Falling Away

Chapter 11

By Voodoo Queen

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Author's Note: Hello, Dear Readers. Thank you so much for taking time out to read my fanfiction. I would especially like to thank Jupplyr who took the time out to leave a review of the last chapter. I hope you enjoy this next chapter.

Disclaimer: I don't own anything other than my own original characters and my measly, little plot. All the good stuff belongs to their respective copyright holders.

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It had been a rather uneventful week. Kolyat, for once, was thankful for the mellow monotony as he sat at a small table outside of a cafe during his lunch break listening to Paultus Maurtus drone on and on about some kind of species sensitivity training all of the C-Sec officers were now having to undergo after an unfortunate incident in one of the break rooms involving a salarian and some sort of scrambled egg dish another officer had brought to work with him as lunch. The salarian, amphibious as they were, had been utterly distraught over the entire fiasco or something like that. Kolyat wasn't sure of the details. He was only half listening as his mind was busy hashing out new topics of interest.

Professionally, if one wanted to call community service a profession, things were improving somewhat. Kolyat's days now basically consisted of following Maurtus around while he patrolled his beat and helping him with his reports and filing before the shift ended. Kolyat wasn't sure what Bailey expected him to get out of shadowing the officer but he wasn't about to start complaining about his new assignment. If it saved him from emptying garbage cans and scrubbing down the bathrooms it was alright by him. Besides, Kolyat admitted, the turian wasn't such a bad guy once you got to know him. Grudgingly, he'd decided that he actually kind of liked Maurtus...despite the fact that the man's mouth never seemed to stop moving. He was always going on about something or another in addition to the occasional impromptu law-enforcement lessons he would go off on. Kolyat didn't mind all that much, really. It had never killed anyone to listen so far as he knew.

On the personal front things had tentatively stabilized for the time being at least. He and his father had roughly patched up the precarious peace that had preceded their last argument and his unfortunate evening down at the bar. He had even reluctantly agreed to accompany his father back to the temple as his schedule permitted. They had actually been back there together once since they'd last parted and Kolyat had found himself marveling anew at the paradox that was his father. How a man could be so devoted to a faith that placed such emphasis on the importance of harmony, yet live a life based on death and deceit utterly astounded him. Try as he might, he couldn't wrap his mind around it. He found himself having to hold his tongue on more than one occasion to stop himself from pointing out the blatant hypocrisy between his father's words and his actions. That he was able to keep his thoughts to himself at all was a small miracle in itself. Perhaps, he'd muse, the goddess was keeping an eye out.

Other thoughts, however, were harder to contain. This was especially true when the subject of such thoughts blindsided you when you least expected it and caught you unprepared.

He had poured over the jagged memories he had following his night at Flux. Each new one he managed to uncover only added more embarrassment and humiliation than the last. He had hoped and prayed that he would never have to see that woman again. The things he had done, the things he had said...the things she had done for him. It was too much. He had vaguely recalled sitting, crumpled on the floor at the foot of his bed, as she meticulously cleaned his face and upper body of all traces of vomit. He had cried as if all the emotions he'd held inside since his mother's death and his father's abandonment had all decided to come flooding out of him at once. He'd clung to her as if she were some sort of trusted confidante rather than the almost-stranger that she was. She had shushed, comforted, and encouraged him to rest before helping him into his bed and tucking him beneath the covers like he was some sort of helpless child incapable of caring for himself. He was almost glad his memories of that night weren't as sharp and crystal clear as the rest of them as utterly and completely humiliating as it had been.

That night had continued to haunt him despite his efforts to shove it into the back of his mind. Those fragmented memories would sneak up on him when he least expected it causing him trauma anew. His self-loathing had never felt more deserved or appropriate as it did now, however, sitting at the table, the remains of his lunch long forgotten, Maurtus droning on in the background, and an all too familiar mane of reddish-brown hair bent low over a table across the common area completely oblivious to the thoughts in his head and the weight of his stare.

