Chapter Sixty-eight

Rock-a-Bye Power Rangers

Carrie couldn't breathe. The laughter was too intense, and Jason's story wasn't even half-finished. "Clowns?" she gasped in disbelief.

"Yes, clowns. The world's first and last Power Rangers, locked in a fight to the death… with a bunch of clowns."

"Oh, my god… that's great!"

"Oh, it gets better. Apparently the clown fight could have been avoided if Tommy had given us some warning, but Tommy, who wanted to spend some time alone with Kimberly, saw the clowns coming and just pulled Kira, Ethan and Trent out of the line of fire and sat back and watched while the rest of—minus Kim, who bolted—battled it out. So I guess you could say that the clown fight was really just the freakish result of a guy trying to get his ex-girlfriend back."

"Oh, man," Carrie gasped, clutching her side. "You weren't kidding about your life being weird."

"Life? Carrie, this is one day. And I'm only up to about four o'clock. That was over twelve hours ago. I still have axe murderers, alien water, a panty raid, and an overflowing ice machine."

"OW!" Billy hissed as his hip slammed into the metal frame of Ethan's cot. Navigating around to the other side of the bed in the dark wasn't as easy as one might think.

"Y'okay?" Ethan asked sleepily.

"Yeah. Rocky's finally stopped proclaiming to be a teapot. I'm gonna get to bed."

"Was that Dr. O in the hallway yelling something about strippers and balconies a little while ago?" Ethan asked.

Billy grimaced. "Yeah. I assume Tommy's subconscious contains strippers instead of teapots. I was kind of trying to block it out."

"Ah. Well, goodnight," Ethan murmured.

"If not good, at least a little better," Billy replied. He let himself fall onto the mattress. Both he and Ethan were sound asleep in seconds.

The elevator door popped open. Kimberly carefully inspected the hall for any other life forms before stepping out of the elevator and letting the door slide closed.

"Here goes nothing," Kimberly murmured, checking her pockets to make sure she still had the key card, marinara sauce and razor. She turned and began to walk down the hall—until her bare feet landed on chunks of ice melting all over the carpet.

"Cold!" she yelled as her foot came down on the first cube. Her other foot was already swinging forward; she couldn't stop it from landing on a small pile of ice. With a startled yelp, Kimberly tried to leap back off the ice, only to land on more of it. Unfortunately, she'd inadvertently jumped into the vending area, which wasn't carpeted, so her feet slipped out from under her. Kimberly quickly tucked her chin down to avoid smacking her head, arms scrambling to find something, anything, to break her fall.

All she found was the broken ice machine's on button.

As she landed flat on her back, the ice machine whirred to live above her and began spitting out ice at an alarming rate. Kimberly shrieked and covered her face with her hands as the cubes pelted her mercilessly. She bent her knees and slid her feet over the floor, trying to find a spot that wasn't too slippery so that she could stand up without leaving her face unprotected. Her feet were wet and slick themselves, no way she'd be able to get up without using her hands, no way was she going to let the cubes smash against her face… what was she going to do? She was going to be buried alive in a mountain of ice!

Kimberly tried to wiggle back towards the hall, but that succeeded only in shaking the ice around; the floor was simply too slippery for her to get anywhere, especially since the only real shot she had at scooting out from under the machine would involve pushing off with her feet, which would only send her towards the back of the vending area, not the exit…

"Oh, my god, are you okay?" called an unfamiliar male voice.

"Help!" Kimberly shrieked from behind her hands. Strong hands grabbed her ankles, hauling her out of the line of fire. Keeping her eyes squeezed shut, Kimberly flung her hand out. Her rescuer grabbed it and hauled her up, then dragged her down the hall and off the ice.

"Thank you," Kimberly gasped, shaking the ice off of her shirt and dancing about on the spot, trying to make the cubes inside her shirt and shorts fall out without having to go fishing. Again. In front of someone new.

