Some mammals try to live their life to the fullest, to be everything they can, do everything they can, they strive to be the greatest that they can ever be, at least until they hit their limit. Some will say: 'you can only go so far', and others will remark: 'limits are placed there for a reason'. To reach one's own potential is the greatest goal one can ever achieve. There are others, however, who believe that a limit is placed not for an end goal, but simply a checkpoint in life. They strive to reach their personal goals, and then reach out and shatter them. Think you're the strongest? There's probably someone stronger. You know everything there is to know? I'm sure someone will teach you something new. There's something that even the most outreaching mammal always lacks, something that is infinitely accessible, yet impossible to ever hope to have enough of.

Time. The time to get stronger, the time to get smarter. Even with a mammal with ambitions that will lead them to greatness, if there's not enough time, then you may never reach your goals, let alone surpass them. Unfortunately, time always runs out, no matter how careful you are. I've learned this the hard way. There will be plenty of time to get the Burrow job I want. The town of Hope is in disrepair? I have all the time in the world to fix this place up. Time to rest after almost being eaten alive by a fucked up boar? Yup, I will have plenty of time for that…

"Okay, we need to get going." Mark's voice seemed, distant for some reason.

"Yeah, just let me get the supplies. It's gonna be a long trip back." Holly seemed very … hesitant about something, but I couldn't tell what.

"I-I … I'm ready." Nate? Well, it's hard to tell with him sometimes. I'm trying to get better though, trying to make us better.

"What about …" why did Mark sound so …

"Her? Leave her." Leave who? Oh Holly, don't tell me Blanche did something stupid while I was resting.

I tried to move, not even remembering when I woke up. I've been in the Guardian's medical facility enough times already to know that I must have been out for a while. I remember … I don't want to think of it. If I ever get my fucking paws on that boar he's going to wish he killed me. I'm sure the others were thinking the same thing. I wonder what happened to him? If he was already dead well … is it wrong of me to hope he's still alive, just so I can get my retribution on him?

"I said no. You saw what she did, you heard what she said."

I tried to open my eyes, to see who Holly was talking to, to ask her what happened while I was out. My eyes, they were heavy. It was hard to open them, but I tried anyways. There was light. It wasn't bright, at least not blindingly so. It was still hard to open them. Once I got them open it was even harder to keep them that way, but I still tried. I didn't see any of them around me. I didn't see anyone, but I could hear them.

"B-but … no, y-your right. I just t-thought…"

Nate? I can hear you Nate, but… where are you? I tried to speak, to call out to him. Whatever drugs were still in me made it difficult. I was way too used to being sedated lately. Maybe they were right, maybe I did put myself into too much danger. They had to see, they had to know it was just who I was. I wanted to help others, but I'm also too stubborn. They can't blame me for that. Can they?

"Well, you were wrong. That's why you can't just jump into something like that Nate, it's just not… it's not you."

Why did Mark sound like he was scolding Nate? Did he do something wrong? I remember… I remember Holly and Mark calling out for him when they… rescued me. Did Nate run off and do something stupid? No, he wasn't like that. He may not be the bravest mammal out there, but he's not suicidal, but he did take a plasma bolt for me so maybe…

"I-I j-just thought … but y-you were right, it was stupid. To t-think someone could l-like me like… that."

Was he, crying? Nate, what happened? I had to speak, I had to find out.

"N…" it was hard, why was it hard to just say one word? "Na… N… ate… Nate."

"Y-you're awake?"

"Nate, w-where are you?" I felt the words starting to flow from me better.

"I'm…"

"He's leaving."

"Holly? Where… where are you going?"

"Away from here, away from… you."

Me? Why… why did she say that? Did I do something wrong? Did I… hurt someone? "Why?"

"You know why."

I did? "No, I don't. What did I do to make you say that Holly?"

"You don't know? She doesn't know. Well I'll tell you what you did wrong… Olivia. We tried to help you, we tried to save you, but all you did was push us away, to undo everything we've tried to do to protect you. We've had it. We're leaving before you get us killed."

What? No, it… did she not know? "I… I wasn't myself, it was the… I was drugged."

"Hah! You hear that? She's blaming a 'drug'. No, the Guardians had you checked out, there were no drugs in your system. You told us you'd rather die than let us help you."

