All my life I've been waiting for
In this perfume of pain
To forget when I needed more
Of love's endless refrain

We live and we pray
Pour les fleurs du mal
I've lost my way
What is done will return again
Will I ever be free?

Sarah Brightman – Fleurs Du Mal

Chapter 25

Just a little crush

5 days later

I am confused. This thing that I am feeling… Is it wrong? I cannot explain it nor understand where it suddenly came from. I have loved Kol for a long time, but this is different, I no longer see him as my family, I see him as a man, as someone who I would wish to be more than my friend. That sounds wrong, but it does not feel wrong. I know I am not supposed to have this kind of feelings, I should be a child and play with my dolls. I am not a child. My heart is aching, I am longing for something I can never have. It is not fair! I have thought about the spell a lot, but I have not told anyone about it, I know they would say it is a bad idea. Maybe it is, maybe things could go terribly wrong, but it would be worth it if I could just…

"Eva?"

I startled when I heard papa's voice and quickly closed my journal. The door to my room was slightly open, so he hadn't knocked before entering.

"I am sorry," he said. "I did not mean to startle you."

"It's alright," I muttered and shoved the journal under my pillow. "Do you…do you need something?"

He looked at me intently and bit his bottom lip.

"I wanted to ask is everything alright with you? You have been very quiet lately."

"Yes," I replied quickly, too quickly. "Everything is fine."

I lowered my head; papa could always tell when I was lying to him. He was quiet for a while before sitting on the bed next to me.

"Kol told me what happened in Florence," he finally said. "Are you feeling bad because of that?"

I shook my head; I still didn't look at him.

"I…not really. I mean…it was humiliating, but I should have been used to be treated like that by now…"

"No," papa said firmly and touched my hair. "No one has the right to treat you disrespectfully. You are a lady and you deserve to be treated as one."

I looked up and smiled, papa was always so kind.

"Thank you," I said and moved closer to him, leaning my head on his side. He wrapped his arm around me and kissed the top of my head.

"I mean it, sweetheart."

"I know." I paused and closed my eyes; I wanted to enjoy his calming presence. I felt melancholic and I would have wanted to talk to him about everything, about the spell and about my feelings towards Kol, but I was too much of a coward.

"Is Rebekah still angry at Kol?" I asked instead.

"Yes," papa replied, he sounded slightly amused. "She thinks he had no right to take you so far without asking her or me. I have tried to explain to her that you are not a little child anymore, but surely you know how she feels."

"I do and I understand," I sighed. "I know she means well."

"Yes, she does."

"Most people see me like that," I mumbled after a moment of hesitation. "As a little child."

"Yes, probably," papa replied tensely, his hand was stroking my hair. I pulled away and looked at him.

"You don't."

"I…try my best not to, but I still consider you as my child."

I smiled and kissed his hand.

"I am your child, you will always be my papa."

He smiled too and lifted me on his lap. There was sadness in his eyes when he looked at me.

"My special girl… I wish I could carry your burden for you. It kills me to see your pain."

"No, no," I said quickly, I didn't want him to be sad. "I am fine, I really am…"

"It's alright, sweetheart," he interrupted me gently. "As I have said to you many times, you do not have to protect me, that should be other way around." He paused and sighed. "I know there are things you would want to experience, just like anyone, and I am truly sorry for not finding the way to make that possible."

"What if…there would be a way?" I asked cautiously.

"I have not stopped looking," he assured. "If there is a way, I will find it."

I bit my lip; I really needed to tell him about the spell.

"Papa, I…"

A knock on the door interrupted me.

"Yes?" papa said.

A servant opened the door and bowed.

"Excuse me, my lord," he said in Tuscan. "Your guest and his party have arrived."

"Good, thank you," papa said and turned to look at me. "I am sorry, but I must go and meet this landowner, who unfortunately happens to be a warlock. We have had a dispute with him and Niklaus certainly hadn't make things better."

Papa seemed annoyed; I knew how impulsive Klaus could be so I wasn't surprised, he often had disputes with people.

"Do you need some help?" I asked. "I can come and watch your back."

He smiled and touched my cheek.

"Thank you, sweetheart, but I think I manage. I will see you later."

I stayed in my room after he had left, wondering what I should do now. I hadn't had a chance to talk to him about the spell. Maybe I should talk to Klaus; he liked to spend time with witches, so I imagined that he knew a lot about witchcraft. After a brief search I found him in the parlor, unfortunately he wasn't alone; he was with Kol and two human women who judging by their clothes were noblewomen. The other one was sitting rigidly next to Klaus; she kept a noticeable distance between them. She muttered that they should really leave. The other woman, a beautiful brunette, was sitting on Kol's lap, she giggled when he kissed her neck. I clenched my fists; I really didn't want to see this. Unfortunately Klaus noticed me before I managed to leave.