"Have you, Krios? Krios!"

Kolyat's head whipped back around to look at his lunch companion. "What did you say?"

The turian, unoffended by the lack of attention, stabbed a piece of what looked like a strange, almost-purple meat with his utensil and shoved it in his mouth, chewing it slowly. "I asked if you've seen my C-Sec manual. I thought I left it on my desk but I can't find it."

Kolyat raised a scaled brow. He knew exactly where Maurtus' manual was. It was currently residing on the small nightstand next to his bed where he'd been reading a few pages of the thick volume every night before he slept. Kolyat shook his head and lied, "I haven't seen it. As much of a disaster as your desk is I'm surprised you can find anything."

Maurtus crossed his arms across his chest. "Don't judge me, Krios. One man's mess is another man's strategic organization. I know where everything is, thank you very much."

"Except for your C-Sec manual, apparently." Kolyat snorted and averted his gaze back across the pedestrian thoroughfare to the unsuspecting woman on the other side.

"Ouch. That hurt, man." Maurtus, aware that he'd once again lost his companion's attention turned in his seat to see what the drell found so interesting. His mandibles shifted into the turian equivalent of a smirk. "You know, I've never really been into all that interspecies stuff but, ah, she ain't that bad looking...for a human. Friend of your's?"

Kolyat started, realizing he'd been caught staring, and felt his face and neck flush hot. "Uh, I don't know. Maybe."

"Maybe?" Maurtus turned back to his seat and chuckled. "You don't sound too sure, Krios. You either know her or you don't."

"I don't," he admitted but added quickly, "Not well." He further clarified, "She probably knows a lot more about me than I do her."

"Oh?" Maurtus perked up, interested in the chance of maybe getting some juicy gossip from his rather introverted partner. "How do you mean?"

Kolyat shifted uncomfortably. Sure, Paultus Maurtus may be a good guy but they weren't really that close. He wouldn't call the turian a friend, per se, seeing as their relationship ran closer to that of jailor and convict than it did coworkers or acquaintances. Still, the man seemed trustworthy and honest. Surely it wouldn't hurt just to share a bit, maybe get some of the burden off of his shoulders so that he could focus on something else for a while. It wasn't like he had anyone else to talk to. He certainly wasn't going to confide in his father.

Kolyat took a deep breath. "I'm not sure how much Bailey had told you about my…situation but, I had an argument with my father. A bad one. I decided I needed to get away from my apartment so I went to Flux." Kolyat cringed, "I guess I may have had a bit too much to drink and things kind of spiraled from there."

"You," Maurtus interrupted, eyes wide as he pointed from the drell to the human across the way. "With a human?"

"What?" Kolyat straightened in his seat, glaring daggers at the other man. "No! Not," he spluttered indignantly. "Not that! Goddess…"

"Oh," Maurtus sighed, looking visibly disappointed. "That's too bad. I was going to ask you what it was like. I've heard talk about human women and some of the things they can do with their mouths. Like I said, I'm not into that interspecies stuff...not that there's anything wrong with it if you are. I mean, curiosity, you know? I'm all for experimenting, if that's your thing. Human women kind of remind me of asari except softer and with...hair. Might be an interesting experience…"

"You know what?" Kolyat shook his head. "Just forget it. Forget I even said anything."

"Hey," Maurtus threw his hands up in apology. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have assumed."

Kolyat merely huffed at the apology, brooding silently on the other side of the table.

"Come on, Krios," Maurtus prodded. "Don't be like that. I didn't mean anything by it. I was curious, is all. You know, just being a guy talking about guy stuff with another guy. So you didn't get drunk and sleep with her. I got it. So what happened?"

Kolyat contemplated simply getting up and leaving but thought better of it. His momentary flash of anger had abated and he relaxed back into his seat. Tiredly, he rubbed his eyes, "I...drank myself sick. She...took me back to my apartment and cleaned me up." He didn't see the need to go into all the gory details. Some things the turian simply wouldn't understand. Kolyat sat thoughtful for a moment before giving a self-deprecating chuckle. "She left me some pain meds on the sink for my hangover when I woke up."