"No… I… it was the drugs!"

"Nate cared for you, he loved you, but did you try to repay that when he wanted to comfort you? No, you just showed your true nature. You didn't want help from a fox."

"No! Nate, that's not true, that… not… true. I…"

"Y-you showed your t-true colors. I… I'm sorry I thought I could love s-someone like you. Goodbye."

"No! I'm sorry. Whatever I did, I'm sorry! Please don't leave me! Please… don't…"

He… just looked away. How could… why couldn't I remember that? Why couldn't I remember that?

"I…" I had to tell him. I had to tell him the truth. Why did I keep it from him? Why did I push him away?

"Nate! I love you!"

"Nate! What happened?"

"She… she said… then she fell!"

My head hurt, why am I on… the floor? Was that…?

"N-Nate?"

"I-I'm here. Are you okay? Y-you were having a nightmare. Y-you just… I thought I h-heard you say…"

A nightmare? I was… I was still asleep! Oh, thank you. I was afraid… I couldn't lose them, I couldn't lose him. Wait, he 'heard' me? Did I just say… out loud? My eyes had been closed this entire time. I opened them, the light a bit brighter than I remembered, but they adjusted fast enough to see a figure hovering over me. Nate. He was sitting on the ground, holding me.

"Why am I on the… floor?"

"Y-you fell. You reached out and said… and then you fell."

"I-I… I'm sorry! I am so, so sorry!"

"F-for what? I should be the one who's sorry. I-I wasn't there for you… again. I-I couldn't protect you. He… I couldn't stop him from hurting you!"

"There was nothing you could do. If I didn't split us up, if I didn't tear us apart… it wasn't your fault. It was mine."

"No, it's… it was…"

I put my paw against his muzzle, halting his words. I knew how he thought, and for a moment, a brief moment in my life while I was under the influence of those chems, I knew how he felt, and I never wanted him to ever feel like that again. It… just pushing him away like that, unable to control my own emotions, I never want to feel that pain again, and he's been living with that pain for his entire life.

"Let's not play the blame game, not now. We've both been damaged, we're both… broken, and we may never be able to fix each other, but you know what? That's why were perfect for each other, as long as we each are missing something, no matter how jagged the edges may feel to us, we will always be able to fill that void, to dull the pain. Nate Valiant? I… love you."

"I-I…"

"Just shut up and kiss me." I grabbed him before he even had a second to register what I said.

We held each other there. The floor was cold, I'm positive that I tore some medical tubing out of my body when I fell due to the pain in my arms, but I didn't care. After everything I went through at that place, I needed this, I needed to be with someone who cared about me, I needed to know that I was still… me.

"Okay 'livi, we're all happy that you're finally awake, truth be told, we were all worried about you, and yes, even Blanche was, but we really need to get you back up on that table and get a doctor to stop the bleeding before you pass out again."

"Bleeding?" Oh yeah, the tubes. The warmth of my own blood finally sunk in as I lifted one of my arms to find that the auburn fur was soaked with a much darker hue of red.

"You're not even a Guardian, yet it feels like I see you in my med-bay more than any of them. If you don't mind getting back on the table Miss Springs, I would like to patch you up… again."

It was the same doctor that treated me… well all three times I've been rushed back here. "Sorry doc, I guess I've been too careless when it comes to my own safety."

"I've scolded Guardians bigger than you for much less, but this time… you've been through so much more than I think anyone here has, and to come out alive, after all that? I think I can let this slide. Now, let me bandage you up."

Nate reluctantly let me go as I tried to stand up to get onto the bed. I must have been out for a while, because my legs felt like rubber as I nearly fell back down. Nate caught me and helped me get back to the bed. The doctor rubbed my wounds with some kind of cream before wrapping them in a bandage.

"Thank you for patching me up, for making sure I can walk out of here alive."

"I honestly didn't do as much this time, your friend here was very insistent on that." He nodded towards Nate, "after you arrived here, he refused to let any of the male staff tend to you, he was very… adamant about it."

"Nate?"

"I-I… after what he did to you… I just… it didn't feel right for any other guy to touch you…"

"After… oh. How did…"

"I… could smell it. I could smell his… v-violation of you. It…"

"Nate was very… well he wasn't himself, to be honest, Mark and I were a bit… scared of how he was acting."

