Falling Away

Chapter 5

By Voodoo Queen

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Author's Note: As always, thank you very much to all who took the time to read the last chapter. A very special thank you to my reviewers: Renna and Shepard-Vakarian.

Disclaimer: I don't own anything other than my own original characters and my measly, little plot. All the good stuff belongs to their respective copyright holders.

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The Citadel's population was made up of all kinds of people from different planets and different walks of life. Kolyat was pretty sure he had experienced most of those different kinds of people this day and it wasn't even lunch time yet. For a kid who had spent his entire life on Kahje until just recently, it was a bit of a culture shock, really. He wasn't sure if he was more disturbed or amused to be honest. It really could have gone either way given his experience thus far.

There had been a turian, a grizzled veteran by the looks of him, who had stopped him mid-introduction to perform an inspection and critique of his uniform, even taking the time to "properly square him away", before lecturing him on the importance of military bearing when in uniform. At another door he had come face-to-face with a positively ridiculous-looking volus wearing oversized clothes and some type of cloth wrapped around his head. From inside of the apartment blasted loud music that Kolyat had learned from the humans at C-Sec was called "gangster rap". The volus hadn't even given him a chance to open his mouth before yelling, "Fuck the police!" and slamming the door in his face.

Not to be discouraged from his forced duties, Kolyat had gone down a few doors and walked right into an experience he wished he was capable of forgetting. A very flirtatious asari had answered her door wearing, well, nothing at all really. Dumbstruck, Kolyat couldn't even find it inside of himself to speak. It didn't seem to faze the asari, though. She had looked him up and down, licked her lips, boldly stated that she'd never had a drell before and invited him inside her apartment to "Embrace Eternity". Apparently, she'd taken his stuttered refusal as playing hard to get since her next move was to attempt to grope him and pull him inside. He had gotten away from there quickly without even asking for a donation. Maurtus was going to get it when he got back.

To say he'd had a rough morning would have been an understatement. He hadn't even managed to get one donation though a nice, older human woman had said something about not being able to say no to "big puppy-dog eyes", whatever those were, and had offered him cookies made of something called 'oatmeal'. Curious, he had tried one and decided that it wasn't half bad. Thankfully, he now stood on the stoop of the last residence he planned to visit before going back and finding that damned turian for lunch. He braced himself for whatever horror may lie behind the door and took a deep breath before pressing the buzzer. The last thing he had expected was the door to creak open and reveal a pair of inky black eyes that looked back up into his own in curiosity.

"Uh," Kolyat looked down upon the young drell. The boy was very slight and judging by how dull his sunset yellow and orange scales looked, he would probably be entering his first molt soon. If Kolyat had to venture a guess, he would have put the boy between four and five years of age. Kolyat wasn't crazy about kids, even when he had been one himself, but he had to admit this one was cute with his wide eyes and his bright blue super hero footy pajamas. "Is, uh, is your mommy or daddy home?"

The boy looked down at his flannel-clad feet and shook his head, "No…"

"Lo-Lo!" A feminine voice sounded from the other room followed by the sound of hurried footsteps. "What have I told you about opening the door?"

Recognition immediately flooded Kolyat as the young female human came into view and knelt before the youngster. She was the Good Samaritan, the same woman who had stopped to help him when everyone else just kept walking. The same woman he had belittled unnecessarily. The same woman to whom he had apologized only to receive a tearful thanks in return. Her brownish-red hair wasn't nearly as neat as he remembered and the white parts of her golden eyes were red and dark shadows hung beneath them. She looked tired and worn down. Rather than being put off by her disheveled appearance, however, Kolyat found himself inexplicable drawn to the scene playing out in front of him.

The boy had the decency, at least, to look guilty. "You tolded me not to open up the door to strangers."

"It's 'told', Lo-Lo, not tolded," the woman gently corrected. "And yes, I did." She reached out and carefully zipped his pajamas back up to his chin from where the zipper had slipped down to reveal a sliver of his orange and yellow speckled chest. "Why don't we open the door to strangers?"

"Because," the youngster admitted morosely, "Not everyone is nice."

"That's right." The woman sighed and nodded sadly in agreement. "Not everyone is nice."

"What about the policeman?" The boy innocently inquired. His gaze traveled back to where Kolyat still stood awkwardly on the step.

"Police?" A look that could have only been described as a mix between fear and relief entered to woman's eyes and she was on her feet in a flash. Faster than Kolyat would have believed possible she was standing before him, blocking his view of the boy. "Lo-Lo, go finish your breakfast, please." Taking in Kolyat's appearance, the vaguest hint of recognition crossed her face before she asked, "You...can I help you?"

