Carried Off, a DreamWorks' How to Train Your Dragon fanfic by Raberba girl (rough draft)
Over the next week or two, as the bruises on his shoulder healed, Hiccup tried to escape.
Whenever he tried to simply walk away, Toothless and Cloudjumper would tag along for a while, but then scoop him up and fly back to the nest with him whenever they decided he'd strayed too far. Sneaking out was impossible, because even during the very rare times when both Toothless and Cloudjumper were asleep (as well as the time Hiccup visited the privy at night and then tried to just continue on instead of returning to the little cave), random dragons would 'talk' to him, and Toothless would apparently get wind of it and come to reclaim his human captive.
It was true that the longer Hiccup spent as a prisoner of the dragons, the less he minded it. The icy northern sanctuary was beautiful, and the Bewilderbeast (Hiccup was trying out different names for the leviathan's breed and was starting to like that name best) kept his people well fed, though Hiccup was still trying to figure out how to regularly get things to eat that weren't fish. The great dragon king was a benevolent ruler, showing patience to even his most annoying subjects and refereeing disputes with fairness (as far as Hiccup could tell).
The dragon hatchlings were endlessly fascinating to watch, and the braver ones would occasionally dare to investigate Hiccup and let him touch them. Second-best of all, there was absolutely no one who ever insulted Hiccup, scorned him, put him down, physically hurt him (at least, not much and never deliberately), or made him feel bad about himself at all, much less like scum. It made the dragon nest feel like a safe place for his soul, a place he'd always longed for but had given up all hope of ever finding.
The best thing of all was the flying.
Being hauled around like helpless prey was, although no longer terrifying, still irritating and undignified, but as the dragons started trusting Hiccup more, he was able to coax more and more of them to allow him to ride on their backs. He experimented with different ways of indicating guidance, mostly with his knees, though he couldn't steer them by force - whether they chose to heed his flying directions or not was entirely their choice.
Although dragons never failed to catch him whenever he went tumbling off their backs, Hiccup still grew tired of falling so often, so he decided that he needed some kind of saddle and a way to anchor himself to it. He scavenged his way through the nest and managed to assemble a small collection of human artifacts, including things like broken bits of wood or short pieces of rope that would have been garbage in a human village but were potentially valuable here in the wilderness. The dragons also became surprisingly helpful, starting to bring him various human objects soon after they noticed him collecting them.
Hiccup eventually managed to scrounge up a piece of leather that helped to protect his butt from chafing against dragon scales, and enough lengths of tie-able things that he could use to fasten himself to the 'saddle' and whatever dragon he was riding. It was a small improvement, but he kept resolving to gather up proper materials the next time he was anywhere near human civilization - and then he'd keep remembering that if he ever did manage to return to human civilization, it would probably mean he'd never see the Sanctuary and its remarkable inhabitants again. The thought made him more sad than he thought it would.
Although Hiccup would gladly ride on any dragon willing to carry him, he and Toothless soon developed a particular affinity for each other in the air. The Night Fury was by far the fastest dragon in the nest, and it was almost as if his body was perfectly designed to accommodate a rider of Hiccup's size. Both young adults shared a growing love of thrills - between Toothless's natural gifts and Hiccup's creativity, they were soon pulling off aerial stunts and maneuvers together that would surprise, baffle, alarm, amuse, or excite the rest of the flock. There was a troop of juvenile copycats who particularly loved to try out the new flying tricks, but Hiccup and Toothless remained in a league of their own.
Flying with Toothless was an incredible pleasure in and of itself, but Hiccup also had an ulterior motive in getting the Night Fury comfortable to his presence and partnership. As they started venturing farther and farther from the nest, Hiccup kept an eye out for anything that would help him get his bearings, and at last, about three months after his abduction, he knew where he was. He could find his way to Berk from here. He started nudging Toothless in that direction.
On the first attempt, they seemed to be flying perfectly fine until Toothless suddenly veered away and started arrowing back to the nest, seeming mysteriously urgent, and nothing Hiccup did could get the dragon back on track.