Holly seemed… she seemed different. Any other time she would have probably thrown a remark about how we should 'get a room' or teasing me for the fact that Nate had been holding me while I was half naked… I had only now realized that I was only wearing a partial medical gown after my ass touched the cold metal bordering the medical bed, but she seemed more concerned than anything.

"What do you mean? Nate what did…"

"We should save this for when you're feeling better 'livi. There are things that… no offense 'doc but there are some things that need to be kept between family."

"Oh, I understand. To be honest, sometimes I feel like a psychologist around here while treating these Guardians, no offense to any of you, but the less 'drama' I have to deal with, the better. Now Miss Springs, once you're able to walk without collapsing, you're free to go, just take it easy for a few days. We had to re-align your spinal column and fix your leg for the second time. Next time you insist on getting your leg injured, do us a favor and injure your other leg, otherwise you won't have it much longer."

"I'll be sure to keep that in mind the next time my life is in imminent peril."

He started to leave before pausing, still looking towards the door to the next room. "Oh, and I hope I don't have to remind you but this is a medical facility, not some kind of hotel where you and your boyfriend can spend the night. We do have guest quarters."

I guess he wasn't too happy about Nate and I's cuddle time when we were here last. What did he expect? I had nearly died from radiation poisoning and found out I was part fox, what did he… wait, did he say boyfriend? I… Nate was smiling. I'm not sure if it was because of me saying those three words, if it was because I was safe, or if it was what the doctor called him but… I cared for him, but never really thought of him as my boyfriend. Then again, we were too close to just be friends, it was something more. So yeah, boyfriend… my boyfriend. My feelings didn't stop it from feeling foreign to me though.

"So, how long was I out this time?"

According to Holly, it had been a little over two days since they had rescued me from that… place. She told me that I had been in and out of consciousness the whole time, but all I can remember was that… nightmare. Despite everything that happened to me, everything he had done to me, I had not relived that experience while I was asleep, instead, the same thing played over and over. How the others felt like I was rejecting them, how they said I was saying this out of my own free will, how I hurt… Nate. I… it was just a dream, a horrible, horrible dream, but why did it make me feel like this? Feel as if my entire world was crumbling down.

"Olivia? Is… is everything okay?"

Nate was holding my paw. His eyes a cross between worry and compassion. No. It was a dream, it would only ever be a dream. He wouldn't push me away like that. I couldn't push him away like that. At least, I hoped not.

"I'm… fine. Just trying not to think about something, and unfortunately, trying not to think about it makes me think about it. It's a viscous circle."

All of them looked concerned. Nate was on the verge of crying, and Holly and Mark looked as if they'd almost lost a brother… or a sister. They almost did. Once I was able to move without falling, with the help of Nate as a crutch, we all moved into one of the quarters that Lazlo had set aside for us. Apparently since we keep making regular trips here, most of them unintended, he had set up a permanent 'guest' suite for us. All of our gear was there, along with some supplies that Mark said the Chief insisted we have.

Nate sat me down on one of the beds and sat down next to me. He seemed hesitant at first, like he was afraid to touch me, but when I gently leaned on his arm, I had been aiming for his shoulder but forgot how much taller he was to me, I felt his tail slowly inch it's way around my waist as he calmed down.

While none of them said it directly, I knew they wanted to know what happened to me. It was hard to tell them, but I couldn't keep it from them. They had to know… everything. Well, mostly everything. I told them about the facility, how it tricked me into thinking my mom was alive. I could tell that it effected the brothers the most, seeing how their own mother had died. Mark even told me about how he saw his own mother. That… caused a bit of a reaction from Nate. I wonder if they even had time to talk about what happened back there?

The only thing I didn't say about seeing my 'mother' was how hearing her call me 'Binky' made it seem more real. I just… despite all of what happened, that one small part just made me feel… embarrassed. I did however mention that I saw Nate, and I saw that got a very pleased look from him. Not a 'yay for me' look, more of a 'oh, wow' type of look. I guess it was a more surprised pleased look than anything else.

"Y-you know that… that the chemicals I mean… it…"

"What the doof is trying to say is that we think those hallucinations, they were a result of a chemical reaction that fed off of memories, specifically your happiest ones."

