Whispers in the Dark

- Chapter Twenty-One – Hid in the Little Things

Cory wasn't even fully aware of what she was doing until she was upstairs in the DiLaurentis house standing in front of Alison's old bedroom. Jason had been gone for a few minutes to get them something to eat and she'd been walking around looking at how much had been changed.

Jason said he was trying to renovate both the property and the house, but it looked more like he'd been tearing things apart. There were still tarps over holes dug outside in the yard and inside of the house floorboards had been taken up along with a few sections cut out of the walls.

Looking around the eerily silent upstairs she wondered what exactly it was that Jason was looking for. Her guess was he was trying to find hiding places that his sister had used but that didn't explain what he was hoping to find.

With a small shrug she considered it could probably be anything, Alison loved not only gathering everyone's secrets buts also taking things from them. That was mostly what she and Jason fought about; she wouldn't stay out of his room. Most of the things she took had little importance, but it still made Jason so mad when he'd realize something else was missing.

Cory's hand trembled slightly as she reached out for the doorknob and her fingers lightly grazed over the cold metal. It was strange enough being in the house by herself after all this time and the idea of walking into her dead best friend's room made everything feel more unsettling but she still couldn't stop herself from turning the doorknob and pushing the door open.

For a moment the room looked exactly the same it had before her friend disappeared; before everything got so complicated and the world wasn't such a scary place, but once she blinked it was gone and she saw the room in its current state.

There was a lamp sitting on the floor without a lampshade; newspaper still covered the windows. The cover the air vent was lying on the floor next to the open hole in the wall just above the baseboard and just like downstairs some loose wood floor panels were pulled up and stacked up off to the side.

Stepping farther into the room she turned in a slow circle taking it all in as she remembered how it looked when Alison was still alive. It wasn't so much seeing the now barren space that affected her as much as all the memories she had in that room with not just Alison but with their entire group of friends.

So many sleepovers and getting ready for parties, horror movie marathons with bowl after bowl of popcorn. It even hurt to think about the fights they'd had in that room, because there wouldn't be anymore. No chances at creating new memories with her best friend, in the blink of an eye Alison had disappeared and nothing was ever the same.

Walking over to the window, Cory absentmindedly picked at loose corners of the newspaper covering the glass as she thought more about Alison. She hated herself for even thinking it but when she'd got the call from Spencer telling her they'd found her body, a small part of her felt relieved. Alison had controlled so many aspects of Cory's life that she'd almost forgotten what it was like to think for herself until she'd gotten away from Rosewood and even during the time she thought Alison was missing –she still expected the blonde to just show up one day and pick right back up where she'd left off.

The not knowing had always been the worst part to her. On dark and stormy nights she'd wonder where her friend was and if she was somewhere safe out of the weather. She bounced between being incredibly mad at her for leaving and a deep feeling a despair at not knowing where she was.

It was such a bittersweet feeling being in that room now, such a strange feeling missing someone and being thankful they're not a part of your life anymore. Alison had given her years of the closest, most amazing friendship she'd ever had but she'd also taken so much from her and made her doubt herself in a way no one else could.

~(Flashback)~

"Where's everyone else?" Cory questioned as she sat down on the side of her friends bed, while Alison stood in her open closet picking out different dresses and holding them up to herself in front of the full length mirror.

Returning the current selection to the closet, Alison turned and looked at Cory as she admitted, "It's just us today… didn't I mention that on the phone?"

"No… you said it was a girls day and everyone would be here." Cory reminded her, feeling more anxious by the second.

It had been a little over a month since she'd been secretly seeing Jason and was scared to know how her best friend was going to react to the news.

"Maybe I said that because I knew if I said it was just us you'd come up with some crap excuse like you've been doing lately."

"Ali, no it's not like that. I've just been busy and-"

"Save your breath, okay? I know you've been avoiding me and I also know why." Alison cut her off not only with her words –she also slammed her closet door shut, the loud sound caused Cory to nearly jump out of her skin.

The brunette opened her mouth to protest, never intending to admit that was the case but her friend didn't give her an opportunity to talk as she talked loudly over her and explained, "You never answer when I call you anymore, you always have some excuse at the ready to keep from hanging out with me… and every single time I say your name around my brother he gets this smug smile on his face –like he knows something that I don't, only I know what something really is."

"Ali, I've-"

"Been sneaking around with my brother, right?" The blonde asked, her blue eyes narrowed in an unwavering look that cut right through her friend's excuses and denial.