The second time, Toothless veered away again at almost the exact same latitude, as if he had hit some sort of barrier. This time, he snarled in displeasure, and actually glared at Hiccup when the man tried to coax him back around. Hiccup nervously wondered if the Night Fury had caught on to his plans.
The third time, Toothless utterly refused to go south, and when Hiccup finally lost his temper, the dragon lost his as well. There were no bruises this time because Hiccup now knew not to struggle, but he still spent almost half an hour pinned to the ground, fuming, before he finally gave in and let his captor drag him back to the nest.
He hadn't felt like a prisoner in a long time, but now he was developing a sense of oppression, as if he was locked in a cell. Toothless was a more benevolent master than Astrid had been, but he did still impose his will on his physically weaker companion, and Hiccup grew angrier as the familiar feeling of suffocation began to return.
Hiccup stood at the very edge of a rocky ledge, staring out at his sullied paradise. It was still as beautiful as ever; the king was still magnificent; the other dragons were still innocent. But two people - animals, yes, but he knew now that they were people as well - with the best intentions were slowly burying his soul alive, and he couldn't stand it. 'I wish I'd never had children,' he thought. If it weren't for Finn and Valka, he could be happy in the dragon nest with no regrets and forget that he had ever been a Viking.
But his children existed, and they needed him, and he was failing them. He was betraying them every single day he stayed away from them. He found himself grateful for his harsh training back on Berk, because it meant he knew how to fight overpowering enemies. "I have nothing else to live for, right?" Hiccup said softly, drinking in the sight of the happy dragon nest one last time. He closed his eyes and smiled a little, then walked to the darkest corner of the cave and lay down with his face to the wall.
It went on for two or three days. Hiccup lay there, thinking constantly about his children, ignoring every encouraging warble and all the insistent pawings. He also ignored all the food dropped close to him, even when it started to rot. In the beginning when he still needed to relieve himself, he would do it right there in the cave, which he knew annoyed the fastidious dragons, and then lie back down in the spot where he had determined to either win victory or die.
Toothless was puzzled at first, then worried and insistent, then angry. Hiccup calmly looked up into the narrow-eyed face snarling threateningly above him, making no attempt to push the dragon's heavy paw off his chest. "Are you going to rape me? The way my wife did when she looked at me like that and pinned me down like this?" he said mildly. "Are you going to grow some opposable thumbs so you can literally shove that food down my throat? Are you going to get bored and put me out of my misery? Do your worst. I'll either win or die, but there's no way I'll lose."
Looking disturbed, Toothless whined and backed off, stared at Hiccup for a minute, then picked up the fish again and pressed it to Hiccup's face, whimpering beseechingly.
Hiccup kept his mouth closed and turned his head away. When the dragon didn't back off, Hiccup reached for the fish and threw it as far as his weakened muscles could manage. "I'll eat when you take me home. Not before." Then he curled up and drifted into another half-sleep.
The next time he became aware of something, it was to find his limp body being pulled onto the Night Fury's back. Hiccup grunted in displeasure at being taken away from the spot of his last stand, but he was too tired to resist. If he couldn't come crawling back here after Toothless finished doing whatever he was planning to do to him, Hiccup could always just curl up wherever that was and keep dying of dehydration. He could do that anywhere, really; it just seemed more satisfyingly dramatic to do it in barren shadows.
A mountain moved, and a jolt of alarm went through Hiccup. Toothless had brought him to the king. Hiccup had managed to avoid the leviathan most of the time except for polite greetings, but now, as he watched Toothless barking urgently up at the mighty sea dragon, he knew that he was going to be in big trouble if the king took the Night Fury's side. Hiccup swallowed, feeling like he'd just done something awful and was waiting for his father to find out and punish him.
Aquamarine eyes turned to him, narrowed in anger, and Hiccup whimpered. He tried to slide off the Night Fury's back, but then he stared upward in shock as the dragon king lowered his massive head, straight toward Hiccup, jaws opening.
