Neither of the brothers were looking at me. Nate had been reversed back into his fearful state, looking worse than I have ever seen him. His eyes bulged so much that I was afraid they would simply pop out and fall to the ground. He was shaking uncontrollably. I heard pitiful whimpering and, the part that got me the most, I saw his tears.
I could see the fear in Markus' face as well as that fucking… monster, tied him to a table. I could tell that whatever happened in their Burrow, it had affected Nate much worse than his brother. The way Markus tried looking at his brother, I could tell that he was more fearful of Nate's life than his own.
That left Holly, who had been glancing between the three of us. Her face showed worry over Markus, fear for Nate, and… contempt towards me. I wanted to tell her that I was sorry, that I did not want them to come with me, but the words kept getting stuck in my throat. Never in my life have I been in such a position that I felt utterly and totally useless. I hated it.
"This one looks downright petrified. Tell me little fox, what is it you fear?"
The boar was hovering over Nate, with a large needle in his hoof. The tone of his voice was calm and collect, as if he had done this a million times over. I despised him for that. He tried to get a reaction out of Nate by waving the needing past his eyes, down his nose, and lightly jabbing him on the neck. Nate's fear seemed to prevent him from even the most basic of conscious reactions. I only saw his body twitch as he was poked with the needle.
"Oh well, if this works I will find out soon enough. If not? Well, at least I have two more to play around with." He jabbed Nate's arm with the needle, injecting its contents into him. If he hurt him, I will tear that smile from his mouth and feed it to his 'pets.'
When the boar proceeded to attach hoses similar to what was sticking out of Holly, Markus was fighting against his bonds so ferociously, I was afraid he'd break his own body just to save his brother. I wanted to do the same, I would happily risk my own life just to save them from whatever atrocities were about to fall upon us. Unfortunately, whatever was in that syringe had caused my body to fall limp when he injected it in me moments before Nate. Markus was the obvious threat to both the boar and himself right now, so why wait until last?
"You have much fight in you fox. Fight that I can use."
I wanted to scream, to tell him to fuck off and if he let them go, he can use me for… whatever he wanted. I just couldn't form the words. I wasn't sure if it was whatever he injected me with, or if it was my own fear, but despite the reason, it was pissing me the fuck off! I managed to regain a small amount of motion in my let arm, and tried to move it against the bonds. It was a useless gesture, but I could not sit idly by while he tortured them.
"Oh? Looks like the serum is wearing off already. You got quite the spirit, don't you rabbit? That one there," he pointed towards Holly, who looked as if she was between consciousness and unconsciousness now, "put up quite the fight, but it didn't take much to break her resolve. Her mouth however? Well, she has a rather expansive vocabulary. It required me to up the concentration to give me some peace and quiet. Looks like I may have to do the same for you. Science is so much fun don't you agree?"
I could feel more of my arm, and now my legs, getting their feeling back. I started to move my Pip-Boar up and down, hoping that maybe I could use it to create a gap in the bonds. Looking around I saw that there were a few deathwings just standing there. From here they did not look natural; the way they stood upright while the other ones above hung upside down. Why were they not attacking him?
"Oh, now silly me. I forgot to take off your Pip-Boar. The way you are fidgeting, it must be rather uncomfortable for you. Here, let me just…" he walked over to me and started to unclasp the lock on my Pip-Boar.
I wanted to swear, I wanted to yell, but in the end, the only thing I could do was spit right in his face. He stopped and gave me a very displeased look. He wasn't angry, just disappointed. It was as if he was a teacher and his ace student just got a 'B' on a test. He took out a small white piece of cloth from his suit pocket and casually wiped my saliva off.
"I should be mad. I really should. You, a common rabbit spitting on me, a distinguished gentle-mammal, but in your position, I will forgive you. I may have been inclined to do the same. Now, as for your Pip-Boar. These things are quite rare indeed, and to have two of them in the same room? Well, it must be my lucky day!"
Even managing to spit on him didn't anger him, and now he was taking my only way to call for help! He took my weapon, my bag, my tools, and now my Pip-Boar, I am surprised that I wasn't lying on here naked. After taking off both of our Pip-Boars, he placed them on a table near a bunch of computers with the rest of our stuff. Even if I had somehow managed to get out of these restraints, the deathwings between us and our gear would recapture us, or worse kill us, before I could take a single step.
