Chapter 29

Tris' POV

The school buzzed with excitement throughout because today is the day of formal. Whoop-dee-doo.

Christina forced me to go dress shopping with her even though I no longer have a date to this stupid dance. I don't even understand why I have to go to this stupid dance anyways. I'd rather watch TV or read a book.

Who cares about stupid formal? Sometimes I wonder why I even try. I work myself too hard sometimes, and all I need is a break. I don't need to go to this dance. Especially since I am no longer going with anybody, it doesn't really matter anymore.

All my friends have dates, all but me.

I put my laptop away because I know Christina and Marlene and going to give me a whole lecture if they see that I'm not ready for the dance. I should be excited. Especially since I was supposed to go with Tobias.

He was supposed to pick me up all dazzled up wearing a matching bow tie (he knows how much I love bowties). He would have greeted me with a kiss when I opened the door and give me a corsage and I would have given him a boutonnière. All these fantasies, yet none of them are going to be true.

I don't understand why I wasted money on this dress anyways. Why should I go if I'm not even going to have a good time anyways?

I slip the dark purple dress on and zip it up. I let my hair down and braid it to the side. I put on some make up and freshen myself up. I try not to take long because I don't really care how I look anyways. It's not like anyone is going to pay attention to me.

Christina comes shortly after I finish getting ready.

She knocks on my door holding her dress in one arm with another bag in the other. She looks at me wide eyed. "Don't tell me you already got ready when I planned on helping you with everything."

"...Sorry?" I ask and shrug my shoulders.

"At least this isn't prom otherwise I would have freaked out."

"Yup and thank god we are not juniors or seniors because formal is one thing, but prom? I would drive myself nuts having to deal with dress shopping and all that stuff." I say.

"I'm just going to do my hair." She completely ignores my comment and heads towards the bathroom. Wow. And we're best friends too.

"You have half an hour till the dance."

"I can do it in ten." She answers. What?

Surely enough, Christina comes out of the bathroom with her makeup perfectly done and hair in some fancy up do. I don't even question her abilities to do all that in such a short amount of time.

"Where's Mar?"

"She just texted me. She's going with Uriah instead." I tell her.

"Wow. How rude. You don't see me going with Will. I thought this was supposed to be girl time with the three of us. Whatever. Oh my gosh, did you hear what happened with Isabella McRomer?"

"No...?"

"Well apparently she just broke up with her boyfriend and rumor has it she asked Tobias to the dance to make her ex jealous. Can you believe that?"

"Where do you learn all this stuff from?" I ask.

"I like to talk a lot." No kidding. But that's what I love about her- extremely straight forward and never sugar coats things, at all. "And I'm always talking to these group of girls in chemistry and they tell me all of these things. It's impressive how much they know." I wouldn't be surprised Christina is able to keep up with these girls especially since she can fit right in with them. She's amazing that way.

"Huh. Anyways, let's go." I say and then we head to Christina's car.

I never thought I would say this, but Christina is the slowest driver ever. She stays maybe at least ten miles per hour under the limit which drives me nuts. Even I'm that careful while driving. And I don't even have my license yet,

"Ugh, Chris. Can you go any slower?"

"I am being a safe driver."

"You do know, you can get a ticket for driving too slow. It has happened before." I say with a sigh. IT happened to my uncle when we visited him in Wisconsin.

"Tris, just shush. We're almost there. Only like four more blocks."

I smile with a teasing look on my face. "Yeah, four blocks, and each block will take a few minutes for you to pass through."

"Don't make me stop the car."

"I don't even know why I'm complaining. I don't even want to go to the stupid dance anyways."

"You don't mean that. You've been so excited the past few weeks."

"That's because I was wth Tobias!" My chest constricts and I know I'm about to cry. As stereotypically as it seems, my mood swings are deceiving me right now. Stupid PMSing. "That was because I had a stupid date to this stupid dance. I don't even want to go anymore." I lean my head against the door of the car. "Boys are stupid. I am never going to date again. No marriage, no kids. Maybe I should just flunk out of school and become a I don't know, a stripped for all I care! They seem cool right? Dance and get free money?" I wipe my eyes with the palm of my hands. "Maybe I should do that for a living instead of becoming a doctor."

"You are being so dramatic right now. And I thought I was the dramatic one. Yeah boys are stupid and a massive distraction, but Tris you should stop caring about the past and live in the now. Now we're going to go to that stupid dance and have fun whether you like it or not."

"I hate you with a passion."

"And I love you too. Now stop sulking. The more you do that, the more wrinkles you'll have when you're older." She tells me.

"Oh shut up."

When we arrive to our school dance, we give the people at the front our tickets and show them or school ID. They mark us present and go an alcohol blow test to make are we aren't intoxicated with anything. Once we are cleared, we are allowed entrance to the dance.

Christina grabs me by the wrists and walks me over to a table where Will is waiting.

"Wait! I'm going to fall on my face if you don't spare me." My fingers tighten around the grip of my crutches.

"Hey William." I say trying out his full name. He puckers his lips at the sound of his name.

"No?" He shakes his head. "Mm. I agree."