When she didn't say anything else and continued to just stare at her, Cory felt so uncomfortable it made her sick to her stomach. Deep down she'd always worried that one day she'd do something Alison would disagree with strongly enough that she'd be kicked from their group of friends –which mean not only losing Alison, but the other girls too. She had no doubt Alison would ban them from speaking to her anymore.

Feeling like she needed to defend herself, she shook her head back and forth, "No, it's not like that at all. It's just…"

Letting out a heavy breath that ended in a helpless whine, she shrugged and admitted, "I never meant to feel like this, but… but I… I really like Jason."

The room fell into a painfully silent state which Alison fed from as she held back a smirk and Cory's heartrate accelerated; sure that this was the proverbial straw the broke the camel's back. She'd done something unforgivable that it would get her kicked from her group of friends and if she was lucky maybe Loser-Mona would take pity on her and let her sit with her at lunch. But after the way she'd stood back and watched Alison be nothing but cruel to their classmate, she wouldn't blame her if she didn't.

"Why do you look like you're either going to puke or pass out?" Alison finally broke the silence with a loud laugh that cut through the air like a straight razor.

Cory raised her head, eyebrows furrowed in both confusion and worry as she questioned, "You're not mad at me?"

"No, of course not. I mean, I am a little upset that you avoided me and didn't tell me sooner, but I'm not mad." Alison assured her.

She blew out a relieved breath, feeling like suddenly the air in the room wasn't so thick and she gratefully accepted the tight hug from her best friend.

As she pulled back, Cory smiled, "Good, because it's been killing me having to hide this from you guys and-"

"Wait, what?" Alison cut her off, "No, Cory… you can't tell the other girls."

Turning sideways more on the bed so she could face the brunette, Alison spoke in a tone that almost made Cory feel like she was being scolded for sticking her hand in the cookie jar as she pointed out, "They wouldn't understand it… you know they'd all just start talking about you behind your back, right? I mean, Cory, why do you think I can't tell them about the older guy I like? They'd flip out because they're not mature enough to handle it, but don't worry… your secrets safe with me."

Cory's formerly relieved expression twisted into one of uncertainty, this was one of those times where she honestly wasn't sure if Alison was looking out for her or just wanted something to hold over her head.

"Don't look so upset. Secrets are what keep us close, remember?" She asked, wrapping an arm around her in a half hug.

"Yeah…" Cory breathed, as she laid her head on her friend's shoulder and they both looked towards the window as the room fell silent again.

She felt Alison softly rest her own head against hers and Cory closed her eyes, trying to understand why she always let herself be pushed around like that.

It was only Alison who could hold that kind of power over her, anyone else she'd have told them where to go but this was her best friend and she had a way of making Cory feel like she was part of something really special. Like she was so lucky that she'd been handpicked by Alison for this group of friends and the idea of losing them and her status at school was almost paralyzing.

"So…" Alison asked, "Did you kiss him yet?"

Her forehead lined with confusion as she pulled back from the half hug and stood up, shooting her a shocked look as she gasped, "What?"

With raised eyebrows and a knowing expression Alison repeated, "Did you kiss him yet?"

"Ali!" Cory hissed, shaking her head back and forth, "Ew, no! I'm so no talking about this with you!"

"So you did?"

"What is wrong with you?"

"What? I'm your best friend, you're supposed to tell me this stuff. You're supposed to tell me everything… you always did before." Alison said, standing up with her arms crossed over her chest.

"Yeah, but this is your brother, Ali. You really want to know about his sex life and stuff?" Cory pointed out, feeling it was common sense but clearly chose the wrong wording to prove her point.

Alison gasped with wide eyes, "Are you saying you've done more than just kiss him?"

"No!"

"Well, now I don't know if I believe you. After all, you've been avoiding and lying to me for a month."

"Can we please just drop it?" She sighed, feeling completely drained, a common feeling after conversing with Alison DiLaurentis.

~(End of flashback)~

"What?" Jason questioned as he watched Cory look around his room.

"Nothing." She laughed, "It's just… you own this house now, you have your pick of all the rooms and you end up back in your old room."

With a laugh he sat down on the floor of his room with her, his back against the wall as she was already sitting on the floor leaned against the bed. It's how he found her when he'd gotten back from making a food run.

"It would just be too weird sleeping in one of the other rooms." He admitted as he started to open the paper bag containing their food, "I lived here for so long but I guess this room was the only place in the house I actually felt comfortable in."

