Carried Off: Beloved, a DreamWorks' How to Train Your Dragon fanfic by Raberba girl
Chapter 3 (rough draft)
I have a bad dream, and I'm glad when I wake up and my human is still snuggled close to me and not a monster. It was just a dream. There is something wrong with my human, but not like that. I don't have to be afraid of him, I can still keep him.
My human is not very scared today, good. He wanders and chitters and is curious. He says with his urine that he is very stressed and he's not eating all the things he needs to eat, but I don't know what I'm supposed to feed him that's not fish... Maybe plants? But there are so many plants here and he's not eating them, he would eat them if those were the things he needs, right?
Red-eye says that she is healthy and will lay her eggs very soon. Three Claws says that he very much wants to mate. There is a big clump of hatchling dung here where it's supposed to be, Jumprush finally trained her whole brood to put all their waste in a waste spot. Doublethink ate a too-rotten carcass and got sick; his friend Weave, when she finds out, rushes away to find him and tend to him.
"O-kay. Not sure what that was all about, but whatever..."
My human approaches a pool of water, inspects it, then starts shedding some of his coverings. His coverings are dark, brown and green, made from very dead parts of other creatures and plants, but his flesh beneath is pale like his face and forepaws, and it's alive and all him. It makes me feel better... Humans cover up their real selves with parts of other people and things, and try to make those foreign things parts of themselves, it's confusing.
My human doesn't like water, he shivers and is unhappy, so I don't know why he keeps putting water on his flesh and head-fur even though he doesn't like it. I don't like it either, he's harder to smell now, he's especially grooming the places on himself where our marks are and weakening them. I'm glad when he puts his coverings back on with their him-smells and comes to cuddle with me to replenish our "This human belongs to this dragon" scents.
My human goes to Alpha. He gestures at Him in a strange human way I don't understand, and chitters at Him.
"Welcome. Mine," Alpha says.
Yes, my human is with us in our flock now, that is very good.
Alpha and my human talk to each other in their special only-them way that I can't understand. My human is mostly distressed; Alpha is mostly confused/affectionate.
"What are you talking about?" I want to know.
"You must be very careful and gentle with your human, Nightwing."
"I know that!"
"Something is strange. He is very hurt and frightened, I don't know why. Be careful, Nightwing."
"Yes, I will!"
My human is very upset, I don't know why! He climbs onto my back and clings and chitters desperately.
"Take him somewhere safe to hide, Nightwing," Alpha says.
"But there is nothing to hide from! This whole good nest is safe, no one will hurt him here in our home!"
"Hide him."
"Okay..."
o.o.o.o.o
My human is not Scared anymore, but...maybe he is timid? His posture always says "Expecting to be pounced on," but it's more than that, too. He's so sad. He's sad when he's still and quiet, but sometimes he's also sad even when he bares his teeth in that human smile of his. Even when he reaches out to hatchlings and plays with them, he has affection and joy but there's grief all mixed up in it, too.
"Friend," I say, because Fourwing is close to us so often and loves my human, so we're friends now, "what is wrong with my human?"
"He is like our flockmates that Half Of Me used to set free from monsters. Scared and hurt even when they are safe, maimed and scarred..."
That's what it is. Monsters don't just hurt people when they trap them... Somehow they follow people even after they escape, and they keep hurting them. I wish wish wish I could see and touch the monsters that are riding on my human and still hurting him, I wish I could tear them with my claws and teeth, but I can't. My human must fight them off himself, but I don't know how to teach him, I've never had to do it before.
My human is talking to Alpha. Maybe Alpha will teach him.
No, Alpha is hurting him! "What did You do to my human?! You hurt him!"
"I don't know." Alpha is distressed. He didn't mean to hurt our human. "He wants his dam that he loves, but she is gone and he grieves for her..."
I don't understand it, but Friend told me one time that his other half grieved for her baby too, she grieved for my human who is all grown up now. But they still miss each other, maybe they were companions. My poor human, he lost his companion, no wonder he's grieving...
He wanders, he is clawing at himself and keening, he will fall off the edge and has no wings to catch him, my human must stay away from that bad ledge! And he must stay away from those eggs he almost stepped on, and he must stay away from those two flockmates who are fighting too close to him, he's so much grieving that he doesn't even notice anything around him!
I corner him so he can't keep moving around doing dangerous things. He crouches down still grieving and whimpering, like he is fighting something that I can't smell or see, he's fighting it but he's losing.
I wish I could heal his wounds. I know they're not in his flesh, but I want them to be so I can reach them. I push him down and try to heal him, but it's not these stupid dead coverings that are hurt, these things are in the way. I pull hard until they move, until I can reach him my real human underneath, but there's no blood on his flesh... He is hurting so much but it's not here, it's inside where I can't reach, even if I tore open his body I couldn't reach his pain to soothe it away. I hate this.
His soft paws caress me, and he croons to me. He's comforting me. I can't help him at all, but he comforts me even though he's the one who needs to be helped. I love him. I don't just like him, I love him, I wish I could take care of him but he's so hard to take care of and I don't know what to do.
"I'm sad," he says with his voice. "I'm pretending not to be, but I am. Why won't you take care of me?"
