Here is the next chapter. We are getting close to the end! What happens after the almost kiss? Some of my reviewers are anxious for a kiss or for Anne to find out about Christine. I am too, believe me! But remember the story is in canon so Anne won't find out about Christine until Gilbert proposes in the final chapter, Love Takes up the Glass of Time. This is the story of how Gilbert got the courage to propose again after being so soundly rejected. I imagine there would have been many of these awkward conversations and misunderstandings. Thanks to all for your great reviews and to all for taking the time to read. There will be one or two more chapters... and if you're all nice (just kidding everyone here has been great!), maybe an epilogue;)
Enjoy!
Anne lay in bed that night as confused as ever about the day. Not the whole day, but certainly of the time she had spent with Gilbert. If she had been unfocused and confused before, now she was perplexed beyond words. Had Gilbert been about to kiss her? Surely not! It seemed impossible but she couldn't help but wonder what might have happened had the moment not been interrupted. Was it what she had hoped for or was she just reading into his kindness. Perhaps he was missing Christine after all.
Anne Shirley had been kissed exactly two times, both by Royal Gardner. The first time was well over a year into their courtship after they had attended a Redmond dance. Roy had walked Anne home and with some trepidation, planted rather short and chaste kiss on her lips. The second time was only several days before Convocation. Roy wrote a poem about fulfilling dreams and at the end of his recitation he had kissed her again. Anne, who had been led to believe that a kiss from someone you loved was supposed to be magical, was left rather disappointed by the whole thing and began to wonder just what all the fuss was about. It had seemed another one of her idiotic notions had been shattered. She admitted at the time to being plenty disappointed about the prospect of those types of kisses for the rest of her days.
But now Anne had begun to feel that perhaps she wasn't wrong after all. Though she was confused and unsure about what had transpired, she had to admit that standing face to face with Gilbert in that moment was more passionate than any encounter she had ever had with Roy. With a heavy sigh and mind that wouldn't stop working, Anne rolled over restlessly and tried to will herself to sleep. It would be a long while until her will prevailed.
Gilbert put down his book. For the better part of an hour he had been trying to concentrate on the same page. He was trying not to think of Anne, but it was hopeless. What had he been thinking? Was he really about to kiss her? Had they not been interrupted he knew he would have.
What would she have done? He was dangerously close to revealing far too much too soon and he had clearly been right when he had realized going forward he would have a hard time controlling his feelings.
While he couldn't make himself feel bad about almost kissing her, he realized how inappropriate it would have been. But his emotions were so stirred up in the moment he couldn't help himself. Something was pulling him to her. In all the years of their friendship he had felt the urge to kiss her many times. But this was the first time he thought he also saw longing in her eyes.
Before he thought he might be making things up, only seeing what he wanted to see. He meant to look at their relationship anew, with a heart full of love but with eyes of indifference. He had promised himself he would not read into her words and actions as he had in the past. He would not look through rose-colored glasses. And to this resolve he had stayed true. Had Anne given Gilbert half as much encouragement in the past as she had in the past few weeks, the old Gilbert would have been assured of her affection.
But with his new resolve came a new understanding of Anne. She might have let him kiss her and he would have had his answer. But he felt certain she was holding something back. There was something preventing her from revealing herself and her feelings. The vague references to things that had upset her, the tears over things long forgotten…these all coupled with almost never asking about the two years they spent apart, set off a warning bell that something was still not right between them. Yes, she had talked about Roy and made vague small talk about events, but she never asked how Gilbert spent his time. Was the memory of their estrangement to painful for her? He couldn't figure out just what it was, but he needed to.
While it was true there was no timeline with Anne, it began to dawn on him that they had a scant amount of time left before he went back to Redmond and she left for Summerside. Summer was waning fast and after the glorious reunion they had shared, Gilbert could not imagine leaving her, especially not knowing how she felt. It would be torture for him. He had to know either way before she left. He finally drifted off to sleep with that thought and lovely vision of Anne met him as he slipped into his dreams.
The next day it was well past noon before Gilbert had the opportunity to see Anne. Feeling finally back to his old self, he offered his help to his father on the farm. It felt good to be useful again. He then took the buggy to town to the post office when word arrived that his books were in for medical school. He was surprised to see Anne there when he arrived.
She was standing at the window opening a package. He just looked at her for a moment. He could never understand how she could hate her beautiful hair so much. She was everything that was lovely and beautiful.
