick that someone had jabbed repeatedly with their finger, it was far more comfortable than dying of smoke inhalation. Billy climbed on top of the Griffin and Trini got back in to her cockpit. "Take it away, Tommy," she called.
"Thank God," Tommy muttered, and the White Tiger lurched to life, stomping back into traffic and cutting off a station wagon. The wagon hastily braked to let him back onto the road, and Trini was quick to follow. Billy gave the wagon an apologetic wave.
They stomped/rolled through traffic, the dumpster now making noises of protest under the Red Dragon's weight. Zack kept randomly going into chuckling fits, and Trini kept threatening him each time he did… so they almost missed the first notes of the brass band.
"What's that noise?" Billy asked.
"Um… it sounds a lot like a parade," Zack said, looking around.
"Great. More traffic," Tommy grumbled. He was used to speeding along, weaving in and out of traffic; he hated nothing more than getting stuck behind a slow-moving vehicle and he hadn't been able to go faster than your average jogger since Kinko's. It was even worse to be in a powerful, supremely fast zord and forced to go slow than it was to be stuck in his actual car.
"Patience is a virtue," said Saba, his talking saber, from its place in the cockpit.
"Shut up, Saba," Tommy said wearily. "And I mean that in the nicest way possible."
Kimberly edged away from the sword. "No offense—to either of you—but the talking weapon thing is kind of creepy."
"I beg your pardon?" Saba said in a clearly offended tone.
Kimberly shifted about nervously, recalling every display of Saba's power she'd ever seen. "You know… I think I'm going to go check on my zord," she said hastily, rushing out of the cockpit.
"Now look. You scared off Kimberly," Tommy accused Saba.
"I did nothing of the sort!" Saba exclaimed indignantly.
"Tommy! Watch the road!" Kimberly called, mostly because she found the fact that Tommy was arguing with Saba a little unnerving. She clambered onto the head of the Tigerzord, carefully planting her feet like the gymnast she was… and then she nearly fell off when she noticed something out of the corner of her eye.
"Tommy! Go faster!" Kimberly shrieked, making them all wince at the loudness of her voice over the helmets' intercom.
"I can't; the light just turned red!" The Tigerzord screeched to a halt; Kimberly just barely managed to keep her footing.
"What is it? What's happening?" Jason yelled.
"There's a marching band coming!"
"A… what?"
"A marching band!"
There was a long pause. "Um… I think we can take a bunch of band geeks," Zack joked finally.
"They've got a giant banner that says 'Power Rangers' something-or-other on it!" Kimberly shouted. "And they've got majorettes and a color guard and what on earth are they doing? They're coming this way!"
"It can't be anything to do with us," Tommy assured her.
"They wouldn't have any reason to come near us," Jason agreed. "Why would a marching band be coming for us?"
Kimberly twisted around, trying to find some sort of clue about what was going on. "I don't know! But… hey, is that the governor over there? Talking to all those people with the cameras?"
"Oh, god, he was in town today!" Trini exclaimed. "And Angel Grove Community College's marching band was supposed to play at his fund raiser! He's trying to use us for publicity!"
"How?" Tommy wondered.
"With a friggin marching band, that's how!" Kimberly yelled. Zack burst out laughing.
"The light's green! Saba, go!" Tommy exclaimed, and the Tigerzord stomped off at a reasonably faster pace. To everyone's amazement, the wagon behind them hung back—which may have had something to do with the uniformed police officer now talking to the driver—and a traffic cop that Kimberly had failed to notice came out into the intersection behind them and beckoned to the marching band. The next thing they knew, a large, flashy band was cheerfully walking behind them, waving hastily-painted banners and marching cheerfully down the street. Kimberly spotted the governor climbing into a fancy black sedan which began to follow the band, escorted by a pair of cop cars. Apparently the governor had decided that his time in Angel Grove was better spent associating himself with the Power Rangers than with the voters. Behind the mayor, Kimberly could just make out a group of news vans.
"I told you we should have gone back earlier," Billy said with a heavy sigh.
"Think Zordon will notice if we bring a marching band up to the Command Center?" Zack asked through his laughter.
"Shut up, Zack!" Trini snapped, her anger with him flaring. "You're the one who got us into this mess!"
"Billy's the one who got us into this mess," Jason reminded her.
"Goldar's the one who got us into this mess!" Billy insisted.