"So," Maurtus reasoned, "She is a friend."

Kolyat shrugged, "I don't know. I've only spoken with her a couple times before and those were just in passing and not necessarily under the best of circumstances."

"Well, the way I see it," Maurtus started, "If a person you don't know all that well is willing to drag your boozy, puking ass safely back home and leave you some supplies for the morning after they're ok in my book and probably worth befriending."

"Yeah," Kolyat murmured, "Maybe."

"Speaking of boozy," Maurtus changed the subject, "Have you met Caeprius in tech? We were in the army together back on Palaven. Now that guy can drink! I remember this one time-" the turian was interrupted from elaborating any further by a chime from his omni tool. "Shit, it's my mom. I have to take this. My sister, Livinia, is in Huerta having a baby. She went into labor this morning and there's been some...complications or something. My mom can be real dramatic. It's probably nothing serious but, you know."

Kolyat nodded in understanding as the other man excused himself and stepped away from the table to take the call. He found his eyes wandering back to the young woman sitting across the commons. Was she worth befriending? She was interesting but...Kolyat wasn't sure. Kolyat didn't really have friends, per se. He had acquaintances, people he knew but wasn't very close to. Friendship involved the investment of some emotion. Friendship involved trust. Those were two things that he was sorely short on these days. Then again, he mused, he had plenty of embarrassment and humiliation already invested in their nearly non-existent relationship. His intoxicated self hadn't had any problem trusting her with the darkest of his secrets. As he pushed himself away from the table and straightened to his full height in preparation to close the distance between them he was pretty sure he was finally losing his mind under the stress and strain of his current predicament to even be considering something like this. That had to be it because there was no possible way he could be such a glutton punishment otherwise.

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"No, that still doesn't look right. It needs more...character." Amanda Allen deleted the industrial building design plan for what felt like the hundredth time. She knew what she wanted to create. She could see it just as clear as day in her head. Getting that vision down on paper, so to speak, was something else entirely. Her professors had told her she was being too ambitious, that she needed to focus on function and flow rather than aesthetics. Amanda, however, refused to believe a space couldn't be pretty and productive. She planned to prove that to them with her final project...just as soon as she could figure out how to do it.

As it was, there simply weren't enough hours in a day as her Aunt Mia was fond of saying. She'd never really grasped the full meaning of that phrase until recently. She felt as though she were being pulled in a dozen different directions for a dozen different reasons and it was getting harder and harder to keep up with the demands. Her graduation from school was looming on the horizon and not only was she flittering about trying to put together her ideal final project but she was also preparing to start a paid internship at one of the premier architectural design firms on the Citadel, provided her professors liked her project enough to hand her a diploma, that is.

To put the icing on the proverbial cake, she had Lohal to look after now as well as herself and although she couldn't have asked for a child that was sweeter, more loving, or better behaved, the boy was still a handful. She was worried sick about the child's parents. Utira and Dronu had seemingly vanished into nowhere. Half her nights were spent making phone calls to Kahje to various governmental and law enforcement entities as well as to C-Sec in an attempt to gain information but she was always met with resistance as she was shuffled from one representative to the next. The Illuminated Primacy also seemed to feel that as a human she had no business having custody of a child not of her species, especially a drell, and seemed hell bent on trying to drag her through their convoluted legal system despite the fact that the boy's parents had expressly entrusted him to her care should anything like this ever happen. She had nearly laughed when one of the hanar social workers handling the case expressed concern that a human simply wouldn't understand how to relate to a drellish child. What did giant jellyfish know about child rearing anyway? Hell, they weren't drellish either!

Sighing, she pushed her design tablet away from herself and rubbed the heels of her hands into her eyes tiredly. She really, really needed a break before her eyeballs fell out of her head.