"I, uh, I'm sorry to have disturbed you," Kolyat for whatever reason felt the need to apologize. "If now isn't a good time…"

"No," the woman insisted. "Its fine, it's just…" Her eyes flicked over to the side where Kolyat assumed the boy had disappeared to before flicking back over to lock with his. Her voice dropped an entire octave as she leaned in and asked, "Is this about Utira and Dronu? Do you know where they are?"

Drell names, Kolyat easily identified, and assumed them to be the boy's parents. He had no idea what was going on but he hated to be the one to extinguish the small flame of hope that had flared to life in her eyes but he really didn't have much choice. "No, I, uh, I'm sorry. The truth is, I'm not really a police officer."

"You," the woman looked him over head to toe, eyeing his blue C-Sec uniform with suspicion. "You're not?"

"No," Kolyat could feel nervousness begin to churn in his gut. This is why he preferred not to talk to people. He would need to have a talk with Bailey regarding his work attire. "I'm not a C-Sec officer…but I do work for C-Sec," he added quickly. It may have not been the absolute truth but it was close enough. It worked and seemed to ease the woman somewhat.

"I see." She looked him over once more and nodded. "Alright, so if you're not here about the Driuses…" She let the sentence trail off into a question.

"Oh, right," Kolyat snapped back to the task at hand. "I, uh, C-Sec on behalf of the Council's Public Outreach Initiative-"

"Nahnah?" A small yellow-speckled hand reached to tug at the hem of the female's shirt.

"Sorry," the woman gave Kolyat an apologetic smile before turning her attention to the boy. "Yes, Lohal?"

The boy blinked up at her imploringly. "Can I watch cartoons in the living room while I finish my cereal?"

"Sure, you can," the woman smiled. As soon as the youngster had toddled off her smile faltered and she rubbed her forehead tiredly with one hand. She looked back at the drell standing outside her door. "I'm sorry. You were something about an outreach initiative?"

"Uh, yeah," Kolyat cleared his throat and nodded. "C-Sec is just out asking people if they'd care to make a donation to help people on the station that have been displaced or are down on their luck."

"Right, okay," the woman agreeably responded. "Sure, I'd be happy to give something."

"You would?" Kolyat's eyes widened in surprise before he stuttered out, "I-I mean, thank you on behalf of the Council…"

The woman chuckled, "Doesn't sound like you've been having much luck out there."

"I guess that's one way of putting it," Kolyat snorted. "It's been interesting to say the least."

"I bet. This is a very…eclectic neighborhood." The woman patted her pockets and glanced around. "I, uh, let me grab a credit chit, alright?" She looked back at Kolyat. "Would you like to come inside for a sec while I look for one?"

Slightly surprised, Kolyat accepted the invitation. "Sure, uh, thank you." He lowered his head graciously and stepped inside the apartment, shutting the door gently behind him. He took a look around. The apartment was bright and cheery, neat except for the large bag he remembered seeing the woman carrying at the cafe three weeks ago and another smaller one next to it both of which seemed to have been dumped unceremoniously in the middle of the main living area. Other than that one blemish, the apartment was large and open, making him realize just how small and cramped his own living arrangements were. "This is a nice place," he commented honestly.

"Thanks. I wish I could say it was mine. It belongs to my aunt and uncle. They headed back to Earth about three months ago. I stayed behind to finish up school so I've pretty much had the place to myself." She glanced toward the couch where the young boy sat munching on cereal and watching cartoons and gave a little smile. "Until just recently, that is. Anyway," the woman stuck out her hand. "My name is Amanda, Amanda Allen. Our third time meeting, I guess it's time we were actually introduced, huh?"

"I was beginning to think you didn't remember our other two encounters." Kolyat grasped her hand out of politeness and noted how small it was within his own and how warm and soft her skin felt against his scales. "Kolyat Krios."

"Hey," she defended. "I may not have the memory of a drell but those were pretty unforgettable interactions. At any rate, it's nice to properly meet you, Sere Krios."

Kolyat looked at her, a bit taken aback by her use of the honorific male title. Drell culture was not widely known by many and to hear a human utilizing their customs was a bit of a curiosity at the very least. "Just-just Kolyat is fine. Or Krios, if you prefer."