"Yeah t-that's what I was trying… I was really… there?"

I gave him a kiss before replying. "Yes, you were. To be honest, while it was all an illusion, I think… well I think that my mom, my real mom, would have liked you."

I gave him another kiss and held him for a moment before continuing my story. I told them that at some point the chemicals started to wear off, and that was when I saw the mammals who took me. One of the first words out of their mouths was 'Legionaries?' but I said that I didn't think so, they looked much more ragged then those other mercs. When I told them about my Pip-Boar being taken off, that's when Nate chimed in about him already being semi-lucid to his own illusions, but the emergency signal was what finally snapped him out of it, but by the time he found it, I was gone.

What that boar did to me, that was… I didn't want to go into the details, to… relive that. I think they could tell as well. I wasn't sure if it was the tears, or the stuttering but they told me I didn't have to say anymore. There were times that I could still… feel him. I had to stop and collect myself before continuing. Holly told me to take all the time I needed.

Once I was ready to talk again, I told them about Prey, the chem that caused me to lose all reason, the reason I acted the way I did, the reason I… pushed them, pushed Nate away. They said they knew something was wrong, that I wasn't acting normal. It was Nate who said he smelt something wrong with me, other than the… violation. The odd thing was that Mark, despite being the same species with the same acute sense of smell, he said he didn't smell it. He knew something was off, but he didn't seem to know what was wrong like Nate did.

When I told them of Baird's plans, to control the world, to mentally enslave all mammals, they looked very displeased, but when I told them of what he wanted to do to me, how he planned to hunt me like a savage, to… eat me, they all were well past anger. If just thinking harm against someone could physically affect them, no matter where they were, I would imagine that boar suddenly facing a death more painful than anyone could ever imagine. I asked what happened to him, but Holly said that they didn't know, that the Guardians could not find him, or the Slave Prince, the owner of Wild Times. She also said that Lazlo had notified every unit of the boar, and that if he was out there, alive, they wouldn't rest until he was captured, or dead.

I kept apologizing for pushing them away, I told them that the chemical forced me to, that at times I simply wanted to… die. I didn't tell them that despite knowing I was under a foreign influence, that there were times that I knew, I had known, it wasn't the chems talking, that it was… me. It wasn't the fact that I was raped, or the fact that I was nearly eaten alive, no, I could have been strong those times, I was strong those times. No, the reason I truly wanted to die, wanting to die under my own will, was when I found myself… afraid of my own friends. I wasn't suicidal, but if my nightmare came true, if I had pushed them away to the point where I was left alone, I didn't think I could have lived with that.

But my friends were here, and if they haven't left me yet, I don't believe they ever would.

We spent the next two days at the Guardian base. Despite having vehicular transport between here and the Bunker, everyone insisted that I rested before we left. Even though I've had much worse injuries in the past, and there were times I would have argued with them, I wasn't ready to face my demons this soon. I still wanted to hunt down who ever hired the Legionaries. It wasn't just my own life that was in danger. If they were willing to attack the Guardians to get to me, no one would be safe while they were after me.

Holly told me that Lazlo had still been keeping an eye out for Legionaries activity, and while a few of them have been seen, there didn't seem to be any imminent threat. After Mayor Swift had been kidnapped, they sent a small detachment to guard Hope until it was deemed safe for them.

"You think Mayor Swift is doing okay? The last time we saw her it wasn't a very pleasant meeting."

Holly had gone to 'procure' some ammunition from the Guardian armory, while Nate was fast asleep next to me. Mark was the only other one in the room.

"I'm sure she's doing fine. Oh! That reminds me. This came for you while you were healing."

Mark handed me a small envelope. It was unmarked save for a small wax seal on the closed part of the folded paper. I broke the seal and took out its contents.

Dear Olivia Springs,

I hope this letter finds you well. I had received rather unsettling news from Chief Lazlo, and send my deepest regards. If there is anything that we, or I can do for you please let me know. Your short time here has made an impact upon the citizens, and while some are still afraid of another attack, despite the Guardian's protection, most of them want your safe return. This town needs you Olivia, but we also need to keep ourselves safe, I hope you understand.

