Falling Away

Chapter 6

By Voodoo Queen

XXXXXXXXXX

Author's Note: Hello, Dear Readers! Thanks to those of you who added this story to your alerts and favorited it. I am so glad that you're enjoying the story thus far. Very, very special thanks to those who took out the time to leave a review: Shepard-Vakarian. Your comments encourage me to keep writing. Thank you!

Disclaimer: I don't own anything other than my own original characters and my measly, little plot. All the good stuff belongs to their respective copyright holders.

XXXXXXXXXXX

Kolyat wasn't sure why he was so nervous but the anticipation felt like it was eating him alive. He surveyed his tiny apartment one more time to make sure the place was in order. He and his father had not spoken face-to-face in the six days since their discussion in the Kithoi Ward but they had either messaged or spoken via vid chat every night. His father had invited him to come visit him at his 'safe house' near the hospital for a visit but Kolyat felt if they were to meet he wanted it to be on his own turf. So, he had bitten the bullet, as humans liked to say, and invited Thane to come to him. It was a big step and one he didn't take lightly even with the home court advantage.

It was the weekend and thankfully Bailey had the foresight to give him some time off during the week to handle his personal affairs…as if he had a real life to speak of. Regardless, he had utilized his morning to clean and straighten his small neglected space. Kolyat had never been a slob. In fact, under normal circumstances he fancied himself to be quite neat and organized. The overwhelming stress he felt that came with dealing with his father, however, had the unfortunate side effect of causing him to neglect all but the most necessary of household chores. As a result, once he had started in on the mess, he was actually quite disgusted with himself.

He had just managed to slide the last of several books, a C-Sec training manual he had swiped from Paultus Maurtus' desk, onto the small shelf in the living area. Though turian lacked the perfect memory of drell, they seemed to live and breathe rules and regulations and most knew the standard operating procedures by heart…Maurtus included. Kolyat figured the young officer wouldn't miss the manual and so he'd borrowed it. It wasn't so much that he was interested in how C-Sec operated but he figured it couldn't hurt to know a little bit. He was still eyeing the manual, deep in thought, when his door buzzer sounded at exactly 1130. Thane Krios was punctual like clockwork.

Kolyat took one final look around his apartment, satisfied that the place was as clean as was drellishly possible, before opening the door. "Father," he greeted. "Come in."

"Thank you," Thane bowed his head graciously before crossing the threshold. He took a cursory glance around the small space before turning to his son, a genuine smile on his face. "I was a bit surprised by your invitation but am thankful for it all the same. I brought you something…a housewarming gift."

Kolyat accepted the package his father gave him with a raised brow. "You didn't have to bring me anything," he stated honestly as he pulled the top off of the box in curiosity. As he lifted the contents out, his eyes widened in both surprise and appreciation for what was very clearly an expensive piece of art. "This is very…thoughtful of you."

The pristine alabaster stone had been meticulously polished and carved, obviously by a highly-skilled artisan, into a representation of Arashu, the drell goddess of motherhood and protection. Along the base of the carving in elegant drellish script was a prayer asking the goddess for her favor and blessing. It was meant to be a part of a larger shrine, Kolyat knew, the kind most drell had in their homes to pay tribute to their deities.

Kolyat recalled that they had a similar shrine in their home on Kahje. He remembered his mother bringing the goddess offerings of the flowers his father had somehow procured for her from the drell native planet of Rakhana and that his mother had continued to cultivate herself on Kahje. He also remembered how his father, on the rare occasions he was home, would kneel with him before the altar sharing stories about the gods and goddesses and teaching him prayers and intercessions to be invoked as the situation warranted. Kolyat hadn't really thought about religion in a long time. He felt let down by it all and hadn't had much use for it and so he'd forsaken most of the teachings he had been raised to believe in. Still, he had to admit that his father's gift was beautiful.

"Thanks." He turned the carving over in his hands and gave his father a half-smile. "I'll have to find somewhere to put it."

Thane nodded and turned his full attention to the apartment. His eyes roamed slowly over every detail and Kolyat had no doubt he was committing them to memory. "Bailey has done well by you, I see."

"Yeah, well," Kolyat shrugged as he squeezed by his father and into the living area. "It isn't much but I figure it's better than a prison cell."

"Of that I have no doubt," Thane agreed with at tinge of remorse coloring his voice. "You're…alright being here then?"

"It's alright, I guess. It isn't like home, but," Kolyat sank down on the sofa and gestured for his father to sit as well. "I really don't have much choice in the matter, do I?"

Thane accepted the offer to make himself comfortable and sat opposite his son in a small armchair. "The situation is regretful but I must admit that I'm happy you are here. Things could have gone much differently."