He finally walked up behind her and tapped her lightly on the shoulder while saying, "What brings you to the post office this afternoon, Miss Shirley? Are you submitting another gem of a story to Rollings Reliable?"
At the sound of his voice she quickly stuffed the contents of the package back in the box and whirled around to stare daggers at Gilbert's wide grin.
"Gilbert Bythe!" she hissed quietly. "Don't be ridiculous!" She meant to be severe, but seeing the wide smile on Gilbert's face, she could not help but break into a grin of her own. And as they both stood smiling, remembering Anne's ill-fated short story, neither could help from breaking into laughter. Gilbert thought how wonderful it would be to be the one to make Anne laugh for the rest of her life. Anne thought just how handsome he looked when he laughed and, for the briefest of moments, she had no cause to repine the fate of Averil's Atonement.
When at last the laughter was brought under regulation, Gilbert asked Anne what brought her to town. "Books! I ordered several of my favorite readers for Summerside. They came in yesterday so I rode in with Marilla this afternoon to pick them up."
"Ah, I see we both have books to pick up then. My medical schoolbooks came in. I can start to get an early start on my studies."
"Gilbert! I thought you were going to enjoy the summer. You just got well, don't wear yourself out before your classes even begin!" Anne was quite serious.
"Okay, geez, Anne, it was a joke! I promise I won't crack one a single time before I leave," he replied, touched by her care.
"Gil, don't make promises you can't keep, you know you won't be able to help yourself."
"You know me too well, Anne. But I do promise I won't let these books interfere with my summer relaxation. I don't know if you've heard but I have been enjoying myself immensely this summer."
"Oh you have, and why is that?" Anne asked in a playful tone that matched his own.
"Well I have been spending quite a bit of time with an old friend and I have to say it's been the best summer I have had in years." Gilbert meant it sincerely, even though his tone was joking. He hadn't remembered a better summer.
Anne blushed, "Well I suppose I should take that as a compliment considering you still think it a good summer even though you almost died."
"Anne, I would take typhoid on all over again if it meant I got to spend the summer together with you. I have really needed this."
"Needed what?" Anne asked, glossing over his compliment that made her blush even more and sent a small flutter through her heart.
"I needed rest and relaxation and the company of good friends. Though I won't admit it to my mother, you are both right. I have been working too hard. I don't regret it and I wouldn't do anything differently, but I needed this break. And I am glad I have been able to share it with you."
"Well, I am glad to Gil. I hope you go back to Redmond refreshed and in good health." Anne was happy Gilbert realized that even he had limits.
"I am sure I will, Anne." Changing the subject, he asked where Marilla was, for he hadn't seen her in the post office.
"She has a meeting at the church this afternoon. I don't expect her for awhile yet."
"Well do you have anywhere else to go?"
"Yes, I need to stop and pick out some fabric. I am fixing up a dress for Alice Penhallow's wedding and Dora needs new fabric for a dress herself."
Gilbert nodded, "Well would you like some company?"
"That depends, how is your taste in ladies fashion?" Anne asked cynically.
"I'd say it's impeccable!
"Well then, shall we?"
"Just let me get my packages and post these letters and we will be on our way." Gilbert did just that. But when he placed his letters on the counter Anne could not help but notice the name on the letter on the top of the pile, Christine Stuart. Her heart sank. He was corresponding with her. Anne felt the same pang of jealousy she had when she found out he had been corresponding with Ruby Gillis. Only this time she understood why. He was sending letters to Christine! What did they say? Were the love letters? Or just friendly notes? Anne pushed the unpleasant thoughts out of her head as Gilbert finished his tasks.
Both of them were burdened with quite a load of heavy books so Gilbert suggested they lighten it by putting their packages in his buggy before further shopping. Anne agreed readily and they then made their way to find fabrics.
Gilbert's claim of impeccable taste in ladies fashion proved a bridge too far as he constantly picked out the most ridiculous patterns as Anne stifled several laughs and rolled her eyes. "Gil, you're terrible! None of those will go with my dress," said Anne exasperated. She knew he was teasing her with his choices.
Gilbert put down the orange and brown striped fabric and shrugged. "Well I might be more helpful if you told me what color your dress was."
"Oh, well it's green with small white flowers and a green sash across the middle. I am just looking for something frilly for around the neckline."