"Now then, I think I shall begin. If you wouldn't mind waiting here, I need to go change into something a bit more… suitable."
Wait here? Wait here! Oh, fuck you and the mother you came from! He never managed to give me another dose of the paralytic, so I tried again to work against the restraints, but the only thing I managed to do was chafe my wrists and ankles, but that was good. The pain from the raw skin was helping keep me focused, to let my mind create a plan to get out of here. We WILL get out of here!
The boar returned, having traded his tailored suit for a full body hazard suit. Instead of a helmet, he wore some kind of respirator that simply covered his mouth, leaving his large tusks shooting out the side, as if they were the only things keeping the mask on his face. He moved over to a small table that I could see was covered in medical tools. He picked up one, but I didn't recognize it.
"Ok. Which one of you would like to be my first volunteer? Speak up now. No one? I think… it… will… be… you." With each word he pointed his hoof at one of us, moving between Markus, Nate, and I. He stopped at me.
"Now. In order for this to work, I need you to talk, and I imagine you will have just vulgar mouth as your rabbit friend here. So tell you what, if you play nicely, I will spare the others from the more, let's just say, vivid experiments. Run that pretty little mouth of yours too much? Well, you won't be the only one singing the sweet melody of agony."
If words could kill, I would have a nasty surprise for him. I moved my vision away from the boar hanging over me, trying to focus on the foxes instead. I didn't think Nate could look any more fearful, but I was wrong. He wasn't just petrified with fear any more, he was in an agonizing state of terror. Even Markus had started to share Nate's look as he heard the boar's words. Fear was causing the ferocity to slowly drain away from him.
"F…" I could feel whatever was blocking my ability to speak fading away, "F… k…"
"Ah, it seems that the serum is nearly out of your body now. Good. Now, what is it you want to say my dear?"
"F… k… o…"
"Hmm? A little louder now. Yes, that's it, a little louder."
"Fuck… you…"
"Oh dear. Oh my. It looks like you are just as bad as the other one. Perhaps rabbits are just genetically disposed that way? Well, as long as it doesn't interfere with my tests, it really doesn't matter, now does it? And, as I am a boar of my words… 1125? Please get the collars."
"What… are… you…"
"I told you, didn't I? If you ran your pretty mouth afoul, I would simply have to take it out on your friends. Ah, thank you 1125."
A deathwing came over with a small tray in its clawed wings. It looked rather, ungainly, the way it moved. I realized that it was the same one from before as it looked at me and scratched at its collar before being sent off by the boar. The collar on his neck… looked exactly like the ones he was now putting on Nate and Markus!
"What…"
"Oh, do save your energy my sweet rabbit. These things, are not those ghastly collars that those, slavers, use," he said the word slavers with a bit of disgust, "but an invention I found, or rather, found the plans for and that I have modified ever so slightly. You see, a long time ago, decades before the war, before peace was obtained between all the predators and prey of the world, a small little company called SafeCo, produced tools specifically to 'deter' any physical harm between species."
He paused and moved his vision away from me towards Nate and Markus before continuing. "Some of their biggest sellers were anti-fox items, such as Fox Tazers and Fox Repellent," he focused on me again, "but they had this one design, something that they thought would revolutionize the world of interspecies safety, and more importantly, get rich fast. It was called a Tame Collar."
He picked up one of the collars and started to affix it to Markus' neck. "You see, SafeCo thought that the best way to make the prey, whom I might add, had the largest shares of the company, feel safer. And to do so, they wanted to make sure every predator wore one." He put the other collar on Nate as he continued. "These are harmless gadgets, really. All they do is measure the emotions of its wearer, and if they happened to, I don't know, get angry?" He picked up a small object and pushed a button. A light on the collar around Markus' neck turned from green to red as his body started to convulse, "then it would send electrical shocks through their system. It wasn't designed to kill… oh that would have given them a bad reputation. No, it was simply a love tap, to get the predators to calm down."