"Well, as long as I didn't get us into this mess…" Kimberly mumbled.
"Don't worry, guys; they'll leave us alone eventually. You'd have to be a total idiot to fall for this gimmick. I mean, come on. We look nothing like a parade," Tommy pointed out.
"Hasn't stopped people from treating us like one ever since we left Kinko's," Jason replied.
"I say we go with it," Zack said cheerfully. "Give the people what they want."
"That might not be such a bad idea," Tommy admitted grudgingly. "Maybe people will hang back, just like they did when we were waving at the auto body shops. So that they can see us." The sidewalks weren't roped off, and people kept going into the street, getting dangerously close to the zords; once or twice, Tommy almost stepped on someone, and Trini had been forced to swerve to avoid someone several times since leaving Kinko's.
"It won't be enough for us to get away," Trini said through gritted teeth. Her patience was wearing incredibly thin for once. Zack had dinged up her zord, she'd been totally irresponsible in that whole chasing-invisible-Goldar thing, Zordon was going to be unhappy, she and Billy were the only ones who might know how to fix the zords (so she could look forward to hours of extra work), and to top it all off Billy's hallucination had interrupted a very fun moment she'd been having with Jason.
"I know it won't be enough, but if we can just get people back a little, we can floor it once we're out of the city and lose everyone," Tommy argued. "Jason, Billy, Zack, Kim—start waving and smiling."
"Last I checked, helmets didn't smile, genius," Jason said dryly. He was just as annoyed with the world as Trini. At least she gets to stay in her cockpit, he thought irritably as he climbed on top of the zord and began waving like any good float-decorating person.
"This is ridiculous," Kimberly muttered.
Suddenly a cop car came out of nowhere, rushing out in front of the Tigerzord. "What the hell!" Tommy huffed, punching randomly at a spot next to Saba as though trying to honk the Tigerzord's nonexistent horn.
"What's up?"
"There's a police cruiser in front of me! It's going like two miles an hour!" Tommy peered down at them, glaring furiously from behind his helmet. The line of traffic in front of the cop car was beginning to thin; either the police were trying to get people off the roads, or people were getting themselves off in an effort to watch without having to bother with driving.
Suddenly an officer leaned out of the cruiser's window with a bullhorn in his hand. "Attention Power Rangers! We are your police escort for the duration of the parade."
"He's kidding, right? Tell me he's kidding," Jason groaned.
"When you wish to turn, just give us a hand signal!" the cop finished. Tommy, unable to believe that this was anything more than a bad dream, pointed left. The cop car obediently turned at the nearest available road. Tommy let out a frustrated wail and followed.
"Thank god no one knows who we are," Kimberly moaned. "This is embarrassing enough."
Down below, a little boy had run up alongside the Griffin; the Rangers had been forced to move at a crawl thanks to their escort. "Blue Ranger! Blue Ranger!" the little kid yelled.
Billy looked down at him. "Uh… yes?" he said uncertainly.
"Can I have your autograph? You're my favorite!"
"I am?" Billy said, shocked but pleased. "Sure! What's your name?"
"Joey!" The kid held up a toy Blue Ranger and a pen.
"All right." He took the little kid's action figure and signed, "To Joey, from the Blue Ranger, " across its chest. Then he turned it over and added "Never give up!" figuring that he might as well give the kid some sort of morality message, given the Power Rangers' image.
"Can I take a picture?" the kid said, panting slightly as he ran to keep up.
"Of course!" Billy said, striking a pose that he hoped was cool enough.
Jason happened to glance down at Billy, only to see him flexing his muscles and trying to look cool and tough (which, for Billy, was rather difficult; if anyone had no idea how to act like a badass, it was Billy). "What the heck is Billy doing?" he wondered aloud.
"Um… posing," Kimberly said in confusion. Like Jason, she had missed seeing the little kid; they just saw Billy making various superhero stances.
"He really has lost it," Jason said, half-awed, half-exasperated.
The little kid fell back; Billy gave him a final wave and sat a little taller on the Griffin's back. Suddenly a crowd of people (mostly reporters), emboldened by Joey's success in having a conversation with a Ranger, rushed into the streets, pressing up against the zords. "Red Ranger!" one of them called to Jason. "Is it true you're becoming the official spokesman for Kinko's?"
"What? NO!" Jason stared at them indignantly.
"Then why were you posing for photographs on their sign?"