Kolyat swallowed hard. He knew exactly what his father referred to and he couldn't for the life of him understand what had made him think accepting a murder-for-hire contract had been a good idea in the first place. Kolyat knew he wasn't a killer. He wasn't a trained assassin like his father who had spent his entire life perfecting his craft. He was just a lonely, confused kid from Kahje looking for his place in the world. He wasn't sure if what he'd done was as complex as a means of trying to know and be closer to the father who had left him or as simple as a cry for help.

Regardless, he had ended up shooting two people and nearly pulling the trigger and killing a third. Once the adrenaline and shock had worn off he'd been physically sick over the whole affair. Once his father and Commander Shepard had let him be, he had spent the better part of that evening hunkered down over one of the toilets in C-Sec's interrogation block wretching his guts out. He still couldn't wrap his mind around the concept that, for his father, such events equated to little more than a normal day at the office. To hear Thane speak of his work as if he, himself, were so far removed from the actions of his body was unsettling. Kolyat didn't believe he could be so compartmentalized even if he tried and put forth an effort.

The drawn out silence between father and son was slowly becoming awkward and could be seen in the manner in which both shifted uncomfortably in their seats. It was one thing for them to meet in a public place where the hustle and bustle around them could fill in the gaps in their conversation. It was something else entirely when they were alone with only each other for distraction. There were things each of them desired to know and discuss but neither wanted to risk upsetting the tenuous peace they'd managed to make. One of them would have to risk interrupting the stillness.

"So," Kolyat waited until he could no longer stand the silence to speak. He fidgeted nervously. "How have you been feeling?" He wasn't sure he really wanted to know the answer but felt he had to say something and anything was better than nothing.

"I am well under the circumstances," Thane replied. "Text book is the term the doctors use."

Kolyat shook his head. "I don't want to know what the doctors say. I'm asking you."

"Son," Thane frowned. "All is well. There are other things you should be focusing on right now. I don't need you to worry for me."

"It's a little late for that," Kolyat snorted. "You're the one who said you wanted to get to know one another. I may not know much but I'm pretty sure part of that involves being honest."

Thane chuckled fondly, "You sound so much like your mother. Very well," he steepled his fingers beneath his chin and took as large of a breath as his sick lungs would allow and slowly exhaled. "Honestly, I've felt better."

"When I was first diagnosed," he started. "They told me what I could expect as the disease progressed: a gradual decrease in energy and stamina as oxygen levels in the blood lessened, shortness of breath, episodes of spasmodic coughing, fluid accumulation, and pain…all of which," Thane admitted," has come to pass." The older drell rubbed his hands together. "Recently, however, I have to say that my biggest complaint is the intermittent tingling and numbness in my hands and feet from hypoxia." He flexed his fingers. "At times it makes it quite difficult to hold things and walk properly."

"Are they-" Kolyat sat forward in concern. "Can the doctors do anything for that?"

Thane shrugged, "I've been prescribed bronchodilators to open up my lungs as much as possible, steroids for the inflammation, and a pain medication. They make breathing easier and more comfortable but the problem isn't lung capacity. The issue is my lung's ability to transfer oxygen into the blood where it belongs. Unfortunately, as of yet, there isn't a pill that can fix that."

Kolyat opened his mouth to argue that there were things that could be done but he immediately snapped it shut again. He didn't want to go back down that road again. Every time they did it ended in an argument. His muscles in his jaw ticked in agitation as he ground his teeth together. "I see."

"I'm sorry if I've upset you," Thane apologized.

"No," Kolyat leaned his head back against the couch and closed his eyes. "Just…never mind. If I didn't want to know I wouldn't have asked."

"What about you?" Thane asked in an attempt to change the subject.

"What about me?" Kolyat opened his eyes to peer at this father. "I hate to disappoint you but what you get is pretty much what you see."

"I don't believe that for a moment," Thane smiled. "You must have some activities you enjoy that keep you busy. I wish to know more about you. What are your interests? What have you been doing in your spare time here on the Citadel? Have you made any friends?"

"What can I say?" Kolyat shrugged. "Community service leaves little time for anything but serving the community. By the time I'm done jumping through hoops for Bailey at the end of the day all I really want to do is come back here, take a shower, and sleep. I've had too much on my mind to do anything else…and I don't have any desire to make friends. I've found it isn't worth the time or effort. I just want to do my time and get the hell out of here."

Thane hummed out of both sadness and a sense of understanding. "Kolyat, I know that right now everything seems overwhelming and that the situation feels hopeless but you will make it through. Once all is said and done, you have the potential for great things. Don't let that potential go to waste."

"I don't know," Kolyat could feel an all-too familiar sting in his eyes and a burning in his throat. He did his best to will it away but he could already feel the hated moisture on his face. "I'm tired. I'm not sure anymore if any of this is even worth it."