"Uh, excuse me, Miss Allen?"

Opening her eyes she was surprised to find a familiar, chided-looking drell standing uncertainly next to her table. To say his random appearance had caught her off guard would have been an understatement and it took a moment for her brain to kick in and her mouth to get the signal to do something other than hang open in surprise. "Oh, uh..." She covered her momentary lapse with a smile. "Hi. Kolyat, right? Just call me Amanda, please. It's, um, it's nice to see you. How are you?"

"I'm..." Kolyat blinked, wondering again why he did this to himself. "I'm fine. I-I was having lunch and saw you sitting here and..." He motioned to the tablet that lay discarded on the table. "I'm not interrupting you, am I?"

"What?" Amanda's eyes strayed to the tablet and she shook her head. "No, definitely not. I was working on a project but I'm due for a break." She smiled, "You, Sir, have impeccable timing."

"Oh," Kolyat rubbed the back of his neck with one hand nervously. "That's...good, I guess."

Noting his fidgety behavior, she gestured to the seat opposite her. "Do you want to sit?"

"Yeah," he nodded. "Thanks." The pair lapsed into silence once Kolyat had situated himself at the table. Kolyat could literally feel the young woman watching him thoughtfully while he took extreme care to look everywhere else but right at her. "I...wanted to thank you for the other night. I don't usually do things like that but I'd had a rough day and just thought...I don't know what I thought. I just..." Kolyat shook his head. "Things aren't very clear in my mind from that night. I hope...I hope I didn't cause you too much trouble."

Amanda sensed his discomfort easily as it seemed to roll off of him in waves. "Hey, don't worry about it." She tried to inject some levity, "Once I convinced you to climb down off the bar and put your clothes back on the rest was a piece of cake."

"I...the bar?" Kolyat's dark eyes widened. His mouth, suddenly dry, moved but he couldn't get any useful noise to come out. His imagination conjured up images to match her words and he wished the ground would open up and swallow him whole.

"Relax, Kolyat! Breathe!" Amanda laughed at his deer-in-the-headlights expression, "I'm kidding! Seriously though, don't worry about it. You probably saved me from a night of fending off the advances of a drunken asari. I was there with a friend and after a few drinks she starts getting kind of touchy-feely. I should be thanking you, if anything."

A sigh of relief escaped from between Kolyat's slightly parted lips. The edge of nervousness was still there, however, and he couldn't bring himself to do any more than simply nod in acknowledgment, unable to meet her eyes.

She watched him with a considerate gaze. Casual socialization was obviously not the man's forte. She hadn't known he would react so adversely to her banter. She felt bad for teasing him. She needed to change her approach. "So..." She drawled slowly. "What brings you out today?"

Kolyat's eyes snapped over in her direction, thankful for the change of topic. "I was over there," he hooked a thumb over his shoulder, "having lunch with my...coworker...and well..." He trailed off.

"Ah," she nodded as she looked over in the direction he had indicated. "Is that him?"

Kolyat turned to see the turian still pacing near the table they had eaten at. "Yes. That's, uh, Officer Maurtus."

"Looks like he's having a pretty intense phone exchange," she quipped. "I hope everything's ok."

"Yeah. He, uh," Kolyat turned back to face the table. "His sister is having a baby. What about you?"

"Nope," she shook her head, patted her stomach, and grinned at him. "I'm definitely not having any babies today."

Before he even realized it, Kolyat found himself grinning back at her and, just like that, he felt a hundred pounds lighter somehow. "That's not exactly what I meant to ask. Why are you here?"

Amanda laughed and shrugged a shoulder. "I'm just out. Looking for inspiration, I guess."

"For your project?" More comfortable now that the proverbial ice was broken and the fact that the woman didn't seem put off by him, he leaned forward slightly and clasped his hands together on top of the table in interest. Maybe this wouldn't be too bad, he mused.

"Yeah, actually." She ran a finger along the edge of the tablet. "I've been cooped up all day in the library and it was completely dead in there. I needed some mental stimulation."