I do have something of pleasant news however. While no replacement for you, as you will always have a home as our mechanic, one of the traders has a son who has been helping fix things here and there. He's a lot like you, but he lacks the focus, the drive you have. We think that it is simply a way for the trader to avoid having to pay for certain goods and services, but we are in such dire need of repairs that a mutual deal has been struck, although I have made it clear that once our mechanic returns, that their services will no longer be required.

I hope to hear from you, even if it is simply a message through the Guardians that you're alright. We know of your recovery, but some of us, well hearing it straight from you will help alleviate some fears. Take care Olivia Springs, and please, safe travels. We hope for you to return swiftly.

Sincerely, Mayor Jessabell Swift.

P.S. I have had a few talks with some of the citizens, and while not everyone is in agreement, I have convinced many that your fox friends are of no danger. I am hoping that not only will you return in due time, that all of you, even your friends, will be welcomed with open arms. Although I have been rather quiet about your friend Drake. A fox is one thing, but him? That will take a bit more convincing.

"What is it?"

"It's a letter from the mayor." I showed it to Mark and I think he kept re-reading it because he was holding it for a while, his eyes growing larger as he did.

"I… she's really trying to convince them to accept us?"

"Not everyone sees you as just foxes. She told me once that she knew you two were good souls just by looking at you. It's just that with everything that happened to them? I guess it was just easier to blame a fox, than to accept the truth that this world is a cruel place. I would love to say I want to try to change everyone's views of foxes, but if what I've been told is true, and this discrimination against your species has been going on for decades, even centuries, then I don't think the actions of a few, no matter how good hearted they are, will ever change it."

"As long as you're happy with us, I don't care what anyone else thinks."

"Nate? How long have you been awake?"

"I… for a little bit. I didn't want to bother you two."

"Oh you." I leaned down and kissed him.

"Well, I'll leave you two… alone. We're heading back to the Bunker in a few hours, so you may wanna get ready. We'll meet you in the hangar around 2 P.M. ."

"Thanks Mark. Oh, have you seen Onion? I honestly don't remember the last time I saw him."

"Yeah, he, well he literally blew a fuse when you went missing. He was so worried about you that, well I forgot he was a robot for a bit. He ended up in some kind of low powered mode for a bit, which is why I said he must have blown a fuse. Once you were safe he finally snapped out of it, muttered something about a map piece, before blaming himself for not being by your side. I swear, he's just as bad as Nate. You know he stayed by your side the whole time, refused to leave."

"Onion?"

"No, Nate. That big ball of fluff really thinks you're special, and you know what? So do we."

Nate didn't say anything in response. He didn't have to. The smile on his face, and the hold of his tail on me spoke volumes.

"Hey Nate, you know what the first thing I want to do when we get back to your place?"

"Um…"

"Have a drink. You got plenty of that… what was it called again, bourbon? Yeah, I think a nice large glass of that will hit the spot."

"But I thought you didn't like it?"

"I don't, but if what Blanche says is true, drinking helps dull your memories, and there are some things I really don't want to remember right now." I leaned in and kissed him. "There are some things however, that I never want to forget."

Fallout: Zootopia After Show

Featuring:

'Stripes in the Morning'

'Max Once More Covering for a VERY Drunken Zebra'…

[Max]

"Hello Zootopian Wasteland! Well once again our regular host is indisposed and for once I can't blame him… I'm just hoping he left something for me… Not that I drink a lot. Anyhow! We once again are trying to get back on track here and up for today's show is none other than Hope's wonderful and surprisingly alluring Mayor, Jessabell Swift! Once again Mayor Swift I'd like to thank you for agreeing to this interview and I'd like to apologize ahead of time in case my producers have slipped in some rather… Uncomfortable questions from my less than erstwhile companion."

[Swift]

"It is nice to actually have a bit of a forewarning to an interview, especially with how hectic it has been around here."

[Max]

"And I can sympathize with that situation which is why I always try to convince Stripes to set these things up in advance, he has nooo idea how many mammals want to shoot him. Now as I understand it Mayor, you're the latest in a long line of Swifts and Mayors. In fact if what I've learned is true, there's been a Swift presiding over Hope since the first bomb was set off. So one has to ask Mayor, are you looking to continue your family's legacy?"

[Swift]

"Yes, that is true. Ever since my ancestor Gazelle founded this town, my family's lineage has kept this town from falling apart. That said, I am almost certain that my lineage will be at an end, and while I plan to be mayor for a good while, I feel I may be choosing a mayor, rather than creating one."

