Chapter 8! Sorry for being later than expected, but I've been working really hard on this chapter so I hope you all like it!
Warnings: Talk of past domestic abuse.
Every drop of rain felt heavy against his skin. He was angry at himself for not wearing a heavier jacket, although he hadn't planned to be out this late. He hadn't really planned for any of this; to ice skate, to sing again, to laugh the hardest he had in months. And that was all because of Kurt.
He didn't even make it around the block before he heard Kurt's voice.
"Blaine!" Kurt called after him. "It's not what you think!"
Blaine wrapped his arms around himself and tried to ignore Kurt's words, keeping his eyes down at the wet sidewalk, his apartment only a few blocks away. "Just go home, Kurt."
"That would be an option if I had any money left for a cab," he raised his voice over the sound of the rain. "It will probably take me over an hour to walk home. And the rain…" Kurt sighed and began to turn around. "I'll just wait in the diner until the rain stops."
Blaine didn't want Kurt to be in the diner all night or to have to walk home by himself. "Here." Blaine stopped and took his wallet out of his pocket.
"Blaine, don't."
Blaine shook his head and forced himself not to make eye-contact. When Kurt caught up to him Blaine coerced the money into his hand. "It's the least I can do after what you had to go through tonight."
"Stop saying that!" Blaine was startled by the animosity in Kurt's words and stepped back.
Finally looking up at Kurt, he saw something different in his eyes. Not the happiness he'd seen throughout the evening, or even the sadness he saw only a few minutes before, but emptiness. "I didn't do all of this because I felt sorry for you," he whispered defeatedly.
"Then why did you? Why did you do all of this?"
"I was selfish, okay? I could-" Kurt bit his lip. "I could see what a wonderful person you were the moment I looked at you. And it wasn't from the way your bowtie was perfectly tied or how scared you were that I was going to jump." He looked down and his lips turned up into a smile. "It was your eyes." And within a beat the smile had disappeared. "They aren't broken yet."
The rain sounded heavier than ever before. "I don't understand."
"You have so much bottled up inside. So many great things that you should show everyone but that you feel are unimportant. I wanted you to feel important, because you are. And it's not because I feel sorry for you. It's because you still have the capacity to let people make you feel that way, and I envy that."
"Have you met people who don't?"
"I guess you could put it that way," Kurt said, avoiding Blaine's eyes. "When you sang that song, I had never seen someone so happy. I just couldn't stop. But the way you looked at me in the stairwell..." Kurt shook his head. "I knew it had gone too far."
Blaine's cheeks turned red. "I wish I could see everything about you too. At least we'd be on the same playing field."
"No you don't."
The rain began coming down harder and Blaine shivered. "You really should be getting home," Kurt said, brushing his fingers over the back of Blaine's hand fondly. "You're freezing."
Blaine watched Kurt's hand drop back to his side, missing his touch. Blaine believed everything Kurt had said, he just didn't understand why they couldn't be more. "But why exactly is this selfish?" Blaine asked, eyeing their hands.
"Because it has to end tonight."
Blaine's eyes made their way to Kurt's lips, which were shining from the rain. "Why does it have to end tonight?"
Kurt was hesitant with his answer. "I don't want you to get hurt."
"Why are you so sure that you'll hurt me?"
Kurt bit his lip. "Because I-I'm not-" he stumbled over his words. "I can't concentrate with you looking at me like that." The only thing Blaine could focus on was the fact Kurt's eyes were now gazing down at his lips, pupils dark and blasted.
Blaine wanted Kurt. And there was no way to fake the way Kurt was looking at him, with so much want in his eyes. And Blaine couldn't help but revel in how incredible it was to feel wanted.
"If you want this to be over tomorrow then we should at least let ourselves be selfish tonight," Blaine whispered. "One night won't do any damage. It doesn't have to mean anything if you don't want it to." Blaine moved closer to Kurt until their bodies were barely touching. Blaine didn't even care that they were standing in the pouring rain in the middle of New York City at three in the morning. Blaine was running out of time, and he couldn't be nervous anymore. "Kiss me."
