I write the lines you want me to
with words I dare to use of all
the ones that you have taught me
along the years

You cast a perfect shadow on the paper,
fade away with sunlight.
Fear the way you know me,
love can leave a stain

Sonata Arctica – The Misery

Chapter 33

Reality cuts deep

Kol had never known how complicated love could be, not before Eva. When he had been a human he had loved his family and been interested in some of the girls in their village, but after losing his mother and Henrik, becoming a vampire and watching his family been torn apart, things hadn't been the same. Along the centuries he had started to believe that love was nothing but a foolish fairytale, something that humans needed in order to make their miserable existence a little more tolerable.

Nik hadn't been the only one who had lectured that love was a weakness, just like feelings in general. Yet little Eva had managed to soften even his heartless brother, there was no doubt that Nik was very fond of her. She truly was the most bittersweet mistake either of them had ever made. His sweet Eva. If what he felt towards her wasn't love, he didn't know what was. It wasn't brotherly or fatherly love, it was something he had never felt before, something he couldn't explain even to himself. It was simply pure and unconditional; he wasn't expecting anything in return.

That one kiss they had shared so many years ago still haunted him; perhaps he never should have kissed her. He couldn't understand how she affected him like this, it didn't make any sense. He remembered one time in France decades ago when they had been in the ball together and the women had started to gather around them, admiring his skills as a father. He had wanted to bed some of them, so he had sealed the deal by lifting Eva up and saying that she was the love of his life. That had made the women practically throwing themselves at him; all he has had to do was take his pick.

The fate truly had a twisted sense of humor, who would have ever known that she actually was the love of his life. Someone could have thought that the whole thing was a punishment for all the bad things he had done, he had found his soul mate, as foolish as that sounded, but he could never be with her. Her appearance didn't matter to him; he loved the person who she was, a centuries old vampire. He would have settled for just to keep her with him, but the truth was that he would have done anything to make her look like an adult.

That would never happen, they would never be together like that and staying with him wouldn't be the best thing for her, no doubt he would eventually make her miserable. That was what he did; he wasn't capable of making anyone happy. The whole thing was just a damn mess. Kol pressed his lips together and made sure that he was out of sight when Elijah lifted Eva onto his shoulders. She gazed at the ship at first, but then she started to scan the crowd, clearly looking for someone. Looking for him.

For a moment he wanted her to see him, but that would have been a selfish thing to do. For once in his life, he wanted to be selfless, it was best to end this as quickly and painlessly as possible. Why had he come here then? Because he had needed to see her for this one last time. She looked sad, but he was sure that everything would be better soon. His siblings would keep her safe and she could start a new life in the new world. Eventually she would forget him and hopefully she would find a way to be happy.

2 months later

I leaned on the railing and stared at the black water. The night was chilly and the sky was bright, it was full of stars. I was standing on a chair; I have had to place it in front of the railing in order to lean on it. The nights were usually quite peaceful here, if there wasn't a storm. It had taken me some time to get used to the rocking, but now I found it soothing, it helped me to forget my unpleasant feelings. I had no idea how long it would take before we would reach the new world, but I didn't mind the long journey.

Rebekah was enjoying it as well; I, she and two of her maids were the only women on the ship, so she was getting a plenty of attention. I was getting a plenty of attention as well, the sailors considered me as some kind of mascot. They called me the little water flea. Not to my face of course, I was the daughter of a nobleman after all.

I had sometimes danced with them on the deck when the old bosun called Bourbon-Jack played his violin; he only did that when he was drunk. The captain was a very harsh man, but he usually allowed his crew to have these short moments of fun. I sighed and closed my eyes; I enjoyed feeling the sea breeze on my face. Suddenly I heard a splash and opened my eyes, someone had just fallen overboard. No, not fallen, thrown. I wasn't surprised when Klaus appeared next to me, his face was bloody and he smelled like alcohol.

"What a wonderful night!" he said cheerfully.

"Yes, I suppose so," I muttered. "You really should start regulating; otherwise we will run out of crew."

He turned his head towards me and grinned.

"Are you still pouting because of your little boyfriend?"

I pressed my lips together and glanced at him coolly.

"Peter was not my boyfriend, he was a cabin boy, and I told you he was mine."

I had fed on him few times, but I hadn't planned to kill him, he had been a sweet boy. Klaus shrugged.

"Well, we cannot always get what we want, can we?"

"Oh please, we both know you killed him on purpose," I snapped. "You wanted to punish me for disobeying you."

"If disobeying means acting like a spoiled brat, then perhaps you might be right," he snorted. "You have been worse than Rebekah ever since we left from England."

I was about to argue, but after a moment of consideration, I decided against it. The last weeks had been difficult for me and Klaus was usually the one who I picked up a fight with, mostly because he was the only one who agreed to really argue with me. He didn't go easy on me because of my appearance and sometimes I really needed to blow off some steam.

"I suppose you are right," I sighed. "I am sorry."

He seemed surprised; obviously he hadn't expected an apology.

"That's alright."

We both leaned on the railing and looked at the night sky.

"So," he started after a moment of silence. "Do you want to talk about it?"

I shook my head.

"Not really."

"Are you sure?"

I hesitated, actually I did want to talk, but I wasn't sure what to say. Klaus knew that things had been complicated between me and Kol after Tuscany, but we hadn't really talked about it. I hadn't talked about it with anyone.

"I…I thought that he would have wanted to say goodbye," I admitted quietly. Klaus didn't have to ask who I was talking about, he already knew.

"I am sure he did what he thought was best for you," he replied, his tone was completely neutral.

"I do not need people doing that," I snapped. "I am not a child."

"Yes, I know. Have I treated you like a child?"

"No…"

"Then stop acting up with me."

I bit my bottom lip and turned to look at him.

"I am sorry. Again. I do not mean to take my distress out on you, it's just… No one else fights with me."

He was clearly amused.

"I see. Well, no need to worry; I have no problem fighting with you."

I smiled.

"You are not just saying that, are you?"

"Absolutely not, we can even wrestle on the deck if you want."

My eyes widened before I burst into hysterical laughter. He raised his eyebrows.

"What?"

It took a moment before I managed to reply, I couldn't stop laughing.

"Wrestle… I walked into you and that woman in Cornwall… Can't you remember?"

His eyebrows furrowed before he realized what I was talking about.

"Ah yes… Bekah's wonderful lesson about the birds and the bees. You thought for a long time that humans reproduce by wrestling."

"That's true," I giggled. "But you didn't make any effort to correct me."

"Obviously not," he huffed. "The whole situation was already embarrassing enough."

"Oh, did I make you uncomfortable?" I teased.

He grinned.

"Not as uncomfortable as you made Elijah when you asked had he ever wrestled with women."

I started to laugh again.

"Oh no, I had forgotten that."

I smiled and leaned towards Klaus; he stepped next to my chair and wrapped his arm around me. We were quiet for a long while and looked at the stars.

"Thank you for being my friend," I finally said. "You can be very sweet when you want to be."

"That is debatable," he huffed. "But you are welcome."