[Max]

"I see, then that brings us to the next question in the line, are you looking for a special mammal to call your own? Some listeners pointed out to me that you had been seen flirting with a certain rabbit in the recent past, so does that mean there's no hope for a lucky male to sweep you up off your hooves? Please remember my personal rule, if it makes you uncomfortable we'll just skip right on by it."

[Swift]

"Why is it that the males always go there? I am currently single and I will tell you what I tell all my male suitors. There isn't a single guy in this world that will bring me the feelings that a woman can, which is why I am afraid that my lineage will stop here, but blood isn't everything. This town needs someone strong yet kind, and I will make sure I find the perfect replacement for when the time comes. As for Olivia, I won't lie, I did have a very slight interest in her, but I also could tell that I wasn't the mammal for her. The moment I saw her and Nathan Valiant together, I knew where her feelings belonged, even if they didn't. It's a curse I am afraid."

[Max]

"Well never let it be said that love is impossible Miss Swift, any girl would be lucky to have you I'd think, and I certainly don't judge. This then brings us to another subject entirely. Olivia Springs and her current traveling companions. I'm… Afraid we've temporarily been restricted from contacting any of them by order of Chief Lazlo and we're hoping for the best in any event. What I'm more curious about is your personal feelings on the Valiant Twins and more generally, Foxes. Being a Fox myself I can say I've… Been hit with the odd glare or two every now and again. Doesn't help with my fur color either. I've heard though that you've been trying to convince your town that our kind aren't anywhere near as bad as most think of us. Could you just answer me… Why? It just seems like such a waste of time. We've rarely ever been accepted in this world after all."

[Swift]

"It's rather simple really. We are all the same. Sure, genetically we are separated by species, but we all have a heart, a brain, we all bleed the same blood. It's like a book. Sure you can judge a book by its content, but in the end, it is simply words on a page, just like every other book. Our species should not define who we are, it's our actions that should. I would rather let a single kind fox live here than a dozen unkind rabbits or tigers. I know the Valiants are good mammals, and I am sure you are as well. Unfortunately, as long as we teach our children to hate, then it will never end, and that is what I am trying to change. Even if it is only within these walls and within a few mammals, change always starts small."

[Max]

"Make the world a better place, one mammal at a time? I think I could live with those words if it weren't for an insufferable zebra wh-Oh for the… Right, so it seems he's struck again, along with our producer… Who's apparently threatening me with an extended vacation on the Guardian shooting range… As a mobile target should I fail to ask this. As always you don't have to answer this and I urge you not to in this case as Stripes seems to suddenly want to interfere in my personal life. Ahem, anyhow, and I'm quoting this so any damage caused by this question shall be repaid upon him three fold… 'Mayor Swifty! My venerable companion Max, who's been denying me alcohol for the past several weeks, is a rather lonely fellow, by chance would you spare the poor grumpy bastard an evening out about your fine town? Like a pity date? Cause he could REALLY use one. Or failing that, would you happen to know any tall Amazo-Right you know what? Let's forget about that question entirely! Just straight out the window… Like he's about to be once I find his scrawny tail and kick it out of one. I do apologize about that one Mayor. It seems everyone here at the caller is out to get me on a date, no matter the cost to my personal feelings on the matter.

[Swift]

"Are you sure that's a 'required' question? If that zebra friend of yours had asked me, I would have told him this interview was over, but I'll tell you what sweetie, since I can tell you are a much more decent mammal than him, swing by here next Tuesday. I know a trader who has a daughter about your age."

[Max]

"Well first I'll be happy to show you the threat made in my Producer's paw-writing, and er… Honestly I um… Really? I mean, that's um… Ahem! Well folks it seems that that's all we have for today so tune in next time where we might just have a new segment on the show involving a base jumping Zebra! This is Max Redbridge signing off, and remember folks, if there's a mammal you'd like to get to know better and have a few questions, please feel free to let us know! Just… Don't send any explosives in with the letters next time? My poor buddy Gary is still recovering from the last one he disarmed."

[Max]

"Aaand that's that… Now you were saying something about a Trader Miss Swift… ?"

-Broadcast terminated-