Blaine was caught off guard by Kurt's lack of hesitation. He held Blaine's face in his hands and found his wet lips, kissing him like the night would be over at any moment. Heat surged through Blaine's body, making the cold, wet air around him feel like a sauna, relaxing and invigorating all at once. Time felt so slow that each raindrop was unique against his skin, and the clock that had been ticking in the back of Blaine's mind finally stopped. Because no matter how long the night lasted or what happened from then on, nothing could compare to the feeling of someone actually wanting him.
"Come home with me," Blaine murmured as Kurt reluctantly pulled away. Blaine had never been this forward with anyone in his life, and something about Kurt's shy smile brought him back to reality. "I mean- my place isn't too far away and we can get you out of these wet clothes...Not like that. I mean- If you want to. Wait." Kurt laughed as Blaine tried to make a coherent sentence. "I'm not used to this."
Kurt brushed his thumb against Blaine's jaw. "I know."
"Thanks," Blaine muttered.
Kurt kissed him lightly and Blaine smiled against his lips. "It's okay," Kurt whispered as they pulled apart.
And for a moment Blaine forgot that their kiss sealed the promise that everything would end by the morning.
"From what you told me I expected something a lot smaller," Kurt said as Blaine let them into his apartment. "This place is really nice."
"Thanks." Blaine hated his apartment. He didn't care what anyone said, he dreaded having to spend every single day in there. It wasn't small, but it wasn't nearly open enough, and it definitely wasn't big enough for a piano, which was one of the reasons he stopped trying to write music. He would move out if he could, but the problem was he didn't have enough of his own money to afford anything in the same area or even close to sanitary.
"Are you sure this is okay? For all you know I could be a serial killer who chose you to be my next victim."
"Plausible, but highly unlikely." They shared a smile. "I would feel awful if you had to walk home alone in the rain. Especially this late."
"Someday your selflessness will get you in trouble, Blaine Anderson. And I'm sure that's the only reason you brought me home with you." Blaine tried to hide his sudden self-consciousness as Kurt took off his jacket. "We're going to get water everywhere."
"It's not a big deal." The apartment deserved it anyway.
Blaine stood next to the door and watched as Kurt walked around his apartment, studying the walls as if he needed to memorize every inch. "Why aren't there any pictures out?" Kurt asked.
"I don't really…" Blaine hesitated, unsure exactly why he never got around to putting out any pictures.
"...like looking at what you're missing," Kurt completed his sentence.
"Maybe."
"Do you hate this place because it's the only one your parents approved of or because it isn't big enough for your amusement?"
"My parents wanted something practical."
"To fit your practical school and your practical career path?" Kurt walked into the kitchen area and gasped overdramatically. "Look at that. A practical little stove and oven. And a fancy practical coffee maker with all the different types of coffee. That must have been a gift from your parents. Did you force yourself to start liking the coffee at the diner because you wanted to see Cynthia?"
"Why do you even ask if you already know the answer? Every question you ask me I feel like there's a right and wrong answer because you seem to know me better than I know myself."
"Because I've learned over the years that I offend people really easily. It's actually a really funny story as to why I can do this. You know, observe." Kurt waited for Blaine to give him a confirmation to go on, so Blaine nodded slowly. "Well back in highschool I was bullied a lot because people didn't like who I was. I told myself that I wasn't going to let them get the best of me, that I was stronger than them. But after awhile I stopped fighting back. And that's when I started watching everyone. To pass the time, I created stories about them based on the little things they did, because speaking would mean my head in the toilet."
"How did you know they were true?"
"Once when a jock pushed me in a locker I told him that I was sorry that his parents didn't love him and that he should probably find friends other than his dog. I knew I was right because I got a bloody nose out of it."
"I'm really sorry you had to go through all of that stuff."
"I know you've gone through your fair share."
Blaine didn't even bother mentioning Sadie Hawkins. Kurt didn't know any of the details of course, but something about Kurt's expression just knew.