"Oh, god…" Jason rolled his eyes behind his helmet. "Tommy! Drive faster!"
"Tommy? Who's Tommy?"
"Is he one of the Rangers?"
"Which one?"
"Does he have a last name?"
"Is that a code name of some sort?"
The reporters moved in closer, slowly being joined by numerous fans and people dense enough to believe it was an actual parade. Panicking, Jason simply attempted to hide from the reporters, which wasn't easy to do, considering where he was. Tommy's voice crackled through, annoyed. "Nice going, Red. Maybe you wanna say my name a little louder? I don't think they heard you in Reefside."
"Just drive."
Zack decided to "help" the situation. "Tommy is Red Ranger's imaginary friend," Zack deadpanned. "Red took quite a blow to the head a few years back, and—"
"ZACK!"
"See? He has a thousand imaginary friends."
Jason simply growled as Kimberly shook her head at him. "Did someone forget the most important rule of being a Power Ranger? Tsk, tsk, Red. For shame." She struggled to hold in her giggles and failed miserably.
Sighing, Jason wondered how long it would take him to beat himself unconscious if he banged his head on a zord. Unfortunately, he couldn't take off his helmet to do it, or he'd be in even worse shape.
"You see, the Tigerzord—that's what we call the big white one in the front there," Zack explained to the crowd, "it isn't driven by a human. It's piloted via a big talking sword named Saba, who takes suggestions and directions from the White Ranger, but Red has some strange notion in his head that each of the zords has its own human name. He talks to the zords all the time, even when we're not fighting in them." Most of that was, of course, bull, but it sounded good enough to keep people from realizing how full of it Zack was. Besides, few people expected to be lied to by someone as "noble" as a Power Ranger. "Red's just kinda caught between real and… not-so-real."
"Don't tell them that!" Billy yelled, struck by sudden inspiration. "They could find out Red's real identity if they found the medical records!" As no such medical records existed, Billy hoped this would throw people off track.
Everyone scrambled to make frantic notes on their notepads or tape recorders. "Great," Jason muttered. "I'm the delusional Ranger." The others, who could hear him through their helmets, giggled.
"Don't worry about it, Jason," soothed Trini, the only one who hadn't laughed.
"Yeah," Zack said quietly, so as to avoid being overheard by the crowd around him. "It was for the good of the team."
"Anything for the good of the team," Tommy said. Jason fumed; he could practically hear Tommy smirking.
"What exactly happened to cause the damage to your—what was the word? Zords?" another reporter asked Zack frantically. Zack tried to tell him but started laughing again.
"Zack, if you don't stop laughing, your head is going to mirror my dented zord!" Trini yelled angrily, not bothering to use his color name as she was safely inside her cockpit. The fact that Zack had insinuated Jason was insane had renewed her anger with Zack.
Needless to say, her threat didn't work; in fact, Zack was only laughing harder. Madder than ever, Trini threw her peaceful nature out the window and leapt out of her cockpit. Numerous witnesses got the rare treat of seeing the Yellow Ranger climb on top of her Griffin and leap right over the Blue Ranger's head. Billy, panicking, rushed to get inside the cockpit and control her zord.
"ARGH!" Zack shrieked as Trini came flying impressively through the smoke still issuing from the Unicorn to land in front of him and draw back her fist.
None of the other Rangers could see exactly what was happening. Tommy was inside his zord and Billy was inside Trini's, both of them facing the wrong direction, and Jason and Kimberly couldn't see past the Griffin because of the large column of smoke. However, thanks to the speakers in their helmets, they all got to hear every word.
"Ow! Hey! HELP!" Zack's voice came through loud and clear.
"Just try to laugh now!" Along with Trini's.
"What the…" Jason shook his head. The world had gone mad around him.
"Should we be worried?" Kimberly asked.
"Unless one of the zords takes a detour into a building, I doubt it," Tommy replied coolly. Billy was eerily silent.
"I agree with Tommy," Jason muttered. "Zack's a big boy; he can take care of himself."
"HELP! GUYS! HEEEEEELLLLLLLLPPPPPPPP! She's gonna kill me!"
Each non-involved Ranger cringed at the earsplitting volume of the screams of terror and pain. "While it is gratuitous that our zords have very similar configurations, the Griffin is subtly different from the Unicorn and I fear that I am in a precarious situation, especially given the distraction of Zack's cries. Should Trini's lapse in stability cause yet another collision, an exponentially greater mishap would result. In retrospect I suppose that I should have halted Trini's departure."
