Hey guys so I'm back for the moment and I have been writing but I don't have much completed. My hope is to be able to get another update done this week but I'm not making any promises. Please review.
Spencer laid naked in Toby's arms one leg across his body. Toby had an arm around her back and rubbed her ass with his free hand. She had her head rested on his shoulder.
"This is heaven" Toby said as he stared at the ceiling. Spencer kissed along his clavicle in response before resting her head on his shoulder again.
"Spence?" He said after awhile in a thoughtful manner "do you still want to try for another baby because if you do then I want to do that" he pulled her chin up so they were looking each other in the eye. "I want to give you everything you want"
Spencer thought for a minute.
"I do, but I think we need to spend time on us first." Spencer said democratically.
"So what does this mean?" Toby asked. "Are we going to tell the kids? Am I moving back in?"
When Spencer didn't answer his questions he pulled away. "Were you just using me, because I have feelings and I thought what we just shared was special"
Spencer straddled him, cupping his face in her hands.
"Look at me, you are my husband, we just made love for the first time in months, and it was beautiful and wonderful..."
"But?" Toby urged.
"We have a lot of things to work on and I just don't want to act like all our troubles are gone and then tear our family apart in 6 months because we still have the same problems."
Toby sighed not saying anything.
"Hey, don't do that, don't shut me out, tell me what you're thinking" Spencer said staring him down.
"I feel like we move two steps forward and then you push me ten steps back" Toby said.
"We just had sex, multiple times , we're naked in our bed, that's like 5 huge steps for me. I'm not pushing you back I'm just saying lighten up on the accelerator"
"Ok" he sighed heavily.
"If we tell the kids, then it's real, we can't shuffle them around anymore than we already have, we won't be able to go back" Spencer said.
Toby took her hand in his "this feels pretty real to me" he said kissing her hand.
"Toby..." She said before trailing off.
"Please, I don't want to lose you again, I'll do anything to make you happy, whatever it takes, I'll be better, I'll make it better, I know you're scared, I'm scared too, we'll be happy again, I promise" he pleaded.
She saw the truth of what he was saying. It was what she had needed to hear for a long time. She leaned in kissing him, they kissed for a long time. Both of them were crying but they kissed through the tears. They finally broke the kiss looking into each other's eyes as Toby entered Spencer once more. Toby cradled her in his arms as she clung to him. They kissed as their bodies moved as one, answering the questions their brains couldn't yet. They would tell the kids, Toby would move back in, they would try to have another baby. They made love until the wee hours of the morning before passing out.
Toby woke up the next morning and got the kids ready for school himself letting Spencer sleep. He woke her with kisses and told her it was time to get up when the kids were eating breakfast. He took them to school and was surprised when he came back to the house and saw Spencer was still there. When he walked in she was sitting at the table in her robe.
"Babe, you're going to be late for work" he said kissing her cheek before he headed into the kitchen for coffee.
"I called in sick" she said following him. "We have a lot of catching up to do"
She shed her robe just as she'd done last night. Toby was speechless.
"Where do you want me?" She asked seductively. When Toby didn't respond she dropped to her knees pulling down his pants.
"I'll let you think about it" she said as she put him in her mouth. He moaned and swore so loudly he was sure the neighbors on both sides heard but he didn't care. When she had swallowed every drop she got back up kissing him.
"So..." She asked. He was behind with work and he didn't think he could afford to take the day off but Spencer looked so sweet and innocent and happy, after all they'd been through he couldn't say no.
He picked her up and set her on the counter kissing her. She wrapped her legs around him and he picked her up again carrying her to the table. He pushed everything out of the way laying her down and pulling his pants off before getting on top of her. The table wobbled slightly but Toby had made it himself so he knew it would hold up under pressure. He teased her opening before pushing into her. Toby was grunting and moaning so Spencer knew he was really enjoying this just as much as she was.
"It feels so good" she moaned biting her lip "I'm gonna cum"
She could hear his ragged breath in her ear.
"Oh yeah give it to me" she whimpered as he pumped into her. "Don't stop, don't stop"
"Yes!" She screamed as they both came, kissing each other.
"Shower?" Toby asked and Spencer nodded furiously. Toby carried her up into the bathroom. He removed the rest of his clothes and they got in. Spencer hooked her leg around his waist as he balanced his weight with hers. Before long they were screaming in ecstasy again. They then moved to the bedroom. Toby had Spencer kneel on the bed as he teased her.
"You made me beg and plead, now it's your turn" he said mischievously.
"Please Toby" she begged leaning over to kiss him. He pulled away before their lips could touch.