He walked over to Nate and pressed the button again. Nate, who was probably already beyond his limit, was pushed even further as his body started to convulse. He started to choke as foam and saliva poured from his mouth.
"You… fucker! Leave them… alone!"
"My, my. I am wondering if you are worse than her. Well, like I said once before…" He pushed the button again as both Nate and Markus started convulsing, "I am a boar of my words."
He put the remote down next to a third collar. He went to pick it up, and then stopped. "It's a shame the whole, 'Mammal Inclusion Initiative' was created. It ended the entire Tame production before it even began. This world might have been better off with these simple collars."
"Why are you doing… this?"
"Why? Now, that is the question I have been waiting to hear! Oh, it's quite the wonderful little tale my dear, and it is all quite simple. I want the world."
"The world? What the…" I had to stop myself from swearing. Even at the hint of me saying a swear, his hoof moved close to the remote, "… why? Why do you want that?"
"Well isn't that the million cap question! History has been full of conquerors. Oh they had their reasons: expansion, money, fame. In the end, however, they had one thing in common: They all failed. You might be thinking, 'If they failed, surely you will as well,' but that is where you are wrong. 1125, 1213, please come forth."
Two deathwings stepped in front of him. 1125, that must be the one who lead us here, into this trap. The other one, he looked stronger, more alert. It might be the chemicals still in my body, but the one called 1125 seemed to be a bit slower and less fluid, than the other one.
"1125, jump." As he said it, the one deathwing crouched down and jumped five feet into the air before landing and returning to attention. "1213, give me a pirouette." The other deathwing lifted one foot as it started to spin itself on the other one until the boar told it to stop. From the look of it, it would have kept spinning indefinitely if he never told it to stop. I thought these were savage beasts?
"Ah, now that's a look I am all too familiar with. You are probably wondering why are these creatures bending to my will when they should be eating me? As I clearly mentioned in my little history lesson, I have altered these Tame collars a bit. Rather than just sending a small shock through there system, it can also…" he grabbed the remote, but instead of pushing the button, he flipped a small switch on it, "…inject a rather harmless chemical directly into their spinal fluid."
I saw Nate and Markus twitch a little, but it was not as bad as the shocks. Both of their expressions started to calm a little. At first I thought maybe he was taking pity on them, and injected a pain reliever, but I knew that was too good to be true. The brother's faces started to go from calm to subdued.
"Now, that should be good enough. I think it's time to let these boys go, don't you think?"
He's… letting them go? That… no, something is wrong. I heard a small noise as the restraints on both of them unlatched, causing them to fall to the ground. They… oh no. Oh please no. I thought they were dead, until Nate started move. They both slowly managed to stand, but they looked just as ungainly as the deathwings.
"What did you do to them!?"
"Oh, the same thing I did to these creatures. Now, let's try them out, shall we? Um, Nate is it? Move next to me. Slowly."
Nate stood there for a moment, as if petrified again, but then lifted one foot, and then the other. He was walking towards us, very slow and almost mechanically.
"These things, they tend to take every little word a bit too literal. A little faster Nate, we don't have all night."
Nate picked up speed into a steady walk. His movements seemed so unnatural.
"Ok, Markus?" He looked at me and whispered, "It was Markus, wasn't it? Ok Markus, come here please. At a normal speed if you will."
Markus started to move in the same mechanical manner as Nate. Once they were both standing on either side of the boar, he looked at me and smiled.
"I could tell, the moment you came in. You have feelings for this one, don't you? Ah, love. To be swept away by her eternal arms. Unfortunately, love is also a cruel mistress. Nate, take this." He handed Nate an object who glimmered as it caught the reflection of the room's lighting. It was a knife.
"Nate! Oh, please Nate, listen to me! You're in trouble!"
"It's no use I am afraid. Yes, I do think that somewhere in that brain of his, he is struggling to break free of the confines of my collar, and I know he can hear you. Oh, see?" I looked into Nate's eyes as a tear fell from one. "He cares too. It's a shame, really. Oh, don't worry rabbit, he's not going to kill you, I just need to test his… resolve. Nate cut off…"
His words were cut short as a clanging noise fell behind him. I saw the two deathwings become alert, as did a few more perched up above as well. The three of them were in my way, so I was unable to see what the noise was. It must have been an unknown variable to him, because for the first time he sounded… nervous.