"Alright," she smiled softly. "Kolyat, it is." The young woman, Amanda, released his hand and stepped away, moving deeper into the apartment and motioning for him to follow. "Please excuse the mess. We literally just got back from Kahje last night and I was exhausted and haven't had a chance to put anything away yet."

"You were visiting Kahje?" Kolyat was more and more intrigued by the woman. "Not too many humans venture out that way."

"Well, I didn't really have much of a choice," she snorted as she knelt and began to dig through the larger of the two bags. "It was better than the alternative. No offense, but Kahje is probably one of the single most depressing places I've ever been in my life. I didn't see the sun the entire time I was there. I've never seen so much rain and the humidity," Amanda's nose wrinkled in distaste. "I didn't even go near the water and my fingers were all pruny the whole time I was there. I can totally see how living there can cause so many health problems."

"Yeah," Kolyat wondered what she meant by pruny fingers but agreed with her. The mention of Kahje's ill effects on its non-native inhabitants wasn't lost on him and his thoughts immediately went to his father. A slight feeling of guilt gnawed at him but he pushed it away. "I suppose it's really not a very hospitable place unless you're a hanar."

"Ugh," she grumbled as she continued to dig. "Don't get me started on those giant, pompous jelly fish. They make everything so complicated."

"Jelly fish?" Kolyat quirked a brown in curiosity.

"Never mind," Amanda smiled sheepishly and inclined her head toward the young boy sitting on the couch enthralled by classic Earth animation. "Anyway, if it weren't for Lohal I never would have stepped foot on the place. Ah, here we are!" She pulled a credit chit from one of the bag's compartments and stood. "So, what's the average donation been?"

"Well," Kolyat rubbed the back of his neck in embarrassment. "No one's actually made one yet."

"No one?" Amanda looked surprised. "Seriously?"

"In addition to being eclectic, this neighborhood is also stingy, apparently." Kolyat wasn't sure what it was about the woman that made him feel like he could talk so freely. Perhaps it was the fact that she seemed to be familiar enough with drell to be taking care of a young one in her own home that made him feel like he didn't need to be on guard as he was most times around other species but he decided not to think too much on it. "Present company excluded."

"Unbelievable," Amanda shook her head and began to tap keys on her omni tool. "People have no sense of community. How does fifty credits sound?"

"That's…very generous," Kolyat replied.

Amanda shrugged it off. "Just like to help out when I can." She completed the transfer of credits and handed Kolyat the chit.

"Thank you," he replied with a small smile. "Now I don't have to go back to my…supervisor with my head hung down in shame."

She laughed and returned his smile. "Well, we can't have that."

"Nahnah?" A little face popped up over the back of the couch catching the attention of both adults in the room. "I'm all finished. I ate it all up!"

"Good job!" Amanda redirected her attention to the child. "Now, can you put your bowl in the kitchen and change out of your jammies? We have to go meet Grammy Gigi in a little while."

"Okay!" The little boy happily hopped off of the couch, bowl clutched in both hands and started toward the kitchen area. On the way he stopped and stared up at Kolyat in question, "Are you coming with us to see Grammy Gigi?"

"Lo-Lo," Amanda softly chided. "We have a lot of things to sort out and I'm sure he has much more important things to do than hang around with us all day."

"Uh," Kolyat looked from the young woman to the child who still watched him expectantly. "Maybe next time?"

"Okay," the child looked slightly crestfallen but nodded his acceptance before skipping off toward the back of the apartment.

Next time? Brilliant. Kolyat sighed. He hadn't been sure what to say and that had been the first thing that had come to mind. Kolyat turned back to the woman hoping he hadn't overstepped any boundaries. Humans, he'd learned in C-Sec, could be tricky and easily offended. "He's, um, cute."

"Yes," she agreed seemingly nonplussed. "He is. He never meets a stranger and wants to be everyone's friend."

Kolyat nodded. He could barely remember a time when he, too had been so innocent. "Well, uh, I should probably get back out there. Donations aren't going to collect themselves."

"Right! Yeah," Amanda walked him back to the door and opened it for him. "I, um, it was nice to finally put a name to the face."

"It was," Kolyat agreed honestly. "And thank you for the donation."

"You're welcome," she smiled. "I hope you have better luck out there this afternoon."

Kolyat gave a long suffering sigh, "I hope so, too. I guess I'll…see you around. Maybe…"

"Yeah. Maybe. You never know." She gave him a polite wave and closed the door leaving him alone on the stoop once again.