"I'm so horny, please" she whimpered "please fuck me"
"You like that, don't you?" he said in a husky voice.
"Yes" she breathed hotly.
"You like when I make you beg for it, don't you?" He teased.
"Yes" she panted.
"Do you want this?" He asked stroking his dick.
"Yes I want it so bad" she pleaded. He knew she'd only play his desperate little sex kitten for so long before deciding he was abusing the power.
Toby kissed her back as he got behind her. He wasted no time entering her. They each grabbed onto the headboard so they could balance themselves. Toby kept a hand on her clit rubbing furiously as he pumped into her. She gripped the headboard tightly as the orgasms washed over her one right after another. After they'd both came they collapsed on the bed, falling asleep relatively quickly. After a nap they woke up and went back at it.
"One of us has to get up, get dressed and go get the kids" Toby said sleepily hours later as he ran his fingers down her bare back.
"One of us has to get the kids" she corrected "but we both have to get up and get dressed. Unless you planned on telling them you're moving back in naked"
"What?!" He asked happily "you want to tell them?"
"Yeah I do" she said smiling.
"But what about all the stuff you said..."
"I shouldn't have made you leave" she said wiping her tears from her cheeks. "It was the biggest mistake I've ever made"
He kissed away her tears.
"No more crying" he said pulling her close. "We're going to be a family again"
10 minutes later they were dressed and Toby was pacing back and forth in the living room.
"You'd think you were nervous" Spencer joked.
"I am, this should be the easy part" Toby said putting his hands together. "I'm freaking out"
Spencer walked over to him. She slipped her arms around him and kissed him.
"It can't be any harder than it was to leave" Spencer said.
*flashback*
Please don't make me do this.
The words sat in his mouth like a bad aftertaste. The lump already lodged in his throat kept them from coming out. He was slowly packing a bag, secretly hoping that Spencer would turn to him and tell him to forget all this moving out business.
She turned to him but didn't speak. The bag was pretty much full. He knew she was hurting, they both were. Still it bothered him that he was doing this. Leaving his wife and children went against everything he stood for. He hoped distance would give them both perspective and then maybe they could move on from this together. She still said nothing. Toby zipped up the bag. He reached for Spencer's hand. He'd had it planned he was gonna take her hand, tell her he loved her no matter what, and then kiss her on the forehead. He took her hand in his happy she didn't pull it away until that happiness dwindled when he realized she wasn't wearing her wedding ring. The reality of this hit him like a bucket of ice water. This was the first moment that he thought it really might be over. He dropped her hand and walked out of the room forgetting the "I love you" and the forehead kiss. He walked to Sebastian's room. He had his pajamas on and was sitting on his bed, his head hanging down.
"You said she didn't mean it" he whispered trying to cover up the fact that he was crying. Toby hugged him tightly and allowed the first tears to come out.
"I didn't think she did" he sniffled. "I love you sooo much"
"I love you too" he said.
"I'm sorry dad" he sobbed after a minute.
"This isn't your fault" he said pulling away so he could look him in the eye. "This is not your fault. You take care of mommy and Lydia, be a good boy"
He hugged him again before going down the hall to Lydia's room.
"Don't go" she cried in her high pitched voice from under the covers. He pulled the covers down picking her from bed. He sat down in the rocking chair in her room. He rocked her in the chair in the corner of her room.
"Daddy loves you, no matter what" he said, the tears flowing freely now. Lydia was crying still so he rocked her until she fell asleep. He gently laid her back in bed and tucked her in kissing her forehead. He glanced at his and Spencer's room one last time before going downstairs.
Aria had come over. He suspected Spencer had called her and told her everything that happened. He didn't bother saying anything to her as he left. Aria was making something for Spencer to eat since she hadn't eaten in days. She had just gotten back to it after watching Toby leave when she heard footsteps barreling down the stairs. She looked up to see Spencer as she flew down the stairs and turned towards the front door. She flung it open but Toby was gone. She stood there for a few seconds before closing the door. She went upstairs without a word. Aria found her curled up in bed. She had brought her food but she wasn't hungry. Aria began to prattle on about this and that but soon realized Spencer wasn't listening. Aria took her hand.
"Spence, I know this is hard, and I know how you feel..."
Spencer snorted at that making Aria's sentence stop short.
"Look, I'm sorry, I know you want to make me feel better but you don't know anything!" She said spewing venom at her. "Toby and I were married, MARRIED Aria, we promised to love each other for the rest of our lives, we have two children that we love more than anything in the world and they're heartbroken, we're heartbroken, you've never been married, you've never had kids, you have no IDEA how hard this is, and you sure as hell don't know how I feel"
"Well I'm sure glad I flew half way around the world for you to tell me that" Aria bit back leaving before Spencer could apologize.
