Hello Readers! Sorry for the long wait for chapter two, and for the kind of short chapter, but I didn't realize anyone was actually interested. I hope you enjoy going on this ride with me! I'll try to have a more frequent update system soon. Please feel free to leave your comments. You all inspire me to keep writing. I promise chapter 3 will be more shikaino and less exposition. Love you guys, and enjoy!

Shikamaru closed his eyes and let the hot shower run down his body. He imagined the water washing the depression off of him, he pictured it as a thick blackness pooling at his feet like a shadow. Turning it into something he might be able to understand, something he might be able to control. He knew that was impossible, but sometimes it helped to visualize that black sludge running down his drain, leaving him feeling lighter. Maybe then he could make himself stand up straight again. The brunette stretched out his arms in front of him and flattened his palms against the shower wall, leaning over to let the waterfall rush over him, pushing his hair into his face.

He looked at his hands. He could see his tan skin and the calluses he got from holding his weapons. He looked down at his body, he could see every scar from every mission, every scratch, every bruise from training. He could feel the sludge of sadness oozing out of each and every orifice, and down the drain. He washed his hair and his face, followed by the rest of his body until he managed to feel clean and he stepped out of the tub. Looking into the steamed mirror he saw a resemblance of what he knew to be himself again. Now he was almost ready to face another day. He pulled on a fresh pair of boxers when he heard a knock on the bathroom door.

"Babe?" Temari opened the bathroom door slowly and looked up at him as she wiped the sleep from her eyes "good morning, you feeling okay? This is the third night this week you have gotten up before the sun." she walked over and put a hand on his cheek, leaning in to give him a slow kiss on the lips before pushing the brown strands of wet hair from his face.

He managed to give her a small smile. She was always so sweet to him in private. "I'm fine Tem. You know how I get around my Birthday. I'll get over it in a week or so." He placed a very small kiss on her forehead before he walked back into their small bedroom to finish getting dressed.

She frowned and picked up her hairbrush, taking it to her hair as she watched him through the doorway "I know, I know… You really miss your family, and Asuma… I hate seeing you miss them so much. Your dad wouldn't want you so upset over your birthday."

Shikamaru's face flattened at the mention of them. "I said I was fine Tem. Really I-"

"No Shika you aren't fine. You haven't been sleeping, you are zoning out all the time, You have been training too much." She sighed "It's okay to miss your friends and your mom. Why don't we take a trip out to the leaf this weekend? We can do the traveling for a change. I bet it will do you good to see your home, be back in your element. You deserve a break."

The brunette shook his head "Idunno Tem. That village has more bad memories for me than good." He took a hand through his hair, tying it back into the high pony he usually wore it in.

She rolled her eyes and started tying her own hair back. She knew what he meant. She pictured him in front of his father's grave, seeing Asuma's. Seeing him hold his mother as she cried. But he was stubborn. That irritated her, because so was she. "Just think it over… Isn't Choji coming to the village tomorrow to visit you for your birthday anyway? We could follow him back, give you more time to catch up." She shrugged "Let's have some fun for once huh?" she gave him a knowing smirk

He returned the small smile "fine, I'll think about it alright?" he pulled on his shoes and gave her a quick kiss on the cheek "now I gotta go to work. I'll see you later." He waited for her to nod before heading for the door.

"I love you" she called out to him

"Love you." He replied as he pulled the door closed behind him. And he did. At least he thought he did. He imagined going home, seeing the desert dwindle behind him and the tall trees grow before his brown eyes. It would be nice to see his mother again. He wrote her regularly, but he hadn't seen her in a little over a year.

Shikamaru walked down the now busy city street, the vendors had started selling their wares, Ninja coming back from long missions looking tired as they were reunited with their friends and families. There were children chasing each other and throwing around the sand, determining who would get to play the role of the Kazekage today. The sand was starting to become very fond of Gaara as their new leader. Shikamaru wanted to be proud to work for him, but at the end of the day, He just spent most of his day behind a desk with the red head. Being in the higher ranks was a lot more boring than he ever thought it would be. He walked into the large sand colored building to see Kankuro pouring his morning coffee.

"Hey there Pineapple head. What are you doing here today? I thought you were supposed to be home with my sister." He flashed a huge grin and gave Shikamaru a wink "Isn't she giving you the Birthday Special." Kankuro gave out a loud belly shaking laugh that made Shikamaru cringe.

"Awe come on Kankuro, she's your sister. It's gross when you say it." He smirked and poured himself the second cup of many cups of coffee he would probably have today. "Besides, my Birthday isn't until tomorrow, I still work today." He leaned against the front desk to take a sip.