She nodded in understanding, a small smile on her face when he handed her a container of food from the local Chinese place, which he'd thankfully made it too before they closed for the night.

Looking around the room again she laughed, "Sitting on the floor in your room eating, just like old times."

"Pretty much." He agreed, laughing as he added, "Except back then we were devouring bags of chips and cookies cause we had the munchies."

"I remember you even had storage tote full of junk food." She recalled and they both laughed until the room fell silent as they both thought back to how much of their lives –especially his in the beginning but hers as well as time went on, revolved around finding the next high. Finding some sort of escape from the lives and families they'd felt trapped in.

"You know, sometimes I think back to the way I used to be and I almost can't believe I managed to pull myself out of it. For so long I just thought I'd be a stoner for the rest of my life." He admitted as he gave up on the chop sticks and unwrapped a plastic fork for his own food.

"I know." She nodded in agreement, "I felt the same way… only worse because sometimes I didn't even want to get past that. It was just easier to get through the days with a little chemical help."

Grabbing his cup and taking a drink he watched her for a while before he admitted, "I guess you can only hate your past so much when it got you to where you are today –coming out on top and all."

"Ha." Cory breathed as she took a drink from her own cup before helplessly asking, "Is this what coming out on top feels like?"

In ways she couldn't deny she was better off than she was before. She was clean and sober, but dealing with A holding secrets over her head and the other unnamed source of her current troubles –there were moments when she felt like every step forward she'd taken had only earned her getting knocked several steps back.

Jason watched her with his eyes slightly narrowed in question as he saw her leave the room, physically she was still sitting there but her mind had drifted –something that seemed to be happening more and more lately.

"You okay?" He asked.

"Yeah." She nodded as his voice shook her from her thoughts. He didn't ask her what she'd been thinking about but she knew he wanted some kind of answer and she also knew she owed him an explanation for how distant she'd been lately but telling him about A wasn't an option. She already lived in a constant state of fear that A's next attack would be on her newly rekindled relationship with Jason and out of all the possible things the anonymous bully could do to her –that would be the worst.

"Today just brought up a lot of stuff." She softly explained while setting her food to the side and getting another drink of her soda; excusing the lie because it was a half-truth. The day had brought up a lot of stuff from her past; both good and bad and sitting with him back in that house was still dredging up memories.

When she'd first gotten there it was clear she was upset about the memories of her brother's death but now he was thinking back to the dinner and to how the Partha's kept bringing up her mother's disappearance.

"You never talk about your mom anymore." He pointed out, also pushing his left over food off to the side and looking over to her as their eyes met and he apologized, "Sorry, I shouldn't have brought that up… there was enough of that at the dinner, right?"

"It's okay." She quickly answered, referencing an earlier conversation between them when she shrugged, "Dark details, right?"

"I guess… I don't know, I just hate it so bad when people ask me about her because I don't have any answers. One day she was here and the next…" Her voice trailed off and she cleared her throat, "But I don't need to tell you what that's like… we've both been there before."

He nodded, knowing exactly how she felt about the entire situation and was intending on letting it go but then something happened for the first time in a while, she actually started to open up to him.

"I'm also partially afraid I'll say the wrong thing too."

He raised his head and shot her a confused look.

"I was supposed to be on that cruise with them, we'd talked about taking it as a family trip… trying to reconnect and whatever but then not too long before we were supposed to go –they changed it and decided they'd rather go by themselves. It's just really weird though because when my dad got home and talked to the police, they pointed out we were all three supposed to go but I wasn't there and my dad said that I'd changed my mind about wanting to go."

"Cory, are you saying you think your dad-"

"No." She said cutting him off before he could even fully voice the question, "I just think he was so upset he got confused or something… either way police interviews and their investigation just took over our lives and I was always so scared I'd say something wrong or put more suspicion on my dad so I barely talked about it at all."

Standing up he walked over and extended his hand to her; which she took and allowed him to pull her to her feet.

She smiled appreciatively at him, but he didn't return the expression at all. Instead he looked deeply concerned and his silence was starting to worry her; maybe she'd poured too much of her crazy on him all once and now he was second guessing things.

"Sorry…" Cory breathed, tucking her hair behind her ears as she added, "Thanks for everything but I should probably get home, it's really late and my dad-"

With a hand on her arm he brought her to a stop as she started to turn and walk away.

"Did you ever ask him about what happened on the cruise?" Jason questioned once she was facing him again.

"He told the police…" She began to explain letting her voice trail off when he shook his head back and forth.