*End flashback*
They sat the kids down, as they had the night Toby moved out, but this time it was with happy news.
"Your dad and I have been doing a lot of talking and we're thinking that he's going to be moving back in with us" Spencer announced clapping her hands.
They sat there taking it in not saying anything.
"I'm moving back in" Toby repeated.
"Are you sure?" Sebastian asked.
"Yes" Spencer said before Toby could answer.
"For real?" Lydia asked her little eyes sparkling.
Spencer put her hand in Toby's lacing their fingers. "Daddy and I are getting back together"
They both smiled wildly then. They took turns hugging and kissing both kids. After the reunion Toby and Spencer got the kids dressed up and they all went out for dinner. It was the first time they felt like a whole family again.
"I was thinking, Saturday, we could empty out your apartment and then we can have a a barbecue and invite my family and Hanna and Caleb and tell them the good news." Spencer said as they laid naked in bed that night. They hadn't had sex they just liked the feel of their bare bodies against each other.
"Yeah, whatever you want" he said as Spencer snuggled into him.
Friday had been the kids last day of school. They were out for the summer. Saturday as requested they headed over to Toby's apartment and started to pack up things. There wasn't too much there. The kids had more things to pack up than Toby did. By one o'clock they were back home waiting for their guests to arrive.
Toby grilled burgers and chicken. He kept Spencer close by all afternoon. It had the added benefit of pissing off her dad and Wren. They had decided to try for another baby but they both agreed not to say anything. It was like they were newlyweds again, they were so happy.
The barbecue went on into the night. Toby and Spencer slipped into the house under the pretense of getting dessert. Toby was pretty buzzed by this time. He cornered Spencer in the kitchen. He put his hand on her belly.
"I'm gonna put a baby in there" he whispered drunkenly in her ear. He rubbed her belly as he kissed her neck. Spencer was about to suggest they sneak up stairs for a quickie when they heard someone clear their throat.
They turned to see Wren standing there. He was clearly pleased to have interrupted their private moment.
"Everyone is wondering what is taking dessert so long" he said curtly. Spencer grabbed the tray of brownies and Toby grabbed the pot of coffee and they went back outside. Everyone slowly started to leave. First, Melissa and Wren and their two children, then Spencer's parents, and finally Hanna and Caleb and their kids. Spencer and Toby finally put the kids to bed. By the time they got to bed Toby was half way passed out. Spencer put Toby to bed then kissing him good night.
"But I'm supposed to put a baby in there" he said pointing at her stomach.
"Not tonight baby" Spencer said slipping between the sheets. She curled up by his side.
On Tuesday they had another counseling session. For the first time they were both excited about it.
When they got there they told her all the good news. About moving back in, telling the kids, making love and deciding to have another baby. They had expected that she would commend them like children that had learned their lesson. The doctor didn't though. She was sitting there frowning at them.
"My, my that was fast" she said skeptically. "I thought that you told Spencer back in November that you didn't want anymore kids. You said "the last thing we need is another kid" didn't you?"
Toby sighed taking Spencer's hand. "I thought that's what she wanted to hear" they locked eyes. The therapist didn't urge either to speak. She simply waited patiently.
*flashback 2+ years ago *
"Where's Wren tonight?" Spencer asked Melissa as they walked around town eating ice cream.
"He's in Denver, speaking at a seminar" she said "I didn't go because..." She trailed off laying her hand on her pregnant belly. Spencer smiled putting her hand on Melissa's belly.
"Am I getting a niece or nephew?" She asked.
"I don't know, we want to be surprised" Melissa said.
"Wren wants to be surprised" Spencer corrected "you hate surprises, I'm shocked you haven't pulled your hair out not knowing."
Melissa made a face Spencer knew all too well.
"You DO know!" Spencer yelled.
"It's a boy" Melissa admitted with a smile "I'm dying to tell Wren"
"Congratulations" Spencer said.
"What's with you? You keep staring at my belly" Melissa asked. "Are you and Toby thinking about having another one?"
Spencer shrugged.
"We said we'd have another one when Lydia turned two" Spencer said.
"Lydia's almost 4" Melissa said.
"I know how old my daughter is thank you" Spencer snapped. "We haven't talked about it, exactly, it's not like we're trying, we never had to try."
Melissa shrugged.