Gilbert had a sudden vision of Anne's green dress she had worn at Redmond and he swallowed hard. "Well I have always thought you looked lovely in green, Anne. It brings out your eyes," he said with feeling.
"You don't think green clashes with my red hair?" Anne asked expectantly.
Gilbert smiled immediately and held up his hands in surrender. "Anne, the last time I said anything about your hair I got into a bit of trouble!"
Anne laughed and swatted at him playfully. "I believe I was the one who got in trouble! You weren't the one who had to stand underneath the sign of shame all afternoon! 'Ann Shirley has a very bad temper! Ann Shirley needs to learn to control her temper!' And he spelled my name without an E. It was mortifying!" Eleven years later, Anne could finally look back on that day and see the humor. The iron that had entered her soul that day had been replaced by something else entirely.
Gilbert was laughing. "I'll give you the embarrassment, but you didn't walk home with a headache that day. I had a bump on my head for a good week!"
"Well it's as much as you deserved if you ask me, Gilbert Blythe!"
"You sound like my father. When I told him what happened he laughed and told me that I deserved what I got and then some."
Anne laughed again and shook her head, enjoying the shared memory.
"But, bringing us back to the topic at hand, if you promise not to hit me over the head with anything, I will tell you that I always thought you were the picture of loveliness in green, especially with that beautiful hair of yours, Carrots." Gilbert was looking at her with a hint of a smile on his lips. Anne had to look away briefly to collect her thoughts. When he looked at her like that she almost forgot how to breath. It was the same way he had looked at her yesterday. If Anne hadn't been so caught up in her own feelings, she would have realized that it was the way Gilbert had looked at her since the first day they met.
"Thank you, Gil. I have to admit I am not quite as sensitive about my hair as I used to be."
"Well that's a relief, Anne!"
It was several more minutes before Anne decided on a royal blue fabric for Dora and some white lace and green tulle for herself. Anne realized that it was likely Marilla was still occupied at the church and she would need to wait for her. Gilbert offered her a ride instead and she accepted. She left a note for Marilla at the bakery, where Anne knew she meant to stop after church.
When they reached Gilbert's buggy, Anne laid her fabrics by the other items from the post office. She attempted to move her books so that if they tipped over during the ride they wouldn't crush her fabrics. But in doing so, she lost her grip on one book and it slipped out of her hand, knocking a small package of hers to the ground with its contents splayed out in the dirt at Gilbert's unsuspecting feet.
At first he didn't notice, as he was more concerned that Anne was all right. But he saw a strange look in her eye as she realized what lay on the ground. Anne berated herself inwardly for not having the patience to wait until she arrived home to open the package. Had she waited, she would not have been forced to hastily and carelessly put it away when she heard Gilbert's voice behind her at the post office. His eyes followed hers and before she could react he had already bent down to retrieve her box
Anne stood in silence as she watched Gilbert study the item that had leapt from its box. He looked down at the item and then back up at Anne, and then back again. Finally he picked it up, box and all, and held it up. It was none other than the pick enamel heart necklace he had sent her for Christmas.
"Anne, is this-" he stopped. "What it is doing in this box?" Gilbert was confused. Partly because Anne had acknowledged the gift with a brief note but he had never seen her wear it. And partly because he had no idea why Anne would be receiving it in the mail.
Anne looked up and gently took the necklace from Gilbert's hand. She held it in her own and as she looked at his confused expression. Deciding that honesty had been serving her well all summer, Anne did not bother thinking of an excuse, not there was one that would have made any sense other than the truth.
"I sent it out to have it fixed. It must have came back the same time as my books I guess and I picked it up today. I didn't even know it would be here when I came." Anne wasn't looking at Gilbert as she spoke, so she didn't see the look of shock on his face.
"Have it fixed? What was wrong with it? It wasn't broken when it arrived was it?" Gilbert didn't know what to make of it except he hoped he had not sent Anne a broken necklace.
"No Gil. It arrived perfectly intact. And it reminded me of your pink candy heart, just as I am sure you meant it to." She smiled, finally looking up at him.
He was relieved. "I am glad of that Anne, but then how did it break?" Gilbert was interested to know only because he had sometimes looked at Anne at Redmond functions to see if she might be wearing it. She never had that he could tell and he confessed that while he wouldn't admit it at the time, he had been disappointed that she didn't.