Kolyat hummed to himself and looked at the door thoughtfully for a moment before making his way down the steps to the walkway. Normally, he tended to mind his own business and preferred others to stay out of his but his curiosity had been piqued during his first encounter with the woman, he realized, and the second had truly thrown him for a loop. This latest one had only caused further intrigue as he reflected on what was obviously a unique situation the likes of which he didn't know the particulars of. He almost hoped that they would cross paths again just to see what that would bring.

"Son?"

Kolyat had taken no more than five steps when the familiar voice caused him to stop in his tracks. He turned, not at all surprised, and found his father standing there. The anger that had been simmering since their last meeting flared back to life. His expression hardened and he crossed his arms across his chest. "What? Are you stalking me now?"

Thane's dark eyes traveled from Kolyat to the apartment he had just exited from and back again. "You left me with little choice. You've been ignoring my calls and haven't responded to any of my messages."

Kolyat shrugged, seemingly nonchalant. "I don't think there's anything left for us to say. You obviously don't give a shit so why should I?"

"That isn't-" Shamed, Thane dropped his head and sighed. "That couldn't be further from the truth."

"Well, you could have fooled me," Kolyat snorted and shook his head. "Do you actually want something or are you just following me to have something to do until the Normandy pulls out of dock and you can leave again?"

"The Normandy left this morning," Thane rumbled. "I chose not to be on it."

"What?" Kolyat shifted closer to the other drell. "Why?"

"You were right. You said that the least I could do was spend what time I did have with you." Thane looked back up at his son with unshed tears in his eyes. "Kolyat, of all the things I have done in my lifetime, you are my single greatest accomplishment. Goddess knows I've made mistakes but I refuse to make another. I promised Commander Shepard my hand in his mission but my first obligation should have always been to you. For so long I lost sight of that and I'm sorry. Whatever time I may have left in this life belongs to you…if you'll have it."

Kolyat found himself at a loss for words. His mouth opened and closed like a fish out of water but it took a long moment before any sound agreed to come out. He wasn't sure he understood and so asked for clarification. "You're going to stay here? On the Citadel?"

"I am," Thane nodded. "My…job required me to set up various residences in different locations…safe houses. I have three on the Citadel, in fact. One of them is near Huerta Memorial and not too far from your own apartment. I will be staying there for the foreseeable future."

"Wait. You-" Kolyat looked at his father dumbstruck. "You have other homes? You were living somewhere else while mom and I were on Kahje wondering where the hell you were?"

"No, son," Thane shook his head. "I don't want you to get the wrong impression. I only had one home and that was with you and your mother. The others were just places to stay in an emergency."

"If you say so," Kolyat huffed. He really didn't know what to believe anymore but he let it drop for now. He decided it wasn't worth causing any more tension at the moment. "So what does all this mean?"

"I want us to know one another," Thane admitted. "I know I'm asking a lot and I know I don't deserve it but, I would like it if we could try to be a family once more."

"I don't know if I can do that." Kolyat sniffed and looked away. He blinked his dual eyelids rapidly to dispel the moisture that had begun to gather. "Don't think that you can just come and go in and out of my life as you please and just expect me to be here when the mood to be a father strikes you." Kolyat looked his father in the eye. "I'm not a child anymore. I don't need you to take care of me. I learned how to take care of myself a long time ago when you wouldn't. I can't tell you how many nights I spent watching out the window for you to come back but you never did."

"I'm sorry." Thane swallowed the lump in his throat. It seemed every time he spoke with his son he was made privy to new information that showed him just how horribly he'd failed at being a father. "I realize that you have no reason to let me back in to your life."

"You're damn right about that." Kolyat demanded, "How do I know this will be any different? That you won't just pick up and leave again? Because I'll tell you right now, I'm done watching and waiting for you."

"I understand," Thane acknowledged. "And I know that there is nothing I can say or do that can ever make up for not being there with you when I should have been. All I can do is offer you what little I have left to give."

Kolyat leveled his father with a hard gaze. He simply didn't understand how he could feel such animosity for someone and at the same time wish so much for what they were saying to be true. The last thing he wanted was to open himself up to further pain. At the same time, however, he was being offered the very thing he'd always wished for. He refused to show it, though. He wouldn't give his father the satisfaction. "Yeah, okay." he grumbled. "We'll see how long this lasts. I have to get back to work."

"Kolyat," Thane called softly as his son turned to leave. "May I…call you later?"

Kolyat paused but he didn't turn around. "My shift ends at 1800." With that, Kolyat Krios continued on his way and didn't look back.

End of Chapter 5