"We'll get pregnant when we get pregnant" she said brushing it off. When Spencer returned home she found Sebastian asleep on the floor of the living room in his ninja turtles pajamas. Toby was asleep on the couch, Lydia had fallen asleep on his chest. Spencer picked her up carrying her to bed. Toby woke when Spencer picked up Lydia and put Sebastian to bed.
"How was your night out with Melissa?" he asked as he undressed.
"I kept thinking about coming home to you" she said seductively as she slipped off her dress and underwear. Toby pulled her into his arms and they toppled onto the bed.
"Let's have a baby" Spencer said. Toby kissed her and they made love.
*15 months later still in flashback*
"Daddy" Lydia said as she pulled on Toby's shirt. He was trying to make breakfast.
"Just a minute baby" he said mixing pancake batter.
"Daddy" she said more insistently tugging harder on his shirt.
"Don't do that it's rude" he said pulling her hand away.
"Daddy!" She yelled.
"What, Lydia?" he asked exasperated.
"Why is Mommy crying on the bathroom floor?" She asked clutching her blanket.
"Go watch cartoons with your brother, I'll take care of it" he said. He went upstairs into their bathroom and saw Spencer sitting on the floor crying.
"Spence?" He asked hesitantly.
"I felt a little nauseous and I got excited, so I took a test" she said.
"You're pregnant?!" He asked excitedly.
She shook her head and threw the test across the bathroom.
"Honey" he said sitting on the floor with her and pulling her into his arms.
"I'm being selfish, some women would kill for a baby, I already have two babies" she cried.
"No, you're not selfish, it's not selfish to want to bring another child into the world" Toby said. "You know what I think? I think we're trying too hard. How about we take that romantic weekend we've been talking about? No ovulation tests, no pregnancy tests just you, me, and a big comfy bed"
She nodded weakly. He kissed her.
"I love you" he said "we won't give up"
*4 weeks later still in flashback*
Toby was in the bathroom with the kids supervising their teeth brushing.
"Toby" Spencer said from the door. He turned to her and she gave him a huge smile. She nodded for him to follow her. He followed her to their bathroom where she showed him the test.
He smiled at her.
"We're having a baby!" He said kissing her.
"I can't believe it, we better go to the doctor to make sure" she said.
"Yes, you're pregnant" the doctor confirmed a few hours later.
Spencer and Toby were overjoyed.
"Let's not tell people right away" Spencer said. "We tried so hard for so long I just want to enjoy it just the two of us for awhile."
"Ok" Toby agreed.
Spencer was two and a half months pregnant now. She sat on the bed in her pajamas she had just barely started showing. She had been so excited since they found out they were having a baby she had filled their room with baby things. She bounced from potential pregnancy announcement ideas, to baby's going home outfit options, they had names picked out and had even discussed moving into a bigger house.
"Are you going to the family picnic in pajamas?" He asked jokingly.
"I can't wear anything else" she pouted. "I'm gonna show in all my clothes"
"So maybe we should announce it today" he suggested.
"Ok" Spencer agreed. They showered together and Spencer put on one of her looser sundresses. The Hastings already had the kids because they'd taken them for a week. They were getting ready to leave when Spencer started to feel pain.
"Spencer?" He asked worriedly.
"There's something wrong" Spencer said.
Toby took her to the doctor.
"This is the part where you tell me I'm just being a nervous mother" Spencer joked as the doctor performed an ultrasound. The doctor had a grim expression.
"I'm so sorry Spencer" the doctor said. The tears pooled in her eyes.
"I lost the baby?" She croaked out.
"Yes I'm sorry" she said
"What did I do wrong?" Spencer asked sobbing.
"Miscarriages happen for all kinds of reasons" the doctor said "it's hard for us to know"
Toby pulled her into his arms consoling her the best he could.
*End flashback*
"We tried for over a year to get pregnant, we finally did and I had a miscarriage at 10 weeks." Spencer told the therapist. "We were devastated"
"Why didn't you mention this before?" The doctor asked.
"We didn't tell anyone she was pregnant or that she miscarried. We didn't even talk about it after...after we got home" Toby said.
"What happened when you got home?" The therapist picking up Toby's hesitation.
"We were devastated" Toby said.
*Flashback*
It had been a long day when they finally came home. Their bedroom was still covered with baby stuff and Spencer began to unravel.
"Hey, when you're ready, we'll try again" Toby said encouragingly.
"No" she said pulling away from him. She started throwing things and tearing stuff to shreds. "I can't do this anymore, I can't do this again, no more babies."
Toby held her as she cried, when she fell asleep he got trash bags and bagged all the baby things so they were gone when she woke up.