Christina gives me a blank look but I can tell by her eyes that she thinks this situation is incredibly funny. Our friendship just works that way. I can also tell she really wants me to leave due to this sexual tension I can feel radiating off of those two. Ew.

"I'm just going to...yeah, bye." I turn around and leave not really knowing where to go.

I decide that I might as well explore the place if I'm going to be here for the next four hours.

There is a mini garden in the back entrance of the is museum. There is also a small fountain in the middle of the garden with crystal-clear water coming out of it. A marble frame surrounds the fountain and I decide to sit on it. I don't really understand why there is a garden in the first place in a museum of all places too.

The moon illuminates the sky giving it a bright low to the stars that are so evident in the sky.

I play with my fingers not knowing what to right now. I don't exactly want to be here especially knowing Tobias is probably a mere hundred feet away from me.

"Hey." Great, I take that back. Three feet away from me.

"What do you want?" I ask glaring at a rose bush trying to avoid any eye contact.

"I just want to talk." He says softly.

"And I really want a cheeseburger right now, I guess we don't all get what we want." I start to get up and walk out.

"There's some downstairs, I can get you some-" He grabs my wrist and I pull away.

"Just leave me alone." I finally look at him. "Please."

"I never meant to hurt you. I swear, Lauren and I were never a thing. She needed help in a few subjects and my teacher made me tutor her." He explains.

"I know, she told me."

"Then you forgive me?"

I sigh, "Tobias that's not how it works. You or Lauren just can explain it to me and expect me to automatically forgive you. You lied to me." I say. "And I thought- I thought you trusted me enough to tell me these things."

"I do trust you." His eyes look pleading.

"You don't trust me enough!" I take a deep breath and close my eyes. "Relationships are built over trust. "I'm sorry I wasn't enough for you. But you have to understand that I'm only human. You can't expect me to not get mad over these things. And you can't keep hurting me like this." I place my hand over his heart. "I just- one day, I hope you will find that special girl that you trust and will love. And when you do, I'll be happy for you."

I sniff and wipe my cheeks with the back of my hand.

"But I love you, Tris!" He grabs both my wrists and looks me in my cloudy, watery eyes. "I love you more than anything in this whole world."

It's so difficult to speak, because I feel like if I do, he wouldn't make sense of any of my words.

"If you love me enough, then you'd set me free." I say as stupid as it sounds. "I can't do this anymore. I'm just tired of everything. I'll see you around, maybe." He lets go of my wrists and I walk back inside. The room is filled with many couples dancing to a mainstream slow song that is currently playing. I see Christina and Will dancing with one another so I decide to let them be.

Instead of bothering them, I call Caleb to pick me up. He never comes to dances because he prefers watching Japanese anime and playing video games with his friends. Don't ask. And plus, I still am unable to drive myself anywhere.

I sniff and hug myself trying to consume the warmth radiating off of me.

He comes within fifteen minutes. "You okay?"

I give him a half smile. "Just tired."

The car ride back home is silent and I prefer that way because it allows me to get my thoughts together.

"Do you want talk about it? "Caleb looks at me with a sincere look on his face.

"Boy problems." I say vaguely.

"You know, it may not seem like it, but I'm here if you ever need help." He says still looking at the road.

"Tobias." I whisper. "It's enough getting hurt once, but again? I don't think I ever want to date another boy again."

"As amazing as that sounds, you're going to have to realize that not relationships are sunshine and rainbows. I mean, look at mean and Susan. I loved her, but obviously we didn't work out. Beatrice," the name sounds so foreign coming out of him, "you have to learn the difficulties of heartbreak."

"I guess. I'm just tired of constantly getting hurt by him. After a while, you just want to give up. Maybe I just want to be the lone wolf for a while, I guess."

"I understand. And hey," he nudges my arm, "if you two were meant to be, fate will eventually bring you two together."

"When did you get so wise?"

"Since I started watching Gilmore Girls." I give him a look.

"I'm joking. Susan used to make me watch it with her. I never really paid attention." I don't even hide my smile.

"Thanks. It means lots that you helping me."

"Yeah, and if you want I can kick his ass for you."

"The only ass you can kick are the virtual kinds on your stupid video games. But I appreciate the help."

"They're not stupid!" He exclaims.

"Yeah. Sure."

Caleb's right, as much as I hate to admit. There are times when you just have to suck it up and continue you're day as if nothing happened. I guess I won't let anyone rain on my parade. And maybe, with all this shit going on, I can finally be happy.

Like what I read on Tumblr, 'When life gives you a hundred reasons to cry, show life that you have a thousand reasons to smile.

So I do. The first time in what feels like forever...

I smile.

A/N: I'm finally off school! I'm trying to get a lot of writing done, and I have this stupid math summer school because I accepted to take an excellerated course. It's complicated (no pun intended). Anyways, I'm hoping to publish an ew Divergent story soon, because this story is coming to an end sometime soon. Maybe five more chapters? Idk, but yeah. I have a new story in mind and I'm really excited about it. Thank you for reading, and good luck to those of you who are still in school. Bye bye!