I don't care if it hurts
I want to have control
I want a perfect body
I want a perfect soul

Radiohead - Creep

Chapter 19

Lament of a teenage vampire

France, 4 years later

I stood naked in front of the mirror and looked at my reflection. Days had turned into months, months into years and nothing had changed. I had waited and waited, hoping that vampires grew slower than humans, but I hadn't grown at all. I hadn't thought about that when I had been with Owen, he didn't treat me as a child like everyone else did.

He was a man already, as tall as Klaus and he was very handsome. His mother had died three years ago and I had been so happy when he had agreed to move to France with us. Everything had been new and exciting for both of us and papa had taught us French. Kol had stayed with us for a while before he had left again; he still didn't accept my relationship with Owen, he had said that I was a fool. Maybe he was right, but I didn't care, I wanted to be with Owen.

I spun around, observing every part of my body. It was a body of a child, just like it had been for years. Why? Why didn't I grow? Was there something wrong with me? Why wasn't my body like Rebekah's or my maid's or some of those human women's Klaus and Kol liked so much? Finally I gave up and climbed into the bathtub. The maid had lighted up candles around my room; I curled my legs up against my chest and wrapped my arms around them. I found myself staring at the dolls and the wooden animals on the bookshelf.

Papa, Rebekah and Klaus gave me new toys all the time and Kol had brought me a chest full of them when I had last seen him. Sometimes I still played with my dolls, pretending that they were my children since I would never have real children. Owen was their father and I was his wife, he never complained when I asked him to play with me. He was always kind and patient; he had never raised his voice to me.

We took long walks together and went riding, I had my pony and he had a horse. When people saw us together, they thought that I was his little sister. I wanted to shout that I wasn't his sister, I was his fiancée, but what good would have that done. I leaned my head on my knees and sighed, how long was I supposed to wait… I didn't have time to finish my thought when the door opened and Klaus marched in.

"Good, you are here…" he started.

"I am taking a bath," I interrupted him sharply.

He raised his eyebrows.

"Yes, I can see that. Anyway, I need to talk to you about…"

"I am taking a bath," I repeated angrily. "It is not appropriate for you to be here, I am not decent."

He stared at me for a moment before bursting into laughter.

"Funny," he chuckled.

His reaction made me really to lose my temper.

"I am serious!" I snapped. "Do you go to Rebekah's room when she is taking a bath?"

For a moment Klaus seemed almost confused.

"No, but that is different, you are a child…"

"No, I am not!" I shouted and stood up, not caring that I was naked. "I am 16, I am not a child!"

"Enough," Klaus huffed. "Humans count their age, we have no need to do that, after few decades you will…"

"I am not a child!" I shouted furiously.

Klaus' eyes narrowed, he looked annoyed.

"I said enough," he snapped. "You will not act up with me, young lady, I am not Elijah."

I jumped in front of him and glared at him fierily.

"Tell me why," I demanded.

"Why what?" he asked callously.

I clenched my fists and shoved him.

"Tell me why I do not grow!"

His face went blank, he looked at me tensely.

"You are being ridiculous…" he started harshly.

"Tell me!" I shouted as loudly as I could. "Tell me!"

"You know why unless you are completely stupid!" he shouted back. "Vampires do not grow!"

I froze; his words were like a slap on the face. Of course I had in some level known that all along, only an idiot wouldn't have figured it out, but I hadn't wanted to admit it even to myself. I had hoped so much that I was wrong and suddenly I would magically start to grow. How stupid and pathetic I had been.

"Eva…" Klaus muttered and took a step towards me. I backed away and climbed back into the bathtub.

"I would like to be alone, please," I said quietly and sat down, hoping that the water would somehow erase the immense pain I was feeling.

"Damn it… Listen, Eva, I did not mean to…"

"Leave me alone," I hissed and turned my back to him. He hesitated for a moment before I heard him walking out. Tears were already coursing down my cheeks; I let my body to sink under the water before shouting my pain out. I shouted and shouted, my lungs filled with water, but that made no difference, I didn't breath. I would never grow up; I would never be Owens wife. I never wanted to get up, why I wouldn't just stay at the bottom of the bathtub forever.

I had no idea how long I had lied there when I felt a strong pair of arms lifting me up, I knew that it was papa before I saw him. He didn't say anything; he just carried me to my bed. Rebekah was with him; she wrapped a blanket around me before papa placed me on his lap and rocked me calmingly. Rebekah sat down next to him and stroked my hair. Neither of them spoke, I was grateful for that, I really didn't want to hear that everything would be alright.

"Is…is there any way…" I muttered after a very long silence.

"No," papa replied gently. "I am so sorry."

I let out a bitter laughter; I definitely understood now why Klaus and Kol had called me a mistake all those years ago. They had killed the human me, but I wasn't supposed to be a vampire, I wasn't anything. Yet I couldn't even bring myself to hate them for what they had done to me, I still considered them as my family. All I could do was bury my face in papa's chest and cry like a little girl. Well, I was a little girl and apparently I always would be.

"We will never leave you," Rebekah said. "I swear."

I knew that I should have been grateful and I was, but I didn't have strength left to say anything. Finally I cried myself to sleep, hoping that I wouldn't wake up at all. Unfortunately I did. Reluctantly I opened my eyes and saw that I was alone in my bed. I had no idea how long I had slept, I felt completely empty.

"Eva?"

Hearing Owens voice cut me like a knife, I hadn't noticed him sitting on the armchair next to my bed. I would have wanted to close my eyes and pretend that I was asleep.

"Eva? Please talk to me."

He waited patiently until I finally managed to gather enough strength to get into a sitting position and look at him.

"I will never grow up," I muttered, there was no point to dawdle. "My body will never change."

Owen looked at me calmly with his bright blue eyes; his face didn't reveal what he was thinking. Well, I could guess.

"I release you from all the promises you have made me," I continued before I would lose courage. "You can return to England or go wherever you want and find someone…normal. I will make sure that you will have enough money to…"

"Stop," he interrupted me calmly. "I am not going anywhere."

My eyes widened.

"Perhaps you did not understand…"

"I understood you just fine," he said. "I know I am a human, but I am not blind or stupid, I have noticed that you do not grow."

I looked at him insecurely, trying to understand what he was saying.

"But…but…why…"

"You are my best friend, Eva and I love you," he explained calmly. "We might never be together the way we planned, but I will stay with you as long as you want me to."

I couldn't believe my ears, but I knew that he meant what he said. My eyes watered up when I took his hand between my own.

"You will stay with me?"

He smiled and nodded.

"Yes, Eva. You are my family."

I let out a sob and hugged him tightly, I never wanted to let go. Maybe I would never be his wife, but at least I wouldn't lose him.