'He's going to eat me?!' Hiccup was paralyzed with astonishment. Before he could decide whether he should just let himself be eaten or try to escape, he was being scooped up and drawn in and BURIED in slimy, smelly darkness.
His heart pounded in his chest, he couldn't breathe, all his senses were on high alert. He wondered how long the dragon would take to swallow. Or crunch.
"BE STILL."
Hiccup was terrified. His face and hands tingled; it was as if the touch of his exposed skin on the sensitive flesh of the dragon's mouth gave them a clearer and more powerful connection than he'd ever fathomed. The king's anger was overpowering, and Hiccup wondered if it was possible to be crushed to death by the sheer strength of an emotion.
"WHY?"
Hiccup burst into tearless sobs. He could feel it as if it was a tangible thing wrapping his whole body: the king's utter perplexity at Hiccup's suicidal desperation; the frustration at Hiccup's refusal to be tended to by a companion who cared about him; the fear for his well-being, that the king was doing something wrong, was missing something that his fragile little flockling needed; the distress that the kind-hearted king was causing such terror in a small creature that he wished only to protect and nurture; and the love that made the king care so much in the first place.
'I-! I...!' Hiccup felt like his soul was being cut open, pieces of his heart like organs being very carefully lifted out and examined. "Babies children mine my Finn Val precious little hands faces soft fair hair mine my treasures miss me need me want me NEED THEM pain failure desperation grief grief grief go back home my babies mine my children Dad can never always disappointed Daddy come back left me dead Mom DEAD Finn Val wait for me I'm coming I'm coming dying weak useless crushed Astrid mate wife sex hates me crushing me hurts curl up in the dark and never come out again hate this Dad Finn Val come back dying lost falling darkness please let me die let me die let me die...!"
"HUSH."
Hiccup lay dazed, numb, sensing the king's horror but unable to feel anything himself.
"...Little one. So broken. I didn't know any creature could be so very much broken. Poor thing. Let me please. Please heal."
"Lost. Empty. Dark."
There was a bigger surge of movement than usual, and Hiccup found himself pressed to the roof of the mouth for a long moment before settling again. Later, he realized that the dragon had probably needed to swallow excess saliva and hadn't wanted to accidentally swallow the little human along with it.
"Kill me?"
"Hush."
"...Peace. Please." Hiccup lost track of time as he was bathed in a sort of soul warmth. After what felt like ages of nothing but the king's love, Hiccup ventured timidly, "Babies. My Finn, sweet frightened child; my Val, so brave and bright."
"Took you away from them," the king realized. "Stole you."
"Stolen...powerless..." Hiccup remembered the terrifying abduction and, dimly behind it, being physically used by his wife. He wasn't a person, he was a thing for others to do with as they pleased, even at this very moment. He had long ago gotten used to losing ownership of his own body.
"Angry."
"At me...?"
"NOT YOU."
"Fight for me, fight for me...worthless weak worthless, hide me bury me fight for me..." His skin burned as he noticed the dragon's saliva starting to digest him, and he whimpered in pain. Nausea surged in his stomach at a great movement, then sunlight blinded him and he was gently deposited on the cold moss. He lay weeping, too weak to move, overwhelmed and wanting to sleep for years.
A bone-rattling roar terrified him. Only one creature he knew of was big enough to make a sound like that, a sound that seemed to shake the world on its foundations. Hiccup threw his arms over his head and curled up tightly before finally realizing that it was not him those wrathful aquamarine eyes were fixed upon.
The entire nest had gone eerily still and silent, dragons staring wide-eyed at their enraged king. Cloudjumper was making a distressed mewing sound as he slunk under a ledge in disgrace. Toothless, bearing the brunt of it, was flattened to the ground as if being physically crushed, his eyes huge with dismay, his head plates tightly pinned back.
Hiccup couldn't understand the dragons' communication with each other, but he recognized a castigation when he saw one. His heart ached. After a moment, he crept close and put his arms around the Night Fury as if shielding the bigger creature with his body. It was incredibly difficult for Hiccup to meet the king's eyes, but he forced himself to even though it made his heart quail. "I-It's...okay... G-Go easy on him...he m-meant well."