Jason sighed at Billy's words and realized that now he was going to have to interrupt Zack's much-deserved punishment. "Tri—Yellow!" he called. "We need you to translate!"
An exasperated half sigh, half scream could be heard. "He said it would be bad if one of the zords crashed into something again and that I shouldn't have left my zord to beat up Z—Black!"
"Oh," said three voices in unison. Zack gave a relieved sigh.
"Yes! Listen to Bill-IEEEEE!" A petrified scream ended Zack's sentence.
"You know, I'm half wondering what she's doing to him," Kimberly mused. None of them had ever seen Trini really cut into anyone on a massive scale, other than a monster, but all of them knew that Trini could be quite vicious when pushed.
Jason's eyes widened behind his helmet. "T—Yellow! Get back in your zord, NOW!"
"I don't think that's what she meant, Jase," Tommy said in obvious amusement.
Catching on, Kimberly giggled. "Yeah, those screams don't sound like they could come from something pleasurable—"
"Shut up SHUT UP!"
"I knew it," Kimberly muttered triumphantly, having long suspected that there was more than met the eye between Jason and Trini.
"You were right," Tommy admitted. Kimberly had long been pointing out the suspiciously relationship-like behavior of Jason and Trini, but Tommy hadn't believed her. He'd kept insisting that Jason and Trini were just friends, figuring that Kimberly was just being a typical stars-in-my-eyes-everyone-should-have-a-wonderful-boyfriend-like-I-do-romance-is-always-in-the-air girl.
"I seriously do not believe that I am qualified to pilot this zord," Billy said desperately.
"Trini!" Tommy called, not bothering to keep his voice down as he was alone in his zord. "Come on, leave Zack alone."
"Fine!" Trini growled, throwing up her hands and stomping off across the Lion, then leaping back to the Griffin. Zack nearly fell off his zord from relief.
"Yellow is attending anger management classes," Zack told the reporters weakly.
"Give me a reason to come back there again, buddy! Just give me a reason!"
"I'm kidding! I'm kidding!" Zack exclaimed hastily.
"And you'd better stop kidding, now!" Trini shouted.
Jason sighed admiringly, then quickly stopped when he heard Kimberly's chuckle and looked around. Just about everybody in the state of California was clustered around the zords. "White, stop for a second, will you? We need to have a… meeting."
"What's up?" Tommy asked, halting the Tigerzord as per Jason's request and climbing back to join Kimberly and Jason on the Red Dragon. Billy, Zack and Trini hopped over as well, Zack taking care to stay far away from Trini.
"This isn't working," Jason said in a low voice. "There's too many people here to get away unnoticed."
Tommy nodded and sighed. "Any suggestions?"
"If we signal the cop car in front of you to turn, we could wait until they turn and then floor it, straight ahead," Kimberly suggested.
"Won't work. There are people walking in front of me," Tommy replied.
"Are they trying to ask you dumb questions through the cockpit?" Jason asked incredulously.
Tommy shook his head, his tone amused. "No. Just sort of looking at me like I'm the coolest thing ever."
Jason rolled his eyes. "Well, we need to get them to move somehow."
"I vote we throw Zack to the wolves!" Trini started for Zack, who yelped and hid behind Billy.
Kimberly pulled Trini back. "Down girl!"
"That's not such a bad idea, though," Tommy said thoughtfully. "If one of us goes down there to them, there'd be a mad rush to follow whoever went."
"Yeah," Jason said. "But we can't use Z—Black; we'd need someone who has real pull with the fans."
"Hey! And I don't?" Zack was indignant.
"But who?" Billy's question was simple, and the six Rangers scanned the crowd for paraphernalia. After about a minute, all heads but Kimberly's turned towards the White Ranger. Tommy looked back, not quite registering anything yet.
"What? Why are you…? …Oh no. No, no, no. Are you kidding? I'm not going out there! I'll be ripped to shreds! Literally!"
"You're the most popular," Trini pointed out.
"And Saba can drive the Tigerzord alone," Billy said.
"Come on, fearless leader," Jason chided, drawing closer to the nervous Tommy. Thankfully, Jason's helmet hid the malicious gleam in his eye. Behind Tommy's back, he motioned to Trini, who nodded and edged back towards the Griffin. "It's for the good of the team."