There was an awkward silence as they stood across from each other in the dark apartment. Kurt was absolutely drenched from the rain. So much so that his clothes were clinging to him in a way that left nothing to the imagination. Blaine didn't know quite how to say I'd much rather see you naked right now so he remained silent.
"Is there anywhere I can change and hang my clothes to dry? I'm pretty sure I'm turning into a prune and I don't want my clothes to be totally ruined."
Kurt snapped Blaine out of his thoughts. "Oh. Yeah. The bathroom is through the bedroom. Just hang them up on the shower rod."
Kurt walked up to Blaine where he was standing next to the door and kissed Blaine softly. "I'll only be a few minutes," he whispered before walking the opposite direction into the bedroom.
While Kurt was in the bathroom Blaine found a t-shirt and pants he could change into.
Blaine walked over to the bathroom door, which was standing wide open. There was Kurt. All of Kurt. He was turned around and hanging his clothes over the shower, totally and completely naked.
Blaine couldn't look away. Kurt's skin looked almost luminescent in the light from the city that came in through the window. Kurt's shoulders were broad and toned, while his his waist was lean and slender, and as Blaine's eyes traveled down his pants became increasingly tighter.
Heat rushed through Blaine when he realized how long he'd been staring. He fumbled with the clothes in his hands and turned away, trying to regain composure. He cleared his throat to get Kurt's attention. "I- Um- Brought you some clothes. And I can make up the sofa for you if you-"
"I wasn't really planning to sleep on the sofa tonight, and I don't think you were really planning on that either." Kurt was merely inches away from him. Since when was he standing there? "Blaine," his voice was soft and reassuring. "You make me nervous too, remember? I'm just much better at hiding it."
Kurt was naked and so close to him that Blaine could feel the heat radiating off of his body. Kurt glanced down and most likely noticed Blaine's all too evident erection. "I'm not going to do anything you don't want me to," Kurt said, their bodies almost touching. "So you're going to have to tell me what you want."
Blaine tried to find the confidence he had outside the diner. "Can't you already see what I want?"
Their eyes met, and something about the way Kurt looked at him made him feel safer than he ever had before, even though he was about to put himself in the most vulnerable position possible. "I want you to have control this time."
Everything about the moment suddenly felt heavier than before. The first time, and the only time, someone had seen him bare and vulnerable as Kurt was standing before him Blaine didn't even know what was happening, and Blaine knew if he could he would have said no. Blaine lived every day trying to keep himself from reliving that night, and Kurt understood that. This time was going to be different, this was going to be the first time Blaine really should have had.
"Well I guess we should start with the fact I feel completely overdressed," Blaine blurted out.
Kurt smiled, nodded, and started working at Blaine's bowtie. "I regret tying this on so tight," he said as he fumbled to remove it.
Blaine laughed nervously and quickly forced himself to stop. The monumental realization hit him that Kurt, the Kurt he had only met a few hours ago, was taking off his clothes, and wanted them off faster.
Kurt finally finished his bowtie with an exasperated huff and moved on to the buttons of Blaine's cardigan, kissing him as he pulled it off. Blaine closed his eyes and ran his hand through Kurt's wet hair as they kissed, something he had been wanting to do the whole night. "How many layers do you have on?" Kurt laughed breathlessly between kisses as he began pulling Blaine's undershirt off.
Blaine readily lifted his arms and allowed Kurt to finish taking of his shirt. Blaine could feel his whole body begin to flush as Kurt looked at him with an expression Blaine couldn't quite read. Did he like what he saw? Was he disappointed? Should Blaine have just stayed home that night and forgone any embarrassment that was bound to occur in the next few seconds?
Kurt bit his lip and began running his hands down Blaine's shoulders and arms, gripping his biceps as he pushed him back against the wall of his bedroom and crashed their lips together.
Well that answered those questions.
The heat from their bodies felt like a fever that only more contact could cure. "I want more," Blaine breathed anxiously, unsure exactly what to say.
Kurt replied by brushing his lips against Blaine's neck. "Like this?"
"Yeah," Blaine let out with a shaky breath.