Anne thought about the night of the Convocation dance. She remembered vividly twisting it off of her neck at the mention of Christine Stuart. It had hurt her neck a bit when she did it. She hadn't realized until days later when she emptied her pocket that she hadn't broken the chain, but the small circle on the necklace that held the chain had cracked clear across.
Anne didn't quite know how to tell the story. "Well, it was sort of an accident. I was wearing it, and well, you know how my temper can get the better of me sometimes, so when I was angry I reached for it and sort of tore it off my neck. I broke the loop off that held the chain." As the words came out of her mouth she realized how ridiculous it sounded with no context. Gilbert must have thought the same thing because he let out a confused sigh and said, "You were angry with the necklace?"
"No, of course not. I got angry while I was wearing it and it was sort of a scape goat, a slate if you will," she said attempting to make light of the whole situation.
"Oh, well what made you so angry?" Gilbert knew Anne had a temper and he could well imagine her angry enough to break something, but why the necklace?
Anne searched for a vague explanation of the truth. She wanted to scream that she was angry because he was engaged to Christine, she really did, but her fear of the truth held her back. "It was just something that Phil said on the way to the Convocation dance." Anne didn't realize her mistake until Gilbert said, "The Convocation dance? You meant to wear it then?"
Anne winced, "Yes, I wore it to the dance, at least I meant to."
"Why, I mean, why did you mean to wear it at all?" Gilbert asked.
Anne did not hesitate before she said, "I assume you would realize it was for the same reason I decided to carry your flowers. It was something from a friend I dearly missed and I wanted to wear it. That's all." Gilbert couldn't tell if Anne was upset with him or just embarrassed at what had happened.
"Sorry, Anne, I didn't mean anything by asking. It's just I sometimes wondered if you ever wore it, that's all. I guess all my questions are starting to sound like an interrogation. I don't need or deserve an explanation for everything you do. I am sorry it broke so easily. You didn't have to go through the trouble of fixing it. It's just a necklace."
"No Gil, it's not just a necklace. At least not to me." Anne looked away again with agitation. Is that what he really thought? It was just a necklace? Then why did he bother giving it to her in the first place? Now she felt foolish for taking the trouble to have it fixed. Gilbert was unaware of the way her thoughts were trending and was at a loss for what to say.
"I am glad it's important to you Anne," was all he could manage. But then he added, "Like you I felt our estrangement pretty keenly. When I saw that necklace in a store in Redmond I laughed because it did remind me of the candy heart. I guess sending it to you was my way of hoping to start over but not knowing quite how. I guess I just wanted you to know I was still here, even though I wasn't."
Anne nodded but said nothing, leaving an uncomfortable silence between them for a moment before she finally said, "I guess I never got the chance to say thank you in person for it, so thank you. As you can see, it means a lot to me."
Gilbert made a gentlemanly bow and said, "It was my pleasure Anne. I just wish I could have seen you wear it."
"Well you can," was the reply as Anne handed Gilbert the necklace and turned around. "Can you please put it on me?
"Of course." And he did just that. Gilbert found his fingers trembling slightly as he touched the skin around in neck lightly. It took him three tries to get the clasp to latch. Anne tingled from head to toe as he gently touched her skin.
When he was finished, Anne turned to face him. The heart sat right in the hollow of her throat and seeing her wear it Gilbert was overcome with the urge to take her in his arms and ask her to marry him on the spot. But remembering himself he managed to only say, "It's lovely Anne. In the words of the pink candy heart, 'you are sweet.'
Anne laughed, "And I promise not to grind this one into dust." It was Gilbert's turn to laugh this time. He offered his arm to Anne, "Shall we?" Anne nodded her consent and Gilbert helped her rearrange her books and then handed her onto the buggy. As they drove on they spoke only a little, mostly about the books they had bought. They also both revealed how nervous they were about leaving Avonlea in their new endeavors.
"It won't be the same in Redmond without you, Anne." Gilbert said a little sadly.
"I know, it won't be the same without you either." Anne began to think of Gilbert back in Christine's company. "But you'll still have some friends in Redmond."
"I guess that's true. Bill Parker and Charlie Grant will still be there. They are starting med school too. And Christine Stuart is coming back for another year so at least I will have someone to take around."
Hearing him say her name and acknowledge their relationship was too much. Anne said nothing, but shook her head in response. Gilbert noticed the change in her countenance but said nothing. She must be sad about leaving, he thought. But was that because she was leaving him?