"For the good of the team," Trini agreed.
"For the good of the team," Billy added.
"For the good of the team," Zack laughed.
"For the good of the team, for the good of the team, for the good of the team…"
Tommy was backing up now, away from the chanting Rangers. This was getting a little spooky. "Kim?"
Silence stood as the other Rangers stopped their mantra to look back at Kimberly. Taking a deep breath, she looked at Tommy. "For the good of the team."
"Kim?" Tommy squeaked. "Please be joking…"
He let out a terrified yell as Billy, Zack and Jason grabbed him, hoisted him into the air, and marched to the edge of the zord, Tommy struggling the whole way. Trini ran and leaped back into her zord, startling onlookers. She nudged the Griffin forward until its nose was pressed against the dumpster to prevent herself from getting cut off from it.
"For the good of the team!" With that, Tommy was tossed into the teeth of the crowd.
"Just stall 'em! When we're far enough away, we'll send word and you can teleport out, k?" Jason called as he rushed into the Tigerzord cockpit to tell Saba to run for it. Only Tommy's terrified screams answered him.
"And that's where Dr. O got covered in lipstick kisses?" Conner asked eagerly.
"Well, we didn't discover that for a while," Jason said. "See, after that, the crowd ran off after Tommy—"
"I still have nightmares," Tommy mumbled.
"—and we were able to get the cop car out of our way and we hightailed it up into the mountains."
"It took us a long time to find the Command Center," Zack said. "We'd never driven to it; we'd always either flown or teleported."
"By the time we got there, Zordon had apparently seen the whole thing on the viewing globe," Trini said. "So we didn't have to explain. And he was pretty understanding. And… possibly a little amused."
"But we all felt so horrible about it that we immediately offered to help fix the zords," Kimberly continued. "Of course, only Billy and Trini knew the first thing about the zords…"
"So mostly we just got really dirty and made no progress. Oh, and that was when we found our first piece of evidence that Trini and Jason were together!" Zack added gleefully.
"I can't believe you guys forgot to notify me that it was safe to come back," Tommy whined.
"Well… at least you didn't have to face Zordon," Trini said, patting his arm consolingly.
"I would have rather faced an army of Zordons than those people," Tommy said with a violent shudder.
"Anyway," Jason said, grinning, "back to the story…"
The Rangers were all working out in the bright sunlight, attempting to hammer out dents, as that seemed like the obvious place to start, while Billy and Alpha were trying to get the Unicorn to stop smoking profusely. However, even the hammering thing wasn't going too well. Kimberly's hits were tentative, as she wasn't the most skilled hammer user ever and was afraid of hurting herself, so it took her a long time to hammer out even the smallest of dents. Trini's anger had returned as she thought the day over, so she was making just as many dents as she hammered out. Zack kept randomly laughing (increasing Trini's bad mood) and during these fits he was forced to stop using his hammer until he got control. Only Jason was making any real headway; he wasn't exactly Mr. Fix-it, but it doesn't take much know-how to hit something really hard and with good aim—in fact, that was Jason's main area of expertise.
"Ow! Ow!" Trini moaned as she distractedly hit her thumb with her hammer. She glared down at the dent she'd been working on. "Damn… spot!"
Something from English class regarding the play Macbeth clicked in Zack's head, and he hurriedly went to work on the part of his zord farthest from her.
Billy came over to them, wiping oil from his hands with a dirty rag. "Alpha and I have finally fixed most of the computer systems in the Unicorn," he said. "It's mostly just structural damage at the moment." He paused. "I have the most peculiar inclination that we were supposed to perform some vital feat…"
Trini gasped. "Oh my god! We forgot Tommy!"
Panicked, Kimberly turned on her communicator. "Tommy? Tommy are you there? Oh, Tommy I'm so sorry, are you okay?"
A crackled, "AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH! LET GO!" could be heard through the communicator. Someone could be heard uttering "Oops…" as everyone glanced at one another.
"So…" Jason began. "Should someone go and deliver him from this evil?"
Jason, Trini, Billy and Zack all looked at each other; wherever Tommy was, it sounded like a bad place to be. "Er…" Jason said reluctantly, realizing that, as Tommy's best friend, he was obligated to do it.
"Pterodactyl!" Kimberly shouted without bothering to yell "It's morphin' time!" as was customary. A split-second later, the Pink Ranger teleported away. Jason sighed in relief.