Kurt trailed his lips down Blaine's neck and collarbone, sending what felt like electricity down Blaine's spine. Blaine let out a surprised gasp when he felt the heat of Kurt's tongue against his skin. "You like that?" Kurt whispered against his neck.
Blaine really liked it, and Blaine honestly wouldn't mind if that was all they did for the rest of the night, but Blaine was straining painfully hard against the fabric of his jeans. "Kurt, please," he cried softly, rocking his hips forward for some sort of relief, desire taking over all of his senses.
Kurt immediately began unbuckling Blaine's belt, his lips never losing contact with Blaine's skin. Kurt kissed eagerly down Blaine's chest and abdomen until he was on his knees, stripping off every article of clothing Blaine had left on his body. "Is this okay?" He asked as he peppered delicate kisses down Blaine's newly exposed thigh.
"Yeah," Blaine answered shakily. He was fully exposed and Kurt knew what that meant to him. Blaine didn't need to be nervous, he wanted Kurt.
"Kurt," Blaine whined as desire and the lack of relief began to overtake him.
"Hmm?" Kurt looked up and Blaine almost moaned at the image of someone on their knees in front of him. "What do you want me to do, Blaine?"
"Your mouth- I really want-"
Blaine's head fell back against the wall with a thud as Kurt licked a slow, wet stripe up Blaine's cock. "Like that?" He asked, almost innocently.
"Yeah. Please, Kurt."
Kurt repeated the action before taking Blaine into his mouth, which produced an embarrassingly loud moan from Blaine as a rush of heat ran through his body. Blaine didn't really know how great of an idea it was to be standing, because his legs began trembling at how incredibly amazing Kurt's mouth felt around him. Kurt seemed to notice, gripping his hips to keep him steady. Blaine pressed his palms against the wall, not completely sure where he should put his hands.
When Kurt moaned Blaine looked down and noticed that Kurt's hand was stroking himself slowly, which was probably the hottest sight he'd ever seen. "Oh god- Kurt-" Blaine dug his nails into the wall as the intensity started to build and Kurt tightened his grip on his hips. "I'm so close. Oh god-"
Blaine's words only made Kurt's mouth move faster. It wasn't much longer until Blaine was coming into Kurt's mouth, moaning so loud he was afraid his neighbors could hear him.
"That was amazing," Blaine blurted out after they were again face-to-face.
Kurt huffed out a small laugh. "Ever charming…" Blaine could still feel Kurt hard against his thigh. "But," Kurt whispered, leaning in next to Blaine's ear, "Tonight isn't over yet."
They were on Blaine's bed within a matter of moments, Kurt on top of him as they kissed with urgency, like the night was chasing every action in a race only it could win. Everything was hotter, faster, more than anything Blaine had ever experienced, from the salty taste of Kurt's neck to the feeling of Kurt's body moving against his.
Kurt's hands were gentle despite the urgency, roaming aimlessly across Blaine's abdomen and chest. Blaine's hands slid from Kurt's back to his ass in one swift motion, pulling him down harder on top of him and against his newly hardening erection. "Jesus, Blaine," Kurt murmured against his lips.
"Sorry." Blaine moved his hands to the small of Kurt's back.
"No, I liked it," Kurt said hotly against his ear. "I like your hands on me." His voice was low and thick between kisses. "I've been imagining how they'd feel all night."
Blaine didn't know what came over him, but suddenly he was reaching for Kurt's cock between them, stroking firmly and taking in Kurt's immediate reaction.
"Fuck," Kurt gasped. Blaine had no idea how turned on he would be by Kurt swearing.
"Right drawer." Yeah. Lube and condoms. That would be the logical next step.
"It's like you read my mind." Kurt reached over to the nightstand and Blaine relaxed, gazing at Kurt as he returned to sit on his knees in front of him. Kurt looked up and lifted his eyebrow, "What?"
"I'm not used to reading your mind."
"Well I hope it's not difficult given our current situation."
"Do you want- I mean- Can you-"
Kurt settled himself between Blaine's legs and mouthed at his neck. "What do you want, Blaine?"