"No, I mean did you ever ask him yourself…it's a lot easier to lie to strangers than it is someone your close to."

"I didn't ask him because I didn't need to." She argued, her eyebrows furrowing in both confusion and anger as she turned the questioning around on him, "Are you trying to say you think he did something to my mom?"

"No… it's just… you weren't just worried about him finding out about us; you were scared to tell him." Jason pointed out, with raised eyebrows as he was now wondering if the reason behind that was that she'd been living in fear that her dad had –had something to do with her mom's disappearance.

"Jason…" She breathed as she walked back up to him, her anger fading when she realized he was only acting accordingly to the information he'd been given and the way she'd been acting.

She was scared for her dad to find out but not because she thought she was living under the same roof as a murderer.

Raising up on her feet she rested her arms on his shoulders with her hands on the back of his neck as she assured him, "I'm not scared of my dad… I mean come on, he's a doctor –he saves lives not ends them. He's judgmental and can be a real jerk at times but he's not dangerous."

"I want to believe that. Cory, I want to believe you but there is something you're not telling me… I always feel like you're only giving me parts of the story but never the whole thing." He admitted, his hands landing gently on her waist. Shaking his head back and forth he asserted, "You were really scared about him finding out."

"Not for the reasons you're thinking!" She exclaimed, stepping back and shaking her head as she turned and put her back to him with her arms crossed over her chest.

"Then give me a reason to think differently… tell me the truth."

Turning around she kept her head lowered and eyes glued to the floor with her arms still crossed over her chest. She always had a habit of pushing people away, especially when she was hurting and in years of doing that she'd became aware of that definitive moment where she'd closed off too much or pushed too hard and the other person was about to stop fighting to stay.

There were still things she wasn't ready for him to know about her yet, mainly because she was scared to lose him and she was positive if he found she was actually responsible for her little brother's death –he'd leave and she couldn't blame him. Truth was, she couldn't even live with herself knowing what she'd done so there was no expecting anyone else to look past it.

It was clear that Jason was protective over her, more so than before and she knew it had to be because he'd already lost so much. So opening up about A was out of the question –this wasn't just some anonymous tormenter who stalked them with texts and outed their secrets; this was someone who'd hit Hanna with a car when she got too close to the truth. If she told Jason and he got involved he could get hurt or worse and she couldn't allow that.

Alison had keeping secrets down to an art –an art that Cory had learned from her. Sometimes to keep from losing someone you'd have spill a few of those secrets; just enough to make the other person feel like the air is clear and never anything more than they could handle.

"You don't know the whole story, okay?" She finally breathed, raising her head and looking at him. "I was scared for my dad to find out… but not because I'm scared of him."

He pulled in a breath and held it in his lungs, hoping that she was actually going to be honest with him.

"In the beginning, I was really careful… the drugs and the drinking. I hid it perfectly from my parents –even managed to keep my grades up. They never doubted me when I said I was going to a friend's house for a sleepover or something because I'd never gave them reason to. I was living this double life; the perfect daughter and straight A student by day and this out of control party girl at night. I thought I'd be able to keep that going but then I started feeling… I don't know, invincible?" She shrugged pausing before continuing, "Then everything just fell apart… my brother died and I felt like it was my fault, I couldn't handle it and I got bad –really bad. It wasn't just smoking pot all the time and mixing booze with pills. It turned into all night binge drinking and skipping school, I wouldn't come home for days on end…"

He nodded, "I knew you got pretty bad off right before you moved away."

Cory nodded, avoiding his eyes as she explained, "Everything got worse after Ali disappeared, I just couldn't handle it. But Jason, my parents didn't freak out because they found some weed hidden in my room. They freaked because they got a call from a hospital in Philadelphia after I ended up in the ER there. I had a bad reaction to MDMA or there was something bad the pills had been cut with-"

"You were taking ecstasy?" He wasn't able to hide his shock at the newly learned information.

"I was taking anything and everything I could get my hands on." She nodded with a bitter tasting dry laugh, clearly ashamed of herself for how far gone she'd gotten. "I'd had a seizure but I was really lucky though; I made it through with no long term effects or permanent damage but my parent's idea of this perfect daughter was completely shattered. If you ask me, I think they'd known for a really long time but it just wasn't an issue until I got bad enough other people knew I had a problem too."

He felt guilty for not knowing how bad she'd gotten into drugs or how serious it was, he'd been too wrapped up in his own drug induced haze to realize it but now all he could think was the he could have lost her.