"Do not speak like that!" With an alarmed expression, Thane rose from his seat and moved to kneel before his son. "You are strong. You will survive this…all of this. And you'll be a better person for it. You've got an entire lifetime ahead of you to make of it whatever you wish. Do not lose sight of that. This is just a small bump in the road."

Kolyat shook his father's hand off of his knee and wiped furiously at his eyes. "I'm sure that's really easy for you to say. You're not going to be here."

"Kolyat," Thane rose from his crouch and moved to sit beside his son. "If I could spend the rest of eternity here with you making up for my mistakes, I would…"

"Right," Kolyat snorted and stood. He stalked away from the other man to put some distance between them. The old familiar anger, the fear of abandonment, welled up within him. He wanted to scream and lash out but true to his word, he was tired. Instead, his shoulders slumped and he shook his head. "You know, Bailey told me that humans have a saying. He said that actions speak louder than words…or inaction in this case. I think he may be right."

Thane hung his head, his son's implication was not lost on him. "I know how this must seem-"

"No," Kolyat interrupted, "You don't. You don't have the slightest fucking clue how this must seem. You sit there and talk about opportunities and the future and pretend to give a shit about how everything plays out but that's all it is…a bunch of shit." Kolyat shook his head, "I think this visit is over."

"Son," Thane's eyes widened in disbelief and he opened his mouth to protest. "I-"

"No," Kolyat cut him off. "I've had enough of your…wisdom for one day." He moved to the door and opened it. "Please, leave."

"I- of course," Thane stood and reluctantly made his way through the living area toward the door. He paused before his son. "I will contact you later once you've had some time to…process."

"Yeah," Kolyat croaked. "Whatever."

Thane made a move to leave but hesitated just a moment longer. "Whatever conclusions you may draw," he rumbled. "Know for a fact that I do love you. I always have. That has not and will not ever change."

Kolyat said nothing in response but watched him go with mixed emotions raging inside of him. Part of him wanted to chase after his father and beg him not to go as he had so many times before as a young child. Another part of him wanted to grab the man up by the neck and demand that he takes those words back because, try as he might, he didn't understand how someone could claim to love their family and still do the things his father had done.

Once Thane Krios had vanished into the pedestrian traffic Kolyat retreated back inside his apartment and slammed the door. He paced the small space in agitation. His eyes eventually fell upon the carving of Arashu his father had given him and he stopped his pacing. He sneered at the small statue. It was a useless chunk of rock, little more than a novelty despite its superior craftsmanship. He felt as though he were at the center of some cruel, inhumane joke. How many times had he knelt before a similar statue as a child, face tear-stained, as he begged, pleaded and bargained with the goddess for his mother to be returned to him whole and alive and his father to be home with them both where he belonged? He'd lost count…and faith…long ago.

With a guttural roar, he snatched the sacred carving up from where he had sat it down and hurled it across the room with all of his strength. The heavy stone left a deep, ugly gouge in the wall where it made impact before bouncing off of the bookshelf below it, knocking most of the books off in the process, and landing with an echoing thud on the floor. The C-Sec training manual he had pilfered from Paultus Maurtus came to rest atop of it, hiding it from view.

Kolyat's chest heaved as his breath wheezed in and out of his lungs angrily. He stared daggers through the mess he had made as if it was somehow responsible for how he felt. A horrible keening filled the room and it took Kolyat a moment to realize that he was the one making the awful noise. He sank down into the armchair where his father had sat and buried his head in his hands. The tears came then in earnest. He wept for the mother he had adored who had been taken from him much too soon. He wept for the father he had never really known and would never have the time or opportunity to do so. He wept for himself; the life he had ruined seemingly beyond repair, the future he wouldn't have, and the family he had been denied. He wept until his throat was raw and a gaping, hollow feeling had settled into his chest.

It was several hours later before he finally managed to pull himself back together enough to rise from his stupor. He finally managed to take a look around the small apartment. It had, as of late, become a sort of refuge for him but now it seemed positively stifling. Kolyat decided that he needed to get out and get away from his thoughts. He needed some kind of distraction, he decided. And, possibly, a nice stiff drink.

End of Chapter 6

End Note: Alright, Dear Readers, I wanted to run something by all of you just to get an opinion. I try to write my stories a couple chapters ahead so while you're reading this I am, in all likelihood, working on either Chapter 8 or Chapter 9. By this point in our story (Chapter 6), if you're keeping count, our favorite assassin has about 5 months left to live. We're coming to a point in the near future where some decisions are going to need to be made. I have two different ideas as to which way this story can go. The first involves Thane succumbing to Kepral's and Kolyat dealing with the aftermath and the second involves a change of heart on Thane's part in which he does finally get some kind of treatment (which may or may not have the desired effect). My question to all of you is: Which story line would you be most interested in reading? Drop me a line and let me know. Thanks for reading!

~VQ