Kolyat nodded in understanding. "What kind of project are you working on...if you don't mind my asking?"

Amanda waived off his concern. "No, it's fine. They're building plans for an industrial complex I'm working on."

Kolyat's brows raised in surprise. "You're an engineer?"

"I'm studying to be one." Amanda sighed, "If I can hold onto my sanity for another month I'll be finishing my degree in civil engineering and architectural design after which I'll be starting an internship at one of the architecture firms here on the Citadel. This project is the last thing standing in my way."

"That's...impressive," Kolyat acknowledged.

"Not really," she chuckled. "It's completely kicking my ass at the moment. Unfortunately, life is totally insane right now and I haven't really had any time to focus like I should."

He nodded, "I know how that feels. But," he added uncertainly, "If you made it this far I'm sure you'll figure something out."

She smiled seeing how he struggled to say something encouraging. "Thanks. I appreciate the thought. What about you?" She asked curiously. "If I recall correctly you said you weren't a police officer so, what do you do at C-Sec?"

Ah, and there it was. The guilt and embarrassment that had ebbed away came swirling back into his gut. He felt nervous all over again. What was he supposed to say? Oh, my dad's an assassin and for a brief moment I thought I wanted to be like him so I tried to kill a turian politician, got caught by my dad and his Spectre friend, and now I'm forced to do community service for the rest of the foreseeable future. Yeah, he didn't think that would go over well and for whatever reason his senses rebelled at the thought of the woman thinking ill of him. "I, uh, it's," he stumbled over his words and his eyes darted away from her's once more. "It's complicated," was all he could manage.

He was afraid she'd pry, prod him for a more comprehensive answer. He could almost envision the look of utter horror that would warp her, admittedly, lovely face upon learning he had attempted to commit murder for profit...the very same activity he loathed his father for engaging in and allowing it to pull him away from his family. She would recoil from him, he knew. She would hastily gather her things from the table, hurl an insult or two, perhaps warn him off of ever approaching her again, and then flee into the crowd and that would be that. He would never have to see her again. He'd never have to speak to her again. He would have one less burden to bear. It shouldn't bother him all that much, really. They barely knew each other as it was so it wasn't like it would be a huge loss. He couldn't help his apprehension, however, and the fear that she, too, would see fit to abandon him.

He waited on pins and needles for what seemed like forever until she finally responded with a slight quirk of her lips and a simple, "Fair enough."

For her part, Amanda would have been lying if she said she wasn't curious about the drell but the look of what could only be called horror on his face when she'd asked what he did had stopped her line of questioning in its tracks. If he wanted to be secretive, if it made him comfortable, she wouldn't push him. As skittish as he looked, she'd almost expected him to stand and bolt from the table. The look of relief on his face when she let the line of questioning slide only reinforced her assessment of his discomfort. Her thoughts were interrupted, however, as movement across the commons caught her attention. "I think your friend is wondering where you went off to."

Kolyat turned in his seat to see Maurtus, phone call completed, looking around himself with a perplexed expression on his face. The turian scratched his fringe absently with one hand, the other planted firmly on his hip as he surveyed the vicinity around the cafe. He turned back to the table and hesitated for a moment before pushing his chair back and standing and gesturing back across the direction he'd come from. "I, uh, I should probably get back over there before he calls Captain Bailey and tells him I've gone missing."

Amanda raised a brow in curiosity but didn't give in to the temptation to question him any further. Instead, she smiled at him in understanding. "Yeah, I guess I should really try to squeeze in a bit more work on this design before I have to head on home. It was good to see you. I'm glad you stopped by to say hi, Kolyat."

"I," Kolyat shuffled on his feet uncertainly. "Yeah…," He nodded. "Me, too."