"Fingers. I want you inside me, Kurt. Please." Blaine didn't even have time to be embarrassed by how needy he must have sounded, because Kurt was already lathering his fingers with lube.
Blaine's heart rate steadily increased and he could feel his cheeks turning red as Kurt rubbed his fingers together. "Are you ready?" Kurt asked.
Blaine took a deep breath and nodded. "Yeah."
Their mouths moved together as Kurt began adding fingers, slowly, working to make sure Blaine was fully stretched before adding another. Blaine had trouble keeping up with Kurt's kisses, moaning and panting into Kurt's mouth, but Kurt wouldn't allow for any loss of contact. Blaine knew Kurt was trying to be gentle, but Blaine was becoming restless, rocking down into Kurt's fingers with labored breaths.
"I'm ready," Blaine whined. "Please. I want more."
"You're so hot, Blaine. I wish you had someone to tell you that every day. God, please know that."
Blaine whined at the loss of Kurt's fingers and dug his own fingers into Kurt's back, preparing for the feeling of Kurt inside him.
Kurt was about to push in when Blaine put his hand on his shoulder, "Wait."
Kurt searched his eyes. "Is everything okay?" He panted.
Everything was starting to remind him of that night, it was all starting to pan out the same. Kurt was going to fuck him and leave, just like before. "I-" Blaine struggled to find what he wanted. He didn't want Kurt to stop, because it wasn't the same, was it? Kurt cared, he actually gave him the preparation and control he needed. And as it had been before, control would be the ultimate difference. "Can I? I mean- Nevermind."
Kurt bit his lip, and within moments Kurt was on his back and Blaine was on top of him, staring down into Kurt's incredibly blue, and incredibly wanting, eyes. The eyes that always knew.
"Thank you," Blaine whispered and leaned down to kiss Kurt's chest and neck, before finally kissing him softly on the lips. It took everything in his power not to tell Kurt he was the most beautiful person he had ever seen.
He settled right on top of Kurt and slowly relaxed himself around Kurt's cock. "Fuck," Kurt cursed again, his head falling back on the pillow.
Blaine began moving, slowly at first, but as Kurt's moans increased in volume so did Blaine's desire to be the reason for them. Kurt dug his fingers into Blaine's thighs and rocked his hips up with Blaine's rhythm. "Kurt," Blaine cried out as an amazing rush of pleasure washed over him. "I'm so glad I went to that party," he panted.
And it was true, even if the night hadn't ended this way. Blaine wondered if they had met under different circumstances, maybe they're adventure could have lasted longer than just one night. But it didn't matter, tonight was enough, because he would never give up his once in a lifetime chance to meet someone as amazing as Kurt for anything.
Kurt wrapped his hand around Blaine's cock and it didn't take more than a few strokes for him to start coming across Kurt's sweat-drenched chest, with Kurt following his lead not too long after, babbling what only could have been interpreted as obscenities mixed with Blaine's name. And god, did Blaine want to make Kurt say his name like that again.
But it was over, and if Kurt's glossy, orgasm hazed eyes told him anything, it was that every single moment that they shared together that night was worth it.
Later Kurt and Blaine found themselves lying on their their sides under the covers. Kurt had his eyes closed, but Blaine couldn't even think about sleeping. He moved a piece of hair off of Kurt's forehead and smiled contently. Kurt opened his eyes and Blaine quickly pretended he was asleep.
"I know you aren't asleep," Kurt whispered. "You're breathing too fast."
Blaine opened his eyes. "I'm sorry if I woke you."
"I wasn't asleep. I'm not even tired," Kurt yawned.
Blaine sat up. "Well the night is still young, we could-"
Kurt laughed and pulled Blaine back down. "Okay I'm tired."
Blaine smiled. "It's been a long night."
"So it has," Kurt said as he closed his eyes. "I'm sorry about what happened at the club."
"Kurt...you don't have to apologize." Blaine figured Kurt was just overly tired, his words were starting to run together.
"I ruined the night."
"No you didn't," Blaine reassured him and placed his hand on Kurt's cheek. "Tonight was amazing. You're amazing."