Kankuro raised an eyebrow "Oh, wait. No. You don't know? Gaara gave you extra time off."

The brunette gave a rather perplexed look at the puppeteer. "No, why would he do that when I didn't ask for it?"

The man with the painted face smiled "Wow you really don't know? It's because you have a visitor."

Shikamaru opened his mouth to object when he heard the deep howl of laughter he recognized as his best friends coming from down the hallway where the Kazekage's office was. "Choji?" he whispered to himself as he hurried down the hallway to see Gaara leaning against his desk as Choji was telling what he presumed to be a funny story.

"Choji?" He questioned again, this time more vocally as he saw his best friend turn to face him with a huge smile on his face "Hey Shika!" the round man rushed to give his best friend a large hug accompanied by his roaring laughter. Shikamaru couldn't help but to smile. He usually wasn't fond of Choji's death grip bear hugs, but he had missed him so much he didn't mind the fact that he couldn't breathe.

"Enough, please. This is a place of business" Gaara mumbled and crossed his arms. Most saw the ninja as cold and rude, But Shikamaru knew him well enough to know he was just teasing.

Shikamaru wiggled out of the larger man's grasp and laughed happily. Putting his hands on Choji's shoulders, taking a long look at him "Oh man look at you. I thought you didn't want to look just like your dad! You look great man."

Choji smiled, a proud sparkle in his eyes "tell that to yourself. Your just missing the beard." He playfully hit his friend in the chin before he turned to Gaara "It was good to see you Gaara. Thank you for letting me borrow your right hand man for a while"

Gaara gave a small nod "Anytime. He was starting to bum me out anyway. Needs some new stories to tell." He smirked and sat back on his desk "Get him nice and drunk."

Chouji gave out another loud laugh "With great pleasure!"

Shikamaru smiled and looked at the Kazekage "thank you." He glanced over at Choji as they started to exit the building "Did you arrange for me to get an extra day off today? What brings you here so soon? You're a day earlier than I expected you to be."

The round man flashed his favorite brunette another small smile "I did…" Shika saw Choji's smile fade for just a moment before the round man regained his composure and continued to speak. "I just really missed you is all. Figured we had a lot to catch up on…"

Shikamaru saw his exuberant friend's happiness falter for that split second, and it was enough to put him on edge. He opened his mouth to protest before Choji interrupted.

"Shika, do you know a good place to get a drink?" he scratched at the back of his head

The Brunette stopped and turned to face his oldest friend. "At 10 o'clock in the morning?"

Choji chuckled softly and nibbled softly at his lower lip "yeah…"

Shikamaru had a hard time remembering the last time his stomach twisted that quickly into knots… he could see it in his head.

"SENSEIII!" He could still hear her cry in his core. Shikamaru wrapped his arms around the blonde as she held the corpse of their dead teacher. The rain washing the man's blood off her purple dress.

"There was nothing more I could do… I'm so sorry." She wept into the dead man's chest. Just repeating her words softly. Whether to herself, to the dead Asuma, or to the gods, he didn't know.

Shikamaru felt himself become cold. Numb. "Ino…he's gone." His voice was but a whisper in the rain. He could hear Choji sniffling softly next to them. He thought he was going to be sick. After he carried the body home. He couldn't get out of his head for months.

Those months flashed through him like another nightmare.

"Shikamaru…" the blonde sat on his lap, cupping his cheeks in both her hands. She was crying. She was always crying.

"Baby look at me" Ino's blue eyes stared into his empty brown ones. "Stop looking through me!" she begged, she put his hands on her hips, begging him to hold her. She shook him. "SHIKAMARU! LOOK at me."

He couldn't feel his body, he was numb, numb with pain, numb with regret, numb with grief and confusion. He wanted to move with her commands, but his body would not reciprocate.

"SHIKAMARU!" She screamed

"Skikamaru?" Choji snapped him back out of his memory.

"Yeah… I think I could use a drink too... I think I know a place" Shikamaru started to lead Choji to a quiet bar in the corner of town. No one was there besides the bartender, who was opening that day, and a man watching television in the corner, eating a sandwich.

They ordered a bottle of sake, and sat down at a table. After a few drinks, Shikamaru pressed the round man for answers.

"Choji… what is it?... Why are you really here early?"

Choji took a deep breath and looked over at his best friend "Look… I don't know how to tell you this man… but I thought you would want to hear it from me before anyone else told you."

Shikamaru raised an eyebrow. He could feel his body tensing up but he tried to look calm. He could feel himself holding his breath. "yeah?"

Choji sighed and looked up at his oldest friend.

"Ino's pregnant."