"You're lucky Gil. You will have people you know at least. I have to start all over and make new friends." Anne always enjoyed new places and new people, but being all alone was a bit daunting for her when she felt so comfortable at home.
"Anne, you make friends easy wherever you go. I have no doubt it will be the same in Summerside. I hope you write me long letters about all the friends you make and the things you do. That way I can have a little piece of you with me at Redmond."
"But I won't have you or Diana with me. No Priscilla, or Phil, or Stella! Not even a Charlie Sloane to remind me of home!" moaned Anne. Gilbert laughed. "I didn't think Charlie Sloane was still talking to you! He was pretty upset when you turned down his, what did he call it, his 'honorable proposal.'" Gilbert said laughing.
"He told you about that?! Oh dear, count on a Sloane to make gossip! It was a dreadful proposal Gilbert I assure you. The nerve of him! He only held it against me for about a year."
"Was it really that bad?"
"If you consider insulting me by telling me of the honor he was bestowing on me and the dreadful things he said when I refused the making of a good proposal then it was perfectly romantic," Anne said, dripping with sarcasm. "It was pure Sloanishness at work."
Gilbert was happy to have succeeded in distracting her thoughts from the sadness of leaving Avonlea and laughed as he thought of the audacity of Charlie. Then he had the satisfying thought that at least his wasn't Anne's worst proposal.
When they arrived at Green Gables, Gilbert assisted Anne out of the buggy. She gathered her books and was ready to go inside. But before she could turn Gilbert surprised himself and said, "Hey Anne, I know we've talked this to death and you're probably sick of me asking, but if you ever need to talk, ever want to tell me the reason you were so upset at the Convocation dance, I am hear to listen. If it was something I did, I am sorry."
It was said innocently, in an effort to help her. Gilbert realized that what ever that something was, it had to do with him. She refused to dance with him for a reason; she broke his necklace for a reason. If he had done something to upset her he wanted to know, but he didn't want to push her. He was expecting her to say a simple thank you and walk away. So it stunned him slightly when a look of sad determination came across her face. She reached for his hand and took it in hers, giving it a gentle squeeze as she made her reply. "It's nothing you did Gil. It's just something I have to work through on my own. I hope you know that I just want you to be happy." She said nothing more, released his hand, and before he could say anything else, she walked inside.
Considering her final words, Gilbert left Green Gables with more questions than answers as he thought back on his time with Anne. It was becoming clear that he had reason to hope. He was putting the pieces together and everything was telling him that Anne might one day love him, if she didn't already. The thought was heavenly to him as he went over all the evidence in his head, beginning with Phil's letter. Anne had evidently told her something to make Phil believe that Anne loved him. Anne chose to carry his flowers at Convocation; she chose to wear a necklace that he had given her and then go through the trouble of having it fixed; she chose to allow him to hold her and touch her in ways she never allowed before. He was almost sure she would have let him kiss her. True, she refused to dance with him, but she said it was because she was upset. But what about? Gilbert was sure that whatever the answer, it was the reason Anne was holding back from him. He wished she would trust him enough to tell him what was in her heart. But then he thought he was being disingenuous. He wasn't being altogether forthcoming either. But how could he? How could he unless he was sure? He couldn't live through another rejection, he couldn't. As much as it might be unfair for him to expect her to reveal what was in her heart when he still kept his hidden, he couldn't get passed the thought that he had once before been so sure, been so convinced she loved him, only to be wrong. No, as much as he wanted to take another leap of faith based on what he had learned over the last few weeks, he couldn't. He needed to be sure. Anne was holding back and strange comments about only wanting his happiness confused him. He would have to wait. And wait he would, as long as it took to understand once and for all if he had a chance to win her heart or if, perhaps, he already had.
Little did Gilbert know that he wouldn't have to wait long. At the very moment he was turning over the day's events in his mind, Diana Wright was thinking only of what she could do to help her friends come to an understanding. She was sure Gilbert still loved Anne. The only question in her mind was what was she going to do about it? Gilbert was coming over to help Fred again tomorrow, and Diana needed to find a way to help Anne without betraying her promise or incurring Fred's disapproval for meddling. Although she felt sure that if a little betrayal or meddling helped Anne and Gilbert realize their future together, all would be forgiven in the end.