Zack frowned. "Um… guys? What say we all go… lie low for a while… before they get back?" The others all exchanged glances, then hurriedly agreed.
Before anyone had taken two steps, however, Kimberly reappeared with Tommy… only the White Ranger had never looked so bad. He was leaning on Kimberly, there were holes and scratches in his suit… and he was covered almost head to foot in lipstick kisses in every color in the rainbow and a few that weren't. Kimberly helped him sit down, leaning him against the wall of the Command Center and helping him take off his helmet, staring in amazement at all the shades of red, pink, purple, orange, black, green, silver and blue lipstick all over it in various kiss shapes.
"Whoa," Zack said as he rushed forward with Jason, Trini, and Billy to crowd around Tommy. "I thought our suits were stronger than that." He stared at a particularly large rip in the material on Tommy's bicep; more lipstick kisses could be seen on the skin, along with what looked suspiciously like fingernail scratches, some of which were bleeding.
"I teleported all over town trying to escape, just far enough to be safe but close enough to keep their interest," Tommy moaned in a shocked, traumatized sort of whimper. "But they kept catching me. That old lady… the girls who sit behind me in physics class… my doctor… my veterinarian… the check-out girl… they were everywhere… I led them through the mall, through the Juice Bar, through downtown, through uptown, through the car wash, through the police station…"
Alpha Five hurried over. "Ai yi-yi-yi-yi-yi! What happened?"
"Fans," Kimberly said dryly, setting Tommy's helmet down gently and brushing back his long hair. "It's okay, Tommy. They're all gone now. It's over."
"Through the supermarket, through the quarry, through the park…"
"Is he going to be okay?" Jason asked worriedly, now (mostly) regretting his decision to throw Tommy "to the wolves."
"All those girls… Sarah… Madam Swampy… Hallie… Marge… Angela… Ms. Appleby…"
"Note to self," Zack muttered, "never wish I was Tommy." Then he looked up sharply. "Wait. Angela!"
"I can't believe she kissed me there…"
Kimberly waved her hand in front of Tommy's face. "Tommy! Are you in there?"
"Through the city council building, through the movie theatre…"
It took about an hour to get Tommy to return to normal, and even then it was a very tentative thing. He kept shivering at random intervals and seemed especially jumpy, but he helped Zack work on the Lion, as it was one of the most damaged.
Then, however, something odd caught his eye—Jason was not wearing red. He was wearing jeans and a snugly fitting yellow T-shirt… but Tommy could have sworn that earlier in the day, Jason had been wearing a snugly fitting red T-shirt. And none of them had ever really gone for long without wearing their Ranger color.
Something clicked in Tommy's head and he looked over at Trini. When Tommy had seen her earlier, she'd been wearing an oversized yellow T-shirt. Now she was wearing an oversized red T-shirt.
Tommy burst out laughing. As this was the first time he'd laughed since their whole little zord fiasco, everyone stared at him, bewildered. "What?" Trini demanded, as she'd noticed him looking in her direction shortly before he'd started laughing.
Tommy was laughing too hard to speak. He lifted his hand and pointed at her, then at Jason, before doubling over and clutching the Lion's side for support. Kimberly looked from Trini to Jason before it dawned on her; she gave Trini a wicked grin.
"Have a change in color wardrobe?" Kimberly asked in a far-too-innocent tone.
Trini, confused, looked down… and her eyes promptly widened in horror. "Um… yes?" she said in a small voice.
Zack, naturally, started laughing. Billy stared at Trini in disbelief. Tommy straightened up as best he could, smirking at Jason. "So… I guess Trini's the new Red Ranger, then?" he gasped out.
Jason glowered at him. "You know, it's good that you stick with white, Tommy. All those shades of lipstick did nothing for you."
Tommy's mirth disappeared completely and the two of them got into a huge glaring contest. Trini, meanwhile, attempted to melt into the sand; Kimberly struggled to keep a straight face; Zack began to laugh so hard that no sound came out; and Billy just sort of gaped numbly at Trini as silence settled over them.
Alpha Five was the first to speak. "I don't understand. Why is Trini the new Red Ranger?"
A long pause ensued… and then suddenly everyone was laughing hysterically, all tension gone. Alpha stood there, completely confused, as everyone laughed themselves sick.