He pressed into Toothless and felt the trembling dragon pressing back as if they were trying to disappear into each other. Even though the king looked mostly just surprised now, Hiccup still felt like he was being punished along with Toothless. "H-He...He was only trying...to help...he was only trying to help..." 'All I ever, ever wanted to do was help. I just wanted to help. To make things better. I always screwed up, and if, just once, no one had blamed me...' Unable to stand it anymore, he hid his face against the Night Fury's warm black scales.
After a long pause, he heard the king croak out a command of some sort, but he didn't look up. A minute later, wet things were dropped on him, and Hiccup raised his head to find fresh fish scattered at his feet. The Snafflefang who had brought them cooed at him encouragingly.
"EAT," the king commanded.
Hiccup was powerless to disobey. He sank to his knees and picked up the closest fish, biting straight into it even though it was raw, crushed by his failure. He had been so very determined, he had made it so far, only now to be thwarted in the end... 'I want to die.'
Yet they would deny him even that. He would eat and drink, his body would regain its strength, but his soul would be dead and he would spend his days as a prisoner, a slave, a puppet. 'I don't even belong to myself. I can do nothing for my children because I can't even do anything for myself. ...They deserved so much better than me for a father.' He slumped against Toothless in defeat and kept eating without tasting until the fish was little more than bones in his hand. He ate another. Then he slept.
He woke up in darkness, to the sound of a grieving dragon. The keening paused as he shifted. He saw a reflection of distant moonlight in wide green eyes, heard the scuffing movement of a living shadow he could barely see, then he gasped in pain as a tongue scraped across the raw skin of his face. "O-o-www, don't, Toothless, it hurts..."
A pause, and that heartbroken keen again.
"It's okay, buddy...I'm sorry...he didn't mean to start digesting me, but it still hurts..."
Very tentatively, the tongue touched his hair and withdrew.
Hiccup smiled a little and reached out until he felt scales under his fingertips. He scratched encouragingly. "That part's okay. My hair doesn't hurt."
Tentatively again, then more purposefully, the tongue bathed his hair. Despite being covered by a crackling, smelly layer of dried saliva from his stint in the king's mouth, Hiccup felt strangely peaceful. He closed his eyes again.
After a while, the moonlight at the cave mouth was momentarily blocked as a large dragon, probably Cloudjumper, came inside. The heavy pawsteps came to a halt nearby, and something fishy-smelling hit the floor with a wet slap.
Toothless made a broken warbling noise that sounded like a recently punished child begging, with a mix of hope and despair, to be forgiven. Hiccup felt for the fish, grasped it, and held it up. "Cook."
Toothless knew what that word meant by now. He eagerly snatched the fish into his mouth, zapped it with a tiny plasma blast, then dropped it on Hiccup's chest and panted in anticipation.
"I didn't know it was possible to love someone a lot but still hate them at the same time," Hiccup remarked. He picked up the fish with a sigh and started nibbling at it. "I know you're sorry. I know you meant well. Great. Fantastic. Still means nothing as long as I'm not with my children." He paused so he could point with his other hand. "I hate you. I love you, but I hate you."
Toothless whimpered as if he understood the words.
"...Come here." Hiccup sat up and felt around and tugged until the Night Fury's head was in his lap. He scratched and stroked his fingertips around each fin, caressing, not sure why he felt so compelled to reassure his own captor. "Someday," he whispered, "I will find something that you can't protect me from."
With one last pat, he turned and lay down again, snuggling back into the dragon's warmth. A black foreleg draped tentatively around his torso. 'Owned. Claimed. Possessed,' Hiccup thought idly. It felt nice, but there was still no mistaking the gesture. 'I will always belong to someone else, won't I. ...At least it might as well be someone who cares about me.' He sighed and fell asleep.
To be continued...
Author's Notes: For the record, Hiccup is misunderstanding something.