Chapter Five - Just an Ordinary Day in the Mind of Lucifer

My blocking out of the world around me helps and destroys numerous things. It helps dearly with not having to deal with Ashiya and his whining, though it destroys my bond with Maou (who I've never really had much of a strong one with anyway, but still).
I try not to let it bug me.
I do enjoy spending every hour of my worthless existence scrolling through social media, playing video games, watching movies, or reading random articles on whatever I please.
I prefer the internet over anything, and I mean literally anything. If I had to pick between ruling the world or being sprawled across a bed with endless Pocky and a strong Wi-Fi connection, I'd most definitely go for option two in a heartbeat.

I know, crazy right? Why would a demon pick food and internet as opposed to taking over the world?
Well let me tell you, control of Earth sounds perfect, yes, but with trying to do so I'd probably have to go outside and deal with people, and that is far beyond my standards.
I could try to control the people of Earth through the internet, but it wouldn't be as successful as going outside to do so because not everyone spends all day online.
Therefore, I choose internet over everything life has ever meant to me.

Poor excuse for a demon, I know. You don't need to say anything.
I've heard it all before, trust me.
Apparently it's wrong for a 'freeloader' to breathe the same air as his king.
That was actually never said, but you get my drift.

Occasionally I get the thought of how life would be if I were still an angel.
Or how life would be if I were born a human.
Or how life would be without me.

I'm almost positive if I were still an angel, I'd probably hate myself for being so perfect.
Though having clipped wings, I would've been a badass angel.
Which would've led to being cast out of Heaven anyway.

Life as a human would be cool, I guess, depending on the era of time I were to have been born in.
It's crazy how the evolution of humans have changed.
They went from hardworking souls to lazy bums and prostitutes, not that I don't mind either one.
Believe you me, both are great.

How people would be like without me is probably the hardest thing to think about.
I don't think about it because I'm suicidal, I think about it because I'm curious.
Curious as to who would be General, and if that poor sap would have to deal with the same shit I do.
Curious as to if anything would've happened without my help.

What?
You didn't think Satan convinces people to worship him by himself, did you?

I haven't eaten in an hour.
I'm literally starving.
There is no food in this cramped area and there is no way in hell I am going to go out and buy more.

But my stomach is eating itself.
Listening to the growling of stomach acid burning at the fat that you don't have much of in your body is displeasing.
Utterly. Displeasing.

I would seriously kill for a burger right now.
Yeah, it's ironic how I'm craving burgers and the guy I'm in love with works at a burger joint, so it'd be a double whammy to go to McDonald's right now.
But there are some obstacles I have blocking that from happening.
1) I have absolutely no money whatsoever.
2) People.
3) If I were to overcome the above two obstacles, I'd have to get out of my quite comfortable position of sitting in front of the computer screen.

I know I'm a fallen angel and such, but God doesn't have to punish me like this.
Can't he just set me on fire or something?
Taking away food privilege at the moment is downright cruel, bro.

The internet consists of many different types of people.
I'm not normally one to label, as labels are for containers of whatever sort rather than people, but I feel as if these people annoy me almost as much as people in person annoy me.
Why I keep coming back, who knows?

First, you have the smart people.
The smart people on the internet are the ones making sarcastic remarks, correcting people's grammar, etc.
They tend to be everywhere, so it's impossible to avoid them.
How about you go do something useful with that knowledge of yours, motherfucker.

Then, there's the trolls.
Some people troll on purpose to annoy certain people. Other people troll accidentally.
Both types of trolls are dreaded by every other category of internet users, though they aren't the most dreaded group of users.
People also refer to them as 'newbs'. Whoever thought of that name must have been one themselves. How stupid.

Next, there's the 'scene kids'.
'Scene kids' often complain about life or argue over band members and other nonsense.
Most of the time, kids going through the 'scene phase' spell like so: "omg mai mum iz so borin! halp meh plz!"
Disgusting, isn't it?
There are a few kids going through this stage in life who use correct grammar and spelling, but are still boringly depressing. No one cares about your feelins, darling.
Often, they get mistaken for 'newbs', which is still a stupid word.

After that, there's the weirdos and outcasts.
That's kind of self explanatory, I assume.
Sadly, they're never noticed.
I find the people in this category to be quite entertaining.
Usually, at least. Some of them are downright creepy to the point where even I get uncomfortable.

Lastly, we have the fangirls.
They are probably the most dreaded label ever.
I mean, who wants to deal with squealing teenage girls who pretend to be married to a man who is too old for them and doesn't even know they exist?
And don't even get me started on the whole 'shipping' ordeal. That's a complete nightmare.

Me? Judgmental?
I'm a demon, what'd you expect?

Evening is normally people's favourite time of day, I would assume. It's not bright out and it's usually fairly calm.
Not for me though.
Evening is the time of day where I have to deal with.. them.
I wouldn't mind it if they made proper meals for me instead of giving me TV dinners.. And if they stopped trying to talk to me.. Or get me off the computer.
That'd be nice.
Really nice.

It doesn't take too much effort to ignore them.
All you have to do is not care.

Finally, they're asleep.
Now I can conquer humanity.
And by conquer humanity, I mean play World of Warcraft.
"But Lucifer, that's what nerds play!1!"
Yeah, you could say that.
Because of that reason is why I wait until I know the people who will judge me are gone and/or sleeping.

A/N: Mkay so um, I've never played World of Warcraft.. I barely even know what it is, so don't judge me.
Yeah, I know this chapter has nothing to do with the plot of the story, but I needed SOMETHING.
ALSO, THIS IS THE ABSOLUTE BEST OUTCOME I HAVE EVER HAD FROM WRITER'S BLOCK EVER!
I feel that I should have writer's block more often. :D
No, that'd be terrible.
And please don't take offense to the internet stereotypes. I was literally just saying something that sounding like something Urushihara would say.
Though... most of those stereotypes are pretty accurate...
ily
Stay beautiful~