"Oh," Tommy gasped, "we're never going to mention this day ever, ever again."
"No," Jason said, "we're really, really not."
"Don't worry, Alpha," Zack said, clapping the robot on the shoulder. "You'll understand when you're older."
"I'm quitting Kinko's," Billy choked out. "I'm never setting foot in that place again."
"Good," Kimberly told him, "because I don't think I could forgive you a second time."
Trini looked around at all the busted zords. "Look at this mess," she gasped, tossing her hammer carelessly over her shoulder. "We're so screwed."
"Some of us more than others," Zack joked slyly.
Trini retrieved her hammer and ran at him; Zack shimmied up the side of his zord with a girly scream and everyone else laughed harder.
"I told you we didn't have enough technical knowledge to repair the… um… cars, but would you listen to me? No, of course not."
"We did listen to you."
"Yeah, we just felt a bit too bad about it to not help."
Billy sighed heavily and pulled open the door to the Youth Center. It was several hours later. The Rangers were in much worse spirits but feeling far more companionable towards each other than they had been during the whole catastrophe. They had spent a very long time working on their zords, and were all dirty, scratched, sore, and covered in various oils and fluids. As they walked into the Youth Center, Trini gave Billy a concerned glance. "Are you okay? Even given… all things considered… you seem really down." Billy had been quite a bit more snappish than he usually was, even when faced with a crisis.
Billy shrugged half-heartedly, looking rather disappointed. "It's just… Goldar. He got away."
The others exchanged glances. "Look at the bright side, Billy," Trini said comfortingly. "You… …um… you… you have your health!"
"Not mentally," Zack said quietly in a sing-song voice.
"And…" Jason said, glaring over Billy's shoulder at Zack, "there… um, there weren't too many witnesses…"
"Hey, guys!" Ernie called from behind the counter, waving at them. "Did you see that report on the Power Rangers running their zords in circles around Kinko's and then holding a parade? They're showing it again, come look!"
The others simultaneously let out annoyed sighs before wandering over to watch Ernie's TV. A reporter was standing in front of the Burger King… and she was standing next to the two least likely people to have anything to do with an important Ranger moment.
"Yes, we stopped the big blue-and-gold monster… thing… that the Power Rangers couldn't!" Bulk was saying proudly. "That's us, Bulk and Skull!"
"You mean Skull and Bulk," Skull corrected him.
"No, it's Bulk and Skull."
"Why does your name get to be first?"
"One of them has to be, and I'm smarter then you."
"Oh... no you're not!"
"You heard it here first," said the reporter over Bulk and Skull's bickering. The picture changed to a bad home video clip of Bulk and Skull outside Burger King, the picture wobbling from a shaking hand and interspersed with bits of static. Bulk and Skull were leaping at Goldar, who was lying on the ground; he teleported away in a blur and Bulk and Skull landed painfully on the sidewalk in a heap.
None of the Rangers saw this particular part, however; they were too busy giving each other disbelieving, mortified looks. Bulk and Skull had stopped a monster? …And people actually thought it was credible enough to cover on the news?
Ernie turned around to face them as he switched off the TV. "Man, I wish I'd seen that," he said wistfully. Then he noticed the fact that they were covered in grease and black streaks of oil. "What happened to you guys?" he asked in concern.
"Uh… we struck oil," Jason lied.
"Lots of it," Kimberly added dryly.
End Notes: And so ends the Rangers Parade/zord wreck. Well, for the most part; I've got an aftermath flashback coming in the next chapter. I may also have a few flashback scenes in later chapters dealing with more of the aftermath; Freyja and I recently stumbled upon a fun idea involving Jason's rumored delusions.
On Saturday, October 1, Freyja and I managed to map out the entire fic. We have a day-by-day synopsis, including bad dreams, romance, monkeys, more Bulk and Skull, more flashbacks, a little kidnapping and some pancakes. (You know, I knew that writing PR fics at my age was abnormal, but I have to say I've come to realize that I'm already far more abnormal than anything PR could ever do to me, so on with the writing.) I'm pleased to announce that not only is this fic going to be monstrously long, but we've already started formulating plots, subplots, and funny scenes for its sequel, which will take place one year after this, as well as its future spin-off. Please review; nothing motivates me to update like reviews, and to be honest Freyja and I both have a tendency to get ideas from them—both from actual suggestions by reviewers and accidental inspiration.