"What is… is that a metal… onion?"
ONION! But how did he… the distress message! When my Pip-Boar was removed, it must have sent it to him! Oh, thank you, you wonderful piece of technology!
"Nate," I started to whisper, "I know you can hear me, please fight it. If not for your brother and Holly, then do it for… me."
I saw another tear drop from his eye as the paw holding the knife started to quiver. The knife fell and clattered to the ground. The boar looked over at us, a look of sheer confusion in his face.
"What is going on here?!" His voice cracked, as if he was not used to such unknown variables.
I started to laugh. "That's no onion, that's… ONION! NOW!"
He didn't speak, and he didn't move, but I knew he heard me. The familiar sound of an electrical build up occurred a second before it was the boar who was starting to convulse. The arc of electricity started to bounce from target to target, nearly missing the three of us as it impacted the nearby computer systems. The power flickered as the boar fell to the ground. Then I heard small fizzles followed by the noises of Nate and Markus' collars falling off and hitting the ground. They both dropped to their knees.
"I… am… I couldn't… I'm sorry."
"No, Nate it wasn't your fault." I wanted to hug him, but then I remembered I was still restrained on the table. "Umm, a little help?"
That's when a third shadow loomed over us. At first I thought the boar had already recovered, but then I saw it was much bigger. It was one of the deathwings. Its collar was now gone. If they controlled them, and the control was broken… fuck. I circled around to my feet and raised its large scythe like winged claw. Nate and Markus couldn't react fast enough before it slammed down it's claw onto… my bonds?
The creature proceeded to slice through the restraints on my other leg and both my arms, completely freeing me. Oh, please don't try to eat me… I'd be a lousy meal.
"Thank. Bunny. Free. Us."
"You can… talk?"
"Yes. I have. Learned. I have. Waited. You. Come. You. Free us. Thank."
"You're… welcome. I think? Although, to tell you the truth, I came to free her." I pointed towards Holly who was now completely unconscious.
"I. Free. You. Leave. Not. Safe."
The deathwing walked over to where Holly was and started to cut her bonds as well. Nate was still whimpering over the whole situation, and I really couldn't blame him. Markus was in utter shock at recent events; that is until the last bonds came loose and Holly fell down to the ground. Markus darted over to her and tried to lift her onto his shoulder.
"Not. Safe. Leave."
"What about…"
The boar finally regained consciousness. "You fucking cunt whore bitch!"
Ok, NOW he was mad. Finally. At least he was now reduced to the level he should be at. A pathetic thug. I could feel that most of the drugs had faded from my system and I jumped up as he came barreling at me. He had the size advantage and those tusks looked like they could cause some serious damage. Since Nate was not recovered, and Markus was busy trying to help Holly, I darted over to my stuff and tried to grab my gun, but the boar managed to get a good hit in on me, sending me flying towards the wall. I looked up and saw the other deathwings were fleeing through the tunnel above. Gee, thanks for the help.
I didn't manage to get my gun, but next to me was a large wrench. It was much larger and heavier than the ones I was used to, but that was good. I really wanted to hit something. That something being the boar who was now charging at me again. I knew that he wasn't going to stop, so I had to stop him first. I waited until he was close enough and then…
I dodged to the side as I swung the wrench as hard as I could. I think the adrenaline was pumping through me at unprecedented levels, because my swing was strong enough that I managed to tear off one of his tusks, leaving a bloody stump in its place. His scream filled the room, and I am sure that Hope could hear it from here.
"You messed with the wrong rabbit." I know that we had been thrown through the ringer here, but this was the perfect time to recite a line from one of the Jack Savage books. This, this was my element here. I smiled, as big as I could, and that caused his expression to turn into something akin to, fear? No, he wasn't afraid, he was terrified as I lifted the wrench up, aiming for the white stripe on his head. I swung and… missed?
He had been grabbed on the shoulders by a deathwing at the last minute and was being carried into the air. Fuck, I wanted to kill him. Well, hopefully they are going to eat him. Slowly. I want him to feel the same fear and pain as he caused them, and anyone else before us. I hope he suffers.