Kimberly turned to face her savior… and discovered that he was a cop. A drop-dead gorgeous cop in a too-tight uniform. Tall, shoulder-length dark hair, and the kind of muscles that, if Kimberly didn't know better, could have marked him as a Power Ranger. Suddenly the ice didn't seem so cold; he wasn't just hot, he was scorching.

"Anytime," he said, smiling at her. The moment his dimples flashed, Kimberly forgot all about the ice. "That was one hell of a freak accident."

Oh, god, how embarrassing! Kimberly thought, mortified. "Yeah, tell me about it." She brushed a few more cubes off of Tommy's shirt. "Why did it have to be ice? I mean—oh. Oh, no. No he did not!"

"No who didn't what?" the cop asked.

"He planned this!" Kimberly raged. "He booby-trapped the hall with ice! He knew I'd be back for my underwear and he set this up! Jason's probably in on it, got that girl at the front desk to give me the run-around about the key! Ooh, won't Trini be surprised to hear all about her husband asking that Carrie woman for favors! I'll get them both! And Zack! How dare they! Those little pricks! And what kind of idiot steals all my panties and then makes sure I don't have any skirts to wear, anyway? It's bad planning, is what it is! It's counterproductive! And no amount of ice is going to keep me from shaving that little jerk's head!"

This seemed to leave the cop without anything much to say. "Uh…"

"Oh, I'll make him sorry he ever scared off Bulk and Skull that day! He should have kept working for Rita; she's not half as evil as I'm gonna get! Even Zedd thought I could do a better job, and he's obviously a great judge of evilness!"

"Who?" the cop asked. He wasn't from Angel Grove, and he wasn't a big follower of the Power Rangers phenomenon.

Kimberly suddenly realized just who she was talking to; considering the guy was a police officer, she probably didn't want to tell him her evil plan. "Um… sorry. I'm just a little upset. My ex-boyfriend and I had to get together with some mutual friends this week and he's doing everything he can to push my buttons. Apparently he even stooped so low as to rig the ice machine."

The cop frowned. "Is that even possible?"

"If anyone could do it, it'd be him," Kimberly said dryly, thinking back to Tommy's "I'm the evil genius" speech at the carnival. She sighed. Then her face lit up; an idea had just occurred to her, but it might not work now that her hair was messy and her not-so-alluring outfit was damp. At least the shirt was clinging a little, though. At any rate, she had to try. If it worked, she'd get her clothes back, and she could save the head-shaving for a later date.

"You know, officer," Kimberly said, smiling as enticingly as she could, "this is really embarrassing, but… do you think you could do me a favor?"

"Well," he began, but Kimberly didn't let him finish.

"See, he actually had the nerve to steal all of my clothing earlier. I got most of it back, but he still has my miniskirts and my lingerie. Do you think you could, you know, knock on the door and ask for it back?"

"I would," he told her apologetically, "except I'm not really a cop. This is just a costume, and if I were to pretend to be a cop to get your clothing back, I could be charged with impersonating an officer."

"Oh." Kimberly sighed, disappointed. Then she frowned. "Why are you dressed up like a cop?"

"I, uh, have an appointment on this floor."

Kimberly knitted her brow. "What kind of appointment do you have in a hotel in the middle of the night? Especially when you're dressed like a c—oh. Oh. Oh! I'm sorry! I… wow. I'm so sorry."

"Don't be. Happens a lot," he said sheepishly. "I just… you know… the bills don't pay themselves."

"I hear you," Kimberly said, wishing a meteor would strike her dead. She'd actually just been rescued from an ice machine by a male stripper and asked him to help her fight her ex-boyfriend!

"If there's any other way I can help you, I can—"

"No, no, I'm fine. Thanks for the, um, rescue. I appreciate it."

"No problem. Good luck getting back at your ex."

"Uh-huh. Thanks."

The stripper moved past her down the hall. Kimberly watched him go—or rather, she watched certain parts of him go. "Hey!" Kimberly called before she could stop herself.

"Yeah?" he asked, turning around, the tone of his voice saying he was trying hard not to sound too eager.

