Cause you only need the light when it's burning low
Only miss the sun when it starts to snow
Only know you love her when you let her go

Only know you've been high when you're feeling low
Only hate the road when you're missing home
Only know you love her when you let her go

Passenger – Let Her Go

Chapter 32

50 Ways to Say Goodbye

2 weeks later

"It's alright, sweetie," Rebekah said while gently rubbing me with a sponge. "You can lie down soon."

Even the simple thing like sitting in the bathtub had exhausted me; I couldn't have bathed without Rebekah's help. She didn't seem to mind fussing over me; she had taken care of me like I would be a sick child. Under some other circumstances I might have found that uncomfortable, but right now I was only grateful for her care. It was terrible for me to be so weak, I had fed on papa, Rebekah, Klaus and Kol in turns, but my body wasn't getting stronger.

According to Klaus' witches, I should eventually get better, but that would take some time. Ironically my body seemed to be too small to handle the spell; a full-grown vampire wouldn't have been affected at all. For some reason Klaus had seemed very interested in this spell, he had wanted to know everything about it. The witches had warned me not to try the spell again, it could kill me. I was definitely planning to listen to them; I never wanted to be this helpless again. A one day… Had it really been worth this? Yes, it had, but I wasn't suicidal, not anymore.

"Here we go," Rebekah said and lifted me up.

"Thank you," I muttered when she wrapped an oversize bathrobe around me and carried me to my bed. She sat down and placed me on her lap.

"You are welcome, sweetie," she replied smiling and touched my cheek. Carefully she started to brush my hair; I tried my best to keep my eyes open. She hummed calmingly, like she would have wanted to sing me a lullaby. It was clear that I really was a child to her; she refused to see me as anything else. I wondered how she would have reacted if she would have seen me in Arianna's body. A part of me wanted to say that I wasn't a child, but I didn't have a heart to do that, clearly this made her happy.

"Rebekah?" I muttered and leaned my head on her shoulder.

"Yes?"

"Thank you."

"For what, sweetie?"

I needed few seconds to gather enough strength to continue.

"For everything. You are the best mother anyone could ever have."

I meant what I said and I wanted her to know how much I appreciated everything she had done for me. She was quiet for a long while before she let out a sob.

"Hey…" I said and forced myself to raise my head. "Are you…"

I didn't have time to finish my sentence when she wrapped her arms tightly around me.

"My baby… I never want to lose you."

"You won't," I said and stroked her back. "I am not going anywhere."

She leaned her face on the top of my head; I could feel her tears soaking into my hair. We hadn't really talked about the whole spell thing, mostly because she didn't want to. I had tried to apologize for all the worry I had caused, but she had said that we should just forget the whole thing, like it would have never happened. I didn't have romantic feelings towards Kol or anyone else, I wasn't miserable for never growing up, I didn't crave for companionship, I didn't know that Kol was leaving again… He hadn't said it out loud, but I had sensed it when he had come here to give me his blood. We hadn't spoken much, there weren't many words left. I could never have what I wanted, not with him or anyone else. This was my life and it would always be.

The Port of London, 1762

"Look at her!" Klaus said. "Isn't she a beauty?"

We had just stepped out from the carriage and ended up in the middle of the roaring crowd, I couldn't see anything. That really irritated me, but fortunately papa was right next to me, I tugged at his sleeve in order to have his attention. He looked down at me and smiled before scooping me up and lifting me onto his shoulders.

My eyes widened in wonder when I saw the ship, it was huge, I had never seen anything like it. There were three masts with square sails on the fore mast and fore and aft sails on the after mast. The ships name seemed to be Mary Rose; she was going to carry us to the new world. That was a strange thought. Klaus was very excited; he had talked about this for months. I glanced at Rebekah who was standing next to papa; she was looking at the ship curiously.

She hadn't shared Klaus' enthusiasm at first, but she had started to like the idea of sailing across the sea. The journey would take months and there would be a whole new and unknown world waiting for us. The four of us. I felt a lump in my throat and instinctively touched my pendant. It was made from gold; it had a central oval and faceted small sapphire. Kol had said that it reminded him of my eyes. There was also a very small symbol carved in the back of the pendant, it meant forever. He would love me forever.

It had been almost a century since I had last seen him in Austria; I could still feel the pain I had felt then. Things hadn't really been the same between us after what had happened in Tuscany, he had avoided me a long time after that. Then I had thought that everything was alright again, we had started to spent time together just like before.

Everything hadn't been alright, he had acted differently and it had taken me a long time to understand why. He had said that it would be best for him to stay away; things wouldn't end well otherwise. He had tried to deny it, but he loved me more than a friend should. It wasn't physical love, it was something deeper, but there could never be anything between us. He had called it an irony of fate, finding one's soul mate just to be doomed to be apart forever. I was a 258-years-old vampire who still looked like a child; nothing was going to change that.

"Make way!" Klaus demanded and we started to slowly make our way to the dock. A whole army of servants was following us with our luggage, including a coffin. I had only few decades ago learned that papa had another brother called Finn, Klaus kept him in that coffin. Naturally I had asked why, Klaus' only response had been that Finn had betrayed him. I looked around and scanned the crowd, hoping that Kol would be here. He knew that we were leaving, but I hadn't heard a word from him. He wasn't here, why would he be. My heart felt heavy, but perhaps this was for the best. I allowed myself to look back one more time before we boarded. My lips formed just one silent word. Goodbye.

The story will reach the present time, but not just yet. She's going to meet Marcel and the Salvatores first, I've written a part of the next few chapters already, here's a little sneak peak:

"You would understand if you would be a normal vampire."

"Enjoy your immortality, Marcellus. You and I are no longer friends."