Things were all good yesterday
And then the devil took your memory
And if you fell to your death today
I hope that heaven is your resting place
I heard the doctors put your chest in pain
But then that could have been the medicine
And now you're lying in the bed again
Either way I'll cry with the rest of them
Ed Sheeran – Afire Love.
He felt as if he was floating. He couldn't tell which way he was going, whether it was up or down, left of right. He simply seemed to be drifting in a sea of darkness. He didn't know when it would end, or if it ever would. He couldn't seem to remember what was waiting for him after this, only that something was. He couldn't remember what he had left in the first place. Come to think of it, he couldn't remember much of anything.
Somethings stood out in his mind. The color gold flashed in his mind. Something sun kissed and warm. As soon as it arrived, however, it disappeared. Slipping through his fingers like water as he desperately tried to hold on.
His mind seemed blissfully blank after that. And he continued to drift. Nothing really mattered anymore. Not here. He was safe here.
At least, until he felt a soft pressure against his cheek.
Suddenly he was floating anymore. He was falling, crashing and tumbling back into his own body. He wasn't sure if he had ever been so scared in his life. Throwing his hand up, he felt his fingers brush through something, and opened his eyes just in time to see long blond locks slip from his fingertips.
He would dwell on that later though, after he figured out why so many wires were strapped to him. He was vaguely aware of other people in the room, but he couldn't focus on them quite yet. HE had to get up first, there was something he was supposed to get to. Someone he was supposed to find. He remembered that much. What seemed to be frightening him the most though, was that he couldn't seem to remember much else. Not how he got here, or why he was here, or where here was. He couldn't recall even his own name. That didn't matter yet though. If he could just get up, then he could find them, that mysterious someone, and then he would remember. That had to be how it worked, because it had to work.
He didn't get far in his plan though, as soon as he had half of those awful cords off of him he was being pinned down, and several voices were talking to him at once.
"John Doe!"
"Mr. Doe."
"Honey you need to calm down."
It was all a jumble.
It didn't take long for him to realize he was in the hospital. It took longer for him to realize that his name wasn't actually John Doe, as the nurses around him had been calling him. The doctor who was attending him seemed to hold only a tad more information than he did.
Dr. Whale threw around words like "amnesia" and "memory loss" as if he was order burger at a fast food joint instead of reliving a classic telenovela twist.
"And you have no memories of before the accident?" Dr. Whale asked yet again.
"None." John Doe replied quietly, surveying the room around him. A women's jacket was slumped over a chair next to the bed. A child's storybook was lying on the floor where John had assumed it had been tossed in all the commotion.
"Well some memory loss is to be expected after your accident." Dr. Whale replied, not looking up from John Doe's file. "Although I hadn't expected it to be near this much."
"What happened?" John asked, now looking at his bandaged hand.
"You were in a car accident. You fractured your skull and nearly crushed your hand. Were lucky Emma got you in hear when she did." The doctor was now furiously writing notes in the file, barely pausing to look up at John as he continued. "Your hand came out well, and the fracture will heal, but I'd like to keep you for a couple of days to monitor you. As for the memory issue, well only time will tell."
"Emma?" John asked, confusion sweeping over his features, eyes darting back to the women's jacket next to his bed side.
"As yes, I should go speak with her. While I do you need to get some rest. I'd like to run some more tests tonight." Without waiting for a reply the pale doctor swept out of the room.
"Who the bloody hell is Emma?" He mumbled to himself, resting his sore head back against the pillows.
He didn't actually have to wait that long to find out.
"Henry!" A light voiced shirked before a small boy ran into the room and launched himself onto John's bed.
"You're finally awake!" The dark haired boy cheered with a tooth grin.
He was not prepared for this. He had just heard the name Emma, whom had had assumed the jacket belonged to, and now he could only assume he was meeting the owner of the book on his floor.
Footsteps caused him head to turn to the door.
His heart stopped. He couldn't remember a single sight before waking in this hospital bed, but he was sure that he had never seen something so beautiful as the woman now standing at his door.
Long blond curls – or are they actual gold? – spilled down slender shoulders. Piercing green eyes were framed by long dark lashes resting against creamy pale cheeks. Although, the longer he watched her, the more they filled with a red bloom.
He became aware of the small voice in front of him, jumping up and down as he spoke. "She did it! She broke your curse! Well, I guess she only broke your sleeping curse, but don't worry! We're gonna break your remember curse too!"
