I wanna heal, I wanna feel
Like I'm close to something real
I wanna find something I've wanted all along
Somewhere I belong

Linkin Park – Somewhere I Belong

Chapter 18

Facts of life

Cornwall, 3 years later

I smiled while running along the shoreline, the sea was stormy today and the waves hit the shore very forcefully. I loved feeling the wind on my face, I almost felt like I would have been flying. Gawain was barking, he was right behind me.

"Eva!" Owen shouted.

I stopped and waited for him, I hadn't noticed that I had run too fast. Not that it mattered, Owen knew that I was different than him, but he wasn't afraid of me, not even when he had seen my fangs. He had even said that I could feed on him, but I would never do that, I loved him. Kol had said that it was foolish to get attached to a human, but I didn't think so. I hadn't seen him for a while, Rebekah had said that he needed some time by himself; he didn't like to stay in one place for too long. I missed him, but he had promised to come back. Owen was panting heavily when he finally reached me; I smiled and pushed up to my toes in order to kiss his cheek.

"I think we should go back," he said after catching his breath. "The storm is almost above us."

He was right, I could hear the thunder and the wind was howling, the rain would start in any moment. I loved storms and I would have wanted to stay, but I had to remember that Owen was a human; he would be cold if his clothes would get wet and then he could get sick. Papa had told me many times how fragile humans were; I needed to be careful with my Owen.

"Come on," he said and bent down, offering me a piggyback ride. He was already much taller than me and he seemed to grow all the time. I couldn't understand why I didn't grow; at least I didn't think so. I had asked papa about it, but he had seemed so tense that I hadn't brought it up again; I didn't want to upset him. I had also asked Rebekah and Klaus, but they hadn't really given me an answer. Owen had said that boys grew faster than girls, so maybe I just needed to be patient. Maybe one day I would wake up and be as tall as Owen.

I jumped on his back and wrapped my arms around him; he was so sweet when he wanted to carry me. We didn't talk much on our way home, but I didn't mind, I liked being close to him and feeling his warmth through his clothes, I could have spent hours just listening to his heartbeat. Being with him had made me realize that I missed the old me, but he had also helped me to accept the new me. Papa had explained that I could never be a human again, the change was permanent. I had died and reborn again, I hadn't really understood before what that meant.

"Do you want to play?" I asked when we reached courtyard of the old stone castle and Owen placed me on the ground.

"I should go and see if mama needs me," Owen replied. "It's late."

I hadn't even noticed that, the day had gone by so fast, just like all the other days.

"Alright," I said and kissed Owens cheek. "Good night."

"Good night, Eva," he replied smiling and headed inside followed by Gawain.

I wasn't sure what to do, papa wouldn't be home before tomorrow and Rebekah had a guest, some man. He was like us, but I didn't like him very much, he treated me like a doll, scooped me up and ruffled my hair when he saw me. I didn't mind my family doing that, but I didn't like other people touching me without my permission, I wasn't a doll.

I sighed, I was hungry and now I couldn't sleep in papa's or Rebekah's bed. I wasn't an infant, but I still didn't like to sleep alone. Maybe Klaus would allow me to sleep in his chamber and he might want to have dinner with me. He, Kol and many other vampires didn't feed like papa, they killed their prey. I had wondered did that make them bad or was it normal for our kind. It was confusing, I fed on humans too, but I didn't kill them, although sometimes it was very difficult to stop.

I wanted to be good for Owen, for papa and for Rebekah, but my instincts wanted me to hunt and feed. Sometimes I wondered if the man who had hurt me had been right, maybe I was a demon. He had said that I didn't have a soul, that I was a curse on this Earth, a child of the devil. What was I really? I wasn't a human, but I didn't think that I was a very good vampire either. I didn't like having these thoughts, I would have just wanted to play and be happy. I zoomed to Klaus' chamber and stopped in front of the door, hopefully he was there. Before I managed to knock, I heard something from inside.

"Oh God! Oh God!"

It was a woman's voice, it sounded that she was in pain. Klaus was probably having a dinner, maybe he would want to share. I yanked the door open and saw something weird; he was in bed, on top of the woman who was making strange sounds. He didn't seem to be feeding on her. I stared at them in wonder and tilted my head.

"What are you doing?" I asked.

The woman let out a scream and Klaus cursed before getting off her and covering himself with a blanket.

"What the hell are you doing here?" he shouted angrily.

Instinctively I took a step back, he had never shouted at me like that.

"I-I-I am sorry," I stuttered.

His expression was beyond tense, he wasn't looking at me.

"Get out!"

I zoomed out immediately; I couldn't understand why he had been so angry. I went straight to my chamber and closed the door behind me; I curled up in my bed, trying to swallow my tears. It took a while before someone knocked the door.

"Eva?" Rebekah's voice said before she opened the door. I didn't say anything when she sat down next to me and touched my hair.

"Listen…" she started. "About what just happened…"

I looked up.

"I should have knocked; I did not mean to bother uncle Klaus…"

"No, no," Rebekah interrupted me. "I mean yes, you should have probably knocked, but that's alright."

"Is he very angry at me?" I asked quietly.

"No, he is not angry, but about what you saw…"

I got into a sitting position and looked at her closely.

"What was he doing with that woman?"

Rebekah bit her bottom lip, she looked uncomfortable.

"They were…wrestling," she muttered.

I was confused.

"Wrestling? But…she is a woman and a human, isn't that unfair?"

"Yes, I suppose so…" She paused and sighed. "Alright, let's try this again. When a man and a woman like each other, they might sometimes express their feelings by…certain physical actions."

"Like wrestling?" I asked.

Rebekah burst into laugher.

"I am sorry, Eva, I am terrible at this, but unfortunately Elijah isn't here, so try to bear with me."

I nodded and moved closer to her.

"You are not terrible."

She smiled and touched my cheek.

"Thank you, sweetie. Anyway, what you saw is something that adults sometimes do, humans reproduce like that."

"But we don't?" I asked.

Rebekah shook her head.

"No, we cannot have children."

"Not ever?"

"No, I am afraid not."

I thought about it for a while, when I would marry Owen, we would not have children. I hoped that he would still want to marry me.

"Come here," Rebekah said and lifted me on her lap. "Tell you what, how about we have a girl's night, just the two of us. What do you say?"

"What about your…friend?" I asked.

Rebekah waved her hand.

"Who cares about him, I want to spend time with my little girl."

I wanted to say that I wasn't so little, but I didn't want to make her feel bad. She kissed my cheek and wrapped her arms around me, I felt safe and happy. She was so beautiful and she smelled nice, I wanted to be just like her when I would grow up.