"Olivia! She's out cold. We need to get her out of here, to someplace safe!"
"Agreed, Nate. Hey Nate you with me? Don't make me kiss you again. My mouth is too dry for that."
That snapped him out of it a bit. He was still crying but managed to crack a rather pitiful smile. That poor thing, at least he was trying. I went to give him a hug, something that I have never initiated since before my mother died, but was interrupted by a very loud unmammal-like scream.
"What the…"
Before I could finish, I saw three more deathwings land next to 1125. Was that really his name?
"We. Bring. Safety. You. Leave. Dangerous. To stay. Not all. Wings. Safe."
"Not all wings? Oh, you mean deathwings?"
The creature, no, not creature, mammal, nodded. If it could speak, and was willing to help, it was not some savage beast - it was something more than that.
"So you are willing to help us to safety? Thank you, but I don't know how the residents of Hope will react seeing us being carried in by four of deathwings. It might not be safe, for any of us."
"The bunker." Nate had started to calm down more, now that we were safe.
"Good thinking Nate! Yeah, we have a little place we like to call home not too far from here. We should go there, get rested and cleaned up, we have showers, and then we can decide what to do from there."
"Showers? I like your place already." I looked up through the hole above us, the night sky making it look as if there was no end to it. "Now, how do we get there? We are deep beneath the ground, and if I recall, there is a large wall and at least a few dozen deathwings nearby. I am sure they are not all on our side."
"Yes. Only few. Not all. Wings. Safe. We can. Take."
"Take? What do you mean… oh, you don't mean…"
Yup. Take, as in take us waaayyy into the air. I was beginning to think 1125 was the only one who could or wanted to talk. 1125 grabbed me by my shoulder, and the other three deathwings took the others. Markus was very hesitant to let the deathwing take Holly, but I assured him that it was okay.
"Wait!"
"Hurry. We need. To. Hurry."
"Our stuff! Just give me…" 1125 let go of me and I ran over and gathered our stuff. I tossed Nate his jacket, bag, and weapon, and thankfully he was alert enough to realize what was going on. Then I tossed Markus both his and Holly's stuff, before grabbing my own. I slapped on my Pip-Boar and was ready.
"What about Onion? Onion! Do you have enough power to follow us?"
"Unfortunately, I don't Miss. My levitator is at twenty percent power. I used most my reserves on that shock."
"I can't leave him behind."
"Bunny. Light. Me. Take."
Before I could inquire to his choice of words, he grabbed me by the back with one claw and latched onto Onion with his other before any of us knew what was happening.
"You sure we are not too much for you?"
"Bunny. Light. Junk. Light."
"I object! Miss, tell him I am not junk!"
"Okay, if you got me and the… junk… I think we are ready. Hey you two! Please don't fight these friendly fellows. If you struggle, they may drop you."
"You… trust them?" Markus did not sound so sure of my decision.
"Well, better them then stay here until his less friendly relatives come back."
"You… you… you are insane, you know that?"
"I'm told that quite often actually. Okay 1125, up, up, and away!"
"Nate, what have you gotten yourself into?" I heard Markus whisper to his brother. I didn't hear a response, so chanced a glance back. Nate's face was a mix between worry and happiness. I am sure the happiness had to do with the fact he was finally free of this place, and part of me hoped it was something else as well, but his worried expression was due to the fact that he was just about to be taken, voluntarily, by a deathwing. I knew that was the case because the happiness faded rather quickly once we were lifted from the ground, and his expression was then replaced with the much greater sense of dread. He better not try to struggle. I had to make sure he remained calm.
"Hey Nate! Your brother mentioned a shower? Well, once we get there, I'd like to get cleaned up. Wanna join?"
His worry disappeared as a bashful smile appeared. I was just joking. I only wanted to get him in a better mindset before he did something stupid and fell to his death. Although part of me… no, bad. We just escaped a near death situation, again. We just need to get cleaned up and rested, both physically and mentally. But perhaps after…
"At this rate, it shouldn't be too far!" Markus had to shout as we were carried further into the sky. The wind rushing between us creating a rather noisy barrier as we left the giant hole. When we were out of that horrid place, I could see that the night sky was starting to clear in places. Stars twinkled through the thinning clouds as I let the air bathe my face with its coolness. We had not been down there for more than an hour or two, but it felt like an eternity; one that was finally behind us as we approached the wall.