"Eva! Come here, sweetheart!"

He seemed impatient and a little drunk; apparently he hadn't managed to charm the rigid woman. Kol looked up and grinned.

"Come and join us, midget!"

I hesitated, but I couldn't really decline, he could have suspected something.

"Sure," I muttered and entered the room. Kol was sitting on an armchair with the brunette, Klaus was sitting on a sofa, he smiled at me and tapped the seat on his other side. The rigid woman looked a little surprised, but my presence seemed to make her a little more relaxed.

"Hello," she greeted me in English.

"Hello," I replied, waiting for Klaus to tell me what was going on.

"Eva, this is Lady Leonora," he said. "And her sister, Lady Luciana." He waved his hand towards the brunette on Kol's lap; she didn't pay any attention to me. "This is my darling little Eva."

Klaus lifted me on his lap while he spoke. I understood what he wanted; he sometimes used me to soften women who didn't warm up to him so easily. Usually I didn't mind helping him, but now I would have rather been somewhere else, the brunette was nipping Kol's neck like a piranha. Apparently he had gotten the easier sister. I gritted my teeth and forced a smile on my face.

"Papa," I said and kissed Klaus' cheek before wrapping my arms around him, I knew the drill.

"Oh, is she your daughter?" Lady Leonora asked, she moved a little closer to Klaus.

"Yes, my foster daughter," Klaus replied and stroked my hair. "She is an orphan."

"Oh no… Poor thing."

I looked at her innocently and leaned my head on Klaus' chest.

"I love my papa, he keeps me safe."

Lady Leonora smiled; she wasn't rigid at all anymore.

"That is wonderful. How old are you, sweetheart?"

"6," I replied blinking my eyes shyly.

"Oh, you are a big girl then."

"Yes, she is," Klaus cut in and cradled me like I would be an infant. "My sweetheart."

Lady Leonora was clearly impressed, her eyes had softened. Apparently she was one of those women who liked paternal men. I noticed Kol looking at us over the brunette's shoulder; he grinned and winked at me. If my heart would have still beaten, it would have skipped a beat. Why was he torturing me like this? I hated that woman with every fiber of my being; she was touching him and sucking his neck. She had no right, he belonged to me! Of course I knew how ridiculous my feelings were, but surely I was allowed to dream. I was too distracted to notice that Klaus and Lady Leonora had been talking for a while; they seemed to have found a joined interest.

"You paint, my lord?"

"Yes, I am not very good at it, but I would be delighted to show you some of my paintings."

"I would love to see them." She paused and looked at me.

"She can wait here with her uncle," Klaus said. "Isn't that right, sweetheart?"

"Yes, papa," I replied and hopped to the floor. I wanted to go back to my room; Kol seemed busy with his newest conquest.

"I think I will go freshen up," Lady Luciana purred after her sister and Klaus had walked out.

"Of course, darling," Kol replied and slapped her bottom when she stood up.

"My lord is so naughty," she giggled and swung her hips while walking towards the door. I was so angry and frustrated that I wanted to scream, I had definitely had enough.

"Where are you going, midget?" Kol asked when I turned around.

"I…I think I will go to sleep," I muttered.

"Oh, alright. Hey, are we forgetting something?" he added when I almost ran towards the door. Slowly I turned around; he smiled and tapped his cheek with his index finger. "Where is my goodnight kiss?"

I wasn't sure did I want to laugh or cry, but I forced myself to walk in front of him, he kneeled and turned his head sideways. I tried not to think anything, I just touched his cheek with my lips as fast as I could.

"Good night," I muttered and zoomed out. Tears were burning behind my eyes; I would have zoomed all the way to my room unless I wouldn't have run into Lady Luciana on the hallway. I stopped and stared at her, she seemed lost. Before I even realized what I was doing, I had yanked her on the floor.

"Hey…" she started, but I had already managed to make an eye contact.

"Do you like Lord Kol?" I asked smoothly.

"Yes," she replied mechanically.

"No, you do not. In fact, he disgusts you; you would rather die than allow him to touch you."

"Yes…" she muttered.

"You want to get as far away from him as possible."

"Yes, I do."

"Good," I said and released her. "Off you go then."

She didn't need to be told twice, she started running as fast as she could. I smiled while walking to my room, that had been stupid and childish, but it had felt damn good.