"They already knew about you and me by that point… but again, I don't think it mattered until the façade they were living in crumbled down and they just wanted someone to blame. It was impossible for them to think that I might really be that screwed up, instead it was so much easier for them to blame someone else and next thing I knew our house was for sale and they'd put a down payment on a rental house in another state. But getting me away from here… away from you wasn't enough –my dad wanted to call the police because of our age difference." She admitted blowing out a heavy breath that made her sides ache and she couldn't bring herself to look back up at him.

"I begged him not too and my mom finally got him talked down but there were terms I had to agree too. Like… going into rehab and never talking to you again."

Swallowing hard she looked up him to see it was now his eyes that were glued to the wood flooring of his room. After she'd moved away, he'd tried to contact her a few times but nothing ever resulted out of it. At the time he'd just assumed that she'd moved on and left not just that part of her life but left him behind as well. He had no idea she'd made a deal with her parents to keep him getting into trouble. In truth he blamed himself for her downfall more than anyone else did.

"Cory, if I'd known things had gotten that bad…" He finally found the strength to talk but left his sentence open and hanging in the air. He'd love to say that if he'd known how bad she was he'd have found some way to help her but he wasn't sure if that was the truth. Most of the time he was so out of it he probably wouldn't have even been able to process what was happening to her and it wasn't until after she'd moved away that he realized just how much he cared about her.

"It's okay. You don't have to say anything." She assured him, "My dad was already mad when he found out we'd been talking again and I was afraid if he found out we were back together he'd lose it. Ship me off somewhere or-"

"I wouldn't let that happen." He asserted, stepping closer as he took her face in his hands and promised, "I'm not losing you again."

She smiled at his words and the feeling of a weight being lifted. There was still more that she'd been hiding but letting that much out in the open felt better than she'd imagined it could. For so long she'd been carrying around so many secrets that she wasn't even aware of the toll they were taking, she'd gotten used to extra weight they added.

"And I'm the one who should be sorry, you shouldn't have had to deal with all of that on your own before and you really shouldn't have been having to deal with alone now." He said, as he leaned down and pressed a kiss to her lips.

There were things he'd been afraid to tell her before, like about the note he'd found in pocket after his sister went missing because she was the only person he'd ever really cared about what they thought of him and after so long of seeing the worst sides of people he'd came to just expect when someone was holding a secret they were doing so with ulterior motives and not so much because of guilt or trying to protect him.

The air in the house felt lighter now, even for him knowing everything was out in the open and though he now felt even guiltier about what had happened with her it also made him feel more connected with her.

Cory leaned in, deepening the kiss and trying to distract herself from the guilty feeling in the pit of her stomach with everything that she was still hiding from him. But this was a start, or at least she hoped it would be. She needed to believe that she'd opened up to him because she was trying to be better and not because it was one of the secrets she knew he'd accept and feel bad about.

Her lips moved hungrily with his as his hands rubbed over her clothed body and slowly the guilt subsided as she quickly became aware of only one thing in the world –him. She'd missed him so much, in every single way and with the eagerness in his movements with his hands creeping down her sides to grab onto the bottom of the dress she'd been wearing since the dinner party, she knew he'd missed her just as much.

It was only moments later her dress landed to the floor next to where they stood and her fingers fought with the buttons on his shirt, his mouth was on her neck and her knees felt weak in the best way possible. Once his shirt had joined the growing pile of fabric on the floor she ran her hands up the bare, muscled planes of his stomach and chest before pulling his face back to hers.

She'd heard her cellphone buzzing in her jacket pocket across the room where she'd laid it on top of his dresser earlier, but she didn't care about who was calling anymore than she cared how much trouble she'd be in when she finally made it back home.

In those moments all she cared about was Jason and how he made her feel –all she could hope is that she'd one day be able to tell him everything and he'd still feel the same about her regardless of everything she'd been hiding; because when that happened, she might actually be able to feel like she deserved him and the way he felt about her.

A/N - Thank you all so much for reading! Happy PLL Tuesday!

I owe an extra special thank you to xxXWolfsLullabyXxx, Nirvana14, LiLuLo12, xxxRena, Momsen-xxxx, Heartless-Princess33, RHatch89, SmellYourScentForMiles, Lucy Greenhill, sarahmichellegellarfan1, LittleLiar, GladYouCame, BloomingBlueMoon85, gRaNgErRaNgEr93, DancingDorisDay and Heart of Emison for reading and leaving feedback on chapter 20! ^_^

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