"He just looked so much like him, Blaine."
Blaine swore to himself that he wouldn't ask, and he immediately regretted his next words. "Who did you think you saw?"
Kurt's eyes squeezed shut harder and Blaine pulled his hand away. "I'm sorry for asking, please don't feel like you have to tell me."
Soon Blaine was looking into a pair of sad, blue eyes. "He was the reason I went to the roof every night." Kurt rolled onto his back and stared up at the ceiling. "He was my boyfriend for two years, ten months, and eleven days."
Oh.
"He was my first boyfriend and we met the week I moved to New York. He was the first guy to tell me I was special...to tell me I was worth something. I fell in love with him so fast I'm surprised I didn't break anything."
Blaine remembered Kurt's face. That wasn't the face you were supposed to have when you saw someone you love.
"He hated when I'd tell him things I noticed about him, though. I didn't think anything of it because most people do. And when I figured out how to tell when he was lying…" Kurt yawned. "I should have known."
"Kurt, you don't-"
"Shh," Kurt murmured sleepily. "I want to tell you. You trusted me with your past, now I'm going to trust you with mine." Blaine remained silent as Kurt continued. "The first time I caught him lying was right after I moved into his place. It was something so stupid, but we ended up arguing about it for hours. I couldn't figure out why it made him so angry." Kurt's eyes looked so far away that it made Blaine wonder where exactly Kurt was. "He started lying about where he was going and I pretended not to notice because I knew how much it upset him."
Kurt explained that his boyfriend had a temper and it was common for him to break things when he got angry, or worse. Kurt said he knew about it all along, even from the moment they met he could tell something was off, but Kurt could overlook it because he didn't think he'd ever find anyone else who wanted him in that way. His friends started noticing things like how he never left the apartment except to go to class and how they couldn't hang out unless his boyfriend was present. When they confronted him about it Kurt wouldn't listen, and ended up dropping communications with them altogether.
It didn't become physical until Kurt started going out by himself, mostly to the roof. His boyfriend would ask where he'd been and Kurt would tell him, but he would go off about Kurt seeing other guys. He didn't go into many details, the pain of the memories evident on his features.
They broke up the day after Christmas, when Kurt asked him if he loved him enough to never hurt him again. He said his answer was the biggest lie he'd ever been told. That's when he knew he had to leave.
Blaine watched as Kurt cried. Blaine felt helpless and he hated that he couldn't take the pain away. He couldn't believe anyone could do something like that to Kurt
Kurt sniffled and wiped the remnants of tears from his cheeks. "It's silly, really, the way I reacted at the club."
"It's not silly," Blaine whispered as he moved in to softly press his lips to Kurt's. Kurt rolled back onto his side and Blaine pulled back to look at him. "I know I haven't known you very long and probably don't have the right to any sort of judgement but…" Blaine wiped a tear from Kurt's cheek. "I think you deserve someone who will make you feel important every day, who will make you feel special, and who wants nothing more than to cause the light in your eyes for as long as they possibly can."
"Blaine…" Kurt said as he rubbed Blaine's arm. "We probably shouldn't have let you drink tonight."
"I'm serious."
Kurt leaned in for a kiss, which lingered for a few moments, like Kurt didn't want it to end. "I know," he sighed softly, brushing his nose against Blaine's.
There were a few moments of pure silence where Blaine wondered if Kurt was thinking about him. "Just promise me one thing, before we fall asleep," Kurt said, looking as if he was trying everything he possibly could to stay awake.
"Okay."
"Promise me you'll start singing again."
Blaine nodded slowly. "I promise."
"And just...be careful, bluebird," Kurt said as he closed his eyes.
Blaine didn't want to move and he didn't want to sleep. He didn't want the night to ever be over. "Maybe if you don't have anywhere you need to be tomorrow I could make you breakfast or something?" He asked after a few minutes. When Kurt didn't respond he decided it would be better just to ask in the morning. "Goodnight, Kurt. I'm really glad you went to that party," Blaine whispered before finally drifting off to sleep.