a/n: I tried to publish this chapter quickly so sorry if there are any errors. Enjoy!

There will probably be one more chapter after this, maybe two of I'm feeling generous. I don't know yet. I just know that this story is coming to an end.

Chapter 32

Tris' POV

The first week back wth Tobias was extremely awkward. We set boundaries for ourselves, I set most of them actually, but nonetheless we had certain boundaries we didn't want to cross.

I was a little wary being back with him, especially since I was so adamant about being single and having no boyfriend after our recent break.

It's a work in progress and after each day, I'm becoming more and more comfortable being around. Of course I still have some trust issues, but like I said, it's a work in progress.

My decision to get back with Tobias was I can't say the best decision I've ever made, but it's certainly up there.

Then there's drama with my classmates. I've never been much of an observant person, but we've been getting a lot of looks from the girls when Tobias and I walk down the halls with one another. I'm sure it's mainly because gossip gets around fast among girls and it's not every day a couple gets back together. Our school is very boring that way. Probably out of the thousand kids at our school, there are fifteen couples max.

My teacher glares at me for not paying attention because I notice the deathly silence in the classroom. You know how when a student is not paying attention, then teacher suddenly stops talking and just stares at the student that's not focusing. Yeah...

I give a forced smile back to Mr. Hopkins and know that I'm not in trouble. I'm a teacher's pet and I'm proud of that. Well, I don't know if I should be, but I am.

When the class period ends, I go back to my normal lunch spot for the past few weeks. Call me a loner, but I still sit under a secluded tree just to think.

The day after Tobias and I got back together, I found myself crying under the tree. I don't remember what started the tears, but all I remember is bawling my eyes out.

The sad thing is, is that before we were so happy with one another, and now I don't know where we stand. I've been noticing the fact that I question our relationship more and more lately even though I had said we were making progress.

I would see him talking to other boys and girls of our school and see him so happy. But I'd then ask myself, 'Is he happy with me?'

We would be together and one moment I would feel so happy and the next, I would feel empty.

Deep down, I think that I'm not good enough. There's always going to be much prettier and intelligent women, and I'm just me. I hate comparing myself to others but I just feel so hopeless and alone. I wish for someone to just understand and comfort me because deep down I feel miserable.

I wish to tell Tobias how I feel, but I know he'll just laugh and think I'm weak.

My eyes feel heavy with tears and I wipe my wet cheeks.

"Hey, hey, hey, are you okay?" I look up with my blurry vision and see Tobias crouching down in front of me. He hugs me close to him as I let myself go.

"Are you okay?" I don't answer the question because obviously I'm not. I don't know why I've been crying so much lately. I just feel...sad. I feel like the whole weight of the world is literally in my shoulders. I wish I could tell him that I'm okay and that nothing is wrong, but I just shake my head because like I said, I don't feel like answering nor do I want to talk at the moment.

But as much as I hate to admit it, Tobias is my anchor and I need him to survive. I need him to support me and hold me when I'm feeling down. He provides me with love when I feel neglected. He loves me for me and I love him for that.

So within these awful feelings of self doubt, I understand why I stick with him.

I fell in love with him.

But I don't just stay with him by default as if there's no one else available to me.

I stay with him because I choose to, everyday that we wake up, every day that we fight, or lie to each other or disappoint each other.

I choose him over and over again, and he chooses me. (Allegiant)

After my little emotional breakdown, Tobias brings me to the cafeteria to have a normal lunch with the rest of our friends.

"Hey you," Christina smiles as I sit down next to her and Tobias next to my side. "I feel like I haven't seen you in ages."

"Yeah..." I sigh. "It's been a little complicated. How have you been, Chris? We should do something together soon."

"Yes!" She exclaims with excitement dripping through her voice. "We'll plan something soon."

I smile and nod at her.

After our really short conversation, everyone seems to go back to what they were talking about.

Tobias lightly taps my on the shoulder and I turn to him.

"Do you want to walk with me before class starts?" He asks.

"Sure," I stand up and we both dismiss ourselves from our friends. As we wander around the halls of the school, Tobias abruptly takes my hand in his. As dumb as it sounds, the contact of his hand provides comfort and warmth to me.

"Do you want to talk about what happened back there?"

I stay silent not necessarily wanting to answer, but after a while I gather the courage to speak what I have been thinking for a long time.

"Why do you want to be with me? I don't understand what you see in me."

There's a long moment of silent and I feel like someone just stripped me naked and I'm standing exposed in front of hundreds of people.

"Because I love you, and I believe that you and I are soul mates." Soulmates?

I don't think I disagree that Tobias is 'it' for me.

"And you have such a kind heart because you always put everyone else first before you. I also admire your intelligence, honesty, you're always so so brave, and the fact that you stick with me. I love you to the moon and back and I don't think I will ever be able to find someone as good as you." He says everything as he strokes my cheek forcing me to look at him.

I want to jump in his arms and for him to never let go of me.

"I love you," I say.

"I love you too. We're going to be alright, you know. You and me. Nothing else is alright but we are."

And I believe him.