From this height I could see everything. I turned to see if I could get a look at Hope from here, but there were too many tall buildings for me to determine where it was. Ahead of us, beyond the wall, was a flat arid area. Small lights were scattered here and there, probably camps for travelers, or raiders. In the distance I saw a tall building lit up from the ground up. I couldn't make it out from the distance, but it was the brightest thing around.
We crossed the wall, and thankfully there was no sign of any danger. I checked my scanner and the only dots I saw were that of my friends, and their 'rides.' Good. A few trees scattered the ground as we started to decrease altitude. I thought maybe there was still life in the wasteland, but I noticed that all the trees were lifeless, just like the rest of this world. I never thought about it before, but we did not have too many plants in the Burrow. Sure, there was the garden area, but we only grew a few selected crops. There were no trees, or flowers, or anything like that. I had seen them in books, but part of me had hoped the surface still had them. Somewhere there had to still be something, shouldn't there?
"Okay, it's nearby. You can set us down next to that large dune over there. We can make it the rest of the way."
Markus had pointed to a large hill nearby. Was that their bunker? It didn't look like much. I am guessing that he wanted them to set us near it, but not at it. Something made me trust them, or at least 1125, but I didn't think they shared my feelings about him. Still, they had to have realized that if he was dangerous, we would already be dead. No, I think he's… different.
The four of us were gently dropped off where Markus had shown them. Three of them flew off but 1125 remained.
"Thank you. I heard him call you, 1125? That is not a name, that is a designation. Do you have a name?"
"Before. Baird. We. No speak. They. Still. No speak. Only. Me."
"Baird? Was that the name of the boar?"
"Yes. Baird. Name. Evil. Boar. Evil."
"You said that not all deathwings are like you. Is there any chance that he is still alive?"
"No. Yes."
Well, that was… vague. Maybe he was trying to say 'uncertain?' "Okay, well, I sure as hell am not going to call you a number, especially a number that he gave you. You know what you remind me of? In my mythological books I remember seeing pictures of these giant fire breathing creatures. What were they called?"
"Drakes?" Nate answered, but seemed unsure of his response.
"No, it wasn't that. Oh yeah, dragons, but you know what? I like that better. From now on, I will call you Drake."
"Drake? Drake. I. Like. I. Drake. Now."
"Good, then it's settled. What will you do now Drake?"
"Leave. Return. Safe."
"Return where? Where is safe for you?"
"No. Safe. No. Home. Home. Not safe."
"Well, I can't have that. As long as you promise to protect and defend, not harm and maim, well…"
"No, you can't… can she?" I think Markus knew what I was about to say.
"Drake, would you like to join my ragtag group?"
—
After Show Chapter: 28
Guest(s): Max Redbridge
Dialog:
Fallout: Zootopia After Show
Featuring:
'Stripes in the Morning'
[Stripes]
"Good evening Zootopian Wasteland! This is your host with the most bringing you everything from A to Zebra, and since I am A Zebra, guess the show's over, right? Wrong. I was going to bring you a little interview with the dastardly boar by the name of Eugene Baird, but it seems that he's currently unavailable for comment. Something about needing a tusk replacement? Can you even get that in the wasteland? I mean, basic medical help sure, but full on cosmetic surgery? Finding something like that is like finding a city of diamonds."
[Max]
"You're getting a bit off subject you striped bastard."
[Stripes]
"So I am. Ahem. So anyways, onto today's interview! Today we have a very special guest, one who is mostly unknown in the story, mainly because he isn't in the story. May I present my assistant, co-producer, and the fox who is always fickle with the coffee, Max Redbridge!
[Max]
"Wait… WHAT?! Oh… Oh you 'ornery bastard! We are NOT doing this… No, uh-uh. You still owe me for this morning's pot… Which you THREW ON A DEATHWING! Folks, I don't know what cockamamie crap he's filled your heads with but I implore you, DON'T TRUST THIS STRIPED BASTARD!"