I brought this human to my very good safe nest, but it didn't help him. ...Maybe I should not have brought him here. ...Maybe I did the wrong thing.
o.o.o.o.o
Human is my companion now. He scares me sometimes because I so much don't understand him, but I love him, and he loves me even though the monsters still hurt him. It's frustrating and scary that he won't give himself to me, it makes me uneasy, but he shows me affection and trusts me and is close to me all the time. I can't tell if he wants to be my companion or not, it's very strange, but I want to be his and he doesn't reject me, so we are companions.
Sometimes he likes to walk and walk and walk. We are moving away from the nest, I wonder where we're going? Why aren't we flying? Companion refuses to fly with me but he doesn't like walking either but he does it anyway, why? He is getting tired.
He's so tired and cold and hungry now, but he won't let me tend to him. He keeps walking and walking so boriiiiing, he is so determined but I don't know why, and he needs to be tended to! I know he does! I know he's so tired and hungry and cold, why does he refuse?!
I love my companion but he is very stupid, he doesn't know how to take care of himself. He can't talk so he won't tell me where he wants to go, so I bring his poor tired hungry cold self back home.
I can make his body feel better, but he's still sad and angry. Why is he angry?! What did I do wrong?
o.o.o.o.o
I. Love. Flying.
I love flying SO SO SO SO SO SO MUCH.
Not boring ordinary flying, I like that. But flying, stretching my wings and racing the wind and chasing the sun, being the very much best dragon in this whole flock, this is a very wonderful thing that I do and I am a very good dragon because I am the best.
Half Of Me.
Yes.
Because I don't carry Him anymore, dangling from my claws like prey.
I don't struggle through the air with a scared stiff clumsy land bound human clinging to my back.
Now He knows how to fly, too.
When we fly, He is not frightened. He is not sad or angry or grieving or scared. He is none of those.
When we fly, His body and mine are together like one body, He can talk so much better when we fly than when we don't, He knows what to do and I know what to do and we are like one person. Two people on the ground, distressed frustrated me and grieving frustrated Him; but here in the sky, our hearts touch and we are one.
"Higher!" He urges me, and yes, that is what I wanted, too, we wanted the same thing at the same time. "Spiral." He knows to press close against me as we spin.
"Fall," I warn Him, and He clings, not scared-clinging but anticipation-clinging. This falling-for-fun is a trick He taught me that I love, we FALL FALL FALL we will diiiiiie, but no! Falling FOR FUN. ON PURPOSE. Because falling when your body thinks you will die even though you know you won't is fun, I don't know why~~!
I snap my wings out to catch us and glide for a while to rest, feeling Half Of Me caress me and hearing His coughing human laughter.
"Up a little..."
"Down a little..."
"Weave..."
"Horizontal swoop..."
"Enough resting; climb!"
"Yes!"
Our bodies signal and respond to each other. His joy and mine are the same. Half of my heart was born into a strange human body instead of a good dragon body, but it's okay. We found each other anyway, and now finally we are together.
o.o.o.o.o
Flying~ Flying~
"Go that way."
Flying~ Fly-
ROTTEN SKY-KING'S TERRITORY.
I turn away before we enter, ew. I will not let her try to steal me again, that is wrong and bad!
"Go that way!"
No, Half Of Me! Poor thing, You are stupid and can barely understand anything people say to You, but it's okay, I understand, I will keep both of us safe. We cannot go there into that bad sky-king's territory, or she will try to steal us.
"Go go go that way, go that way."
*SIGH* No, Half Of Me. We cannot go that way. No.
o.o.o.o.o
Flying~ Flyi-
"Go that way."
No, Half Of Me! Why does He want to go into that bad queen's territory's so much?
"Go that way!"
"NO."
Half Of Me is surprised and hurt and angry that I snarled at Him. I'm frustrated.
"Go...go that way, Half Of Me. Pleeeeaaaase?"
WE CANNOT GO THAT WAY, HALF OF ME. I WISH YOU COULD TALK FOR REAL.
o.o.o.o.o
"Go that w-"
NO.
He coaxes first and then when I ignore Him, He tries to force me even though of course He can't. I get annoyed and frustrated and turn around to go home.
He falls off my back. He didn't warn me He would, He just slides off and falls, and when I catch up to Him, He is glaring at me in that defiant way that I know means He did it on purpose. He is saying in His human way, "I will fall and let myself die and very so much hurt Your heart unless You do what I want."
THAT IS VERY BAD AND VERY VERY VERY SO MUCH SELFISH, HALF OF ME. WHY WOULD YOU SAY SOMETHING SO HORRIBLE LIKE THAT?
I catch Him, but when we get to the ground I don't let Him on my back again. I'm so angry that I punish Him, I haven't tried to subdue Him in a long time but He did something so bad and horrible that I have to make Him understand that He can't do horrible selfish things like that!
He will not submit.
He refuses.
I have Him pinned down, He can't escape, but even though I'm strong and He's weak and I'm right and He's wrong, He won't submit. We are not two halves like this. He is trying to break us and make us enemies.
I want to cry, it hurts, I shouldn't have let a human become half of me, but I don't know what to do, please submit please submit please please please please please please please...
Finally His body goes limp. He's not looking at me challenging me anymore, He's not fighting anymore, but He's unresponsive and He won't love me either and He let me win, He knows He lost but...somehow He's not really submitting even though He says He is. He is hiding His heart from me. He really is a monster, He's so cruel.
I made myself half of a monster, I'm the one who's stupid and bad and wrong, I want to cry and hide and grieve just like my human... Look at us, we are horrible and bad together just like we were happy and flying together, we really are two halves but both of us are bad and it hurts so much...
To be continued...