Amanda got the distinct impression that the young man before her had forced himself completely outside of his comfort zone when he'd approached her. She didn't know what his story was but he seemed so lost and alone. She could relate on some level. She wasn't sure exactly what it was about him but she seemed drawn to him for some reason. That, and the fact that they seemed to always be bumping into one another piqued her interest in him. It was too much of a coincidence to be an accident. If nothing else, he seemed like he could really use a friend. As he mumbled goodbye and turned to head back the way he'd come she hesitated only for a moment before deciding her next course of action.

"Hey," she called behind him. "Kolyat?"

Kolyat flinched slightly at his name, sure nothing good could come of acknowledging it, but turned halfway anyway to face the woman. "Yeah?"

"Look," Amanda started. "I know we really don't know each other but, I was thinking..."

One of Kolyat's brows cocked in curiosity even as he desperately hoped she hadn't been thinking about the night she'd dragged him home from the bar. He swallowed nervously, "About?"

"Well," she smiled softly. "I don't really get out all that much. With everything going on right now it's even rarer that I get a chance to just sit and socialize. Too busy with school and home, you know. But," her smile widened. "I do try to make it to the library a few times a week to study and sometimes I come out here just to soak up the atmosphere. I'm usually here around this time of day. If you're ever in the neighborhood, you're welcome to join me…maybe we could get some lunch or something." She shrugged. "Sometimes it's nice to have a break in the routine."

Kolyat looked at her a bit taken aback. Whatever scenarios his mind may have cooked up they certainly hadn't involved an open invitation to join her company in the future. His very first instinct was to decline the offer and hastily make his way back to Maurtus. He opened his mouth to issue just such a response but quickly closed it again. His entire life at the moment consisted of long hours of obediently following Maurtus around on Captain Bailey's orders punctuated by brief, tense exchanges with his father. A break in the routine, as she had put it, didn't sound like a terrible thing. Still, he doubted he would ever find himself back in this section of the Citadel under normal circumstances. It was much too far from his apartment and his C-Sec obligations and the only reason he and Maurtus had even ventured this far was due to the fact that Maurtus was covering the area for an officer that had been sent home sick earlier in the day. He decided it wouldn't hurt to accept the invitation despite the fact he'd probably never take her up on it.

"Uh, sure." Kolyat nodded tentatively. "If I'm ever out this way again I'll keep an eye out."

"Great!" The woman sighed as if his answer had been some sort of monumental relief for her, her smile brightening even further. "I'll be looking forward to it. Take care, Kolyat."

Kolyat inclined his head to her in parting before turning on his heel to stalk back across the pedestrian thoroughfare to where the turian waited for him. He hated to admit it but a small part of him had warmed at the young woman's invitation…a very small part. It had been most unexpected but also welcome in its own way. It meant that he perhaps hadn't make a complete spectacle of himself in her presence. Could he have been overreacting? Had he been so drunk that night that his memories were tarnished more than he had believed? She hadn't seemed inclined to dwell on that evening and, as such, had unknowingly given him permission to let it go as well. His burden lessened slightly, he felt he could breathe a bit easier. In retrospect, he supposed this area of the Citadel wasn't really that far away. He would have to dig back through his memories but he was fairly certain he'd seen a listing for a Citadel Rapid Transit Station near the library when he'd been browsing the station directory for any areas of interest. There were also taxi services, of course. It wasn't that he was really considering taking her up on her offer but…possibilities were there.

"Krios! There you are!"

Kolyat sighed and shook his head. He could tell from the look on the turian's face that he was in for another one of his stories, probably stemming from the call he'd just completed. He braced himself for the onslaught of words certain to follow. There'd be plenty of time to contemplate the day later when he could do so in the peace and quiet of his tiny apartment.

"You'll never guess what my mom said. So, get this. My sister's lying there, right? Then this salarian doctor comes in and says, "Mrs. Atreyim, it appears our initial prenatal scanning failed to show that you are having twins." Mom says my brother-in-law's eyes rolled back in his head and he hit the ground harder than a tipped Elcor…"

End of Chapter 11