[Stripes]
"What did you expect? You added sugar, and you know I detest anything in my coffee, except coffee. Anyways, back to the show! Max, tell us a little about yourself. Your hobbies, interests. Spill your deepest, darkest secrets. Just… don't spill the coffee."
[Max]
"… Says the one that wasted a good Columbian Brew on an oversized mutant bat… Right, if I have to… Well folks, I'm from a little desert down waaay out in the south west, I enjoy firearms collecting and shooting of said firearms… Especially now that I've got a brand new target in Stripes here. If you hear the sudden sounds of screaming and begging for life… Ignore it. You'll live longer."
[Stripes]
"You can't ignore this majestic voice. Plus it's not that I will run in a straight line or anything to make it easy for you. So Max, tell our audience how you became my bearer of my coffee… ahem, my assistant."
[Max]
"Your bearer of… Oh, ooh I'll tell 'em. I'll tell 'em alright. See folks, I jumped on this little ship waaaaay back on chapter… Damn I think it was 12 or 13. Knowing my luck being saddled with this… Mud drinker it was 13. (Hey, lucky number for me actually!) I'll tell you this though, after alll this? I still suffer under this bloody Zebra's inability to brew a decent cup of life saving liquid. I swear, when I REALLY feel masochistic, and I mean REALLY feel that. I let him brew something that looks like it came from the primordial pits."
[Stripes]
"It's not real coffee unless there's a nice thick tar at the bottom. So, what do you think of your position here, roaming all over the wasteland looking for the biggest things to report on?"
[Max]
"… Honestly? I'm surprised I haven't shot you yet. With the raiders, the deathwings, the GIANT BUGS. You really shoulda warned me about that building… REALLY shoulda warned me. Though… If I haven't shot you yet, there's gotta be a reason, hell if I know what it is though."
[Stripes]
"Hey, you said you didn't want any spoilers, and I figured a giant building on the verge of collapsing, while filled with hungry ghouls, was a bit of a spoiler. Now, tell us your personal opinion on how events have unfolded so far. They've heard it from the horse's mouth, well, a type of equine to be exact, so give us your say on what has been transpiring."
[Max]
"Honestly? So far we've seen only a smidgen of what these kits are going through, you all have only gotten to see through Olivia's eyes and the way the world is to her must be terrifying. That and she seems to harbor a strange joy in fighting… I wouldn't be surprised if she became the first MMA Bunny if that still existed in this hell-scape we call home. I think it'll take a hell of a lot more than some twisted, demented, sick minded, small snouted, Big headed, one tusked son of an ugly pig to stop her. Just… Gotta see what happens next folks! I've already been informed that I'm not allowed to give spoilers… Trust me, it's not easy."
[Stripes]
"The Valiant Brothers and their sister Dot… I mean, Holly Kerrigan, are a relatively new addition to our story, you wouldn't happen to know about that… Would you?"
[Max]
"Weeellll… I COULD say I do… I could say I'm sort of their father in a way… I COULD also say Shut up before you find this nice new 10 gauge I picked up rammed where the sun don't shine and have a new yet… Short live career as flying stunt mammal."
[Stripes]
"Now last question, and one that I am sure the listeners are very eager to know. What exactly does the fox say?"
[Max]
"… Fuck you Norway and Ylvis… Fuck you for that god awful song. May it burn in the everlasting fires of damnation and YOU ALONG WITH IT STRIPES FOR BRINGING THAT INSULT BACK UP YOU BASTARD!"
[Stripes]
"Well that's all the time we have for today's show! Tune in Sunday when we have our first interview with Holly Kerrigan! Take it easy folks, and for all you ladies and gentlemammals playing that new Pip-Boar app, 'Wasteland Go', do remember to keep aware of your surroundings. We've had reports of slavers and raiders targeting them. Keep safe in the wasteland and remember, I'll be out there finding all the hard truths to bring to you, no matter how hard it hurts!"
[Max]
"OH I ain't done with you yet funny butt! HEY! PUT MY COLOMBIAN SPECIAL DOWN AND GET BACK HERE!"