"I, um, didn't catch your name," Kimberly said.

"My real name?" She nodded, trying not to look too startled by that question. "Marco."

"I'm Kimberly."

"Pretty name."

"Thanks." She smiled at him awkwardly, then cleared her throat. "You know, um, I was thinking… maybe you can help me out."

"How?"

Kimberly pulled the room key out of her pocket. "I've could use a look out. You game?"

Marco grinned. "Very."

"Isn't the ocean beautiful?" Jason asked, smiling at Trini as they stood alone together on the beach.

"Yeah. I've seen all four oceans and sixteen different seas, and I never get tired of looking at the water," Trini said. "Especially at night."

"Reminds me of that time you, me and Zack accidentally stole that guy's speed boat and went cruising around."

"Reminds me of what happened when Zack was in the inner tube," she replied with a smirk.

Jason laughed. "Yeah. Right before we crashed."

Trini cracked up. "Only in our lives could we get shipwrecked for three days in an accidentally-stolen boat."

"Those were some of the best days of my life," Jason said with a reminiscent smile.

Trini nudged him with her elbow. "We could always do it again sometime. This time without Zack."

Jason grinned. "And this time, maybe our friends won't freak out that we've gone missing and get the bright idea to teleport us to a boat full of superstitious Greek fishermen."

"They don't even have teleporting capability anymore," Trini added.

Jason grabbed her hand. "Come on, Trini. Let's go find ourselves a boat."

Trini shook her head. "We can't. We might get caught this time."

"We'll think up a good cover story. Something better than being kidnapped by aliens."

"Oh, god, I can't believe that actually worked," Trini chuckled.

"Why not? After all, we had Alpha to explain the situation."

"Well, we won't have him this time around."

"No… but who says we have to come back? We'll just stay gone. Forever.'

Trini smiled. A swell of recklessness filled her. Why not? Why not just take off, run away in the middle of the night, stay lost, forever?

The word "yes" was halfway out of her mouth when her eyes snapped open to see Tommy's wide-eyed face filling her vision. She was only dimly aware that his hand was shaking her shoulder violently.

"Oh, good," he said. "You're awake."

"Am not," Trini retorted crossly. "What do you want? How'd you even get in here?"

"Balcony."

"What did I tell you about doing that?"

"I wasn't spying. I was entering."

"For future reference, that's not allowed, either."

"Well, your door was locked," Tommy said, as though it was her fault he'd broken into her hotel room. "And Kira wouldn't let me in."

"What do you want?" Trini demanded with a sigh.

"I had a bad dream."

Trini stared at him. "Are you serious?"

"It was awful, Trini," Tommy said, nodding solemnly. "I dreamt Kat dumped off my baby with Kira and it looked a whole lot like Billy for some reason and it was an Orange Ranger and Kira wished me happy birthday and said I was sixty and arthritic and Orange and Kim wouldn't take my special pink Ring Pop and Jason vanished and so did my key and Adam was all about the singing wildebeests so I woke up Zack and he just got confused so Hayley told me to come wake up you because you're good at comforting people who are freaking out like nothing else even though they haven't eaten any seafood lately." He looked at her hopefully. "Said I needed a hug, too."

Trini continued her incredulous staring. "Ring Pop?"

Tommy shuddered. "Come on, Trini. It's time for you to do that words-of-wisdom thing. Tell me it'll be okay and that I'll never be Orange and no one will ever be Orange and make me believe it."

"It'll be okay and you'll never be Orange and no one ever will be," Trini recited impatiently.

"I didn't believe it."

"What's it gonna take to make you go away?"

"I can't go away. I don't have my room key."

"So go back across the balconies."

"I can't. The people in room 628 are still looking for their suicidal ninja stripper."

"…What?"

"It's a long story."

"…Tommy… why do you have dollar bills in your waistband?"

Tommy plucked a few of them out and held them out to her. "I'll pay you for a hug."

"Tommy, please don't ever offer to pay me for anything, let alone a hug, right after telling me about your stint as a suicidal ninja stripper."