End flashback
"I freaked out" Spencer admitted "I was beyond devastated, I was inconsolable"
The therapist nodded.
"Toby was so great" Spencer said. "He took good care of me, even when I couldn't satisfy his needs, it was months before I could let him make love to me again, even when I could I didn't enjoy it the way I used to and I could tell that bothered him. Then something changed in me and I wanted a baby again, but I didn't know how Toby felt. Every time we made love I begged God to give us another baby. When I thought I had gotten pregnant again, I thought that would open the conversation about us trying again but he said he didn't want anymore kids because he was trying to make it ok for me."
They kissed.
"We are ready to try again, this wasn't a snap decision" Toby said.
"The miscarriage is really where all our problems started." Spencer added "we didn't work through it, we just shut down."
The therapist nodded.
"So are you going to continue therapy?" She asked them.
"Yes" Spencer said as Toby nodded. "We want our marriage to get as strong as possible"
"Ok, that's enough for today, we went through a lot today" the therapist said "I'll see you next week"
When they got I the car Toby noticed that Spencer seemed upset.
"What is it baby?" He asked taking her hand.
"What if I can't have a baby again, what if I just keep miscarrying." She asked sadly.
"The doctor said there are many reasons why someone would miscarry, you had one miscarriage, I don't think we should throw in the towel" he said "and if you can't, we have two babies, and we'll find a way to be happy"
Spencer smiled but Toby could tell she was still mulling it over.
"What do you need? Whatever you need that's what I'll do" Toby said.
"Take me home and make love to me" Spencer said.
"That I can do" he said.
That night he woke to find Spencer's side of the bed empty. He searched the house finally finding her in the den.
"Babe? What are you doing?" He asked.
"I couldn't sleep so I thought I'd do some tidying up" she said shuffling papers.
"Well if you couldn't sleep you should've woken me up and we could've not slept together" he teased.
"I'll be up in a minute" she said smiling. When he left the den she shoved the packet of papers she'd been shielding from Toby in a large manilla folder and labeled it "Tax Stuff" Toby despised doing taxes so he'd never have any reason to open it. For good measure she shoved it under the couch. He'd never find it there.
A week later Toby called Caleb to come over.
"Hey man what's up." Caleb asked.
"Well mine and Spencer's 10 year anniversary is coming up next month and since we're officially back together now I want to do something really special for her." He started "so I thought I'd recreate our first night in the house, it was a very romantic night"
"Thanks for the image" Caleb teased.
On there first night in the house they'd had sex on the floor of the den. There was still scratch marks on the wood floor from that night he thought to himself. It would be extra meaningful to Spencer because that night was the night Lydia was conceived. Maybe it would bring them good luck.
"Anyway so I'm going to need your help with moving the furniture out of there. Then on our anniversary I'll tell her I'm converting the den into a home office so I can work from home and be a stay at home dad, and then the big finish I'm going to ask her to marry me again"
"You're going to be a stay at home dad?" He asked laughing.
"Don't mock the happily married man" Toby shot back.
"I'm sorry man, it's great, I'm happy for you and I'll help anyway I can" he said.
"Thanks" Toby said.
Caleb got up to leave saying he had to pick Bridget up from ballet class.
"Enjoy being a happily married man" he said teasingly. Just then the phone rang and he walked into the kitchen and answered it.
"Hello" he said.
"Is Spencer there?" A deep male voice Toby didn't recognize asked.
"No she's not!" he said with an edge to his voice not offering to take a message.
"Who is this?!" the anonymous caller demanded. This pissed Toby off who did this guy think he was calling HIS house for HIS wife and demanding to know who he was!
"This is her husband!" Toby said angrily.
"I was under the impression she was divorced" the voice came.
"No, she's married, very very married!" He said slamming the phone down.
"Honey I'm home!" Spencer called to Toby as she opened the front door. He walked in seeing her with bags.
"I was a bad girl" she said pouting a little as she pulled out baby clothes. " I couldn't help it, I'm feeling very optimistic"
She walked over to him wrapping an arm around him as she took the onesie in her hand and rubbed his cheek.
"Are you mad at me for breaking our "no buying baby stuff until we're pregnant" rule?" She asked.
"No" he said simply.
"Will you come hold my hand?" She asked pulling out a pregnancy test. He nodded following her upstairs but he couldn't get his mind off that phone call.
Dun dun dun. Who was on the phone? What does he want with Spencer? Is Spencer pregnant? What is she hiding under the couch and what do you think Toby will do or say when he finds it?
Until next time my lovelies...
Don't forget to review!