The boy wasn't making a lick of sense, but he probably was going to fall of the bed at this rate. The though scared John more than he would ever admit, so before anything could happen, he grabbed the boy with both hands.
Henry didn't seem deterred by this in the slightest, bouncing away as before.
Bloody mother hell! John thought to himself as his casted hand screamed in protest.
It must have shown on his face, as the blond goddess suddenly step forward with apologies and a scolding remark to the boy. Watching the lad's face fall, even if it was only slightly, pushed John to say "It's quite alright."
He's fairly sure that speaking was the best decision that he has made so far, as the words pulled her green irises back to his. Looking into her eyes felt like coming home. He was sure without a doubt that he could deal with whatever had happened, as long as she was by his side. He briefly wondered if there was someone else on this planet that had ever looked at him like she knew his very sole, before disregarding the idea. This was something he was sure you only found once in a lifetime.
"Momma we woke him up." The small boy said, reminding her of his presence and tearing their gazes apart with a pull at her hand. "We gotta break his new curse."
"My what?" John asked the boy before his mother could properly shush him.
"You're curse! You were sleeping like the princess and now you can't remember so we gotta get your memories back so you can live happy ever after!"
"Did you just call me a princess?" John Doe asked with an amused smirk. He was very manly thank you very much… At least, he thought he was. This whole no memory business is turning into quite the load.
"Henry, why don't you go and wait with Dr. Whale while we talk okay?" Emma, at least he assumed this was Emma, said. Oh god what if her name isn't Emma? What if he called this wonderful woman in front of him by the wrong name? What would she think? They were clearly something, if the look in her eyes was any indication. What if he was some kind of idiot who had been in a car with a woman named Emma while this golden siren was waiting for him at home with his dark haired boy?
"Okay Momma, you can talk." Cheeky devil. John thought to himself, with a faint grin.
"Go." She said sternly, steering the boy out of the room. As she did, John began to panic. He didn't remember her. She looked at him with wonder, and her son with affection and he couldn't remember them. He couldn't remember anything. What would become of his life? What new kind of life was he going to lead in which these two bright souls were strangers to him? And what of the life he left behind? Dr. Whale had said that they would have to wait and see on his memories, but what if they never came back? What if he never remembered the young boy's first steps? Or the first time he met Emma? What would they do? What would she do?
"Are you alright? Did he hurt you when he jumped on you?" Emma stepped closer to his bed, hands waving in the air around him looking for something to do to ease his pain.
She was lost, he could see that, he could feel that too, in her and in himself. All he could bring himself to say was "I'm sorry."
For the first time it was her turn to look confused. "For what?"
How could she possibly wonder for what? For putting her through this. For probably hurting little Henry if his memory never came back. For hurting her. For everything.
"I don't remember you. Either of you, and I'm sorry. I'm sorry if that's going to hurt him, or you." He couldn't begin to decipher the emotions that ran across her face.
"Oh, no, you don't- I mean we don't- We've never met." He never knew how quickly a heart could break.
"What?" He asked, merely for something to say.
"We don't know each other. Well, I know you I guess. I mean, not really. I'm not making any sense am I?" Her face was turning that lovely shade of pink again, but it only served to cut deep into his somehow still beating heart.
"I'm afraid not lass." To any Gods that might be listening, please don't let this be true. Don't give me this just to turn around and take it away. "Why don't you start at the beginning?"
She took a deep breath.
In the end, each line hurt more than the one before it. She told him about the accident. About finding him alone on the side of the road. About riding back to town with him. How his car had gone up in flames. And most importantly, how no one seemed to know him. And most painfully, how no one had come to claim him.
He had been in a coma for a while. And still, no one was looking for him? No woman waiting by a phone for the cops to tell her he was alright? No kids wondering when their father was coming home.
You're blood pathetic. The woman saved your life, stop pushing your needs on her.
"Since we don't know who you are yet, we haven't had anyone to call. But in the meantime, since I was the one to bring you in, Dr. Whale put me as you emergency contact."
He felt numb and tired. He almost wished he was floating again.
"Yet." He sighed.
"Hey, we will." She said, reaching forward from the chair she had sat in to grab a hold of his good hand.
His eyes found hers again. Blue melted into green.
"You sound quite sure love."
He watched a shiver roll down her spine at the endearment. "I am." She squeezed his hand. "Finding the truth, it's what I'm good at. It's what I do."
And despite everything, he believed her.