"Why not?"

Trini groaned. "Oh, please tell me this is the real dream. Tell me I got knocked unconscious while stealing a boat with Jason and this is my psychotic little nightmare—"

"You and Jason shouldn't go stealing boats anymore," Tommy interrupted sternly. "It'll be a lot harder to teleport you to a boat full of Greek fisherman without the Command Center."

"Superstitious Greek fishermen," Trini corrected him sourly. She sighed heavily. "Tommy, please go away."

"Not until you hug me. Hayley said it would help."

Trini glared at him and flung her arms around his neck for a moment. "Feel better?"

"…Not really. Maybe I need another one. Or a longer one. Like that time after Kim and I broke up."

"Tommy, that hug took hours. Go away. Go sleep in Conner, Ethan and Trent's room."

"…You're not serious, are you?"

"Do I have to call Jason?" Trini demanded.

"Come on, Trini. Please?"

"Please what? Please scoot over and let you sleep with me and Ki—hey!"

"You're the best, Trini!" Tommy gushed, shoving her over and climbing in between the covers.

"That wasn't an invitation!" Trini hissed in exasperation.

"Please, Trini?" Tommy said, looking at her hopefully. "That was one of the worst dreams ever. I'd do the same for you."

"I wouldn't freak out about a stupid dream!"

"But if you did, I'd do the same for you. Especially if you had to masquerade as a stripper."

"Something tells me that needing to share a bed with you after I was pretending to be a stripper is at the top of the list of things so bizarre that they will unravel the fabric of the universe in the unlikely event that they happen!"

"It's not nearly as unlikely as one might think," Tommy pointed out, fluffing up her pillow and snuggling into it. "Bachelorette parties should be illegal. And that Brandy chick was just rude. I mean, I was there for Taylor, after all, and Brandy has to be all bossy and everything when Taylor didn't even want a stripper…"

"Tommy, if you don't get out of my bed, I'm going to climb out and wake up Kimberly and let her freak out and scream and beat you to death."

"Where is Kimberly, anyway?"

"I—what?"

"Kimberly," Tommy said, nodding at the other side of the bed.

Trini turned to look at Kimberly and realized Kimberly wasn't even in the bed. "What the… what did you do to her?"

"Me? Nothing. Lately. She wasn't here when I came in. Balcony door was wide open, though."

"Was not! It was locked when I went to sleep."

"Well, I don't suppose it's really important," Tommy said, yawning loudly.

"Not important? Excuse me?"

"She's probably just trying to steal her stuff back," Tommy explained, his eyelids drooping. "But my balcony door is locked. At least, I'm pretty sure."

"You didn't even go try the door before coming in here?" Trini demanded.

"Nope. Like I said, the girls down the hall want their ninja back, so I can't go back that way. At least, not tonight."

"Tommy, you—wait. Where'd you get a ninja costume?"

"Same place as always," Tommy muttered, eyes closed and peaceful look on his face.

"You didn't. Tell me you didn't!" Tommy didn't respond. "Tommy? You can't be asleep that quickly. Tommy? Tommy!"

"Quiet," Kira mumbled from across the room. "Sleeping."

Trini winced. The last thing she wanted to do was explain to Kira why Kimberly was gone and Tommy was sleeping next to Trini. Especially since the only explanation Trini had involved nightmares, ninjas, hugs and strippers. Trini lie back in the middle of the bed so that Kimberly would have room to lay down when she came back and tried to get comfortable. Tommy rolled over, taking the majority of the covers with him.

Trini sighed and flung back what little bit of blanket Tommy hadn't managed to steal. She wasn't quite ready to go back to dreaming about running off to a deserted island with Jason while lying next to Tommy. Besides, she should probably find Kimberly and warn her. Not to mention Jason; he might go homicidal if he came looking for Tommy and found him curled up with Jason's wife. Trini could only hope that the two of them were doing something less psychotic than letting their wacky friends climb into their beds because of nightmares.